


College Haze

by Akzeal, DinobotLoki



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alcohol, Broken PAK (Invader Zim), Clone Dib (Invader Zim), Dib gets a PAK, Dib is helping, Gen, Kidnapping, M/M, Our first IZ fic, Tattoos, ZADF, ZaDr, kinda rough, why is that not a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 86,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26992378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akzeal/pseuds/Akzeal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinobotLoki/pseuds/DinobotLoki
Summary: Dib goes to college, and comes back so exhausted that surely it must be a weapon- or at least weaponizable! At least that's Zim's excuse, because his enemy is not acting normal. Tags update as it goes.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was our first Zim-fic, so there may be some rougher patches.

Dib should be home by now, Zim thought idly, deep in his base. And of course he knew when the human was returning- that was when Dib became an immediate threat again! It was only sensible to keep track of things. And so what if he was watching the bus stop where Dib was  _ late _ . Stupid human government couldn’t even get busses to work. How hard was it to get a proper schedule going? Zim grumbled to himself, watching the screen, only to fall silent and sit up when, finally, the bus pulled in. A bus, at least- but it  _ had _ to be  _ the _ bus. Even if it was ten minutes late!

Ducking back, the Irken frowned as he watched humans slowly trundle out, fleshy meat sacks of wasted life and potential. They gathered bags near the side of the bus, stinking and gross. Zim scowled at the sight of it all. And then, suddenly, his lekku perked when a slim form appeared. He would recognize Dib anywhere, and despite the changes. 

The human kept his head low, a hood pulled up and hiding him from view. But over that was his usual trenchcoat, even more ratty than it had been, and patched with various bits of leather. Gathering his own bag, he didn’t seem to care about the crowd, or even look around, simply turning and heading away from the stupid bus. 

He didn’t… move right, Zim thought, frowning. Of  _ course _ Dib had changed, he’d gone off, to get more learning, not that Zim saw much reason for that. But this… wasn’t the change that came with knowing more. There was no assurance, no pride, nothing that Zim had gained from his own lessons. Dib was tired- and that was expected, intense studies made one tired, but this was a different tiredness, an unnatural tiredness. He looked… he looked like one of those stupid chicken people handing out meat from the little windows. Only not so meaty, Zim thought.

Ugh. It was so gross to think about. Then again, whatever they were doing to the Dib-human could be useful. Maybe it was something in the water that stupid humans drank, or a different food found only in whatever place had been for learning. Or maybe something else? But what could it be? 

Well, the obvious answer was to just go and find out. It was  _ too _ obvious, in fact, and Zim immediately dismissed the idea. He could listen in, right! To Dib telling his family-unit all about his time at the place, that would work! ...Or it would if either of them actually gave Dib any attention at all. Zim slouched, lekku drooping. That wouldn’t work. Plan b- “Why doesn’t he keep a research notebook! Arg!” Of course, that had nothing to do with Dib’s last five notebooks being found variously by Gaz, Tak, and Zim himself, of course!

That led to Plan c. It wouldn’t be easy, considering the Dib’s ability to sniff him out. Out of all of the people on the stupid dirt ball of filth, Dib was the one that was most likely to notice him, and anything he did. Most importantly, Dib was the one most likely to notice he was being watched. After a moment, Zim stood, scowling. “Gir! Get me my disguise!” he ordered. 

“Oakaly-dokie!” came the cheerful answer, and then there was just the sound of Gir moving. Zim tapped his fingers against his armrest, waiting, only to reach out and grab the components of his disguise as Gir dropped them. Ahh, even Gir’s nature was no match for Zim’s own greatness!

“Now, to go and squeeze the answers from the cheese-tube that is Dib!” Zim proclaimed, laughing to himself as he prepared to go out. His disguise was greatly improved, with a better wig- far easier to maintain, and less scratchy lenses for his eyes. Really, it was pure genius to modify stupid human clothing into something less terrible and more in line with Irken sensibilities. 

He didn’t look  _ as _ good in his disguise, of course, but nothing could really hide the magnificence that was Zim, he knew- and really, the humans could take some lessons from his stylish taste! Not that it would happen, with everyone here much too dim to recognize true brilliance. Scowling, Zim took to the streets. Luckily, Gaz and the professor were much too blind to question his arrival.

Really, the professor beast didn’t even seem to notice, anyway. Gaz didn’t care- or at least, Zim  _ assumed _ that was the case, when he didn’t see her around. The stupid human domicile was just the same as ever- or maybe more so empty and pitiful. Or maybe he was used to Gir and the SIR unit’s ‘homey’ touches. Cases of working together, and even the years of fighting meant that he knew exactly where Dib’s unit room was, though. 

Zim paused a moment before the door before fully realizing what he was doing, and he shook himself once he did. Hesitation? Never! “Dib! I am here to determine the reason for your unnatural exhaustion!” he declared, throwing open the door. It took a moment for him to actually find Dib, even though his enemy was laying on the bed in plain view. He was just… too tired.

“What are you- what the hell? Zim?” Dib sat up, then rolled his eyes and flopped back down. “Whatever, Zim. Get out of my room,  _ and my house _ , alien scum.” It was said with no venom, not even the bare minimum that Zim had come to expect. 

That got a longer pause from Zim, from sheer surprise. “Ha! That just proves my point! What did they  _ dooo _ to you, in that place they sent you to learn? You do not seem to have learned anything. Your head isn’t even larger! Tell Zim! Now!” the Irken demanded, pointing at Dib dramatically. It fell rather flat, since the human was barely even looking.

Dib rolled his eyes again. “What are you talking about? And how did you know I was back? I didn’t tell anyone.” He did turn his head, a little, looking Zim up and down. “Nice, space boy. I can’t even see the line of your wig any more.” Waving a hand, he snorted. “Scratch that, I don’t care. Get out.” 

“It’s new. So are the contacts, they itch less,” Zim answered, turning his head so Dib could see just how perfectly he was mimicking the filthy human race. A moment later and he was back to pointing, scowling mightily at Dib. “And that! That is exactly what I am talking about! You do not wish to hear how Zim is grown ever more adept at sneaking? Perhaps soon, I shall sneak to… President-land! And then I shall  _ conquer _ \- Dib? You’re- you’re not looking at me.”

At  _ least _ the Dib sat up. Zim frowned as he stood. It wasn’t fair that Zim had grown taller, but the stupid Dib human had yet still gotten taller. Actually, he was another few bleets bigger. Fixing his glasses, he raised a brow, then pulled his trenchcoat from where it’d been tossed. “Sure. Do whatever you want, Zim. I couldn’t give a fuck if you asked me to, at this point,” he said. 

That was different, that was  _ wrong _ . Zim frowned, trying to stand taller and not succeeding. “Then… you… have no reason not to tell me what they did to you! So… Tell meee! ...Why don’t you care now?” That place was worse than he had thought- no, more effective. Zim thought a moment, then poked Dib, just to check.

“Zim, they didn’t  _ do _ anything to me. Other than the usual shit that is being a college skool student.  _ Why _ would  _ you _ care, anyway?” Dib threw his coat on, then yanked his backpack from the floor, slinging it over a shoulder. Looking down at where Zim had poked him, he huffed, then put a hand at Zim’s chest, shoving him backwards. “Now, get out.” 

“Do not push me! I am great! I am  _ mighty _ ! And I do not  _ care _ . But this may be  _ useful _ . Look at you! You are so tired, I could do  _ anything _ . How should I not wish to know such knowledge?” Zim answered, catching himself on the doorframe. Even the push hadn’t been strong, nothing like the blows Zim knew that Dib could provide, if he wished to. “What is involved in this… college skool? Wasn’t skool and hi-skool enough?”

Dib scowled back, at least. “Yeah I’m tired Zim, I just finished finals. College is like hi-skool, but more. It’s not anything that the internet can’t tell you. It’s meant for people for… a lot of reasons.” He brushed by Zim, heading for the stairs. “There isn’t anything useful, you jerk, you’re just being weird as hell. As usual.” 

“You were not like this in hi-skool! What has Dib even learned? You do not move as one who has learned! Zim  _ knoows _ !” Zim frowned again, as Dib simply continued moving, shoulders dropping a little. “...What horrors are ‘finals’?” What had brought Dib to this extreme? Dib, who had stood up to everything Zim had thrown at him!

“They’re just tests, Zim. Do you remember the last tests of the year? Like that, but a lot harder, okay? Happy? God, leave me alone, space boy. How, or  _ why _ you knew I was home, I don’t even want to know. It’s weird.” Zim followed Dib as he spoke, frowning and narrowing his eyes. 

“Of course Zim remembers the puny  _ tests _ !” the Irken answered, narrowing his eyes right back. Finally, Dib was starting to come out of the weird lethargy! That was… good to know, for research purposes! “This is not Dib’s reaction to tests! Monkey-Dib, you will tell Zim what you have learned!” Zim did believe that Dib couldn’t do that, because no skool here had taught anything, why should college be any different?

Dib rubbed his face with a hand. “No, Zim. It wasn’t learning, it was memorizing stupidity and then regurgitating it for grades, just like with hi-skool. I don’t understand why you’re obsessing over this. Leave me alone, you fucking alien menace.” He slipped out the door to the house, slamming it in Zim’s face and knocking the Irken back more than he would ever admit.

Rubbing his face, Zim looked blankly at the offending wood for a moment, before shaking his fist. “You dare stand in the way of  _ Zim _ ? But yet… this may be useful…” He looked around, realizing this was on of the rare times he was actually  _ unsupervised _ in the house. “Yeess… Zim shall study, and spy, and learn what horrors these finals  _ truly _ are!” he proclaimed, before heading right back up to Dib’s room, entirely forgetting that the human had taken his bag. Hopefully it wasn’t the one with the  _ important _ stuff in it.

Zim made a low hissing noise in the back of his throat, then started looking for the big bag he’d seen Dib carry, the one he’d gathered from the stupid bus and it’s gross people, But Dib’s room was a mess. How the human could work in such a space- or for that matter, with how much on his stupid monkey-face. There was even more metal jewl-eree on the Dib’s face than before his leaving. Eventually, Zim spotted the big duffel bag, grinning widely and grabbing it with a clawed pak-arm. 

The first thing that hit Zim when he opened the bag was how it  _ smelled _ . Either Dib had decided that he no longer believed in doing laundry, or… something more horrible. Zim wasn’t sure, and he was confused- Dib had always been clean, for a human monkey. For this result… well, Zim could really only imagine, but that was another point for this new skool to be something horrible. Thankfully he didn’t have to actually  _ touch _ anything in there in his search for… books, or really, he’d settle for ‘not clothes’.

Tipping the bag, Zim glowered at the fabric that spilled out. At the bottom he did finally find actual books, blinking at them. Advanced math and science- of course, the Dib was a child of that ridiculous professor. It only made sense that he would take sciences. Notebooks and other bits and bobs were also at the bottom, along with a number of things for Zim to explore. 

Most of the things did seem to be skool things, though the calculator was more fancy than the ones they had been allowed to use in hi-skool. Zim poked it a little, before huffing and tossing it over his shoulder. “Inferior technology! Probably can’t even get the first thousand digits of pi…” he muttered, digging for the next thing. A strange squishy ball was next, stored away after a couple squeezes, and then Zim picked up one of the books from curiosity.

It was filled with figures and notes. Dib’s swirly scrawl filled margins and little post-it notes scattered on pages with bright highlighted text. Zim recognized some of the study habits of the human beast, though he was confused. There were a great many texts, and this first was large and heavy, and much of it had been marred with Dib’s pen. 

The science, of course, was far behind anything the Irken Empire had, but that only confused Zim more. Dib should have no problems with such simple concepts- Zim had seen what the man could do. Most of the filthy, disgusting humans here would never understand them, so it made sense enough that it was being  _ taught _ , but not that Dib should be so tired- or had to have studied so much. Though… there were a lot of books. A lot of classes, a lot to learn… maybe? Perhaps he was overestimating the Dib.

He was working on another of the texts when the soft sound of footsteps heralded Dib’s return. The human took a look at him, then huffed. “What the fuck, Zim?” he asked, walking in. From his fingers dangled a plastic bonded six cans. For a moment, Zim thought it was poop soda. But then he caught sight of the label. Beers. Dib sighed, coat falling off his shoulders in a heap, before he sat on his bed. “Find exactly nothing, Zim? I told you. Now can you please just leave?” He yanked a can from the plastic, then opened it. 

Zim blinked at the sight, then shrugged to himself. What did it matter to him if Dib was drinking? Zim enjoyed relaxing too, and it wasn't any worse than that horrible soda. “Zim does not believe you. These paltry informations should be no trouble for Dib. I have seen your ability, and while it is miniscule compared to Zim’s own, it is far beyond that of the other meatbag humans!” Zim said, ignoring the issue of why he was here. That was evident, and the opinion of the Dib did not matter.

“...Thanks, I think,” Dib said, taking a long drink, before shrugging. “Yeah, it wasn’t bad, it was just a lot. I took triple the classes as anyone else. It really doesn’t matter, though, Zim. You’re imagining things again, like the time you thought Gaz would take the time to actually try sneaking into your base.” It was hilarious hearing that from the Dib. 

“You… chose to make yourself so tired? ...That is not like Dib. The Dib-monkey would take  _ twice _ the classes, and make himself tired because he is chasing stink-beasts and hairy feets. Not because he is studying what he does not need!” Somewhere in the statement, Zim went from pacing to facing Dib, shaking a finger at him. “...And Zim’s base may be the base for more ‘video games’. Gaz would be foolish not to want that!”

Dib rolled his eyes, again, then took another drink of his beer. “Yeah. I did some of that, too,” he said. “But I didn’t have much choice. I need to finish my degree as fast as possible, so I can get the fuck out of here. And not come back.” He reached out, smacking Zim’s hand away from his face. “Knock it off, Zim. Shouldn’t you be happy that I don’t care about your stupid plans?” 

“Dee-gree? Why is that needed to leave? Zim has no degree! Zim needs none!” Zim looked at his slapped hand, frowning, then back at Dib. “Where are you going to go? ...Ah. Tell me, and perhaps I shall take over there last! Yes, if you are ceding this horrible planet to me, then that is the least I can do!” And there were races out there who thought Irkens knew nothing of gratitude! Zim wanted to laugh about that, but he was more concerned with Dib at the moment. “...And Zim’s plans are not stupid! They are great, and marvelous, and  _ brilliant _ !”

“That’s none of your business, Zim,” Dib answered. “And I am going to go somewhere. I don’t fucking care where, as long as it’s not in this stupid ass town, with its stupid people.” He shrugged. “Which is why you didn’t take over while I was gone, right? Come on, you dufus. I’m not worried about you.” 

“...Worried about Zim as what I’ll do, or worried about me as is Zim okay?” the Irken asked, frowning. “Curse your imprecise language,” he added, before poking Dib again. He pulled away before Dib could strike him again, and went back to flipping through the textbooks and notebooks. “Zim does not answer to you. No opportunities arose! But next time Dib leaves and returns, I shall be sure to have a most glorious welcome prepared!”

Something flashed in Dib’s eyes, before he blurted, “ _ Why _ ?” Finishing his drink, he ran a hand through his hair, messy and at least the normal that was Dib. “No one gives a fuck about me being back. Which, I still can’t believe you did. Maybe I won’t even be back.” Tossing the can into the trash can, he yanked another out of the pack, then opened it. “Do what you want, Zim. You’re not listening. As usual. I don’t care about your stupid plans.” 

“Zim is not no one!” Zim snapped, not thinking about what he said, and grabbed one of the cans himself. Alcohol wasn’t amazing for his system, but it wasn’t any worse than most of the stuff he’d consumed here, and who knew what Dib would do if he consumed the whole pack? “...Dib cannot got back to college skool. They have  _ destroyed! _ my best  _ enemy _ ! The only one who truly appreciates Zim’s greatness!” Gir didn’t count, and Tak still tried to pretend he didn’t exist, when she wasn’t undermining him.

Dib looked at him, then huffed. “What are you on about now?” he asked. “You should be happy, you stupid alien. Take over Earth, kill us all, blah blah blah, whatever.” He raised a hand in the human motion for talking, then rotated his wrist and finger. “Come on, Zim. What is wrong with  _ you _ , huh? You’re acting weird. And I’m going back. I have a couple of semesters left and I’m done.” 

Zim just looked, then heaved the book he was holding onto the bed, idly noticing that the place seemed cleaner somehow. “...You believe none of that. What good is a  _ dee-gree _ to Dib if Zim kills him?” And that meant that Dib didn’t think that Zim  _ would _ kill everyone. Zim did have to agree that his track record so far supported that, but wasn’t his  _ word _ good for anything anymore? At the same time, and as much as it galled Zim, Dib was right. He should take advantage of this time to finally achieve his too-long delayed goals.

Dib shrugged, then huffed. “Again, why do you care? You shouldn’t care, especially if you’re going to supposedly ‘kill’ me, you jerk. You’re making less sense than usual.” Taking a long swig of his drink, he flopped down onto the bed, only to sit back up a second later. “Seriously, Zim. Did you experiment on yourself again and fuck it up this time?”

“Zim does not ‘fuck up’!” Zim answered, opening his can and drinking half of it before tasting it. He frowned at the can when the taste  _ did _ hit, then shrugged. It was surprisingly not horrible, and that was the best Zim had come to expect from anything here. “You are not making sense. This new skool has made you stupid! More stupid.” Or, possibly, it was lack of sleep that had done that. “Fine! I shall go, and plan great plans of planness! And Dib shall rue the day he told Zim he didn’t care!” Zim finished the can, frowning again at it, and then turned towards the door. Maybe Dib just needed sleep- he  _ had _ been tired after hi-skool tests too. Not this exhausted, but… And Zim could use that time!

“Whatever, Zim,” Dib said. That was all he said, flopping back onto his bed with a low sound. Zim stomped down the steps and out of the house while still overly frustrated with the human, and this new skool that was such a blasted drain on the stupid Dib and his usual vigor. And even with the upgrades to his disguise, Zim was more than happy to get to his base and get the stupid thing off of his person.

The first thing he did, after restoring his own glorious appearance, was to put one of feeds of Dib’s room on a smaller screen. The human had stopped drinking, and was poking around in his room, apparently making some effort at organizing. Zim shrugged, and set the computer to look up more about ‘college’, as well as ‘degrees’ and the whole point of them. It was… interesting, in a way, the way humans had so many jobs within their own species. Zim wondered, sometimes, what the result of such a disgusting, disorganized species reaching space might be- and then he remembered that he’d been here much too long, and usually went to clean up.

As he got into the wilder and more horrifying stories of this new skool. It was no wonder that the Dib was not himself if he was doing chemical ingestion of more poison than usual. Not to mention the tortures of plead-ging. Even Irken elite training wasn't- well, no. It was that harsh. But at least it had a point! In the middle of glancing back at the screen-of-Dib, Zim made a horrified sound as the human drank a beer in one hand, and started clearing out his room, trashing large sections of what made the human himself. 

This was  _ terrible _ . Too terrible to use, even! How could Dib have gone there? How could those who claimed to care for him, who knew what went on,  _ let _ him go? Unless their desire was to break Dib, which Zim could see. That was what made the Dib-human bearable- he was unlike his species enough, and they were, just barely, smart enough to fear him, though they didn’t realize what they were doing. “Gir! Get over here!”

There was a sound of screaming, and then Gir appeared next to him, a bag of chocolates in the process of being devoured. “Yes my master?” he shrieked, saluting, before dropping his hand to shove into the bag, which was dripping on the ground. “Are we getting tacos? Tacos!” he added, screaming. 

“No! No tacos!” Zim snapped, perfectly aware there was still a decent chance of ending up with tacos. They were also one of the things that was… less gross than other stuff, as long as Gir didn’t make them. “The Dib is currently throwing out various items. Who  _ knows _ what treasure of knowledge may be in there? ...Or trading figures. I’m missing Captain Taxman.” Zim froze apart from his lekku, which wiggled a little in pleasure from the idea of completing the collection. The mood only lasted a moment, and then he pointed at Gir. “ _ You _ ! Will go and get them! Yes, you will collect what  _ Dib _ throws out, and bring it here! And you will be  _ unseen _ !”

“But I want theeeeem!” Gir shrieked. A second later, and he was simply screaming, until Zim gave in with a low growl, and his screams turned to laughter. Rushing off to get his dog costume- also improved- he danced around in his typical manner, and Zim sighed. His work on getting Gir up to snuff was… slower than he liked. 

Looking back at the screen-of-Dib a few minutes later, he gave a low yell of frustration at the sight of Gir sitting on the Dib’s bed with a massive tray of tacos, while the human sighed and continued working. 

Despite his frustration, this wasn’t really anything that Zim hadn’t expected. He also wasn’t really surprised when Gir bullied the human into sitting and eating the tacos, though it was rather insulting. Dib should be scared of Gir! Not having a conversation about… Zim listened, one lekku moving closer to the speaker, and sighed. Collectable figures, of course Gir was talking about that. Whatever, it gave him time to look up others who had completed Dib’s college skool. He knew enough about it now to know their weaknesses, he was sure, and then he could  _ strike _ !

Of course he was disappointed in finding out that the professor fool was one such person who had done that. Very soon, he found himself planning. Keeping the Dib from finishing could be an idea- though that could be done in many ways. Letting the human finish posed the risk of him being completely gone. He wondered about that. 

Taking over would be  _ easier _ with the human gone, but Zim barely even considered that. There was no glory in an easy victory! There was only victory, with no grand tale, nothing for future Invaders to learn about and look up to. Invaders who gained easy victories were celebrated, and then forgotten, and Zim would not allow that for himself! He was Zim, and all would know his name, and remember it for all time! Maybe he’d even let some humans live, so they could spread their frightened tales… “Fah! Zim is getting off track. This skool must go! Yes, and it shall hurt the humans, to have their puny place of learning destroyed…!” Maybe he should just send Gir and let things happen.

Looking back at what was going on, he found Gir gone, and the human’s room was spotless. He was on another drink, though, or had been. The camera was half kicked over, askew in a way that made him think that it was Gir’s fault. Laying on the bed, the human was probably asleep, turned away from the camera. It was still wrong, and strange, and he was starting to hate how it was making him feel. 

Zim continued watching, to be sure the human wasn’t just pretending and would interfere with planning, until Gir was calling from above. Thankfully, the malfunctioning SIR unit didn’t bring the items he’d gathered down into Zim’s lab, the Irken thought- At least, until he went up and actually saw  _ how much stuff _ Gir had grabbed.

“Das was fun! We had tacos and talked, an’ then I was able to get everything!” Still in his discuss, Gir wiggled back and forth, holding quite a large bag of things. Zim wasn’t even sure how he’d carried it, really.

Unfortunately, that included actual trash, including the emptied beer cans and some old clothing that was around in the room from before. It certainly still smelled better than what had been in Dib human’s bag. Other bits of what was thrown away included notes on all of the paranorm-al investing that he had made in youth, half a dozen books on the subject, and, to Zim’s surprise, information on  _ him _ , all of it. Really, it showed that this wasn't some human trick.

Zim kept everything interesting, of course. The human was right about aliens, so there was a chance, however slim, that he was right about literally any of the other stuff. A good soldier was always prepared, after all! The actual trash was thrown away, despite Gir’s trying to hold on to it, and Zim gave up fighting about the clothing. Gir was entirely too fond of running around with it draped around him, and that fell under the category of not worth fighting about. The items also showed that he might not have  _ time _ to let Gir loose in the college. Then again, quick strikes were always better.

At least it didn’t stink more than the usual smell of the Dib. Zim huffed as he picked up another of the clothing pieces in two claws and sniffed it. Dear Irk, it was sad when he found the smell of a human to be not that bad. Then again, this was the only human that he thought was worth any attention. “Gir! Get over here and stop with what you’re doing!” 

Gir gave a musical hum and wandered over, most of a beer can in his mouth. Zim didn’t even question it, though he did glance at the trash to make sure that it hadn’t been upended. “You, go, and… Watch where Dib goes. Yes… we shall see how effective this assimilation skool truly is!” And maybe… maybe the reminder that he wasn’t wrong would somehow restore things to their rightful balance, until Dib was a worthy opponent once again. Zim didn’t watch as Gir saluted and wandered off, finishing the beer can as he went. He needed to find out how long Dib was going to  _ be _ here, and how long he had to act.

He didn’t have time to do much before the Dib was gone again. Gir’s terrible spying skills didn’t get the human back on track to being a good enemy any more. If anything, all it did was annoy him, and even that was lax. None of the human-Dib’s family cared when he was around, and none of them cared when he left. It was  _ infuriating _ . 

So, a new plan was needed. What better could he do than to infiltrate this new skool? He’d survived plenty of others, he could to do this new one, too. He would need a new base in this new place, sure, but he could get that, and more. 

  
Bases were meant to be mobile, but Zim ran into problems when he first scouted the area to try and find a place to  _ put _ said base. He finally decided that, well, he wasn’t going to  _ be _ here long. A temporary base would be fine, he was sure. The skool even had designated places for students, which was certainly to better control them. It was  _ foolproof _ ! And after that was all decided, the specific place he should stay became clear- and it would let him keep a close eye on Dib! It was  _ perfect _ !


	2. Dorms

A little hacking and a few threats to an annoying brat of a human- really, it didn’t take much, at all- and he was slamming a fist on the door that was  _ supposed _ to be the domicile Dib was in. When it opened, Dib was there, annoyance fading into surprise. “What the fuck? What are  _ you _ doing here, Zim?” Dib asked. “And  _ why _ ?”

“I am here to do skool. I shall learn first hand what  _ evil _ they do here! And Dib will not complain about Gir,” Zim answered, walking in, Gir carrying what small luggage Zim had decided to bring. “Why do you care? Zim thought you did not care about Zim’s  _ plans _ .” Zim grinned at Dib, then looked around, before pointing Gir towards the desk which was not covered in Dib’s things. “It may be hard for Dib to understand, but Zim is not here to play with him.”

“...Uh huh. I don't care about your plans, Zim. Whatever you are doing, make sure you do it over on your side of the room.” Dib rolled his eyes, then turned, slipping over to a hallway that Zim had not noticed. When he came back, he had a small box. “I assume even you had the brains to sign up for shit properly, alien scum. Here is the box that should have gone to… Tex.” He read the tag on it, then shoved it at Zim. 

Sign up? Zim wasn’t sure what Dib meant by that- none of the other skools had cared about such things, though, and it wasn’t like he was going to be here long. “Box?” he asked, taking it, and ignoring the slur to his intelligence. It was expected by now. “Zim will stay on his side of the room! Gir will too.”

“How’m I supposed t’make waffles?” the robot asked, sitting on Dib’s desk and looking around with big eyes. “There’s no place to make the waffles!”

“You won’t be able to make them. And we don’t have room for much,” Dib answered Gir, softening just a little. To Zim, he huffed again. “Yes, Zim, a box. It’s got shit in it so  _ you _ don’t get kicked out by campus security, and a key, so you don’t wake the entire dorm trying to get in.” He turned, and Zim spotted a similar box near his desk, bits and pieces around. 

“Hah! Human security. And what threat might they pose to Zim!?” the Irken answered, going to what was now his desk and ripping into it. There was, as Dib had suggested, a key, and identification made for the stink-brat Zim had already scared off, as well as papers and other such stuff. It didn’t look  _ too _ different from the packages from hi-skool. “Gir! Replace this name and image with those of  _ Zim _ !” he demanded, tossing the id card at the SIR unit, who promptly ate it. A moment later, he had the replacement ready, and handed it to Dib.

Dib sighed and barely looked at it, before shoving it at Zim. “Right,” he said. “That’s nice.” He started pulling books from a bag at his feet, new and still covered in plastic. Stacking them up on his desk, he looked at Gir. “Don’t touch these, Gir,” he said. “I need them for my classes. Same with anything on this desk, okay?” 

“Ooooookaaaay,” Gir said, before giggling. “I won’t make the waffles from them!” 

Zim immediately went over and grabbed said books, though he restrained himself enough not to remove the plastic. His research had suggested that the plastic was important, though that made no sense. Nothing here did, of course, and that was that. “You do not need books! These are still things Dib knows.” And certainly things Zim knew- the hardest part would be doing the work in the ridiculous human language, but Zim was used to that by now, depressingly so. “Why are you spending monies on things you do not need?” Or want, but Zim didn’t say that.

“Because classes have homework, Zim, and I do need them.” Dib glanced at him, then took one of the books back, ripping off the plastic. A small disk immediately slid from between the cover and the pages, and Dib set it aside. “These texts are the only way to get the programs needed for the class. It forces people to buy them, even if they aren’t needed.”

“Only way? The only way, when you have hacked into Zim’s computers? A simple Earth computer has security that Dib cannot beat?” Zim asked, and this time he was being deliberately provoking. He was certain Gir could get him into any program needed, if he even decided to do the homework- though the experience may prove instructive as far as the apathy went.

Dib rubbed the bridge of his nose. “It’s not a matter of hacking or security, Zim,” he said, half turning. “Online homework has specific features, including ones that are linked with the class and the teacher. It’s not the same as hi-skool. And it’s easier to just buy the stupid thing, than to spend hours finding a hack or free version, and then all of the shit that goes with it.” He went back to his book stack, peeling plastic off of the next one. It had no disk, but it did have a second, smaller ‘solutions manual’ book with it. 

“... They sell you a book with problems, and then sell you a book with answers?” Zim asked, grabbing the bigger book and flipping through it. As he’d thought, it was all stuff he knew, though the presentation was weird. There were a  _ lot _ of problems, though, and Zim couldn’t tell if it was makework or if the average human was just so dumb as to  _ need _ all that repetition. His monies were on the latter, of course, but in a place meant to torture, perhaps the first as well?

“Yes,” Dib said, before scowling and turning away. “It’s also got the way to get the answers,” he said. “Some professors are picky about that.” He rubbed his face, then went back to unwrapping the texts. “Look, Zim, I’m going to finish this and then go print what I need for the start of classes in a few days. What’s so entertaining about watching me?” 

“What else is there to watch?” Zim answered, blinking a little. He should watch when Dib left, so he knew how secure this area was- he rather desperately wanted to be rid of the disguise again, and it wasn’t like he needed to keep his race secret from Dib. “Zim is here to learn what horrors this place shows- The Dib’s dorm is simply convenient. Go, and do your foolish human things. Zim! shall take care of all here.”

Did shrugged his shoulders, then ripped apart more plastic, until he was left with the stack, and a pile. Balling it all and throwing it in the trash, he grabbed his backpack and a sheet of paper. “Whatever, Zim,” he muttered. “Bedroom’s back that way, and so is the bathroom. Microwave and cart, tv, and all of that shit are in there and just haven’t been put in here, yet.” He pointed, then headed for the door without looking back. 

The door did have a lock, which struck Zim as good enough, and the first thing he did was divest himself of his disguise, making a happy chirring once that was done. The next thing was to set up his own workstation, which he set on the desk. Cables automatically writhed and shifted, finding the power and other connections needed, and he could still communicate with his home base. He fed it Dib’s disks so that he could access the homework as well, then went to the bedroom, and paused. There was only  _ one _ bedroom. This would be… awkward.

Beds, one floating, made him frown after a second, until he spotted the ladder to one side of the stupid things. Dib’s bag was already tossed next to the dresser, off to one side, sheets laid out on both beds. Zim immediately climbed up to claim the top bed, once he figured out the way it was supposed to work. It was not something he thought he might see again after basic training, to be stacked like so many bags of snacks. Spotting the tv and other items, crammed into the closet, he grabbed them with pak-legs, huffing. They were needed. To deal with Gir. 

He brought those items back to the little living area, and grabbed the disks from his workstation while he was at it, stacking them neatly on Dib’s desk again. “Gir~ Look what Zim has. The TV! And the heat source for the poppings of corn! -And dried corn for popping  _ only _ , and no longer than three minutes! You are forbidden from making fire!” But Gir did like popping corn, and Zim had learned to tune out the stuff Gir watched, so now he simply needed to set these up. The human machine-cords didn’t move on their own, and Zim narrowed his eyes at them before turning back to Gir. “You want to use them, you set them up.”

Gir shrieked, laughing, then yanked his dog costume off and started actually doing so. Almost immediately, Zim found himself bored. The second door in the hall went to a gross human bathroom. It would have to be used for Zim’s own cleaning, unfortunately. But at least the couch was comfortable when he tested it, as much as his own, actually. Still, he didn’t stay long, returning to his new workstation and checking it over. How long would the stupid Dib-stink take? 

The answer was longer than Zim liked, but not so long that he broke anything. There was fumbling at the door, and Gir looked up, screaming, “Tacos! I smell tacos!”

Zim shifted away from Gir and watched Dib make his way in, backpack stuffed full and, as Gir had screamed, a bag of tacos hanging from one arm. The door closed behind him, and then Dib looked around, seeming surprised by something. Zim couldn’t imagine what.

He looked like he was going to say something only to suddenly jerk his arm up before Gir could snatch the bag. “Hold on a second,” he said. But he only set the bag on the tiny counter space with a soft sigh and then moved deeper into the room, dropping his bag onto his desk chair. In the time that took, Gir was already in the taco bag and had started passing them out. That mostly meant that a small pile was being formed in front of himself and Dib. 

One taco was placed in front of Zim, and he frowned at it slightly, but took it. “What is in your bag? Your… printing? What was printed? Show Zim!” And, for that matter, what classes was  _ he _ going to go to, Zim wondered. He could chose his own classes, but hadn’t really thought to- well, he’d taken the information from Dib’s disks, so it was probably easiest to just go to those classes. He had to go to  _ some _ , how else would he learn what methods of exhaustion there were here? Already it was more involved than hi-skool, with printing and moving things!

“Jeez, Zim, it’s nothing important.” Dib sighed, but did open his bag and then empty it onto his desk. “Don’t get taco on it, alright?” He went to the food-area and grabbed two plates, offering one to Zim on his way back, and then throwing his body onto the couch. “Thanks for moving the tv and shit.”

The thanks startled Zim, lekku turning to follow Dib’s movement. “Why do you thank Zim? He did not do it for you! Gir requires distraction,” Zim answered after a moment, putting the plate under his single taco and then perusing the papers. They really were nothing important, mostly syllabi and printed slideshows. The concerning thing was that there was some homework mixed in with them, though most of it  _ did _ seem to be for the classes below. “Dib has not been to class. How is there already homework?”

Dib shrugged, He didn’t answer Zim’s first question, twisting to look at him, then snorting in some form of amusement. “Pre-homework,” he said. “Or whatever. I’ll look through it later. Maybe tomorrow. How long are you going to keep this up, anyway? It’s got to be boring as hell for you.” He grabbed the remote, turning it to a channel and then immediately dropping it into Gir’s grabby hands, before starting to eat. 

“Pre… homework? That is- that is  _ cruel _ !” Yes, it most certainly was, and Zim was surprised that pathetic humans had the cruelty to consider such a thing, let alone implement it. “Zim will be here until Zim is done! Zim is used to boredom, it does not touch Zim!” It wasn’t worse than the doom song, or anything else this planet had offered- though it  _ was _ better than his time on Foodcourtia. That didn’t take much.

“It’s not cruel, Zim, it’s just homework.” Dib rolled his eyes, but submitted to another taco from Gir when he finished his first. “Hey, this reminds me. You have a roll of meal tickets in your box. Don’t let Gir fucking eat them, if you want anything from the cafeteria. It’s way better than hi-skool food.” He shrugged, then let his head fall back. 

Zim perked, and looked in the box again. There was indeed a roll of tickets, which wasn’t a surprise- Dib hadn’t lied to him for years, as far as Zim’s knowledge went, or at least not any  _ real _ lies. He counted off the tickets, and wasn’t really surprised to find that there was enough for three meals a day, as was the human norm. “It takes very little to be better than hi-skool food. Gir’s waffle tree-leaf motor-oil special is better than hi-skool slop,” Zim pointed out, setting the tickets aside and digging through the box again for anything he may have missed.

Giving a hum of agreement, Dib went quiet, leaving just the sound of eating and whatever show Gir had chosen on the tv. Zim found he didn’t really mind it. He made a soft sound after some time, but that was mostly it. When Dib finished, Zim looked up to watch him throw away wrappers and drop his dish in the sink, before heading down the hallway. It was weird to see the human so… quiet. 

Zim gave him time alone, working on his computer to make sure everything was set up, and checking in on his home base. Once satisfied that everything was acceptable, he went over to the sink, using the pak-legs to clean the two dishes, before making sure everything else was tidy. The human cleansing space was… something he would work on, until it was  _ actually _ clean, but this was… not a terrible start to his new plot. Finally, he crept into the bedroom and up the ladder. He could function on less sleep than humans, but that didn’t mean that functioning on less than was needed was  _ pleasant _ , and he did trust Dib to not kill him in his sleep, at least- the human was still quiet and apathetic, and that quelled any fear he might feel. Gir would never let it happen, anyway.

Plus, the robot was already ‘sleeping’ near the top of the human’s head, having slipped in earlier. It did take Zim some time to fall asleep, though. It was too quiet, but also somehow too noisy at the same time, and the bed was quite unforgiving, not to mention the excess light from the bedroom window. That was partially why Zim woke up after the human, he told himself. Dib didn't seem to care, already reading a text and working on something. Next to his desk was a bowl of some slop or something, and Gir was happily playing in a second bowl of kinetic sand while watching a child's show. 

Zim wasn't usually the most coherent when first waking, and he just slowly blinked at the sight before going and getting some of his own food. “Study? Already?” he asked once said food was secured, before taking a seat at the table, ducking down a little so he could see the title. “Do your classes start today?” Of course, that had probably been in the syllabi that Zim had only skimmed. It was too much effort to go get them from the desk now, though.

“Not today, no. But if I get this done now, I don't have to worry about it.” Dib looked over at Zim, then shook his head. “Anyway. It's not hard, and Gir won't let me change the channel to something more… adult.” 

“Of course he won't. You can watch things on your computer, no?” Zim shrugged, used to Gir’s peculiarities. “If there's something Dib needs to watch, send Gir on errands. That is what Zim does.” It didn't really even occur to Zim what he was doing- Gir already did Dib’s bidding often enough.

Dib glanced at him again, then shrugged. “Uh… okay. Thanks,” he said. He yawned after a moment, then glanced over at Gir and then Zim. Returning to his homework, he seemed to be thinking about something else. Zim idly wondered what that something was, and what it meant. But the Dib-stink didn't give much to go on, and eating the gross Earth food took concentration. 

Once Zim had managed to finish his meal, he looked at Dib again. The human was still studying, bowl mostly empty beside him, and Zim sneered. Human attempts to multitask were pathetic. “Have you finished that slop?” Zim asked after a moment more. His lekku gave away how much he wanted to fidget, but he was fairly sure that Dib was ignorant of Irken body language.

“Hm?” Dib cocked his head, then looked at Zim. “Almost, why?” he asked. After a second, he raised a brow, then did finish the last two bites of it. Zim snatched the bowl when he did, giving a little hiss at the stupidity of the human. He wasn’t expecting Dib to follow him across the room, though, after a moment's delay. “I can clean up after myself, you know.”

Something as obviously untrue as that didn’t even deserve a response, and Zim simply huffed, washing the dishes with pak-legs again. He hated the way water felt against his gloves, and who knew what was in it. He didn’t want another rain incident. “Zim has  _ been _ in your room. Dib’s room is not  _ clean _ . ...It is simply not as  _ horrible _ as the rest of Earth’s stench-monkeys.” Cleaning was something to do, anyway, and Dib wouldn’t do a good enough job. It was better than re-washing everything.

Dib rolled his eyes, then snorted, a new common response, it would seem. “Right,” he said, skeptically looking at Zim. There was no response to the pak, to Zim’s real appearance, or to any of the body language, adding some evidence that Dib didn’t notice, or know it. “Which is why you went through my stuff and cleaned a bunch of it.” Zim’s lekku flicked, and Dib turned away, retreating back towards his desk. “Well, duh, I noticed.” 

Zim actually wasn’t sure quite what Dib was meaning. That he had cleaned parts of the Dib’s room, he could actually believe- had he been doing that when the human was first back from skool? Zim knew it was possible- Irken were good at multitasking! That was all it was! “Ha! Proof of Zim’s superiority! He can help the stupid Dib-fool, and still not fear him!” Zim finally answered. It wouldn’t do to have Dib realize Zim was at a loss!

“Sure, Zim, whatever.” Dib rolled his eyes, then moved away, back to his studies. “If that's what you want to do, I don't care.” As he passed, he pat Gir’s head, while the robot giggled. Sitting at his desk, he glanced over at Zim a couple of times, but didn’t really seem to care about whatever it was he’d been wanting to argue. 

That was… not normal at all. Zim frowned, again, then looked around the small room before coming to a decision. “Gir! Fetch the cleaning supplies! You can play more after that.” Gir was not to clean- that had been a painful lesson. It was a good thing that this SIR unit was more durable than most, as aggravating as that also was. In any case, it seemed like he wasn’t yet going to learn the college-skool’s secret, and so he might as well make his stay here even more comfortable.

The Dib barely looked up while he did clean, though when Gir did as bade- and started shrieking in the process- he pulled headphones out and shoved them in his stupid ear-holes. Zim frowned at the sight of it, but cleaning was a good way to spend some thinking time, and he was determined to figure out this skool and its tortures. 

Once the cleaning was done, late in the day, Zim was no closer to understanding the skool. Barracking, and cleaning barracks, were pretty standard. Unenjoyable, for the most part, but not cruel to the depths needed to enact a change such as the Dib had underwent. That meant it  _ had _ to be something in the classes, and Zim pulled the headphones from Dib’s large head. “Dib! The cleaning is finished! Glory in Zim’s superior dirt-removal!”

“That’s nice, Zim,” Dib answered, visibly irritated by the pulling, and snatching back his headphones as he spoke. He  _ did _ look around, raising a brow at the spotlessness of it all. As he should. They all should understand that clean was a good thing. It was a shame humans couldn’t even do that right. “Geez. No wonder your base is so spotless all the times I’ve ever been in there.” 

“Typical  _ filthy _ human. You think cleaniness just  _ happens _ ! No wonder Earth is such a horrible planet,” Zim answered, grinning broadly. “...Though Zim may have to postpone dishes at times. Only until evening.” Really, as unhygenic as it was- at least Dib had shown he knew where filthy dishes went, as well as trash. That would be sufficient. “How much more must Dib study? There has been no class!” And Zim wanted to glance through the book too.

Dib rolled his eyes again. “I know that clean doesn’t just poof into existence, Zim. And anyway, I’ve been done for a few hours now. You may not have noticed it, but I tried to help a couple times and it was like trying to interject into a whirlwind.” He turned more, then shrugged and checked the time. “The cafeteria is open if you want to go get food, though.” 

Zim blinked, thinking back over the day, then nodded. “Now that everything is  _ properly _ cleaned, I may as well allow you to practice upkeep.” He looked down, at his midsection, and then pulled the components of his disguise from his pak. “Let us inspect this cafeteria.” The invitation was unexpected, but it  _ was _ a good idea, and would give him more time to observe other students. And maybe this slop was less meaty?

The human shook his head, but reached for his coat and pulled it on, before ripping a ticket from his little roll at his desk. “It’s just a cafeteria, Zim,” he said. “Really.” Even so, he waited for Gir to pull on his own costume, and for Zim to collect his own ticket. And then he led Zim out, locking the door behind them absently. It was odd, especially when he glanced at the Irken, but didn’t comment on anything. 

Walking quietly beside Dib was… strange. Zim couldn’t actually remember a time this had happened before, even when they had been working together. There wasn’t enough seething for this to be like those times, and it was honestly kind of peaceful. Even Gir’s quiet singing wasn’t distracting- mostly, Zim was sure, because the word ‘doom’ didn’t feature. The food at the cafeteria was noticeably better, and no-one forced any meat onto Zim’s tray, allowing him to fill it up with bright colored plants and as many sweets as he could find, and that  _ really _ improved his mood.

Dib’s tray was similar, though with much less sweets, and some meat. He glanced at Zim’s tray when the Irken sat near him, then cocked his head. After a moment, he stood, and Zim watched him move around, to another area he hadn’t noticed. When he came back, it was with two steaming cups. The darker one, which smelled of chocolate like Gir liked, he sat in front of Zim.

Zim blinked again, then took the cup. “Your service is… acceptable,” he said, taking a sip before passing the cup to Gir. Despite their color, the plants weren’t as tasty as Zim had hoped, so he ate the most tasty of them and filled up on sweets the rest of the way. “You are drinking the filthy adult drink of coffee? Does Dib not plan to sleep? Are there paranoid things to discover?”

“First of all, this is tea, not coffee, and second, I’ll sleep fine. Don’t worry about it.” Dib shrugged him off, taking a sip of the steaming drink. “I don’t chase after the paranormal anymore, Zim. Even with proof, no one ever believed, and there’s no reason to think that that would change.” 

“So Dib… did not search for himself? Your only reason was to make others believe?” Zim asked, lekku trying to move under his wig. “Zim will conquer Earth- for the Tallest, yes, but also because that is  _ Zim’s _ dream!”

“Is that like the dream with the pigeons?” Gir asked from under the table, drinking his drink.

Dib looked at his food, then made a soft sound. “I did it for myself, at first. But I know things exist, and I wanted to prove it. Prove that I wasn’t as crazy as everyone said, like they called me. Now, I don’t care.” He shrugged, taking another drink of tea, then leaned back in his seat, offering Gir a cookie he’d grabbed. “Anyway, it’s nothing.” 

Zim huffed, before swallowing a sweet. “As you  _ filthy _ humans say- bull _ shit _ you don’t care. If the Dib did not care, Dib would do what  _ Dib _ wanted. Dib would not exhaust himself learning things he already knows to please others.” The Irken nodded, then frowned a moment. He wasn’t entirely sure what he would do- though there was evidence the Tallest didn’t care. Zim simply ignored that, because it made no sense.

Scowling, Dib flopped a hand over his lap. “That’s not something for  _ you _ to care about, Zim,” he said. “Nor did I ask for your questions or opinion on the matter.” The words were sharp, despite being quiet. His own internal questioning was pressed forward as Dib added, testily, “And you don’t see me pointing out that your leaders had nothing to say to you, before.” 

“Then what was  _ that _ ?” Zim asked testily, eating more and frowning. “Zim will  _ make _ them care,” he added, spearing a leaf much too sharply. “Zim does not care what the Dib-stink does! Zim is simply here to learn, to more easily quell the gross human race!” It just so happened that an exploration of Dib’s thought process was a part of that research, as terrifying as it was to learn more of his disorganized ‘thinking’.

“Whatever,” Dib said. He took a long drink of tea, then stood. “Whatever you say, Zim.” Before the Irken could move or speak, the human was gone and out of the building, trenchcoat flapping behind him. 

Zim stared after him, then huffed again, shoving more food in his mouth. “Dumb, stupid, stinky Dib-worm. He dares to walk away from  _ Zim _ !” And it was so much not what Dib  _ should _ do- which simply proved that this was a worthwhile avenue of research. And in the meantime, the food wasn’t terrible, and- he ignored the look Gir was giving him.

When he returned, Dib mostly ignored him, and any demands were met with more of the same steel that he liked to see in the human. There was a tenseness off and on, and something else that Zim didn’t understand. Classes eased some of it, as Dib went to them and did various things back and forth, and who knew what else. Two weeks later, and the Irken was pretty sure that he was still missing something. 


	3. Tattoos

Classes were easy enough for  _ Zim _ , though there were a lot of them. Dib… struggled more than Zim thought he should, but Zim couldn’t figure out  _ why _ , even  _ living _ with his enemy. It made no sense, and Zim was starting to get angry. As for other issues… well, Zim did enjoy driving the teachers to fits of rage by asking them questions, or pointing out errors in their ‘science’. It was a way to pass the time, again, between homework and cleaning and research and trying to keep Gir from destroying anything too important. And then, one day, Dib asked Gir to bring him a cup of water, and Zim  _ knew _ it was going to end badly.

It was an innocent request, as many of them were, something to keep the SIR unit busy for a few precious minutes. Those precious minutes ended in a mixing bowl being used as a cup, and Dib being drenched in water, while Gir screamed and rolled around in it. Zim laughed quietly while the human sighed and started peeling off his shirt on the way to the bathroom to change. 

As Dib moved, Zim noticed something on his skin, and darted over, catching the human by one arm without thinking about it. “Your skin! What has happened to it?” Zim asked, poking the black marks on Dib’s arm gently. It was an outline of something, with wings, vaguely familiar, but that wasn’t really what Zim was thinking about right now. “Dib! What did they  _ do _ to you! Your skin is… marred.” And it wasn’t coming off, which… Zim really couldn’t come up with an explanation for that.

“What are you going on about this time?” Dib asked, frowning. He pulled his arm out of Zim’s grasp, yanking away and pulling off his shirt to reveal more marks, black against his pale skin. Catching the Irken’s line of sight, he shook his head, starting towards the bathroom again. “Oh. You mean my tattoos. I got them last year.” 

“Tattoos? What are these… tattoos? Dib got them  _ here _ ?” Was this the missing piece, maybe? Because Zim really hadn’t seen much of the other things going on- no hazing, not even much bullying, not compared to hi-skool. Of course, they were only two weeks in, there was  _ time _ for that yet, but if the point of this place was to exhaust humans and make them uncaring, building things slowly made little sense. Elite training certainly hadn’t started things slow!

“Well, not here, exactly. In a tattoo parlour near the strip,” Dib said, huffing. “They’re nothing that’s a big deal, Zim. A lot of people have tattoos. They’re often hidden by clothing, that’s all. It’s just special ink.” He pulled away enough to grab a towel from the bathroom rack, drying himself with it. “God, and I thought dad was going to have the fit, if anyone.” 

“Ink? Special ink? What  _ kind _ of special ink? Tell Zim! This parlour- many of these skool students go there? It must be part of the plot! Does Dib have more?” As soon as Zim asked that, he deployed his pak-legs to find out, working to strip the man. “This so-called ‘ink’ must be potent indeed…”

Dib yelped, stumbling back. “Get off, you menace!” he snapped, batting at the legs, and dodging out of the way. “Stop it, you jerk! It’s just ink meant to be used for tattoos, for human skin.” Kicking out, Dib moved passed him. Zim wasn’t expecting it after so long of apathy, growling as the stupid human moved and slipped away, out of his grasp. 

Even with his surprise, Zim reacted fairly quickly, partially because he could use the ceiling to move and catch Dib again, getting in front of the human without needing to pass him in the door or hallway. “Something at this skool has broken Dib! Zim has not found it yet- The ink, it must be- Gir! Analyze the ink on the Dib’s arm! -Without wounding him.” An armless Dib wasn’t something Zim wanted to deal with.

“Nothing here broke me, you little psycho,” Dib snapped. “Now get out of my way!” He reached out to push Zim, using his taller stature and a surprising amount of strength. “Just  _ stop _ , Zim. There isn’t anything here that did anything to me, not really. So just stop this stupid crusade of yours.” Gir latching on to his arm resulted in the SIR unit being flung- giggling madly- into the far wall. 

Zim lowered himself to the ground, pak-legs retreating, and just looked at Dib for a long, long moment. “Dib  _ is _ broken. The timing says here. Something is wrong. You’ve never thrown Gir outside of a fight.” Even  _ in _ fights, Dib usually just asked the SIR unit to move, and that usually worked. “Those marks… are just ink? Then why will they not come off?”

“It’s permanent ink, Zim. It’s just under the top layer of my skin,” Dib said, frustration still audible and visible. “And I’m not  _ broken _ , nothing is fucking wrong with me. I just grew up, that’s all.” He glanced at Gir, then added, teeth clenching for a second beforehand, “And Gir is fine. So  _ stop _ this madness. The real question here is why you care.” 

“Of course Gir is fine! As though a human meat-worm could hurt Gir! That isn’t the  _ point _ !” Zim answered, frowning. “Zim does not  _ care _ . Zim simply… has no other worthy enemies!”

“Master watcheded you for the bus!” Gir informed Dib suddenly, clambering onto the couch. “Do I get to go flying again? Wheee!”

Dib’s eyes narrowed as Zim glared at Gir. “Pardon my use of, hnn, ‘filthy’ human term, bullshit,” the human said, mimicking Zim from his first day there. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, Zim, because you’re lying, be it to me, or yourself. It’s not sane to follow and try to fix what’s not broken in an enemy. Or to know when I was going to be home when my own… family… didn’t.” He brushed by Zim again, snagging a shirt from the room. “No, Gir,” he said.

Once again, Zim paused, and this time it stretched to an uncomfortably long silence- or as silent as it could be with Gir’s disappointed muttering. Finally he gave a little shrug, lekku moving rapidly. “The Tallest do not answer Zim anymore,” he said, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. “So… Zim is doing as he wants. And Zim wants an enemy who is not broken!”

The answer that Dib gave was not what Zim expected. “Even if I was in need of fixing, which I  _ don’t _ , what makes you think I want to be your enemy again, Zim?” he asked. He stepped forward, just a little. “Go ahead, try and take over. Destroy, do whatever it is that you want to do, and I won’t stop you.” He waved a hand, then rubbed at his nose, and reached for his coat- which meant a soon to be retreat. 

There was too much information in Dib’s words, and Zim simply moved, sitting on the couch without really looking at anything. “...If Zim destroys, Dib will be destroyed too,” he pointed out, in a very quiet voice, trying to process what in the  _ universe _ Dib was thinking or meaning. This skool had messed him up good- or ‘growing up’, only Zim knew from experience that growing up didn’t change such deeply held things. This was a thorny, knotty problem of knots indeed! Idly, he shoved Gir away when the unit came in to hug him, still focused on the floor, though his lekku followed the feel of Dib’s footsteps.

“Yeah, and I'm fine with that,” Dib said. “Look at this place and tell me I should care, Zim. You can't. And I have no obligation to tell you anything, either.” The footsteps moved further away, and then the sound of the door opening hit. “I'm way too sober for this,” he muttered, right before the door closed. 

No-one should be fine with being destroyed, though. That was the point of Invaders, to take beings out until they all  _ could _ be destroyed. Or enslaved, of course, whichever was best for the Empire. Even  _ Gir  _ was… well, he was okay with it, but he came back, so it wasn't the same. If this was human growing up, then they were even more foolish and horrible than Zim had thought. Zim doubted that ‘growing up’ really explained this, though. Still thinking, the Irken went to his workstation. He needed to look up humans being ‘fine’ with destruction.

What he found was not pleasant to say the least. Some humans went so far as to try active self destruction, which made Zim cringe. He didn't like it. And a lot of his research showed that there was trauma involved, or some other form of long standing brain issues. It was complex, and weird, and the Irken didn't like that every time he checked the clock, more time had passed, and no Dib had returned. 

By the time it was tomorrow, Zim had had enough. Gir was able to track Dib, and he was more than willing, which meant the pair made it to the house, overflowing with smelly, intoxicated humans and making Zim’s lekku hurt even under the wig from the force of the music, with a minimum of detours. Zim paused, looking at the writhing mass of  _ humans _ , then sighed and started shoving his way in.

He eventually found the human in one of the quieter spots, half secluded in the upper half of the house. There were humans everywhere, really, but most were involved with others, not like the Dib. In Dib's hand was a smooth glass bottle of liquid, a tiny glass in front of him on a little table. He filled it to the brim, then drank, making a low sound and face at the liquid. Zim wondered how many little cups had been ingested, considering Dib didn't notice him, especially at first. 

“Is Dib enough less sober now?” Zim asked, crouching a little by Dib. He didn't have to crouch far to be on the sitting man's level, but Zim was mostly glad he didn't have to look up. “Dib should come back and sleep. Gir will do his homework.” The SIR unit was currently worming his way onto Dib’s lap, grabbing at the bottle.

“What are you doing here, Zim?” Dib asked. He blinked at Zim, confused, and his words were slowed. It was a good time to see what excess alcohol did. The human frowned at Gir, trying to keep the bottle away from the SIR unit, while also pouring another drink. “No, Gir. I pilfered this fair and square.” 

“I want to try!” Gir declared, before switching his attention to the little cup. “Let me try some, pleeeese? I wanna see if there's rainbows…”

Zim didn't care too much what Gir was doing this time, shrugging at Dib’s question. “It's late. Already tomorrow. You should be sleeping.”

With a sigh, Dib poured some in the cup and gave it to Gir, who immediately poured it all over himself, and thus Dib. “Waste of perfectly good tequila,” the human grumbled, before blinking at Zim. It was strange to see him like this. “Go back, Zim. I plan on continuing to drink.” He seemed to think of something funny, because he laughed a little to himself. 

“So… Dib is not sufficiently less sober yet,” Zim answered. He wanted to ask about the other intoxicants that research had said were available at college skool, or to ask if this was part of the whole destruction issue, but Zim just sighed. “Gir misses your big head to sleep with. So you get to take care of him until Dib comes home,” Zim decided, standing again. “Zim has work to do.”

“Sure, Zim, whatever,” Dib answered. To Gir, he said, “Go dance.” The robot immediately shrieked with joy and raced off and down the steps, leaving them. It also let the human refill his cup and drink it, making a face. When he refilled it again, he glanced at Zim. “Want to try before you leave, space boy? I don't think it will hurt you.” 

“Do you care about that?” Zim asked, though he did take the little cup. He’d had beer, and while the alcohol content of this was higher, he agreed with Dib, it wasn’t likely to hurt him. Zim made a face when he tried the drink, feeling a slight burn as he drank it, though not the burn of dirty water. “Dib knows alcohol does nothing to Zim, right?”

Dib gave his own shrug, and steadfastly didn’t answer Zim’s first question. Again. It was starting to become a thing that could easily start being a frustration. Either way, the human rubbed his face, then stole the cup back, setting it next to him. “When drinking, you’re supposed to offer a friend some. As pathetic as it is, you’re the closest thing I have. Anyway, I didn’t buy it.” 

Zim sighed, then sat on the couch near Dib. “Tell Zim more about tattoos,” he said, and for all it was meant to be an order, it  _ wasn’t _ . Either way, he could do without sleep- Dib was,  _ and _ the human would have repercussions from the drinking as well. With all that, how could Zim  _ not _ be willing to stay and find some possibly vital information.

“Why?” Dib asked. But he huffed and leaned back against the couch. “They’re art. Like I said, it’s just ink under the top layer of my skin. It’s nothing special, Zim. I got the first one on a whim. Because I thought it would make my dad upset.” He glanced at Zim, then down, when Gir’s shrieks managed to be loud enough to be heard over the music. 

“How does ink get there? It sounds horrible,” Zim answered, not even twitching towards the sounds of Gir’s amusement. The worst that would happen was that Gir would kill someone. “Your elder unit still does not know about these… tattoos. Gaz either.”  _ That _ was pure educated guesswork on Zim’s part.

The human snorted. “It’s not bad,” he said. “Maybe I should just get another one so you can see how it works. I’ve thought about adding to my side and back.” He shifted, then shrugged. “I haven’t talked to either of them- really- since before I left the first time. Hell, I haven’t talked to almost anyone.” 

“No talking to people who don’t listen. Why bother?” Zim agreed, shrugging. It was surprisingly easy to be friendly with Dib, despite every reason he shouldn’t, and Zim did wonder about that, but at the same time, this was the most  _ normal _ things had been since Dib had gone away the first time. “Dib should not get a tattoo. It’s  _ horrible _ and  _ unsanitary _ .”

“Oh?” Dib asked. “Come on, Zim, it’s not bad. It’s not even unsanitary. And if you don’t like it, I absolutely do want another, then.” The human gave a little grin, the first one that the Irken had seen in- well, a rather long time. He shifted a second later, rubbing his face and leaning his head back. 

“ _ How _ does the ink get there? Zim noticed that Dib did not answer!” Zim pointed out, heartened by the smile. Dib was opposing him! It was… well, it was  _ something _ . It was a start! “Zim must see this!” Though the idea of walking in to any place that ink could be put under skin… then again, it couldn’t really be much worse than right here. He’d just have to take a long while cleaning back up afterwards.

Dib rolled his eyes. “Well first they  _ strap you down _ ,” he said, only to grin again as Zim nearly snapped his neck to look at the human. “I’m joking, Zim. It’s not anything like that.” He drank again, then let out a soft sigh. “I know how impatient you can be. I’ll make an appointment tomorrow. ...You should probably go back, Zim. Weren’t you going to get some ‘work’ done?”

That  _ wasn’t _ funny, and Zim scowled at Dib. The stupid human  _ knew _ Zim hated the idea of being strapped to a table- Zim realized that he’d wrapped his arms around himself, and he dropped them, still frowning. “Yes. Work. ...You have work too. Make sure to bring Gir back.” He didn’t say anything about ‘in one piece’, because, again, that didn’t matter and wasn’t within Dib’s control. He did stand, and ignored the fact that he paused before walking away.

“Pretty sure that won’t be an issue,” Dib said, frowning and watching him. Zim made sure to walk away with his head held high. The Dib would be fine, because he was the Dib, and if Zim glanced back and wondered about the look on the human’s face, he wasn’t going to tell.

Neither of them said anything about it, or about Zim leaving water and medication out for the human when he returned to their home space. And Dib was Dib. He did bring Gir back just fine, and to his word, he made an appoint-mant for another filthy tattoo. But it wasn’t for some time, and that gave plenty of time for Zim to research. His results were rather annoying. 

“Is there any reason you’ve been terrorizing half of the campus with questions about doom and destruction?” Dib asked shortly before they were supposed to go. 

“Yes. There is  _ reasons _ !” Zim answered, pulling on his disguise with a scowl. He didn’t  _ like _ it- but of course, liking it wasn’t the point. “Zim has many reasons. Reasonable reasons.” Reasons that proved Dib was lying to him again- Simple growing up did not cause this exhaustion, this uncaring. Not that Zim expected Dib to simply  _ say _ what had broken him, of course. “And Zim has not been  _ terrorizing _ . The stupid mud-worms deserve it, but Zim has not! I have simply asked questions.” Questions at the end of various doomy weapons, of course, but questions nonetheless.

“Uhuh,” Dib said, raising a brow and shaking his head. “Sure, Zim, sure.” Part of Zim wondered if it was just a big trick, though that didn’t last very long before he shook the idea away. The Dib was not one for tricks very often, and this would be a long lasting trick, at that. Not to mention, it was not something a human could do, pretend to have such a sorry state, for so long. “I’m pretty sure that nothing of your ‘questions’,” Dib paused, doing the air quotation marks with his stupid hands, “will help whatever your scheming, Zim.” 

“Ah, but you do not  _ know _ Zim’s plans!” Zim pointed out, cackling. “And they were too questions! Are we going?” Zim repressed a shiver, still very much not fond of the idea. It was something new, though, and the classes still hadn’t been  _ that _ bad. Just… there were a lot, even with Zim not bothering to go to half. Some of them didn’t have attendance policies!

Dib rolled his eyes, but did start walking, leading Zim to the nearest bus stop. The Irken shuddered as Dib pulled out his phone, looking over to see him checking the times. “Will you chill out? We’ll be there early, even if this bus is late. Anyway, I’m sure your plans are the best, Zim. So great.” His sarcasm was so biting that Zim didn’t catch it at first. 

“Early? So Zim has to stay  _ more _ time in that horrible, unsanitary place?” Zim grumbled, half from form and expectation. He gave an irritated click at the sarcasm, but otherwise let it go, because it was  _ spirit _ , at least. “There had better be no strappings down. If Dib has  _ lied _ to me…” He let the threat trail off, because… Dib didn’t  _ care _ .

“Yeah, yeah. Doom and whatnot,” Dib said with a wave of his hand. “Anyway, even if there was strappings, it’d be me, not you. Just relax, Zim. It’s not a dirty place, it’s not horrible, and you’re being silly.” He shook his head, and Zim twitched when he saw the stupid transport appear down the road. 

Zim stuck close to Dib on the bus, as he was the least smelly and disgusting human on the transport. The trip itself wasn’t too bad, though there was quite a lot too much walking and waiting for Zim’s tastes. Cabs were better, but Zim didn’t really have Earth monies, and so he was stuck going with what Dib chose.

The tattoo shop itself was somewhat small, with dark wood and dead bones and plants and rocks and water with  _ fish _ . Zim stopped two steps in and turned to Dib- and really, just  _ why _ did the human have to be taller? It didn’t help matters! “You  _ lied _ ! This place is not  _ clean _ . Those are  _ fish _ !” And Gir would have loved it. Zim thought he understood why Dib had insisted the SIR unit be left at the dorm.

Dib let out a breath of air, long and tired. “I didn’t lie, Zim,” he said. “Yes, they are koi fish. Knock it off, will you? It’s clean here, or I wouldn’t be willing to have one done.” He walked up to the desk, where a woman with numerous colors painted on her skin sat. Zim was too busy trying to figure out what all was at risk to notice what they said. And then Dib was leading him to some seats near a case of jewel-ree. “Relax, would you. You’re more tightly wound than a rubber band.” 

“... _ How _ is this place clean?” Zim asked, because he  _ had _ noticed how his accusation had hurt the man. He didn’t care, of course, only it seemed to drain the fighting spirit, and that didn’t get him what he wanted. “...Dib… does have some care for self. Unless Zim wants to destroy him.” And that was a bit of a sharp jab, an exploration of what Dib might do.

“It’s not like it’s done right  _ here _ ,” Dib said, gesturing to the waiting area. “It’s clean, Zim. I got two other tattoos right here, with this same artist. She’s good, careful, clean.” He crossed his arms and then leaned back. “And blood poisoning is a horrible way to die, so chill out, you menace.” 

That… did make sense, and Zim scowled at that fact. He also tucked away the fact about blood poisoning, because maybe it would come in helpful later, who knew? “Only a race of dirt-monkeys would mark their skin and call it art,” he grumbled, but otherwise did his best to relax until Dib was called back.

Dib scoffed and rolled his eyes as he stood, walking through a back door and through, into a space that made Zim’s lekku twitch under his wig. He didn’t like it, with all of the chairs and tables that looked downright  _ medical _ . Other tattooed humans milled about, but Zim focused on not losing Dib and this beast as they made their way to a new spot in the back, where there was a large beast’s skull, feathers attached, and a wall of toothy jaws. Zim was actually impressed by it, up until Dib was taking off his coat and shirt, and the tattoo beast was showing him what she, apparently, was putting under his skin. 

“What is that ink, tattoo beast?” Zim asked, pointing at what had to be her workspot and blinking a little when there actually wasn’t any ink visible. His meaning should still be perfectly obvious, though, and it was a distraction from looking at Dib’s  _ frightful _ pale body. Humans were such ugly colors- maybe, if this really was harmless, it wasn’t a bad thing, then. They could make themselves better colors, and of course Irkens didn’t do such things, because  _ they _ were already the best color!

“I’ll bring it out when I get the cleaning and placement done,” the tattoo beast said. She nodded at Dib as he studied the papers she’d given him, then reached for a bottle. Zim actually recognized it, pleasantly surprised by the sight of the industrial strength cleaner he liked to use for his base. Half turning, she started spraying the chair next to her, along with the table, and wiping it down. “Don’t worry, kid. No one done by me has ever had a bad reaction or anything.” 

“Not even allergies?” Zim asked, and he  _ was _ calming down. The surfaces would be clean, at least, and that  _ was _ a start. The whole thing was still horrible and bestial, but… at least it was, maybe, actually clean? “And Zim is not a kid! Neither is the Dib-monster!” Although, compared to him, both Dib and the woman were  _ practically _ kids, by age. Not experience, though. “...Why stars?”

The tattoo beast laughed. “Not even allergies. And I’ve been doing this a long time.” She ignored his commentary about age, clicking her tongue and bidding Dib to sit, before taking a different bottle and ripping the plastic from a new sterilization pad. Dib turned as she started wiping it on his skin, up, around his back and shoulder. “When I see a person, I know what they should have on them. Some clients know what they want, some haven’t figured it out.” 

Zim frowned at the explanation, finding it didn’t explain things very well at all. It seemed to be all he was going to get, though, and so he simply watched as Dib’s skin was cleaned, and then cleared of extraneous hair, of which humans had far too much. Looking around, he could see others in the process of coloring their skin, but Dib was the closest, and Zim was pretty sure the tattoo beast here was the only one who’d answer his questions.

When she was finished, she disappeared into a back room, returning with a new form of the paper she’d showed Db, and a tray with various items, including ink. Zim immediately reached for it, and she watched, but let him, pulling on gloves and shaking her head. Reading the label was a distraction that ended when he noticed that the new paper was being placed on Dib’s skin and smoothed down, before being pulled up to leave marks. They weren’t the same looking as the rest of the marks on the stupid human’s skin, but still! Maybe it wasn’t so bad. 

“What is that for?” Zim asked, pointing at the marks on Dib’s skin. “They do not use  _ ink _ .” Speaking of which, the ink he was holding had some chemicals that were alarming, but Zim suspected the concentration was low enough that there was little danger. Not as safe as Dib had said, maybe, but so far Zim’s research into young adult human self-preservation levels suggested that most of them wouldn’t do something known to be  _ horribly _ dangerous, at least. “...How does… the ink get… under skin…?”  _ That _ was the question, Zim realized, that he should have asked until answered from the very beginning.

“It’s an outline for me,” the tattoo beast said. She looked at Zim, then chuckled and beckoned him closer, pulling on gloves and picking up something from her station, clipping things together. “And this is how we get the ink in.” Holding up a plastic wrapped item, she started opening it. It reminded him of a standard child’s toy gun, until he realized that it was a grouping of needles being attached. 

“Needles?” Zim said, strangling the shriek that he wanted the words to be. That would get him kicked out, he was sure, and annoy Dib beside! “You use ink and needles? That- that-  _ why _ ?” He was right, it was unsanitary- though, if the needles had been in that packet, and the tattoo beast was using gloves, that… Didn’t make anything better at all! He had known it would be something horrible like this, but not just  _ how _ horrible.

Although he’d been quiet, Dib sighed and half turned to Zim. “It’s not bad,” he said. “It means the ink gets deep enough to stay, otherwise my body will get rid of it. Come on, Zim, it’s like the shots they made us get in hi-skool. You know, the ones you got out of. Just… a bit different.” He turned back as the tattoo beast finished and started the machine, turning to test it so Zim couldn’t see, but could hear the sound. 

Zim huffed, half turning away. “Shots are dumb and stupid too. Give a disease to not get it. ...Even worse that it works…” he grumbled, lekku trying to lift away from his head with the sound. The wig held them in place, of course, and that only made the weird prickling feeling even worse. “...Needles hurt,” Zim added, glancing back at Dib.

Laying down, Dib snorted, raising a brow even as he twisted his head to look at Zim. “It’s not the first time I’ve gotten a tattoo,” he said, sounding almost amused. 

“And the first is usually the worst,” the tattoo beast said. “See, the human body has some sensitive places, but after a while, you don’t really feel it, or you get used to it. It depends on the person, of course. But my little moth buddy down here has never passed out on me, and he’s a tough cookie.” 

“Moth… buddy?” Zim asked, distracted, before looking down Dib’s body. That might be what the outline was, now that he looked at it again. As for the idea of humans getting used to pain… well, that might explain some of the dumb things they did, and it was stupid to stop feeling pain. Pain was there for a reason! “Sounds like horrible  _ lies _ to Zim! Not feeling pain…”

The tattoo beast chuckled. “I would believe that, if not for the time I had someone fall asleep in my chair.” A few moments later and she was bending over Dib, ink dipped needles close to his skin. “And yes. It’s what I think I like on him. Moths are dark, they like light, but it kills them.” She hummed, then grinned at Zim. 

“It’s a chemical thing,” Dib added. “When we get hurt, chemicals release in our blood. Eventually, it can stop pain receptors and other stuff.” He frowned a little as the needle touched down, turning the blue outline to black ink. 

That seemed like a terrible thing to just leave up to bodies with no guidance, but Zim did know that he couldn’t really go into that without running the risk of the tattoo beast realizing that he didn’t really have a skin condition. He was also distracted by the words about moths, and the buzzing sound was… becoming more bearable.

Lines slowly formed under the needle of the tattoo beast, though she had to pause often enough to blot and wipe at excess ink, or apply what looked like slime. Zim didn’t like it, nor did he find it funny when she looked at him, smiling. “So, from your reactions, I guess you’ll never be in my chair, huh? Or my piercing colleges, I assume. Sad, really.” 

“Zim needs no color changes! Zim needs no holes, either!” Zim answered automatically, jerking to really  _ look _ at her for a moment. “Zim is perfect! And magnificent! Why is this sad?” Not that the tattoo beast’s art was bad, really- it was just the medium that was  _ horrible _ ! And there was no curiosity as to what she might try to put  _ on _ Zim, either- of course there wasn’t. He’d be better off letting  _ Gir _ draw on him.

“I’m an artist, my friend. And everyone has their beauty. Should I not be sad that I can’t add to that?” She paused, the gun turning off for the moment, giving her time to smirk at Zim, and knowingly, too. It made him feel off and weird and he didn’t like it. “Anyway. How’re you holding up?” she asked Dib, mopping up more blood and ink. 

“‘M good,” he answered, glancing at Zim. “I think he’s the one to worry more about, at this point.” 

“Zim is fine,” the Irken snapped, holding back a shudder at the mess, and what it was made of. “Zim is not  _ weak _ to need protecting simply because you are  _ taller _ -” He froze a second, then stood. “I think I should go and wait.” Yes, go and wait where it was quiet, and safe from saying things like that, and then when Dib was at study in the library… well, Zim could wait and see a little more for that.

Waiting out in the other room didn’t help as much, but it did make his lekku stop twitching and itching and everything that was starting to drive him wild. Still, it took way too long for Dib to come out, coat hanging over an arm, and shirt made oddly shaped by bandages. The human paid a  _ lot _ of human monies for the tattoo, and then walked over to Zim. 

There was silence until they made it back to the bus stop, and Dib looked at him. “It wasn’t because I’m taller,” he said. Zim frowned, and he cut in, adding, before Zim could tell him off, “Really, Zim. My comment was because the buzzing of the tattoo gun seemed to annoy you even more than the artist.” 

That further cut off anything Zim might say, and he frowned, before sighing and rubbing at his head. It helped a little, and probably didn’t look  _ too _ weird. Zim was certain he’d done weirder, so didn’t worry. “It prickled wrong,” he finally muttered, not even sure if Dib could hear him. “That place is  _ horrible _ ,” Zim added, louder. “Dib should not go back. ...But you probably will. Not even turning a sensible color…”

Dib scoffed. “I thought you were going to destroy me,” he pointed out. “So what does it matter if I have a bit of colorant added to my skin?” He gave a tired little smile, half turning away to not look at Zim, then adding. “...I’m sorry the sound made you feel weird.” 

“Why?” If Zim shouldn’t care what Dib was doing, then Dib  _ certainly _ shouldn’t care how Zim was  _ feeling _ , unless the feeling was ‘not going to destroy you’ or something. Zim couldn’t work up enough outrage for a good rant, though, or much more than the question, and he really just wanted to go back to the  _ clean _ dorm and do something that wasn’t sitting around a bunch of buzzy pokey things.

“Because,” Dib answered, still not looking at him. “I just am.” He went quiet again through the ride back, though Zim noticed that he was very careful of his side and back in all movements and while sitting. 

  
When they got to the dorm, the first thing Zim did was pull off his disguise and wiggle his lekku until the weird buzzing itch stopped. The second thing was to try and see Dib’s tattoo, though he wasn’t allowed to remove the coverings. He was allowed to be there the next day, when they  _ could _ be removed, and Zim didn’t comment that everything looked horrible and messy and… like a healing injury. He didn’t understand why Dib had wanted this, but he had decided that this tattoo wasn’t the cause of Dib’s weird breaking. It might be a symptom, but that was… okay.


	4. Glitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was our first go at pak-lore, and there's kinda a lot not said.

Within two weeks, the new tattoo was mostly healed and Dib was back to normal, or rather, the new normal that Zim was coming to know more and more. Unfortunately, that ignored Zim’s own issues. Being away from his base made it harder when his pak errored. At least it was normal enough for him to skip classes. 

That didn’t stop Dib from returning home as usual, a peace offering bag of sweets in hand- the human had taken to bringing him sweets and treats for no reason that Zim could understand. The issue with  _ that _ was that he was using Gir to try and stabilize the glitches, and Gir plugged in to Zim’s open pak had to look insane even to the Dib-stink. “Zim? What the fuck?” Yes. Very insane. 

“This is not any  _ human _ problem,” Zim shot back, turned as well as he could- which wasn’t very much. Even that much turned out to be too much, actually, as a wire arked and Zim yelped. That was  _ not  _ pleasant. “Dib was supposed to take longer.” Because of  _ course _ he was hiding this- Dib was his enemy- or something. Zim wasn’t sure. But this was… this was  _ shameful _ , and Zim knew he was paling, growing just a little colder to be better overlooked.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” For the first time, Zim actually saw Dib  _ really move _ , dropping the bag of goodies on the table and quickly walking over. “Let me see,” he demanded. Gir giggled, little pink useless tongue sticking out as he did what little concentration he could. “Why are you acting like it’s normal?”

“No! Stay away from it!” Zim yelled, trying to move away. He couldn’t  _ go _ anywhere, of course, and Gir was no help at all, except to Dib. “Leave Zim alone- Zim will be fine!”

“Dis happen sometimes,” Gir explained, shifting one hand. “Master’s pak… is like me? Maybe? I do’noo. I’m trying to catch all the glitches! I never manage them all. The squirrel keeps putting them back!”

Dib’s voice hit a new pitch. If Zim was able to guess about it, he would guess that it was worry. “Zim, come on! If I wanted to hurt you, I would have done it way before this point. Let me see!” He knelt behind the Irken, grabbing for him. 

Zim bat away Dib’s hands, shaking his head in a human gesture he’d picked up. “You don’t have to  _ want _ to hurt me, you idiot! How much Irken technology do you even know?” Zim knew that Dib could read it just fine, and hack into his computer, which was  _ far _ more than any inferior species had any right to go, but that didn’t change things!

“Loook! There’s a rainbow on his brain!” Gir added, pointing at something deep within.

“I fixed Tak’s ship and hacked  _ your _ base enough times,” Dib spat back. “And how the hell can you trust  _ Gir _ over me with that? He can’t even read!” As he spoke, Gir giggled again, falling over himself and doing half of a roll towards the kitchen. A second later, and there was another glitch that left Zim breathless. 

Hunching over in deep instinct, Zim had to take a moment to remember how to speak, and then another one to remember English. “Dib was… enemy. Vacan- er. Place not. Wasn’t.” Most of Zim’s reclaimed breath went in a sigh then. Honestly, that might be the most annoying part of his pak glitching- thought and memory got really scrambled.

“Hold still,” Dib said, voice still high pitched. Zim automatically cringed away from the arms that wrapped around him, even though dear  _ Irk _ it was much warmer and oh, that was nice. “Gir. In the closet is a big thick blanket, go get it.” 

“But master said-” Gir started. 

“Zim is really cold, Gir. Please just get it, okay?” Dib cut him off. 

“ **Gir. Obey the Dib,** ” Zim managed, because yes, the warmth was  _ nice _ , and he couldn’t actually stay here like this, and Gir wasn’t being any help and the worst that would happen was probably that Dib would reprogram him and- A blanket wrapped around him, cutting off Zim’s tumbling thoughts. Gir was standing nearby, shifting from leg to leg, and it was  _ strange _ how worried he looked.

Dib shifted, and Zim heard him say something to Gir, but didn’t catch what it was before the SIR unit was running away. “-to do,” Dib said, Zim catching the tail end and shaking his head as his lekku flicked. “You’ll need to tell me what to do,” Dib repeated, tugging the blanket until it was more firmly against Zim’s front and still letting him get to the opened pak. 

“...Computer screen. Hook.” That might well be all that was really needed, once Dib could  _ see _ the coding, he’d probably be able to figure most things out. With a thought, Zim reached back and around as much as he could, trying to remember where those cables were. Gir didn’t use them- Gir used his own, and honestly that was probably half of the more recent issues. Maybe that was why he wasn’t so annoyed by everything. Zim wasn’t sure that was a bad thing.  _ That _ part of the programming seemed more or less okay. It was focusing and a collection of things around there that were messing up, and now life support was doing weird things.

Goodies were dropped in front of Zim a second before Dib’s laptop was given to the human. The touch was so delicate as Dib plugged the cords in that he didn’t notice until he felt the twitchy zap of a system stabilizing him. “Alright. Gir,” he hissed, murmuring something to the robot. Gir returned with a pillow, and Zim shivered as he was able to lean on it, slowly warming. 

“Oooh. Yous can see  _ everything _ !” Gir cooed, moving to Dib’s other side to see the screen. “Das mem’ries, and there’s gas, an’ fluids, and here’s speciality, an-” Gir’s words stopped suddenly, before he asked, very worried, “Yooouu… not gonna  _ change _ him, are you? Make Master not himself? That happened to me once. I almost shotted him!” That was much too cheerful, but that was as expected.

Zim tensed automatically, only to go lax again as Dib touched his shoulder. “No, Gir, I’m not touching anything like that,” he said. “Right now I’m trying to figure out where exactly the issues are stemming from.” There was the clicking of keys on his laptop, and then the human let out a low breath of air. “How long has your pak been glitching, Zim?” 

“‘Ever. Since Zim was… little smeet,” Zim answered, English coming a little easier. Either Gir’s tinkering or Dib’s stabilizing had managed to avert cascade failure, again, and Zim was happy about that. “...No telling. ‘S  _ pathetic _ …” Especially for someone of his brilliance. “...Been getting worse,” he admitted, heading off what he was sure was the next question.

“Is this why you’ve been so… off?” Dib asked, sounding for a moment like his old self, or at least, enough that it was a comfort. “Why didn’t you get anyone to fix it? It’s not pathetic, Zim.” He sighed softly, and Zim felt something flutter in his pack and the connection, before it settled back into place. “Did that help?” he asked. 

Zim made a little noise and nodded. “A little. ...Mm, English is back. No one fixes it because no one  _ would _ fix it. There’s no room for defective life. ...I thought you listened to Zim enough to know that.” He gave a humorless laugh, then shivered. “Humans ‘re so  _ gross _ , though.” As for the very first question… Zim’s lekku moved uncertainty. “Been pretty sure it would glitch again since tattoos. But you wouldn’t go study.”

“Jerk,” Dib muttered, sounding fond again. He sighed again, fingers clacking away. “A whole race of fucking jerks. I’m glad I trusted my instincts to come back. Fuck. Why have you been letting Gir do this? I’m pretty sure he’s why part of your code has started deteriorating, here.” Moving until Zim felt Dib’s leg brushing against his, the human’s fingers moved against his pak soothingly. 

Zim laughed again, too tired to pull away from Dib like he should. Glitches always took it out of him. “Who else should have? Tak would reprogram Zim- or just take his pak. Dib would cut me open! Gir… really tried.” He felt around for Gir, blindly, before patting metal fondly. “Ugh. Organs I don’t have ache.  _ How _ ?”

“I wouldn’t cut you open!” Dib said, half outraged. A second later, and he added, “...I mean, I don’t think I would then. Definitely not now.” He let out another soft sighing sound, then pointed to the treats. “Eat something, Zim. Tylenol still works for you, right?” Then the sound of clacking started again. 

“Ng… no shutting off digestion,” Zim muttered, reaching for the indicated treats. He wasn’t sure if Dib actually realized fully what he had access to right now. “Tylenol is acceptable.” Of the Earth painkillers, Tylenol was one that both had the desired effect and didn’t do  _ too _ many undesirable things. Asprin made him break out in hives, and hadn’t  _ that _ been fun to discover. “Dib used to say… he wanted to know how Zim operated. ...Guess he knows now…” And that  _ was _ funny, genuinely funny.

Dib huffed. “I’m not going to shut down anything, Zim,” he said. “I will say that I don’t think I can repair all of the glitches right now, though. I’m afraid changes will have to integrate over time, Zim. These are… old, and pretty big.” He paused, then made a low sound in his throat. “Yeah. I used to be pretty curious, wasn’t I? Always chasing shit stupidly.” 

“You did. ...What happened, Dib?” Zim shifted a little, in part to see how much he could, and gave a shuddery breath. “Repair… all the glitches? Sometime?” The idea that he could just be  _ himself _ , with none of the things that  _ weren’t him _ … Or even fewer, even just fewer. “Dib can… do that? Will?”

“Yeah, of course I’ll repair them all,” Dib said, immediately. “I think I can, anyway. It’s… it’s like with Tak’s ship, almost. Some of the source code was all kinda of messed up, connecting to a bunch of other systems.” He didn’t answer Zim’s first question, and the Irken could hear him shake his head. “But I think I can… Like I said, the only reason I’m not trying to just fix it all, is that I think the entire system here might start flipping shit.” 

Zim turned, trying to see Dib’s face. Failing that, he felt around until he found Dib’s hand, then brought it to a lekku so he could feel the human reactions better. “Zim… does not want to be  _ normal _ . Zim just… wants to be himself…” But he did  _ want _ that- and then he could go, and show the Tallest that he was, indeed, the  _ best _ Invader, that he  _ deserved _ a place… A thought occurred to him, and he huffed a little. “Seems Dib has found a way to evade destruction.” Zim smiled at that, because  _ yes _ . He now had every reason to continue working with Dib, and even help him.

“I’m pretty sure you couldn’t be anyone but yourself, Zim,” Dib answered. He made a soft humming sound, then pat the offered lekku with a finger, careful, delicate, and utterly hesitant. “...Yeah, Zim, sure. Anyway, eat up, alright? I think some of your problems have been not eating enough. I mean, I’ve noticed you prefer sugary sweets. And… it looks like you need more of that.” 

“Paks take energy,” Zim answered, patting the lekku against Dib. He hadn’t really meant for the human to touch it like that, but he should have. Humans had a  _ thing _ about touching, touching  _ everything _ . It did help to suggest that Dib was being truthful, at least, though Zim wasn’t sure  _ why _ . “Zim still plans to dominate Earth…”

Dib snorted. “Yeah, yeah, Zim,” he said, before smiling a little. Zim could hear it. “Anyway, you should eat more sweets. And carbs, too, I’m betting.” He pulled his hand away after a moment more, and Zim felt him disconnect from the pak, the wires pulling in and the entire top closing back up automatically- which hadn’t happened in ages. 

Having the vital machinery sealed away again brought another rush of relief- that it had been automatic was even better. “The workspace connects to my base. You should see what we usually eat…” Zim answered, chuckling weakly. Dib was right- carbs and sweets really were most of what Irken ate. He  _ did _ eat more, and with a good reason behind him, Zim didn’t feel weird, or bad, about basically giving Dib access to everything. The human had already  _ had _ said access, of course, but now it was  _ given _ .

“I saw the waffle fiasco when we were kids,” Dib answered with a soft sigh. There was movement and then his warmth was gone. Zim barely caught sight of him slipping into the hall. The closet door there opened, and Dib rifled around before pulling out small packets from a high shelf. Returning, he started squeezing, snapping, and shaking the packets. Passing one to Zim, it was shockingly hot in his freezing hands, through his gloves. “Don’t puncture them.” 

“I made  _ waffles _ ! I wanna make  _ more _ waffles…” Gir broke in, sitting on the far edge of the couch and  _ obscenely _ happy. Zim didn’t think he wanted to know why Gir was so happy.

“You can make waffles later, Gir,” Zim promised tiredly, curling around the hot packet. “...Gir did good,” he added, because it made Gir happy, and that made him more likely to  _ try _ in the future, if Dib wasn’t available, or something. “...Zim was not a kid then. There is a reason Zim knows all this.”

“Fine. When I was a kid and you were… shorter,” Dib corrected himself. “Hey, You should sleep in bed, not here, on the floor. We can wrap the winter blanket around you, okay?” He shifted, then pursed his lips. “Actually, let’s see if you’re as light as you look, space boy.” Zim didn’t have a chance to actually figure out what he was meaning before Dib picked him up, still wrapped. 

Zim squawked, but all attempts to clutch at Dib left him simply clinging to the blanket, and Zim was afraid of falling if he tried too hard. “This is not how one should treat their future emperor!” Zim snapped instead, once he realized he was actually secure. And of course, as small as this place was, Dib only had to carry him a few steps. “Zim demands respect,” the Irken grumbled, though he really wasn’t very unhappy with his position.

Giving an unimpressed snort, Dib got him to the beds, frowning a little when he got there. “Uh huh. Well future emperor, or whatever, you get the bottom bunk for a while. I don’t want to drop you trying to get you up around there.” He bent, putting Zim down, then shifted and pulled back. “Just don’t get too many crumbs in my blanket, alright?” The reason for the comment proved to be that he retrieved the goodies. 

“Ugh. Human-stink. How is Zim supposed to sleep in that?” Zim asked, though he snuggled down just fine. “Dib is… not terrible at clean, though,” he admitted, because it occurred to him that Dib  _ might _ change his mind about helping. There was no reason for him to help, after all, so there wasn’t very much reason for him not to change his mind. Zim peeped, an utterly embarrassing noise, and his hand shot out to catch Dib. He couldn’t say anything, though, and just lay there looking at Dib.

Dib blinked at him, then kicked off his shoes and sat on the bed, moving to lean against the wall. It gave Zim a nice place to put his head, even if he’d never admit it. “You must be pretty out of it to want me around,” Dib commented softly. But he didn’t seem to actually mind, in turn, and he let his head rest against the wall just fine. 

“Glitches hurt,” Zim agreed, though that really wasn’t what he  _ wanted _ to say. He wondered, a little, if this was a pak-dream- or a death-dream more likely, since he’d  _ had _ pak-dreams, and they usually weren’t this coherent. Either way, he’d find out in the morning, Zim was sure. So, maybe, he could save any embarrassing questions for then? Yeah, that sounded good. “...What… does Dib want Zim as?”

“Shit, I forgot the tylenol,” Dib said. A second later and the bottle went sailing across the room from Gir, and he just barely caught it. Opening the bottle, he checked the pills, then passed two to Zim. “What are you talking about?” he asked as Zim took them, chewing them thoughtfully. 

“Before. You said you didn’t want me as an enemy,” Zim answered, after swallowing. The pills worked fast- faster on him than on humans, and the main side effect was that it made him a bit numb, but that had been really nice when his entire body hurt. He also wasn’t sure if Dib even remembered the conversation, but with how Zim was feeling, that could be dealt with later.

Dib shrugged. “I don’t know. I say a lot of things that you usually ignore.” He closed his eyes, though he opened them again a second later, just for a moment, to  _ look _ at Zim. “Go to sleep, Zim. When you’re feeling better it’ll be back to my planned destruction.” 

Zim stared back at Dib, before giving a little huff and shaking his head. Of course silly Dib didn't realize that Zim  _ couldn't  _ destroy him now. Not until Dib finished helping him, at the  _ very _ least- and Zim was already fairly sure not even after that.

“Go on, go to sleep,” Dib said. “...I will guard, alright?” He nudged Zim, letting a hand rest near the Irken’s arm and shoulder. “Besides, it sounds like Gir is entertaining himself. Safely.” 

“Amazing. Dib needs sleep too,” Zim murmured, before sighing a little and letting sleep find him. In the morning, he'd know if this were a dream.

It wasn't a dream, in the morning. Zim woke up in too many blankets, in Dib’s bed, and with Gir looking at him with big eyes. Zim sighed a little, sitting up and shedding the blankets, before grabbing some of the remaining snack bags. Munching on them, he went out to find Dib- unless it was late enough that the other was in class.


	5. Closer

Things moved on, or at least, as much as they ever could. Dib was truthful about helping him, and did another series of code fixes, leaving only a few, right before midterms. That was something Zim found fascinating, as the Dib made it a point to study more for the stupid tests. 

At least there was a bit of off time after. Zim wouldn't and couldn't begin to know why humans had it as such, but it was a boon anyway. In the little break, there wasn’t much to do- none of their classmates wanted to spend any time with them, Zim didn’t expect them to, or want to, and he wasn’t surprised when Dib seemed to feel the same way.

“Dib  _ knows _ those tests mean nothing,” Zim muttered, from his seat at the restaurant they were eating at. Fries were good, and their fried desserts, and Gir would enjoy the small fried meats. Zim had tried one or two, because some protein was good, but overall, the fries and desserts were best. “Useless and stupid…” And he hadn’t enjoyed them at all- and he had only taken some of them! Zim had already done the math, and knew what he could skip and had to do to pass the classes- though he wasn’t sure if he even cared about that.

Dib rolled his eyes, then leaned back in his seat. “So you’ve said at least a dozen times a day this past week, Zim,” he said. “I don’t even know why you’re trying to  _ go _ to the classes anyway. You don’t have to.” He popped a fry in his mouth, then huffed at Zim. 

“Humans must not think they are better than  _ me, _ Zim!” Zim answered, smirking a little. That wasn’t the reason, and they both knew it. “Something exhausted Dib here. I still have not found what. Classes hold the secret, Zim  _ knows _ this!” Even that was only partially true, but it was as much as Dib was going to get.

“That’s because whatever you think is wrong with me doesn’t exist, and there isn’t anything to find,” Dib answered with a quiet sound of frustration. No matter how many times he claimed that, Zim didn’t believe it- and why should he, when it was so obviously incorrect and its own lie? The human was so subdued, and his claims of uncaring were slowly getting annoying. 

“You know my secret. Zim would not- will not- tell Dib’s same secret,” the Irken pointed out, because really, there were some lines one didn’t cross. And they weren’t on Irk anyway. And things were really, really complicated, yes, but the point still remained. Huffing, Zim grabbed a handful of fries and shoved them in his mouth.

It seemed to startle Dib, though he smoothed himself through it easily enough. “That’s nice, Zim, but there isn’t any secret to tell, and there’s still nothing wrong with me. I mean it.” He shook his head, then took a sip of his drink, before taking another fry. “We can take something for Gir. What do you think?” It was a subtle change of the topic. Zim was getting better at noticing when the Dib did that, likely thanks to his fixes. 

“Take more to Gir?” Zim asked, motioning at the fried meat. It was a calling out, but he shrugged a moment later. “A shake, maybe? Or one of the coffees.” He still didn’t want to press Dib too hard, and public wasn’t a place for confessions anyway. “And a toy!” The toys were pathetic, for the human worm-children, and it… wasn’t really surprising that Gir liked them.

“A kids meal and coffee. Someone around here is going to think I’m the worst parent ever,” Dib commented with a sigh. He stood, dumping the rest of his fries into Zim’s sleeve of them, then went to get in line for the mentioned Gir-food. 

Zim didn’t really care, because it was Dib’s choice to go- and why were the toys  _ only _ for children? That didn’t really make sense- like most of humanity. Zim ate the fries and finished off his lemon soda, and was standing by Dib’s side by the time Gir’s food was delivered. The human snatched the offered bag, and the frozen coffee drink, before moving towards the door. 

“Well. A whole week of no classes. Are you going to go back to your hidden base for a while?” Dib asked. 

“...Zim should. I’ve checked the cameras. Everything should be fine, though- Tak is too smart to attempt anything…” Zim said, shrugging. “But what will Dib do?” He didn’t  _ need _ to go back to his base, though it would be a good idea. Zim still thought the real information was here, though- and, maybe, he worried about what Dib might do without him. The human still might change his mind, or something!

Dib shrugged. “Hang out, find a good book or something, maybe get ahead in a few of my classes. Basically, I’ll just do the normal shit that I did before.” He nudged Zim with an arm as they made their way in and the meal was dropped on Gir’s laughing head. The drink followed, more carefully placed, and the human hummed quietly. “Come on, Zim, aren’t you taking this supposed ‘worry’ thing too far?” 

Dib… really didn’t seem to understand anything. Zim looked at Dib, watching him while removing his disguise and rubbing his eyes a little, then shrugging. “Zim is not supposed to worry? Or Irkens not supposed to worry?” he asked, poking again. Leaving would be sensible, though- what if the evils of this skool were working on him and he didn’t even notice, Zim thought, shivering. That was a horrible thought! And probably why he shouldn’t have come here.

“I’m pretty sure the answer there is ‘either’?” Dib answered. He took his coat off and flopped into the couch next to Gir. “Really. I’m not going to do much. Anyway, it’s not like I’m going to go back and visit dad or Gaz, not to mention I wouldn’t want to.” Stealing the remote from Gir, he wiped it on the latest Gir-rag before clicking the channels. 

“No, of course you wouldn’t want to,” Zim agreed, shrugging. “...Gir should stay with Dib. Then Zim can still gather data on you. See what  _ horrible _ things might happen while I’m gone.” And Gir was immune- Zim was  _ sure _ of that. Gir was  _ Gir _ , even if someone  _ tried _ to drain his energy and passion… Zim gave a dark little chuckle at the concept.

The human rolled his eyes, then glanced at Zim. “What data?” he asked. “I’m telling you, there’s nothing to collect data on. You’re wasting time. ...Not that you don’t have pretty much endless time, you menace.” Half of the joke fell flat, the other half was amused. “Not to mention that it’s Gir. You’ll probably get updates about how many tacos I’ve eaten.” 

“There is  _ always _ data to be collected!” Zim declared, before laughing ruefully. “Just do not let Gir force-feed too many tacos. He likes Dib, though…”

“I like tacos! But Dib would asplody with too many. I don’t think Dib  _ wants _ to go boom. ...Why don’t you want to go BOOM, Dib?” Gir agreed, chewing on the cardboard from his meal, which was carefully sitting on the table.

Dib looked down at him, then raised a brow. “If I explode that would make a mess,” he answered. “Your question reminds me of all the times Gaz said I should play with C4 or play in traffic, though.” He smiled a little, then shrugged and glanced at Zim. “Data is useless without variables.”

Zim looked at Gir in confusion, then looked up at Dib. “Gir is nothing like your hideous scary meat-sister. Gir is highly dangerous Irken technology!” A giggle drew his attention back to Gir, who was currently squeezing the kid’s toy- something soft and plushy. Dib didn’t even have to talk- Zim could  _ feel _ the look. “...Malfunctioning dangerous Irken technology…” Zim amended, sighing.

“True. Gir would be a sibling with less homicidal rage, at least.” Dib stood to retrieve a drink from the kitchenette, sitting back down with it, and giving an exasperated soft expression as Gir giggled and swallowed the rest of the cardboard. 

“Gir is nothing like a human  _ sibling _ !” Zim said, only to pause, frowning again. “Is he?” There was no way for Zim to know, of course, short of asking Dib, which he hadn’t even considered doing before.

Cocking his head to the side, Dib shrugged. “Well. Maybe he’s closer to a puppy that ate a lot of lead paint, but I was just meaning the casual confusion about why exploding wouldn’t be pleasant. Not to say that Gaz is confused by it. I think she’d be utterly delighted if I exploded.” He blinked, a second later. “Do Irkens have siblings? Human siblings are… um. Interesting.” 

Zim shook his head, and couldn’t quite keep from making a face. “Irkens have no family. Irkens… need no family.” The second statement wasn’t as strong as he wanted it to be, and Zim was pretty sure that was one of the deep causes of the glitches- though thinking that didn’t seem quite right. “Irken have friends. Dib has seen the Tallest…” And they were  _ certainly _ friends, by Irken standards.

“Fair,” Dib said. He wasn’t really watching the television, turning to look at Zim. There was a flash of curiosity, something of the old Dib-stink that he knew and  _ wanted back _ . “Yeah. No offense, Zim, but I think your leaders are assholes. That they were friendly to each other doesn’t help that. ...But… well. No family structures?” 

“Dib thinks all Irken are jerks,” Zim pointed out, chuckling a little. He had simply meant to present them as proof of Irken friendships- Zim wasn’t sure, himself, about his feelings about those two particular Tallest. “No family. Little smeet are tested and coded for works, then sent to training. ...Zim’s creation may be saved in my pak. I’m… not sure.” It wasn’t something he’d considered for ages.

Looking at him again, Dib raised a brow. “That’s not true,” he said. “I don’t think that Tak is a jerk. I think Tak is a bitch.” The curiosity continued as the human turned. “You’re just… created? And then sent off to do whatever it is they say you should?” He frowned, shifting, and looked concerned. “You’re not sure? I know it has all of… you. But… is it supposed to save you like that?”

“Tested! Then sent off. Did Dib-stink not hear that?” Zim answered, with almost a smile. “Most decantings are recorded. Zim… hasn’t checked.” It was good to see that curiosity in Dib again, and Zim couldn’t help but feed that curiosity, reward it. “...And paks don’t have  _ all _ of us. Just memories, and… and things…” Zim frowned a little, then shrugged. It wasn’t like he could stop using it somehow. “Does Dib want to see?”

Just like that, the curiosity vanished, slipping away like the stupid and disgusting fine sand grains that this stupid planet had. “No,” Dib said. “I’ve been in the coding of your pak enough to know it would be weird and wrong.” 

Zim could feel his lekku droop, but he threw out one more jab. “It’s not wrong! Did you think perfect beings like Zim were made the gross, nasty  _ human _ way? We are  _ clean _ !” There was no resurgence of curiosity, or anger- Zim was actually pretty sure that he saw Dib flinch, and that silenced him again.

“Sorry,” Dib said. “I… meant that it would be wrong to go digging around your pak when not needed, for that.” He turned back around, looking at the tv. “Not to mention I'm certain it's taboo, right? Why would you want me to see?” 

“It’s not taboo. Or wrong, with permission,” Zim answered. He didn’t bother explaining that letting an  _ alien _ in there was more taboo than anything else- because that was done and over, and letting Dib know now wouldn’t help things. And Zim  _ liked _ the help. “Zim… thought you were curious. You always… wanted to know more about Irkens…” Only he didn’t now, and Zim didn’t  _ understand _ .

“Sure I did. I also wanted to know everything out there, as much as I could. And I wanted people to know that there was other life out there.” Dib shrugged. “But you and Tak made it clear that it wasn't something any of us should know. Besides. What good will it do when you take over?” 

“...They will know who they serve, when I am their ruler. And they shall know  _ what _ I am, for the glory of the Irken Empire!” Zim said, before pausing, smiling, and very nearly moving closer to Dib. “And they will know that Dib was right. Humanity shall rue the days they ignored you! Oh, how they shall rue it, knowing their days of freedom may have been lengthened had they only listened!”

Girl cackled and shrieked, laughing apropo of nothing, as usual. “Zim, I hate- well, actually, I quite enjoy bursting your bubble, at times- but I think you’re giving humans too much credit. You say that like they’ll remember my screaming when I was a kid, or care. ...Can’t believe I just accused you of giving humans too much credit.” Dib half turned, enough that he could see Zim, but was still off. 

“Zim will remind them!” the Irken answered, shrugging. His grin turned sharper as he added, “Or… Dib could remind them. It’s been done before…” Standing with a disgusting, pathetic human- oh, but Dib wasn’t like them, not really. Dib  _ saw _ him, after all.

That lead to another brow raise, and then Dib got up again, washing his cup in the sink- the Irken was quite pleased that that training was settling in well- and shaking his head at Zim. “Now you’re just teasing me,” he said, shaking his head at Zim. A second later, and worry crossed his face and he was walking closer to Zim, looking him over. “Hey. You’re not talking weird because I messed something up in your pak, right? Or from a glitch?” 

“You said you didn’t want to be my enemy,” Zim answered. His pak wasn’t glitching, for once, or messed up any more than usual, either. “...Zim can  _ think _ . Anger isn’t an explosion, hurt does not encompass everything…” He still felt,  _ of course _ , but small things weren’t nearly so likely to send him off the handle, one of the first things he’d noticed- and Dib had noticed it too, Zim knew, so it wasn’t like this was any grand revelation.

“Yeah, I don’t want to be your enemy. That doesn’t mean I expect anything from anyone, Zim- you’re included in that.” Dib sighed, then seemed to realize how close he’d gotten, retreating back. “It’s like I told you, you jerk. You’re the closest thing to a friend I have- and probably ever will have.” He looked Zim up and down, concern fading. “But… I’m glad you’re doing better.” 

“I’m your friend too!” Gir enthusiastically interrupted, whirling his toy at Dib. “You’re my second bestest friend!”

Zim was honestly grateful for the interruption, though he scowled at Gir anyway. It was better than thinking too much about Dib’s words, anyway. “...I’m glad to be doing better. And before you ask, I! am the first one, and the squirrel and the moose and… Gir! Is the gnome still a friend?” Gir nodded energetically, and Zim shrugged, because that really did say everything.

The look Dib shot him in return said everything back just as well. Still, when Gir started to pout and had just as obvious expectations, he sighed. “Sure, Gir. I’m sorry. You’re my friend, too.” While Gir shrieked with joy and started to dance on the couch, Dib rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “ _ Both _ of you are menaces,” he muttered, before retreating, once more having pushed a change in conversation. 

“That is the  _ entire point _ of Invaders and SIR units,” Zim grumbled back, looking away to hide a smile. He thought, maybe, he’d reclaimed some of the ground he’d weirdly lost, and a happy Gir was almost always better than a sad or bored one. A content Dib was something that Zim was still weighing, but so far it was… not bad. And Dib could be trained. “Zim will come back in a week.” And with that, Zim went to pack, though there really wasn’t anything he  _ needed _ to bring back.


	6. Caffeine X

But by the end of the week, Zim found himself missing the stupid Dib’s presence as much as Gir’s. And the stupid Dib didn’t do well hiding that he was glad for Zim’s return. Of course he was happy for it, he  _ should _ be! It  _ was _ strange, though. The human looked slightly nervous. He even rubbed the back of his neck with a hand, drawing attention to a few fresh bandages. “Ah. Gir, and chocolate, and- I may have… prodded.” 

“He made my head float less!” Gir supplied, happily. “And now I remember the dancing better, Master!” 

“Oh yay. You remember more dancing,” Zim said, as flatly as he could manage. Gir didn’t seem to notice, bouncing forward to dig through the things Zim had brought back- mostly things to tinker with. “...Prodding is fine. It’s not like he can get any  _ worse _ , and… you’re Dib.” And Dib knew what he was doing more than a human should. Dib also wasn’t going to lock Gir into duty-mode like Zim had tried, so there really wasn’t a worry. “How does that explain your bandages? Did you get any  _ filthy _ human blood in my SIR unit?”

At least Dib managed to look insulted. He shook his head, letting out a soft huffing sound. “No, no. I just scraped my hand while trying to tighten a few of his bolts at the time. I didn’t even realize I was bleeding at first.” He gave a small half-smile. “I, uh, I do wonder if someone made his AI half out of some random shit found at the bottom of a computer, though…” 

“...And pocket lint,” Zim admitted, with a little sigh. “Zim's base is unharmed. And Tak is none the wiser. Did Dib keep Gir entertained? Nothing is exploded…” That answered the question, of course, but it also asked the real one. “And there is very little  _ filth _ for me to clean…” Zim didn't hide his approval of that, and it had been one of his fears.

“That's good,” Dib said, nodding. “And, yeah. I ended up taking him to some freebee thing for students- hence, chocolate.” He tried to smile, and he couldn't hide how pleased he was with the compliments, as far as they could be taken. “And I did clean up, you know.” 

“Yes,” Zim agreed, softly. “You cleaned up. I've  _ seen _ you cleaning up.” If the man was, maybe, or might become, an ally, Zim knew that he would have to be friendlier, and it was… surprisingly not hard. At least it didn't seem to extend to other humans, or humanity as a whole. From all sides, he was surrounded by idiots and morons and gross germ factories.

There was a little pride that popped up from Dib, and he smiled. They were interrupted by Gir’s cackles and shrieks, and Dib sighed. “Well, there's one more day, and it's not early, but I uh, I found a place I want to take you to. If you want.” The human gave an embarrassed smile, lifting his arm with Gir hanging off of it. 

“You… want to take Zim somewhere? I would… like to go. Where does Dib want to take me?” Zim poked Gir, making him swing a little. It was cute, nice, seeing Dib interact with Gir, as much as every other Irken would disapprove. Zim didn’t care about that- he was better than them, so who cared?

“It’s a sweets shop,” Dib answered, Gir laughing and climbing up to ride on Dib’s back. “It’s open all night, and I’m pretty sure they use sugar by the ton.” He grinned a little and grabbed for his coat. “...And I thought you might like it.”

Zim smiled softly, then nodded. “That sounds… that sounds acceptable.” And it was strange that Dib had so enthusiastically taken into account Zim’s tastes, or needs, as though they  _ hadn’t _ tried to kill each other when they were younger.  _ He _ hadn’t done the same, and something like guilt bothered Zim, making him frown.

Luckily, Dib didn’t notice, grabbing Gir and pulling him off of his back so that he could put his coat on. Immediately Gir giggled and climbed him again, though Dib didn’t seem to care. “Yeah, I think you’ll like it. I found it when I had to drag Gir away from a nest of squirrels.” 

“There were hairless babies!” Gir announced, before using Dib as a launching pad and scooping up his costume.

“Heh. You found Gir helpful, then,” Zim said, pleased by that, at least, if not happy about learning anything more about squirrels. He brightened again, and pulled out a handful of human monies he’d brought back, handing them to Dib.

Dib shook his head. “Nah. This is my treat for you.” He carefully pushed Zim’s fistful back at him. “Besides, I think you’ll like it enough that you’ll want to go back often enough.” He gave another grin, then started leading Zim, the latter locking the door behind them. It was a fairly long walk, and Zim was starting to wonder if they were actually going anywhere, before they arrived at a shop where he could  _ smell _ the sweetness from outside. 

That didn’t change the fact that Zim owed Dib monies for other things, but Zim easily decided to deal with that later. The smell of the shop made that  _ easy _ , and Zim ran ahead, pressing against the window and making an assortment of sounds from desire. There were ridiculous concoctions in the windows, towers of ice cream and cookies and sprinkles and… It was almost horrifying, and Zim  _ wanted _ .

“Why do I get the feeling that if you take over, this place isn’t going to change much?” Dib asked teasingly, walking around Zim and opening the door. “Come on, Zim. They have cake donuts, too.” He grinned a little wider, quite pleased, it seemed. Zim hurried over, slipping into the still bustling store and over to the menu to look at all of the things he could get. 

“What do you mean, ‘if’ Zim takes over?” Zim asked idly, not really thinking about what he was saying, not really. It was just an automatic defense, and teasing. Cake donuts and ice cream and unholy amounts of frosting, and… “The Tallest would love this. But this is Zim and Dib’s secret!” Zim cackled, before actually focusing enough to make some selections.

Dib rolled his eyes, but it was fond. “When, then,” he said, before chuckling. He was amused, and Zim could hear it as he shifted and looked at the board, himself. “Sure, Zim, our secret,” he added, laughing quietly. “So. What do you want?” 

“The donut ice cream cookie. With syrup and sprinkles!” Zim answered. “Chocolate chip cookies, banana ice cream, and birthday cake donut. ...Are birthday cakes… actually like that at all?” He’d never had one, of course, and there were plenty of sweets otherwise. “And a cinnamon cone for Gir?”

“Alright. And what type of syrup? There’s fudge, chocolate, caramel, butterscotch, strawberry, pineapple, marshmallow, or cherry.” Dib waited for him to point to the marshmallow one- he’d not had that, actually, before- and then moved forward to order for them. Zim’s concoction, then Gir’s cone, and then a creme cake donut that Zim assumed was his. Then he answered. “Traditional birthday cakes are like that. I mean, vanilla cake, with vanilla frosting and sprinkles. But any cake can be a birthday cake if it’s given to someone for their birthday.” 

“... When… is Dib’s birthday? Zim’s… well, Irken years are a little shorter than Earth. But since birthdays aren’t important to us, I’m okay with the longer years. I’d still need to do math for mine. ...And Gir’s…” He added that because he could just  _ see _ Gir starting to droop, and it was so very much not worth it. Still thinking, Zim watched them start in on his treat, making happy little sounds.

Moving to a table for them to sit and wait, Dib shrugged. “You know- I actually don’t know. I mean, we never really celebrated for me.” Zim was pretty sure there was a lie in there, though he didn’t have much of a chance to really think about it. “But that’s okay. It doesn’t matter to me.” He pat Gir, then gave a little grin. “Gir’s could be waffle day, or something absurd like that.” 

“Lies!” Zim snapped, just to again point out he’d noticed, but nodded. “Waffle day would be appropriate. Or pie day, Zim has heard of that.” Gir  _ was _ the one who would care most about a ‘birthday’, and it might be entertaining. 

Dib ignored the outburst, humming and shaking his head. “Pie day would work. It’s both for math, and sweets, so that makes sense.” The counter called for Dib’s name and he stood to retrieve their tray before returning. Pushing Zim’s concoction towards him, he followed with Gir’s- thankfully in a cup, too. 

“...Maybe I should make Gir look like a child…” Zim considered, watching the SIR unit attack the ice cream. No-one seemed surprised, but he knew dogs usually didn’t eat ice cream. And Dib  _ had _ compared him to a human child. “Or switch, that’s an option too…” That might be the best option, and Zim smiled happily at the thought before beginning to eat his treat.

“If anything, switch, I think,” Dib said. “People haven’t noticed anything before, so it makes sense to think that they wouldn’t notice, now.” He took a bite of his own sweet, giving a wry grin at Zim. The Irken didn’t notice at first, delighted in eating his. It was  _ so good _ . Humans could do  _ some _ things well, and this was apparently one of them! “Glad you’re enjoying it.” 

“Zim will work on that back at the dorm,” he declared, between bites of ice cream. “When I take over, Earth will be Icecreamia! Or maybe Cookia. Dessertia!” Zim grinned widely, only to frown a little. That still sounded so much like his Foodcourtia days, and Zim didn’t like that. Maybe he should actually ask Dib to change that programming- only what  _ to _ ? Zim didn’t know…

“I like waffle cones!” Gir said, eating said cone, which had topped his bowl of ice cream.

Dib snorted, taking another bite and then patting Gir when the SIR unit started rolling back and forth on the near bench, slurping his ice cream. “How about Dessert Earth. Keeps the name, adds a modifier. Easy.” His words were teasing, and he didn’t believe it at all. 

“Doesn’t follow convencion,” Zim answered, letting the teasing go. “...Desserted Earth? It’s a pun  _ no one _ would expect!” He gave a short cackle, watching Dib eat before having more of his own. Gir was still giggling to himself, but was surprisingly not making  _ that _ much of a mess, and it was far from the weirdest thing Zim had seen happen in stores on Earth.

“Sure, Zim,” Dib agreed, laughing. Zim gave him a warning glare, but his dessert was already more than halfway gone, as delicious as it was. But it was nice, and the shop was warm and cozy, despite that it was getting to be quite dark out. The entire thing was downright friendly, and as strange as that was, Zim liked it. 

It was… a nice little way to spend time. Zim wondered if this was what the filthy humans would call ‘familial’, and was pretty sure he’d spent too much time here. He didn’t bring it up, and was quiet on the way back, weirdly content to be near Dib. He  _ did _ send Gir back to the main base to pick up the things needed to make a new disguise for the SIR unit, and planned to work a little on his own as well, or something.

He did, skipping more classes and, if he were being honest, growing closer to Dib. It was easier with the excuse of his glitches, but even when they gave minor flares again, and then were taken care of, he found it easy to simply still follow through. The problem was that the  _ Dib _ wasn’t honest, despite the flares of his old self that popped up every so often. Still, he was friendly, and smiled more, and let Zim fix his clothing with nary a peep. 

And then finals hit, and Dib was the picture of falling over himself again. “Hey, you have needles from your science experiments, right?” he asked Zim when getting home near the end one day. “Think we can just give me a caffeine injection right to my heart?” 

“Dib is not in cardiac arrest. And I have no desire to cause that,” Zim answered, frowning. “Mm… Give Zim a day.” Something that wasn’t as lethal to humans, something to wake him up and help… Zim cackled as he started writing down notes. Gir was busing learning how to knit, which probably shouldn’t involve eating yarn, but it did mean that Zim’s pen was covered in a little cozy. “This is why humans are so  _ foolish _ . Batteries are a wonderful thing…” And  _ that _ was an idea for another day entirely.

“Yeah,  _ that’s _ the foolish part. Not the everything else, it’s the lack of batteries.” Dib let his bag drop to the ground with a loud thunk of a sound, flopping over the back of the couch and yanking his boots off, before sprawling there. “It’s supposed to snow again tomorrow, heavy, all day, so Jackson is canceling her last class ahead of time. Yay.” 

“Time to work, then,” Zim said, satisfied. He didn’t stop with his notes, until they were done, and then went to put away Dib’s outer things. “I do not like snow,” he grumbled, using the pak-legs to touch the wet clothing. Snow was no more pure than rain, and it was terrifying that everyone was so  _ okay _ with it. “Batteries would be a start, anyway.”

Dib huffed, sitting up a little, watching Zim carefully. “You could just let me take care of that stuff, you know. I won’t get burned by the pollutants even through gloves, Zim.” He sighed as Zim glared at him, then shook his head, sitting up more. 

“You say that like the legs aren’t natural,” Zim said, giving Dib a look. “Zim does not  _ fear _ snow. Zim simply does not like it. And Dib is tired.” And they had been  _ doing _ things like that, little things that made the others’ life easier. It was weird, but Zim didn’t find what he was doing to be overly taxing. Once the clothing was put away, Zim went to his workstation, programming something into the base’s computer, referring to his notes now and then.

“I say that like I worry about your ass getting burnt,” Dib ‘corrected’ firmly. Still, he flopped back down with a groan as Gir leapt onto him and giggled. “Thank you, though.” He yawned, before stretching and lifting Gir off of him, onto the couch backing. “How much left are you going to do, Zim? I have a final and final project, but that’s it.” 

“Ah… Jackson canceled, Jones is optional… I have a project on the possibilities of extraterrestrial life.” Zim cackled, and motioned towards the poster. “Dib can look. But that’s all.” Finishing his programming, he walked back over, frowning a little at Dib. “Why are you doing this? I’m doing it for entertainment…” But Dib wasn’t, and he’d never really answered that question.

Looking up at him, Dib shook his head. “This again? Because dad’s paying for it,” he said. “And I can get my degree.” But that wasn’t much of an answer, and he sat up, slipping around Zim to look at said poster. “Funny,” he said, trying to change the topic. “Really. I notice you’re using some… interesting sources. You’d be better off with dad’s paper from Master Science weekly. Ah. Four years back, August.” 

“If I wanted to  _ agree _ with him,” Zim answered, looking at the poster himself. “Hm. But show him up with calculations… Zim will look at this paper.” He’d already promised to make humans rue their foolish blindness, and dismantling Membrane’s work was fun. He didn’t expect a good grade- and Zim could tell that was one of the glitch fixes, because furry didn’t rise as he considered it. “What will you do with a degree?”

“You’re not supposed to draw attention to yourself,” Dib said. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just agree with him?” He gave a low sigh at the look that Zim gave him. The Dib was being silly- and Zim didn’t have any worries about any of it. “And, I don’t know, Zim. I haven’t thought that far ahead.” 

“Zim is not here for easy! Zim is an Invader!” Zim answered, lekku raising proudly. “...Dib can… work with Zim. Become one of Desserted Earth’s unquestioned rulers! Invaders get to keep the planets they conquer, if they want them…” Not that that always worked out as well as it sounded, but Zim wasn’t the least bit concerned about that here. “All races would come a great distances for desserts, as long as humans can stop being so- ...well. Most races wouldn’t care how gross it is…” Zim shivered, arms wrapping around himself.

Dib put a hand on his shoulder, a friendly reminder that he wasn’t on Foodcortia, and he wasn’t going to be going back. Ever. “I don’t think that’ll work out, but thanks, Zim,” the human said, shaking his head and patting Zim again, worried, but, thankfully, letting it drop. “I’m going to shower, okay? Wanna order pizza when I’m done?” 

Zim actually didn’t want to, but he nodded anyway. He had learned how to sop up the grease, and Dib would make sure Gir was clean before any more pizza-grease-face accidents happened. Once Dib had gathered his clothing and vanished into the shower, Zim put in the order, and he didn’t think about how he knew what pizza toppings Dib liked. He also checked on the solution he was remote synthesizing, smiling when everything seemed on track.

Pizza went better than usual, with Dib babysitting Gir during it, and letting the robot sleep on his lap while he started to study. When the human, finally, went to bed, Zim sent Gir out to pick up his finished compound, and it was ready when the Dib wandered into the living room the next morning, holding his phone. “Did you get the campus alert this morning?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Zim answered, pointing to Gir, who was giggling and babbling about all the classes and cancellations, and calling people back. “...So, Dib probably doesn’t need  _ this _ ,” he added, flashing the little bottle. “Because you can just stay in here and… do whatever… not working things…” Even his confusion didn’t stop Zim’s sharp grin, or the happy perk of his lekku.

“What is it?” Dib asked, walking over and looking at the bottle. He caught on a second later, and raised a brow. “I was joking, you know. I’m guessing it’s caffeine? Or something close? I mean, hm...” Trailing off, he ran a hand through his hair. “Would it even work?” 

“Caffeine and glucose and other things. No good for injecting in the heart, but otherwise…” Zim shook it a little, letting the glass catch in the light. “And safe! Safe for Dib. ...Unless your genetic makeup changed in the last year.” He’d had almost a frightening amount of Dib-samples, after all, and this would be entirely counterproductive if he simply killed the human, who was almost not stinky now, even!

Dib snorted. “No, it should still be the same,” he said. “...Well. Let’s try it, I guess. Worst case, I die and don’t have to worry about finals  _ or _ my last semester, and you can have a cadaver to play with.” He rolled up his sleeve, only to pause after a moment and grab for a notebook, writing the time and date inside, along with other notes. 

“...Zim does not need a new cadaver. And I  _ tested _ this. It is Dib-safe!” Which… “Well.  _ Maybe _ you have a reason to not entirely trust me,” Zim added, because they  _ had _ tried to kill enough quite enthusiastically. He took more care with this injection than with others he had delivered, on others- but it was still mostly a case of jabbing at Dib with a needle that had only a little of the concoction. “Point two cc’s,” he informed Dib, since the human seemed to be taking notes.

Writing it down, Dib glanced at Zim, then refused to look at him. “I trust you, completely,” he said. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t try this. No matter the precautions, experiments can always fuck up along the way, though.” Zim didn’t like that, or the way Dib said it. Then he remembered Peepi, and was side tracked as the human shivered and started to move. 

Zim  _ wanted _ to ask Dib  _ why _ he trusted Zim- it didn’t make much sense, given their history. Zim’s own reason for trusting Dib at all was simple- the human had had chances to utterly destroy him, or expose him, for  _ real _ , and he hadn’t. Dib… didn’t have anything like that, as far as Zim knew. Still, the Irken didn’t ask, just watching Dib, and taking his own notes. He had seen Dib after taking caffeine, and the results should be similar, just more effective- and hopefully the glucose would help offset exhaustion, though it was already looking like Dib was going to need some candy.

The longer lasting nature of the chemical meant that it was easier for, well, longer studies. Really, it should have taken three times as long for the Dib to choose his project, and complete it. But the human started the work rapidly, and completed his power point without breaks- though he snacked a  _ lot _ and Zim thought it was kind of cute to actually see him excited in some capacity, that energy, if only for a while. It just wasn’t so fun that Gir was having his own great time. 

Zim felt like a human  _ baby _ sitter- not a smeet caretaker, smeets were better behaved, usually. Now he was running back and forth, keeping Dib in snacks and drinks, and Gir from destroying anything, and trying to take notes on any of this in the downtime. Next time, he thought, catching Gir before the SIR unit could grab the fanblade, he’d only give half this dose. And cut it with something. More saline, maybe…

And then, right in the middle of telling Zim exactly how much he hated Jones’ stupid tests, the human crashed. It was like watching a silly cartoon, but with the added benefit of Dib going face down against Zim on the couch, in that three-seconds of time that Zim sat during his running around. He was torn between being annoyed and fond, and fondness had a far greater advantage. 

He hadn’t, really, had that much time to  _ watch _ Dib, at least not close up and without the human moving around. It was odd now, and Zim shifted Dib so that his body looked to be at a more natural angle. A flash caught his attention, and he looked up to find Gir with Dib’s old camera, somehow, and taking pictures of them. “D’aww. Yous so cyoo-oot!” the SIR unit cooed, before running off, and coming back with a blanket.

Zim couldn’t help but hiss at Gir, though he accepted the blanket easily, and spread it over both of them, before sighing and leaning back. This gave him the chance to do more of that looking, especially as Gir settled down into watching the tv, and he was able to think for a moment. The Dib was relaxed, completely out of it, and after only a moment of debating, Zim touched a hand to the human’s hair, taking the chance to feel it. It was  _ soft _ ! 

Zim continued touching it, playing with the odd, unruly lock that still liked to stand up more than the rest, though not as much as when Dib was a kid. He’d seen Dib using something on his hair to make it stand up, before, and now he was torn about that. Zim had learned a fair bit about hair products, with his wigs, and knew that it would make the hair so much less soft- but at the same time, it was how Dib had looked when he was younger, happier.

And as much as he had learned about wigs, Zim was still entranced by how soft real hair was. It was also really interesting how it went into the skin- like a million really, really small pak-cables, only not as important. Zim explored that, even going so far as to tug a patch of Dib’s hair to watch the skin move.

He gave a soft sigh as Dib moved in his sleep just a little, but then settled down again. It didn’t happen often, but every so often he found himself wanting to have the Dib just a little closer, just a little bit. Right then he wanted Dib to be awake, willing to be there, still, but… the Irken huffed to himself, and turned Dib’s head to examine his ear-flap jewel-ree. 

Poking holes in themselves definitely seemed to be a human obsession. Jewel-ree on ear-flaps, smell-bulbs, tattoos were just more holes, so many holes. It was horrible, disgusting- and Zim was poking the metal sticking from skin, moving it and examining it. It fit through Dib like bolts fit through Gir, a thought that really, really ought to send a shiver through Zim. It was… just interesting, though, and Zim frowned a little at that. “Gir. Has the Dib-silly examined Zim like this?”

Gir giggled and clapped hands together. “Noooooo,” he cackled. “You don’t have earses like the icecream man, Master! But Dibler does watch over master when master isn’t looking! He likeses you sooooo much!” 

“I know I don’t have ears, Gir,” Zim sighed. Really, it shouldn’t be a surprise that Gir had entirely missed the point of the question, and he didn’t feel like asking it again. “What do you  _ mean _ , he likes me? Are you sure he actually fixed you at all?” It was almost  _ certainly _ Gir’s imagination, and Zim refused to admit that the likelihood was… disappointing.

“He maded me betterer!” Gir insisted. “And he  _ does _ like you, Master! He smiles so nice when he lookses, and was sad you weren’t around. And I sees when he gets happy!” He rocked himself back and forth, grinning, and then started to giggle, suddenly. “It’s like on the show with the thing, master. Soooo cute.” 

Zim’s first impulse was to ask  _ which _ show with the thing, but he realized he really didn’t want to know. He could fill in the gaps well enough, enough to know that Gir was wrong- had to be wrong. “...It is… good to know he’s happy sometimes. It’s not like I can do anything when he’s not!” And he was sure Gir saw right through that. Zim sighed, then tried to shift to get more comfortable. Dib was… heavy.

“Aw, Master, I’m sorry. Don’t worry, he does likes you, and I loves you, and we’ll take care of youuuu!” Gir climbed up and over, smashing his cheek against Zim’s, to the Irken’s annoyance. Still, shoving Gir away, the SIR unit giggled, and Zim sighed. 

“I am not  _ worried _ . And I don’t need taken care of. I’m not a dirt worm-baby.” Zim’s grumbling was just that, pro-forma and nothing different than anything he’d ever done. It also didn’t  _ mean _ anything, and Gir knew that, and just giggled harder. He couldn't even  _ do _ anything, without moving Dib off of him, and Zim wasn’t sure if he could manage that.

Giggling again, Gir retrieved the remote, dropping it next to him, before curling up against Dib’s legs in a way that seemed more practiced than Zim thought was possible, or expected. Zim gave one more sigh, then turned the tv to something that was… allowable. If his hand happened to tangle in the softness that was the Dib’s hair, that was separate, and meant nothing. Of course. 

At some point, the stillness and warmth lulled Zim into something like sleep. The television chattered on, and Gir chattered and hummed to himself as well, and it was just… peaceful. Movement woke Zim, and he looked down, not sure what time it was. Dib was moving, shifting and waking himself, and Zim froze, too many thoughts and worries and feelings making themselves known.

“Shhh, icecream man,” Gir whispered. “You’ll wake master!” Dib immediately went still, at least, for a moment. After a second more, he sighed softly, hands carefully shifting to figure out where he was, and then rub at the human’s face. 

Zim sighed, head thudding back against his pak and the couch. “I’m awake, Gir,” Zim said- and the shocking thing was that Dib wasn’t pulling away instantly. “...The balance on the solution could have been better.” Dib deserved to know just why he was faceplanted against Zim, after all.

“Sorry…” Dib answered, before finally sitting up. His glasses were a mess until he righted them, and he blinked at the blanket, and at Zim. “Everything suddenly went sideways and then I was down. ...Best I’ve slept in a long time, though.” 

“...Dib was right. About unexpected things. I will do better next time. ...If Dib wishes a next time.” The concoction was undeniably  _ useful _ , though, and Zim gave a little grin. “Zim should make an ingestible form of this. And sell it. And then I shall have hoards of students to do my bidding, and then I’ll- we’ll- take over the world!” He cackled, a little, and awkwardly started folding the blanket.

“As long as it doesn’t cause an addiction, I’m game to try again,” Dib answered. He shook his head a little, then gave a little smile. “Still, I’m sorry for falling asleep on you, literally. Could you not wake me, or something?” 

Before Zim could answer, Gir kicked his legs. “Master played with yous hair and shineys and let you sleep!” he declared. 

“ _ Gir _ !” Zim yelled, once again chilling in mortification. “Why would you  _ say _ that, Gir?” Zim mourned, frowning, before looking at Dib, fearing what he’d see on the human’s face. “...Dib was warm. And required sleep. Attempting to wake you would be detrimental.”

There was no upset, nothing that said Dib was upset. Red colored his cheeks, though, and he leaned back on the couch, closer to Zim, but not in the Irken’s lap any longer. “...It’s okay. I, ah, I mean, I don’t mind.” Gir drooped, and Zim frowned, until Dib pat his head. 

Zim sighed again, warming as the awkwardness faded. “Irk… sometimes made alliances with others. Like Vort,” he said. “...Not… these Tallest. Ones before them.” He watched Dib, still, not really sure why Dib was closer, but not at all minding it.

“The Vort… that was who gave you those weapons, right? When I tried to trick you with that ass-faced idiot, Dwickey.” Dib let his head flop against the couch, rolling his eyes. “Geez…” He frowned a second later. “Why do you bring that up, anyway?” he asked. “Did they fall asleep near you, too?” 

“No, those were Plookesians,” Zim answered. “I don’t think you’ve ever seen the Vort.” Dib was  _ curious _ , though, and that was amazing to see again. Maybe it was because of the good sleep? “And neither have fallen asleep near Zim!” Zim’s lekku flattened down, before he pat Dib’s hand. “Only Dib has done that. Zim thinks… Zim thinks Dib is a good ally.” He drooped a little, because that wasn’t what he’d planned to say.

“Dib is Masters  _ bestest _ friend!” Gir provided, causing Zim to chill again.

Dib frowned, grabbing the blanket that was half folded and draping it over Zim. “I don’t know what I’ve even seen,” he said, before his face went redder again. “Zim is my bestest friend too,” he admitted to Gir, not looking at Zim, quite. “We’re both bad at this. Terrible, really.” 

Gir cheered and started rolling around, while Zim perked. They really  _ were _ terrible at this, and this was also a horrible idea. And the saddest part was that neither of them really had any other friends- unless Gir counted, which was debatable. “Zim… isn’t exactly cold. ...And bets that Dib isn’t exactly warm, either…” Even though blushing  _ looked _ like warming. Zim did know what blushing meant, of course- that had been easy to figure out.

“I… did kinda figure that out. Kinda. But…” Dib gave a soft sound, rubbing at his face. “It’s no wonder we both were terrible at fighting, too,” he said, before grinning a little, then patting Gir when he got closer again, rolling across the floor. “Are you going to go back again during break, again, by the way?” 

“There are… some things Zim wants to do…” Zim answered, smiling a little, lekku perking a little. “Dib could come too.” He thought a moment, then went ahead and tried, “My… voot cruiser does have room for two. Though not light-speed…” It was still an offer, if Dib recognized it, but Zim was rather expecting it to be denied. Dib hadn’t been curious and  _ himself _ for  _ so long _ now.

At least Dib looked like he was considering it, a little. “That’s okay, thanks though. I think… I’ll be okay here. I can have some time to think about things. At least… maybe for the first half, if that’s okay?” His eyes followed the movement of Zim’s lekku, and he grinned, before nudging Zim’s shoulder. “I’ve seen the inside of your cruiser, remember? ...Then again, we were both smaller, then.” 

Zim laughed, a little startled, and nodded. “Zim remembers. But… Understanding.” He might not have realized that he was  _ allowed _ things now. Who knew what human friends did? “I’ll check by the mid point. ...Zim… needs Gir with him.” Yes, he needed the extra pair of hands, and indestructible hands, for most of the things that Zim was vaguely considering. “Well. My workstation stays, and works both ways.” Dib could call him, if he wanted.

“That’s fair. Besides, it’ll be nice not to have to worry about him eating the pots and pans this time.” Dib chuckled to himself. “And I saw a sign asking for someone to work in the library for a week, so that could work.” He shook his head as Gir leapt on him, babbling about all the things that could be eaten in the library. 

“And he’ll enjoy cooking again,” Zim agreed, letting Dib deal with the SIR unit. “By the time Zim gets back, you’ll be able to  _ drink _ the caffeine x.”  _ And _ he’d check it for addiction- at least the sort he give to Dib. And then… then there would be all  _ sorts _ of things they could do.

But first were the last couple of days of finals, and then a day gathering what he’d take. Zim didn’t mind it, and was  _ happy _ when he got back to his base. He did miss the Dib, though, too, and the first video call showed that, as much as he tried to hide it. Their plan for another video chat- and for Dib to help him- was planned out near the end of the conversation, and Zim was looking forward to it. 


	7. What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may notice we're updating really fast. The truth is, as much as we love this one, it was our first and is a bit rough, so we're pushing it out. With that said, this is one of my favorite chapters.

His joy was enough that Zim even found himself humming now and then- and he managed to catch things just right to see how much that was disturbing Tak. She didn’t seem to be paying too much attention to him, though, and Zim returned the favor, only paying her enough attention to ensure that she wasn’t going to try and take his planet. Zim split his time between the energy formula and various mechanical bits and bobs that may prove helpful to Dib if the human ever got into space. Bits and bobs and  _ things _ that would very much get him in trouble if anyone found out.

That was why it was even more disheartening when Dib was  _ late _ to hook into the work station. He planned on giving the human a good talking to about that when he made good on his promise. The human wasn’t the one to activate the workstation, though. It was one of the alarms, the video systems automatically onlining, but showing nothing at first. 

And then the sound hit, things crashing and the sound of humans yelling. Zim was already in a panic when the first one showed on screen, disgusting, human military- or something of the sort, already checking to make sure his own camera wasn’t on. 

Both his camera and microphone were off, and Zim’s next action was to flip on recording. The humans seemed to be making quite a mess, and complaining about not finding anything interesting, and Zim could hear Dib yelling from somewhere offscreen. Finally, one of the intruders seemed to notice the workstation, huffing a bit and poking buttons before laughing. “Hah. Looks like the little defective thing tried to make its own alphabet. Looks like a toy. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“Fuck you,” Dib spat, a second before something went flying across the room, hitting the other human and making him scowl. Something else crashed, another soldier type human half coming into the screen. 

“God damn, it broke Jerry’s nose and Tom’ll need stitches. Someone knock it out before it breaks itself, too. We won’t get paid for damaged merchandise,” he said. A second later and Zim caught sight of one of Dib’s boots swinging out, knocking into the soldier’s face with enough force that he fell back. Zim was both exasperated- he’d smacked Dib at least twenty times for wearing the things in more that the first rug at the front door- and proud of the fight Dib was putting up. His yelling cut off just as quickly, though, and the soldiers rushed off. 

Zim sat there for longer than he liked before turning off the recording. He  _ wanted _ to run, to go back to the dorm  _ right now _ and help- but logic stopped him, the common glitches not occuring. Dib was long gone, and running around in the snow right now wouldn’t help. He needed to find out where Dib was, and who took him. He turned to the cameras in Dib’s house- The professor was doing something, and Gaz was playing a game, like always. There was always the chance that they’d get some kind of ransom demand- Only the soldiers hadn’t made it sound like that was the goal. That was option b, then- Zim just wasn’t sure what option a was yet.

There was something to it, something off and  _ wrong _ , and he wasn’t happy. “Gir! Go back to the dorm and gather video and picture data for me,” Zim ordered. Gir was gone before he could even finish the sentence- rather showing all of the work the Dib had been putting into him. 

Zim had a few choices. Two of them were ones that he would rather not deal with. Ever. But he wanted Dib back and he wanted the human back in one piece. He’d seen enough terrible human film about what shady humans did to anything human, let alone non-humans, and who knew what else! Looking back at the video of the Dib-home, he let out a low hiss, before, finally, yanking his disguise from its case. Gaz first, then Tak. 

At least he had the  _ good _ disguise with him, he thought, just because itching eyes and lekku were the  _ last _ things he needed right now. He was hanging on to his temper by a thread- and in any other case, he’d be proud that he still  _ was _ . As it was, Zim simply walked the short distance to Dib’s house and let himself in- neither human in residence could be relied upon to actually open the door for him, after all. Gaz was exactly where she had been on the screen- on the couch, fully engrossed in her game. “Gaz! Zim wishes to speak to you! Save or pause your game!” He had learned  _ really _ fast not to interrupt her.

Gaz didn’t even look up. “My crazy brother isn’t here. He went off to college to escape dad. Go away, Zim.” She continued to play, until Zim took a step closer, only to actually glance at him with the tiniest movement. “Wait. Why do you want to talk to me, you dweeb?” 

“Dib is  _ not _ at college. He has been  _ wormnapped _ . Taken- by  _ humans _ .” Gaz knew almost as much about him as Dib had, and she didn’t care in the least, so at least that pretense could be dropped for the sake of clarity.

That actually did have Gaz pausing. “What are you talking about, Zim? And- oh. Are you two finally together? Ugh. Gross fuckers.” She literally paused her game, but didn’t move, frowning at Zim. “Who the hell would want to take Dib?” 

“How should I know? He’s  _ your _ brother,” Zim answered, before her words entirely caught up to him. “Zim is not gross!  _ Gaz _ is gros- oh dear Irk. We are not together like your  _ filthy _ thoughts thinking  _ filthy _ filth!”

The human snorted. “Right. I give it less than a year before you bump uglies.” Gaz pursed her lips, cocking her head at Zim. “Ugh. No. I don’t want to think about that.” Standing, she stretched. “With the timing it might be because of all of the files dad had stolen last month. Maybe. Or maybe my stupid brother just forgot to pay his student fees again.” 

“They wore  _ horrible _ soldier uniforms and called Dib ‘it’. ...And isn’t your dad paying?” Zim’s argument was less than convincing- it  _ could _ have been student fees, considering. “Zim has a tape. Who stole the files? Where is Dib?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot that,” Gaz said, actually looking thoughtful, before shrugging. “Don’t know. I  _ guess _ I can tell you what files. Most of it was stupid shit, but if they took my stupid brother it could be from his file.” She yawned. “Let me see the tape, stupid.” Zim bristled, but pulled out his view screen and turned it. He barely hit play before Gaz snorted. “Axiom Labs. Now go away, you dork.”

“Gaz has not told Zim what files yet,” Zim pointed out, all too happy to stop the tape- he didn’t want to hear any of that again. “...Do human parents often keep files on their spawn? Why would-” He cut himself off, realizing that he was testing Gaz’s patience, and that was  _ still _ something he wanted to avoid.

Gaz rolled her eyes, turning away. “Invisible force fields, nano-tech, some energy thing. And, mm, replication. But no, you dufus. I guess Dib wouldn’t tell you, he took it pretty hard, as crazy as he is. Dad’s not quite, you know, dad. Dib was his first replication experiment. Man, the notes were  _ scathing _ near the end. I laughed so hard I cried.” She smirked, picking up her game again. “And he is going to hate that I told you. It’ll be great.” 

It took Zim a fairly long moment to start working out just what Gaz had said. “Repli… cation? Replica-” And everything made sense. The professor having offspring without a female human around, or mentioned, Dib’s sudden disinterest as soon as he heard where smeets came from, even why Dib was so much smarter than others… “Dib was grown? ...Gaz was grown?” Zim started laughing, cackling as hard as he ever had. “Zim could kiss you! Dib is  _ normal _ ! ...Well. More normal…”

“Ew. Save your gross kisses for my stupid brother,” Gaz answered, scowling. “Anyway, you freak, yeah. Like I said, Dib took it hard when he found the notes on himself. I think of it less as him being a failure and more of a… warm up, but he's an idiot. A lot.” She started playing again, and Zim was sure it was a good time to retreat. 

There was a lot he was going to talk to Dib about when he got the human back, but right now, Zim knew he really had to focus on the first step. Knowing  _ why _ Dib had been taken was helpful in this case, and Zim had the basics of an idea ready by the time he was back home. He had to make sure everything would work out this time, though.

And that was where his next stop took him. He wasn’t so fond of Tak, still, and he didn’t blame her for her own anger. But they usually stayed out of each other's ways, and he was loath to ask for her help. Especially as she laughed when he did, twenty minutes after leaving the Dib house and requesting to ender Tak’s own base. 

“What are you doing here, Zim?” she asked after letting him in- carefully- and frowning. “And why?” 

“Axiom Labs. Tak has to know about it,” Zim answered, carefully  _ not _ looking around too much. It was easy- he didn't even care about what was around. “They took something from me.” He certainly wasn't going to explain what, if he didn't have to. Tak probably wouldn't let him get away with that, though.

Tak frowned. “They took something from you? What would they want from  _ you _ , Zim?” She crossed her arms, unbelieving, and a rock in that way. “Have you been following my moves again, Zim? I’ve been casing them for weeks.” 

That meant that Tak wanted something from them. “Because they took something from the idiot professor? Zim knows about that…” And of course he'd been following her moves- even though he really hadn't, not like he should.

Making a low sound, Tak nodded, though it was tense. “Of course. But they specialize in chemicals and medical tech, Zim. What could they have taken from you?” Her eyes narrowed. “Hm. Something from you, somethings from the Membrane. What are you trying to hide, Zim?” 

“Nothing. Zim is hiding nothing. Zim owes Tak no information,” Zim answered immediately. “Zim simply thought you may wish to pool information. I have an idea for getting in…”

“Unlike you, Zim, I like having  _ all _ of the information possible before making a decision. I want to know what you’re trying to get back before I commit to sharing any information with you.” Tak’s lekku moved, and she did lead him back, deeper into the base. Zim barely hesitated when it came to following. “I do highly doubt that you and I want the same things.”

Zim sighed, but nodded a little. “Shouldn't want the same things. Means we can both get them,” he muttered. He could see from the way she moved, though, that that wasn't enough. “They took Dib. And that's the link to the information we can use to get in. He's  _ mine _ .” Zim couldn't call Dib his enemy now, not even to Tak, but maybe she would just assume it?

“Why would they take Dib? He is smarter than most, if not all, of these wretched walking meat- erm. Anyway.” Something clicked in Tak’s face, and Zim spared only a moment to be annoyed that she figured it out before he did. “So. I wish I could be surprised that the Membrane experiment on his own spawn, but I’m not.” 

“You say that like human worm-families are anything special,” Zim said, frowning. “So, are Tak and Zim going to work together? Zim does not  _ need _ you, but it would be easier.” It would be  _ great _ if she helped him, since it seemed she knew more about the place. Zim was fairly sure he was the only one with a good idea for getting in without having to sneak, though.

Tak shrugged. “They’re supposed to be.” She stopped, then turned. “Alright. But only if you say that I’m the better invader.” She gave a smug grin, very obviously expecting him to give in to his usual outbursts, which were becoming much less usual. When Zim didn’t, the smugness dropped, like a rock. 

“You  _ might _ be,” Zim answered, smirking. “If you were ever an actual invader in the first place. But that's not the case, so you can't be. You haven't even done better at staying hidden than Zim!” He resisted the urge to cackle at the end, just watching Tak- and he owed Dib thanks. The thought wasn't even galling.

Her eyes narrowed, lekku bowing back in astonishment. She recovered after a split second. “Well. That’s good enough, for now. It’s your fault I didn’t get a chance to take my test, still,  _ Zim _ .” Tak beckoned him over with a finger, pointing to the nearest consol. “So, how are you thinking you want to get in?” 

Tak  _ did _ actually have a point, and Zim resolved to apologize-  _ if _ she held up her end of the deal and helped him, no funny business. Her question made him smile, lekku perking. “They’re going to invite us. I have information they will want, about genetic manipulation…” And he could tell them enough to make it clear he knew more. Zim  _ didn't _ tell Tak, of course, that it was cloning specific. Every Irken invader knew enough about that that she maybe wouldn’t need him.

“...Wow, that’s actually smart, Zim. How are you thinking of getting this invitation?” Tak looked at him, frowning, then went to a different console. “For that matter, what are you planning to do once we get in? What I’m getting and what you are are very different. But most important, here- I was planning on killing them all.” 

“Gir and Mimi can keep them busy from the security room, can’t they?” Zim answered, just throwing out the idea. “While Tak and Zim find what they are wanting. And then the labs can go  _ boom _ !” Zim gave a little cackle, more than fine with the idea of no survivors from this. They were hurting  _ his _ ally, and Zim was certain that they would do unspeakable things to  _ him _ , too, if they got the chance.

“You haven't changed as much as I thought in the low profile department. Think less boom, more… smoldering fire. But you have had two good ideas in one day. I think we should buy lotto tickets with all of the unthinkableness flashing everywhere.” Zim looked down, tracing the path they could take with a finger. Tak was admittedly ahead with that. 

“Smolder, boom, whatever. As long as the result is  _ doom _ ,” Zim answered, shrugging and trying to memorize the path. “Zim will call them. Say I have heard they got the professor’s files. Offer my…  _ expert _ advice. You can be my… colleague. And once we are in- ooh, once we are in. We shall wreck glorious havoc! The most havoc-y havoc ever!” Zim cackled again, grinning.

Tak shook her head. “At least that’s something we can agree on, you utter wreck of an Irken.” She looked thoughtful, then added, casually, “If this is you like this, I’ll love to see how you act if they’ve already dissected him.” 

“Then there  _ will _ be booms,” Zim said, narrowing his eyes and fighting back the rising fear and rage. “And Tak will get nothing.” Because he knew he wouldn’t wait for her preferences in that case. “So we’d better get going. Gir should be back at Zim’s base now.”

“Lovely,” Tak spat, before nodding her head over. “Make your call to them.  _ I’ll _ get the disguises and rest of what we might need, ready.” She showed enough trust in letting him grab for her human phone line, and all that went with it. Still, Tak didn’t go far, and Zim could see Mimi’s red eyes watching him from across the way. 

Making the call required using a few of the phone numbers that Tak had gathered, and a  _ lot _ of patience and negotiation to convince all the low-level  _ drones _ that he was truthful and interesting, until Zim  _ finally _ got in contact with someone who had the power to set up a meeting. Zim hung up with a pleased smirk, and made a face at Mimi. What right did  _ she _ have to judge him, anyway? “We go tomorrow. In the morning.” Which was sooner than it seemed, and far, far later than Zim wanted.

“That’ll give me time to finish these, then,” Tak said. She narrowed her eyes, then sighed at him, as though he was some annoyingly derpy smeet. “We can meet early, before going. Does your bag of spare parts pretending to be a SIR unit have the capability to hide long enough for this little half cocked plan?” 

Zim grinned, as though he had a trump card- and in a way he did, maybe. Tak was obviously underestimating both him and Gir. It was humiliating how much, but he could continue to overlook it for now. “Gir will not give us away until Zim asks,” he said instead, and Zim was pretty sure of that. Dib had done well, and Gir would try extra hard for Dib’s sake, which was aggravating, but useful. “How is Tak going to explain a cat?” Gir was going to go as an intern, Zim thought, holding back a cackle.

“Emotional service animal. For dealing with my colleague's bullshit,” Tak answered snappishly. “If she’s even seen at that point. Some of us are quite adept at hiding, Zim.” She frowned a second later. “Now get out of my base, before my patience runs out.” 

With a polite lekku-motion, Zim did as ordered, and he  _ did _ feel better as he went to his own base. Gir was indeed waiting for him, and Zim wasn’t entirely surprised when the SIR unit wrapped arms around him, babbling nonsensically.

“Gir, enough. Zim is going to get Dib back, you hear? So you need to tell me what you found, and then Zim will tell Gir his plan.” And prepare some things himself- having seen the map, Zim didn’t really  _ need _ Tak, and it was only sensible to get ready to do this alone, in case it became necessary.

Plugging Gir into the computer, the SIR unit was quick to tell him  _ all _ about what he had seen, and how much it made him afraid. The video and pictures were useful, though. He could see how much of a fight that the Dib had put up- much of the living room was trashed completely, as was the kitchenette, and there was blood splattered across a few of the surfaces. Zim was a little confused by the box of salt and what had been a glass of water, spilled across the counter and smashed to pieces against the side of his workstation. That had to have been what activated the system. 

“Well. It seems the Dib learned useful things from our fights after all,” Zim muttered, making more notes of things and bobs that would aid the human. The human was his ally, after all, and his friend, and that  _ gave _ him privileges. Zim was pretty sure it was all legal, too, and right now that wasn’t his concern. Once he’d looked over everything Gir had recorded, he pulled the SIR unit out of the computer and onto his lap. “Gir, you are going to help me make them pay. Tak and Mimi will be there too. Zim has everything under control. And you can make Dib waffles when he is safe, okay?”

Gir sniffled, nodding and reaching into his own chassis for a muffin to nibble at. “Will the icecream man be okay?” he asked, showing more self awareness than even he expected. 

“Of course, Gir,” Zim insisted. “But you need to follow instructions, do you understand?” 

Gir looked serious, eyes even flashing red for a moment, and nodded. “I will do as ordered! And save the icecream man!” The serious look faded a moment, and Gir looked worried. “Why’d they want him?”

“Because he’s the only smart, normal person on this blasted planet,” Zim answered, frowning. “And so we will rain doom upon them- of course, no doom that might hurt Dib until after he is someplace safe.”

“Yes master!” Gir said, saluting again. “And then we can get icecream again! With wafflecone?” He giggled, then pat Zim as the Irken nodded in some bit of exasperation. “And theeeeen yous can be bestest friends like allllll the best shows have,” he insisted. 

“We are not a television show!” Zim snapped, fears and anger peaking out. Gir didn’t seem to notice, or care, just giggling and pulling little dolls, making them talk and hug and kiss. It wasn’t even a surprise by now that they looked like Zim and Dib, though it did make Zim frown. The only reason he didn’t throw them away, he told himself, was because he needed Gir in a good mood and happy with him. He let Gir run off, sighing to himself, and then smiling a little, before going back to his plans. 

By morning, he was as focused as he’d ever been with a plan, if not more so. Tak’s disguise was more restricting than usual, but even he had to admit that it was better than he’d had of his own. The building was… lesser, than he’d come to expect. Modified from some human filth for what they called science, It smelled worse than usual human grossness. Even Tak made a face when they got close, sliding into the lobby. “We’re here for a meeting with one of your… scientists,” Tak said, smiling sweetly. 

The receptionist smiled back, making Zim feel sick by the way it was. “Of course. I know you talked to Dr. White, but he… um. Had a medical emergency late last night and isn’t up to it. Dr. Whistle is more than willing to speak to you, however.” 

“Medical emergency?” Zim asked, before pulling himself back, practically feeling Tak’s warning glare. “I, ah,  _ hope _ everything…  _ works out _ for him. We would be  _ more _ than happy to speak with… Dr. Whistle.” Or anyone, really- the goal was to get in, and let the SIR units find the security room. Mimi was probably already working on that, but it would be easy enough to send Gir out as well. The only real concern was if somehow these horrible monster people had found out about the plan and set a trap- and the two Irken were prepared for that possibility as well.

There was another large fake smile, and then a person who looked like a scientist walked out offered his hand. Thank Irk that Tak took it, smiling back and making more of the pleasantries needed. Zim kept his focus as they were lead into the back and the scientist chuckled. “I take it that you were told about Dr. White? And he filled me in. Of course we can work out the details, too. I was told that you had information on our newest acquired asset? You must have worked with Professor Membrane.” 

“Yes, one could say that,” Zim agreed, looking around quickly. “Not that he’ll admit to it since- well.” Of course, this person wouldn’t have any time to check Zim’s story, but it was better not to make him  _ question _ too much anyway, for now.

“I have to find the bathroom,” Gir said, shifting a little in what Zim recognized as a dance. The scientist frowned a little, but nodded and gave directions, while Tak looked annoyed at the obviousness of the ruse.

“...Squeamish interns. He’ll get over it, or else…” Zim interjected, shrugging. “...The tour?”

“Of course,” the scientist said, before pointing down a hall. “On your left.” He gave a little smile, then nodded at Zim and Tak, continuing to walk. “It’s a bit of a way, but maybe you can spill some secrets about keeping the asset… in line. The notes we, ah, procured made note of a great deal of defective and delinquent behavior, but we didn’t expect it to be so violent. Ah, Dr. White’s medical emergency was a broken jaw, and Dr. Wells- well, I’m not sure if he’ll ever regain use of his hand.” 

Zim made a fist, feeling the rage well up. Tak poked him, and Zim frowned. “I thought you knew, before this, the-  _ asset _ \- was allowed to roam free. Much less effort needed, and… it’s quite easy to gain tissue samples from, oh, grooming, fights, any one of many things that are… common.” That  _ was _ how he’d gotten Dib’s genetics himself, after all. “You really think that you’ll learn to replicate the procedure by studying the result?”

“Well, yes, but that’s pretty reckless, and the files we gathered showed that the experiment was considered a large scale failure by Membrane. I assume that you’re gathering samples against him.” The scientist shook his head, then crossed his arms, moving down another hall. 

“Studying something that was deemed a failure so long ago isn’t usually a good idea,” Tak added, glancing at Zim and then crossing her own arms. “But, yes. My colleague here has been very… diligent with getting those samples.” 

Zim shot Tak his own look, then nodded at the human. “I have been… trying to see why the… experiment came out so different from expected. You have seen the results, and that big head- Sometimes it’s a surprise what passes for human.” He chuckled, though it was more because of how  _ he _ had been accepted as human- or worse, those abductors from years past. And when  _ were _ those SIR units going to find the damn security room? Then again, it would be easier if they were led to Dib before the chaos started.

“Very true. I personally think we can figure out where Membrane went wrong if we figure out a few other things.” They moved down one last hall, where there was the sound of thumping and someone yelling. 

The room they came to was standard medical, as far as humans were concerned. But another scientist was already there, standing over a medical bed. She had a syringe and needle in hand, and was drawing blood from the  _ Dib _ . Strapped down and gagged with a mask, the human was struggling as vigorously as he possibly could with the cuffs and straps. “Stop squirming or you’ll just get hurt worse this time,” the scientist snarled. 

Tak probably had some idea of what was coming, and stayed near the door. Zim really, really didn’t care, taking the steps needed to reach Dib. Pak-legs came out, and then into the women without a second thought. A moment later, and Zim began undoing the bindings on Dib. “Idiots! Filthy, deranged, diseased  _ monsters _ ,” Zim ranted.

“What the hell?” The first scientist yelled, silenced a second later by Tak and one of her pak legs. He gurgled as he slid down one of the walls. 

“What happened to waiting for the SIR units to be in place?” Tak asked, huffing and looking over at Zim. “...And you may want to get that thing off his face.” 

Before anything could be answered, Mimi chirped that they’d made it, and Zim managed to look smug through his rage. His fingers found the edge of the gag, looking for the clasps while Dib froze, looking surprised, then confused, and then relieved. 

“It is not Zim’s fault they took so long,” Zim muttered, helping Dib sit up. “Can Dib walk? Is he in one piece? Zim and Tak have fires to set. And information to gather.” He glanced at Tak, just as most of the doors around them slammed shut. A moment later, familiar giggling came over the intercom.

“I can walk,” Dib answered, looking between the two Irken and starting to work on more of the straps. “I- Zim-” 

He was cut off by Gir cackling. “I made the water makers off!” the SIR unit exclaimed. 

“Master, the items you want are nearby,” Mimi added, before humming. “All doors are to be locked.” 

“Here, Dib can help shoot things. Or whatever,” Zim said, slicing through more of the straps, and handing Dib a laser. He could hear some screaming, but it wasn’t nearly enough for his tastes, and he stalked to the one door, which actually  _ was _ open. “Are there any repulsive humans in the rooms where Tak’s things are?” he asked. Mimi, mostly, and he was  _ really  _ regretting that things weren’t going to go boom.

Mimi hummed. “Yes,” she said after a moment. “Only one.” 

“But there’s only threeeeeeeeeeee more people,” Gir said. A moment later, and he giggled. “Two, two more. I’m making a fishy out of one of ‘em!” 

Tak huffed, heading for the door and stopping only to look at Zim, then up, at the radios for the SIR units. “Mimi, make sure he  _ doesn’t _ make it so we can’t set fire to this place.” To Zim, she gestured. “We only have a few minutes before the alarms will be noticed. Start the fires while I get what I want.”

“Gladly,” Zim answered, pulling Dib with him. It did prove that the operation was smaller than he had expected, and he was sure there was a reason for that, but Zim also didn’t care. Then again, the lack of people might very well be because of Dib’s efforts… Zim nudged Dib, pointing to a janitorial closet. “You should shoot that. We’ll get a nice smolder going.” Zim himself started laying out bottles and paper, then poking holes in the walls with pak-legs.

Picking up the gun and stumbling to follow, Dib blinked, then yanked the closet open instead, grabbing for bottles inside. “We can get more than a smolder,” he said. “Industrial cleaners make great ways to start fires.” Zim perked, pleased when a few moments later, they had a fire going, and growing. 

“Oooh, pretty,” Gir babbled. They were three steps from starting another, and he giggled yet louder. Still, Dib was the first one to fire when he got a chance, ransacking every time the chance hit. It took Zim a number of moments to realize that he was half destroying things in his own anger. 

Zim grinned wildly, and cheerfully kept pace with Dib, encouraging him to grab whatever caught his eye. It was nice to see life from the human, of course, and Zim knew quite well how  _ nice _ a good rampage could be. Dib might also get a taste for it, which would help immensely in taking over Earth. Zim could hear Mimi’s exasperated sigh, just before Gir started singing about murder and slaughter, though they weren’t finding any of the other humans. Zim didn’t really want to know what Dib would do if they did- it would be disappointing if Dib pulled back.

The building was small, and they moved quickly enough. Zim wasn’t so sure of Gir’s ‘kill count’ until they found Tak again, a human scientist dangling from a pak arm. “Should I keep her as a pet?” she asked. 

“Why can’t I just shoot her?” Dib muttered, sticking close to Zim while the woman shrieked and begged. 

“She was guarding  _ my _ things. If anyone gets to kill her, I do,” Tak answered. She did as Mimi appeared nearby, dragging Gir along. The malfunctioning SIR unit latched onto Dib’s leg the moment he spotted the human, shrieking. 

“I think there’s another human around still, unless the fires are getting there, or the SIRs did. Want to go looking?” Zim asked, looking around a little. He wasn’t sure what Tak had got, but that was why there were cameras. He could find out when she gloated about it, he was sure. Despite his words, Dib shook his head at the offer, petting Gir.

Tak nudged him, scoffing and reminding him of the fire starting to take over. They had to get to the Voot cruiser, which wasn’t as bad as it could be, and mostly involved going around the fires and Gir’s attempts at playing a homicidal building AI. He was surprisingly good at it. 

“I admit, I wasn’t expecting this to go well,” Tak said when they made it, crammed into the space that was meant for an invader or two and a SIR, but not two invaders, a lanky human, and two SIR units. At least Dib didn’t mind being tucked into the back. She turned to look at him, flashing sharp teeth. “Well. And I have to say that it’s nice to see you again, Dib.” 

“See? Zim’s plans can be good,” Zim agreed, feeling more than a little self-satisfied. “...Zim…  _ is _ sorry he ruined your chance to try and pass the test,” he added to Tak, because he  _ had _ promised himself, and he could tell that she was in a very good mood now, which might help.

“Whyyy are you happy to see icecream man?” Gir asked, turning from his place on Dib’s head to look at Tak with large eyes. “Are you Gaz’s friend?”

Tak gave an audible sigh, then said, “Because, you bucket of bolts, it means that Zim won't do anything that will draw more attention to us. ...And Dib is much less annoying than many others of his species. But, no, I am not friends with Gaz!” She looked at Zim as though he had grown a second head as she, Zim assumed, realized his words. “Not forgiven, but… that is a start.” 

“Thanks for, er, helping Zim get me,” Dib said, soft and thoughtful. 

“Zim does not draw attention…” Zim grumbled- and he didn't, or hadn't, for almost a whole eight months now! “You’re happy with your information?” That was, maybe, as close as he could get to thanking Tak, especially since she hadn't helped from the ‘goodness of her heart’. “Zim… enjoyed this. But if it happens again, it’s not going to be because anything was stolen!”

“Yeah,” Tak said. “You are not terrible when you aren't screaming and have a clear objective, Zim. ...And if you tell anyone I said that, I'll cut you into pieces.” She huffed, glancing back at Dib, but whatever gaze or something they shared was silent. “It was fun, in a strange way.” 

“Zim will not tell,” Zim agreed, without bothering to point out that anyone he might tell was in the runner. The rest of the short ride was quiet, because there really wasn't much else to say.

The first stop was Tak’s base, and then his own. Zim was happy to be there, to have what was  _ his _ back and safe. He could make sure of that, now. “Zim. Thanks. For… everything. I wasn't sure if you would.” Dib interrupted his thoughts. The human had a weird look on his face, like he couldn't figure out what emotions fit best. 

“Dib is Zim's. Of course I came,” Zim answered, taking Dib down to the base part, because that was just where things were. “I heard you caused trouble. Zim is proud.” And once they were safely down, he started trying to tug Dib’s clothing off- or what remained of it. The scientists obviously didn't care about such things… “Gir. Get more clothing for Dib.”

Gir shrieked, running towards storage while Dib shook his head. “I’m okay,” he said. But Zim could see the spots where blood and tissue had been stolen, biopsy probes and a few spots that had been stitched back together. Not to mention the human’s wrists, raw from struggling, and injuries from getting out of the cuffs at least once. “I’m good at causing trouble.”

“Yes. Dib is very good at that,” Zim agreed, grabbing a cloth and some cleaning agents. “Almost as good as me,” he added, grinning at the joke that wasn’t even that funny. “...I asked Gaz who might have taken you. She told me, and… why. I’m… torn.” Because to him it was normal, it made  _ Dib _ more normal, but Zim had had time to think, a little, and he could understand that, to the human’s way of thinking, it made him  _ weirder _ .

Dib looked down, unwilling to meet Zim’s eyes. “I understand,” he said, though Zim suspected that he was thinking something entirely different. That was made more clear, and evidenced, when Dib gave a little wry grin. “But if you’re not sure about it, I mean, I assume you mean being friends, why would you go through that trouble?” He gave a little hiss when one of the raw spots was touched. 

“No… you don’t understand,” Zim said, carefully cleaning the spot. “Zim wants to be friends. This just… explains things to me. It doesn’t… make Dib a monster. It makes Dib normal.” He didn’t look up either, focusing on the raw spot, and then the next. “But that’s Irken feelings.” And it was  _ weird _ , thinking about this from any other point of view. Very weird, and Zim wondered if it was only happening because Dib had infected his pak with human views. 

That led to a frown, and then Dib gave a soft sigh. “How is being a failed experiment  _ normal _ ?” he asked. “That makes no sense, Zim. I would think you would, I don’t know, be pretty iffy about a friendship with something that was a bit of a mistake.” Even as he said that, Gir came running in with way too much clothing, and while screaming about making waffles. “...Gir doesn’t count.” 

“Zim is a mistake,” Zim pointed out. “A great and glorious one, but… still… defective…” He cooled, and sighed, moving to a new spot. “Dib is human. And smarter than most. Family is stupid- Now I see why the great Irken race doesn’t have them.” He put the cloth aside to touch Dib more directly, ignoring Gir for the moment.

“Not anymore,” Dib pointed out. “Your pak is fixed, and you’ve not had an emotional outburst in ages.” He blinked a little at the touch, upturning his hand into it, and then made a soft sound as clothing went flying everywhere from Gir’s antics. “Wait- when I let Gir take those, I didn’t think you’d  _ keep _ them, Zim.” 

“Doesn’t matter if it’s fixed. It needed fixing, so…” Zim shrugged a little, then looked at the clothing himself. “Dib was throwing away his Dibness. ...And they were Gir’s, so it’s  _ his _ fault. Yes. Completely his fault.”

“Master says they make good nightshirts!” Gir answered, spinning around with one of the smaller shirts on his legs.

Chill ran down Zim, lekku folding back tight against his skull. He hissed at Gir, but that only made the SIR unit giggle louder. Dib wrapped a hand around Zim’s, flushing, himself, bright red. “...Why did you  _ really _ follow me, Zim?” he asked. 

“...Dib was not himself. He didn’t care. ...About Zim…” the Irken answered, trying to shrink even further, and failing. “...And it  _ would _ be useful if everyone was that tired…” He was still going to take over, of course, but Zim was fairly sure that there wasn’t any way to weaponize the college exhaustion.

Dib squeezed his hand. “What, and then you figured out I wasn’t actually tired, just- as you call it- broken?” Zim half glared, barely, and the human sighed. “I told you, it wasn’t anything,” he said. “I just… had to have some paperwork for a class. Went home to get it, dad just kinda pointed to a cabinet and instead I found all of his experiment notes and files and shit.” 

Zim made a face, because he knew the notes got mean. Gaz had said that. And Zim could only imagine how he would feel if it turned out he had come from a gross egg, and pain, and- he shivered a little. “Was Gaz’s there?”

“Yeah. She didn't care when I showed her. Then again, she's always been the favorite, so I don't blame her at all.” Dib gave a little shrug. “I guess it just hit me that what I was doing was ridiculous. So I gave up. I didn't think anyone would notice, let alone care.  _ Especially _ you, Zim.” 

“Dib is looking for truth. Aliens are true. Why not others? ...Or it’s all aliens. I dunno. But ridiculous is disbelieving what is in your face.” And Zim had noticed, and cared, and so that didn't need to be brought up again.

Dib let out another sigh. “Yeah, but I don't know why I even cared about it. You taking over, that was one thing, sure, but who cares if there's a lake monster in the lake, or if a chupacabra eats some goats? ...Or people.” He shrugged again. “At any rate, I'm not going to try to expose you or Tak. I promise.” He gave another hiss when Zim reached for the cloth again, and the Irken twitched as he added. “I don't know what I'm doing any more.” 

“The goats and people might care,” Zim answered, shrugging. “And no, you’re not going to expose Zim. Zim is going to expose Zim.” He grinned, sharply. “Dib can help Zim take over. Help rule. ...I… have some things for Dib. I was going to wait. You're tired, probably.”

“You keep offering that. It's… weird,” Dib admitted, before cocking his head and giving a tired smile. “I am, and I think I'm still half drugged, to be honest. But… I can wait.” He reached out, touching Zim’s arm, warm and making him feel something he wasn't sure about. “Thank you. Again. You didn't have to, but you did. It means a lot.” 

“They took my Dib. I couldn't let them  _ have _ you,” Zim repeated, covering Dib’s hand with one of his own. “Dib and Zim should rest. Gir can make waffles. Other stuff while eating.” A short sleep, because Zim knew he hadn't slept well and Dib couldn't have… “Zim only has one bed.”

“If there's one thing growing up chasing you caused, it's that I can sleep anywhere,” Dib answered. “So I can take the floor if you want.” Zim must have looked as aghast at that as he felt, because the human flashed a grin. “Or we share. It's not the first time, of course.” Especially not after it got cold out! Zim wanted to remind him. 

“Friends of the Irken Empire get better than the  _ floor _ ,” Zim answered, acting more affronted than he was. Of course, the bedroom was a little bit away, but Zim just scooped up some of the clothing and led the way. It was much less weird than he had expected, leading Dib into his bedroom- which did already have a camera, so the human had been here before.

Dib actually laughed quietly, and he submitted well enough, sliding into the bed after changing. He was bruised and still injured, but Zim knew from experience that humans healed quickly, and, to his annoyance before, had strong constitutions. It was usually gross. But Dib was warm and comfortable, and more tired than he was willing to admit considering he fell asleep before Zim could even order the lights off. 

Zim took advantage of that to just look the human over a moment before ordering the lights off and making himself comfortable, a bit closer to Dib than strictly needed. It had helped the Dib sleep before, so it should work now.


	8. Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were sorta hints of this. And thus starts my favorite trope...

They were woken, unsurprisingly, by Gir placing plates of waffles on the bed. Zim groaned softly, but then stayed still as he realized that in sleep he'd moved closer to the Dib and had thrown over him, pressing close. It was  _ so _ warm, like a living version of the heat packets that Dib kept in stock for him. Slowly, Dib stirred when more waffles were brought in, groggily shifting. “These don't have soap, right Gir?” Dib asked. 

“Chocolate and sprinkles!” Gir yelled. “I wouldn't use  _ soap _ for the ice cream man!”

“Gir! Zim has said, do not yell in the bedroom when the lights are below ten percent!” Zim snapped, before snuggling closer to the warm Dib. He didn't smell the best, though, and as much as that was expected, it was also enough for Zim to sit up, yawning.

“But I'm happy!” Gir insisted. He did go quieter, though, and Dib rolled over to look at the plates. 

“Thank you, though, Gir,” Dib said, before sitting up as well. He took one of the plates when offered after stretching and making the popcorn-joint sounds that made Zim twitch. “What's the plan now?” he asked Zim, after the Irken grabbed his own plate, and they ate for a few minutes. 

“Does Dib want to finish college? Or did you mean plan for the next few days? Right now, I'm going to eat, and then I can give you what I've made. ‘S not very good yet, but will keep Dib safe.” Zim shrugged, a little, and ate more waffles, patting Gir when the SIR unit got close enough.

“I meant the next few days. Other than I would like to shower, please. But truth be told I don't know. Like I said, I don't know what I'm doing anymore, let alone in the immediate future.” Dib continued to eat, though he groaned when Gir placed another full plate in front of him. “No more after this, Gir. Your portions are enough for two or three people, and I can eat a lot, but not  _ that _ much.” 

“Shower, of course. Zim insists.” Zim smiled a little, and patted Dib to show he didn't really  _ mind _ , because at least it was understandable in this case. “That reminds me. Why were you wearing your boots in the dorm? They did more damage, though…” Zim knew he should have put a sanitizing mat by the door.

Flushing, Dib shook his head. “Sorry. I...er. I stopped at the bar on the way home and I didn't see anyone put anything in my drink, but I felt like I was being watched, and... I went right for the salt when I got in the dorm.” He winced a little, then shook his head. Zim was confused, visibly so, and he cleared his throat. “Highly salty water will make a person puke, lessening the effects of being drugged.” 

Zim couldn’t help but make a face, but he also patted Dib’s arm. “Smart. That was… quick thinking. I am… I saw. Some. You did good. And… Zim will forgive boots this time.” He tried to smile, tried to make a joke of it, and not sure how humans dealt with this kind of thing.

“I wasn’t sure when I hit your desk,” Dib said. “Well. I mean, I wasn’t sure if the systems popped on or not…” He grinned a little at Zim, looking quite proud at the compliments from the Irken, and that helped. It seemed like it wasn’t affecting the Dib as much as he thought it might- the human seemed more embarrassed, than anything. 

“They did. I showed Gaz the first bit, but no-one else.” Zim shrugged, then stretched, before eating a few more waffles. He could only manage a few more, though, and put aside his plate when he was done. “Is Dib finished?”

Nodding, Dib pulled his legs up. He smiled a little at Zim, then at Gir as the robot snatched the empty plates and sang about muffins. 

“Shower first? Or not?” Zim frowned a little, realizing that he was being really hesitant, and shook his head. “Then again, why wait? Zim wants to see Dib’s reaction!” Zim bounced up, pulling on Dib, sleepiness past.

“That’s terrifying,” Dib said, raising a brow. But he followed easily enough, and only looked a little out of place while Zim planted him next to the nearest workstation. “You don’t have to give me anything, you know, Zim. I’m rather happy not to be stuck in that lab still.” 

“I know. I also don’t want you in another lab- unless you’re the one in charge. Then you can be in one all you like,” Zim answered. “But! Zim’s  _ point _ , yes, the pointiest of points- Something to make life easier on you, and safer. You still have the gun, right?”

Dib snorted, holding it up with one finger. “This may be a very stupid question, but why? I’ve not even agreed to help you take over, yet. ...Though the possibility of having to hide from labs for the rest of my existence does tend me towards it.” He leaned against the work station, but at least he seemed curious in some capacity. 

Zim blinked, and shrugged. “Irken are notoriously, frivolously generous with friends. ...And enemies, sometimes…” Zim frowned at that, then shrugged. “We’re also very possessive, you might have noticed.” Zim nodded, then held up the  _ extremely _ pared down pak-analogue he’d made. “Mostly it started so you could go on other planets safely.”

“Nah. I didn’t notice the multiple times you’ve called me  _ your _ Dib,” Dib answered cheekily, grinning at Zim. A second later, and he blinked, visibly startled. Reaching out, he touched the not-quite-a-pak with the tips of his fingers. “This looks like a pak, though, Zim. I get generosity, but…” 

“Eh… the body, yeah, but it was broken. It’s not- and no connecting to Dib’s organs or any inner bits. Zim promises. And don’t ask where I got it.” Zim opened the top, just so Dib could see that it really was just the shell. “...It  _ could _ be upgraded, of course. But… Zim thought you might not like that.”

Dib made a soft sound, pulling his hand back and away. “I don’t know what to say, Zim,” the human said. “Thank you. ...But won’t you get in trouble or something? I can’t imagine, even if Irkens work with other species, that it’s okay, and even if it’s not completely, er, organ or inner bit compatible, that it’s allowed.” He was in awe of it, so startled and worried for  _ Zim _ at the same time. 

“...Dib… does not have to worry. Anyway, apart from Tak, and of course the Tallest, Zim is taller than any other Irken. So I outrank them all!” He  _ did _ , and Zim couldn’t resist a cackle as he realized that. “...Anyway, no-one is going to notice.” None of that really answered Dib’s question, but Zim was pretty sure that was an answer itself, as far as the human was concerned.

Though he wasn’t expecting the hug, Zim was  _ happy _ for it, and he very much was surprised at his own reaction. “Thank you. I- well. I’m not entirely sure about it being connected to bits, but it sounds amazing.” The Dib did seem more like his old self, or at least, far closer- and he’d seemed that way before at times, more and more as they became better friends. Zim  _ liked _ that. 

“Connectedy-bits are optional,” Zim agreed, grinning and patting Dib’s back. “Right now, it’s voice and motion controlled. ...Unless it gets hit too hard, in which case it’ll assume you need protecting, but that was… added when I wasn’t sleeping last night…” So it might not work as well as it was supposed to, Zim knew.

Dib didn’t say anything at first, but then he did squeeze a hand on Zim’s shoulder. “It’s sweet of you,” he said. “I look forward to testing it, or whatever it is that you’ll need to do.” He paused, then added, “I’m sorry you worried over me. Really.” 

Zim’s grin turned to a softer smile. “Nonsense. You didn’t ask for any of this. You should only be sorry for what you ask for. Now! ...Testing after shower. You are  _ stinky _ Dib, and getting your  _ stink _ all over me, Zim!” He patted Dib again, then gently pushed him away, sure that Dib knew where the cleaning room was from all the  _ everything _ in the past.

“You’re ridiculous,” Dib said, before smelling himself. He turned, waving a hand. “Okay, okay. Though I did notice that you’ve been wearing  _ unwashed _ shirts of mine, Zim. Don’t think I haven’t.” Zim watched him go, lekku flitting back as he pouted and went chilly again. 

When he returned, the Dib was still drying at his hair with a towel, dressed in a loose shirt and pants. Zim watched him, torn between annoyance at the damp footsteps, and simply being pleased that the human was well cleaned. 

The next couple days were spent just… doing things. Gir baked pretty much everything he possibly could, while Zim and Dib either just worked on stuff, or watched TV, or otherwise just existed. It was, slightly, odd when Zim wandered into his lab to work on an idea and found Dib already there, reading something, but even that wasn’t… bad. And it did confirm that Dib knew Irken quite well. Zim wondered when he’d had time to learn it.

Far too quickly, Dib was finished and looking around. As he bypassed an entire case of texts, Zim half turned to watch him as he started actually showing some of that curiosity again. When he looked over and caught Zim paused and watching, he perked. “Do you have any more books?” he asked. 

“...In the house?” Zim asked. “Or in the room? You can see there’s nothing more in the room. Although that big, giant computer behind you is filled with… well, pretty much everything.” And he’d already told Dib he could use it, though that had been from an auxiliary workstation. “Or Zim could make an order at Libraria. How many languages can you keep in that big head?”

“House. I read everything in here, already. ...But I was mostly meaning physical books.” Dib moved to the computer, speaking as he did, “And my head isn’t big. I don’t know. How many languages do I need?” He showed a level of comfort with Irken technology that both made Zim proud, and confused, despite that he knew the human had worked on Tak’s ship, and could read the language. 

“Gir! Gather our books! -Except for the ones here, Dib already read those,” Zim ordered, shrugging as Gir raced away, giggling. “It depends on how many races’ literature you want to read, of course. There are translations, but considering how many  _ ridiculous _ languages you have just here, you probably know how inaccurate that can be. When did you learn Irken? It’s nothing at all like Earth languages.”

Dib shrugged and turned. “When? Probably a couple months after you got here. Between Tak’s ship and stealing a bunch of your books- well, it wasn’t quite stealing, when you threw them at me- and your notes during skool…” He trailed off, then started spinning in the chair, as though it was a toy. “And for the record I know English, Spanish, and Latin, too.” 

“You! You stole my  _ notes _ !” Zim accused, before laughing. “I did wonder where they went. I should have guessed.” That also explained some of Dib’s understanding of Irken science- Zim had had quite the habit of correcting everything skool taught them. He still did, just because it annoyed him, really. “Probably wouldn’t take that long to learn others. ...And let’s not tell this to Tak?” He shuddered at the thought.

“I hardly  _ stole _ them, Zim. You kept leaving them! And anyway, I was curious. I also have no plans on telling Tak anything.” Dib continued to spin, before shifting in the chair to sit in it completely horribly, with his legs over one armrest. “I liked your doodles, too. And the little notes on how much you hated cafeteria food.” 

“Still pretty sure that wasn’t actually food,” Zim muttered, looking away from Dib. He never would understand the human’s preference for completely misusing chair technology. “And yes. No telling Tak anything. ...Zim… didn’t tell Tak everything. Though if she took the stolen notes, she may… know about Dib. ...She made Zim tell her what he wanted at the labs…”

The spinning stopped, and Dib let out a soft sound. “Well… that’s… fair? I mean, I don’t- I don’t know what she’ll do with any of it. But whatever, I guess. I don’t blame you, and she’d have noticed you dragging me out no matter what.” After a moment, he started to spin again, giving an out to change the topic. “How many books do you think Gir’ll bring in here?” 

Zim shrugged, going back to his work. “Dunno. I never counted how many books I had. And Irk alone knows how many he’s brought in. Less than forty squillion, though, probably.” He smiled a moment later, glancing at Dib again. “Dib is himself again. Almost. Zim is… glad. Huh. Zim has not felt glad like this before. Did you change emotional settings in my pak?”

“I didn’t touch anything but the broken code,” Dib answered, looking concerned. “Some of that was attached to your emotion centers, but I didn’t mess with anything. I double checked and everything.” He frowned, then added, questioning, “Are you okay?” 

“Zim is fine. Zim is Zim. I guess it’s not a surprise that was glitching. ...Was anything not?” Zim had wondered that many times, and asking was still terrifying for him. What if tradition was right, and he  _ should _ just be destroyed?

Zim’s thoughts, at least, were interrupted by Gir, toddling in with more books than was plausible. “I founds them! But I eated some.”

“Thank you, Gir,” Dib answered, though most of his focus was on Zim. He stood, walking over to the Irken. “Yes,” he answered. “And I don’t think it’s a problem that you are you. I prefer it that way, thank you. We’re both misfits, you know.” He moved closer, offering what comfort he could, and Zim sighed a little as it actually helped. 

“...We are,” Zim agreed, before giving another sigh and resting his head against the human’s chest. “...And both might be killed for it. ...So let’s take over Earth and show everyone.” That would solve Dib’s problem, and Zim was very sure it would solve his own, too. With another breath, he pulled away, motioning at the books. “Read. Be Dib.”

The human looked at the pile, then cocked his head. “Give me a few days and I’ll have everything read, don’t worry. ...Unless there’s a new language in here, and then I’ll need a week or two.” That sounded like a bit of a stretch to Zim for as long as it took Dib to read one of the larger books- and then he remembered that the Dib hadn’t spent all that much time actually reading or studying for a single class.

“I’m actually not sure everything that’s in there,” Zim answered, shrugging and going to the computer. At this rate, having things so Dib could learn other languages seemed sensible. “...So, you understand spoken Irken. Can you speak it at all?” The sounds weren’t really that different from things he’d heard humans produce, but the idea was… interesting. The slaves never used Irken, and the paks just took care of translating everything.

Dib didn’t even look up from his book. “I can  _ barely _ understand spoken Irken. Speaking- I’ve gotta sound like the planet's worst case of derp-accent, or a barely formed kid with their mouth full.” He shrugged, back to sitting in one of the chairs utterly incorrectly, so it looked weird and uncomfortable, though he could see Dib grinning. “Do you remember the one time I asked you to teach me, and you answered by pouring a soda on my head?” 

Zim laughed, and nodded. “I did tell you how to say ‘I’m sticky’. Why…  _ did _ you think to ask me? I mean- what did you expect me to do?” Zim had spent way more time than was sensible wondering that, when it had happened. “I mean, I decided you just wanted examples of my  _ alien _ language. I was going to tell everyone it was just a code.”

“You’re going to laugh,” Dib answered, flushing a little. “I didn’t think you would, don’t get me wrong. But Gaz kept calling me a spineless chicken, and then she said if I didn’t ask, she was going to tell you what I said when I heard it.” 

“Dib’s sister  _ is _ scary. ...What… did Dib say when he heard it?” And when, Zim wondered a little, but he wasn’t really surprised to find he had switched languages without realizing it when he was younger. Or Gir had, that possibility couldn’t be ignored.

Dib turned, half hiding his face in the book to hide. “You’re going to laugh,” he repeated, “ _ Or _ call me a moron. But I said that it wasn’t fair that it was so  _ pretty _ of a language when you were such a bloody  _ jerk _ .” The human spun in his chair, flipping the page. “And yes. Gaz is terrifying. She will always be terrifying.” 

“... _ Pretty _ ?” Zim asked, completely startled. “You think the language of the great Irken Empire is… pretty?” He smiled, though, and shook his head a little. “That is the first time Zim has heard that. Probably the first time anyone thought it. Why… why do you think it’s pretty?” Then again, aesthetics were very hard to explain, even without species differences.

“I dunno. Maybe it was because you were cussing up a storm at Gir? Or at least, that’s what I told myself. I just think it’s a pretty language. It reminds me of summer time. Don’t ask why, though, because I don’t know entirely, myself.” Dib kept his nose firmly in his book, though Zim could see his ears were still red from embarrassment. 

Zim grinned, and snuck over to Dib’s chair before speaking near his ear.  **“So, Dib thinks this is** **_pretty_ ** **? You like it, have wanted to hear more?”** He did try to keep the words clear, and spoke a little slower than he might normally, for Dib’s benefit. He could  _ feel _ the human’s warmth without even touching him, and Zim couldn’t hold back his chuckle. It was great!

Dib squawked, nearly falling out of the chair. He made a low sound, gaping at Zim, and coughing as he did drop the book. “Um, ah, yes. I mean. That’s not fair, and you’re terrible!” He scrambled to grab for his book again, picking it up off of the ground and trying to find the place he was at, despite how addled he was. 

Zim laughed harder, hard enough that Gir joined in. “Wow. Dib has gotten  _ so _ jumpy…” Zim said, going back to his planning and chuckling now and then. “We can practice if you want. It won’t do you any harm to be better at it. And I’m downloading information on other languages, so Dib can work on those if he wants.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t expecting that,” Dib answered. He shivered and gave an appreciative smile. “...I’d like that. If you don’t mind keeping your amusement to a minimum.” A second later, and he perked a bit. “...That’ll be nice, not having to work everything out from scratch.” 

“Zim can keep amusement down,” Zim agreed, still grinning. “...It will be nice, having someone else to speak with. As bad as Dib’s accent may be.” It couldn’t be worse than half the species out there, Zim thought. Gir made a little sound, and Zim didn’t even have to look. “I said someone  _ else _ , Gir. Zim has not forgotten you. You can help the Dib practice too.”

Giving a loud cackle and giggle, Gir clapped, before returning to his dancing. With that plan firmly in place, Dib let out a soft sound, then made a show of flipping through his book. “Let me get through these, first. I can try speeding it up.” He gave another smile, sliding his legs down to sit up. “And then that’ll be a good place to focus.” 

“Dib… does not have to speed up. There’s no hurry,” Zim answered, but he also did nothing to stop Dib. Most of the books were Earth books, as far as Zim could see- a number of them were ones that Gir had rescued from Dib, honestly. Either way, he doubted they would keep Dib busy for long even if the human was taking his time.

Dib shook his head, and Zim returned to working- though the human was still bright red and it took him some time to hit the pace he’d been in. 

And then he found that the human wasn’t exaggerating at all about either his reading speed, or about how quickly he could learn a new language. But Zim didn’t expect him to really retain the bulk of the information, though. Really, he didn’t. So when he was muttering to himself and wondering about one of his reference books, in  _ Irken _ , a few days later, and the Dib absently said, “Page 563, ah, line… 26,” while skimming over a set of schematics and drawing on them in marker, Zim had to pause and just  _ look _ at him. 

Dib didn’t seem to notice at first, and Zim sighed a little, reaching for said book and checking the line Dib had mentioned. It did, in fact, have the needed information, which Zim quickly copied down, then looked back at Dib. “How did you know that?” Zim asked. He also didn’t bother asking about how quickly Dib’s comprehension had increased, because that could be dealt with later, if at all.

“Hm?” Dib asked, humming absently and then glancing at Zim. “What?” he asked. “I read it yesterday.” He shrugged a little, then went back to the schematics in front of him, as though it wasn’t a big deal. A second later and Zim caught him changing the subject as he pointed to one of the spots on the schematic. “Think we could build this using some car parts?” 

Zim did actually look at the schematic, considering the question, before nodding. “Probably. Most of the way, at least. Why did you remember where that information was in the book? Even Zim would do good to remember ‘back-third’.” And paks had other things to keep track of, like languages.

“...I remember what I read,” Dib admitted after a long moment of silence. “The older it is, the more likely it’ll be something like ‘the back-third’ of a book or text, or something, but I read that recently, so it’s… fresh.” He ducked a little, then made note on the paper about it being possibly replaced. “It’s called eidetic memory. Mine’s, er, spotty- dad’s notes said he wasn’t sure why that part got fucked- but it’s why I could figure out Irken and shit like that.” 

Zim looked at Dib a moment longer, then nodded. “Well, you don’t have a pak-brain anyway. Zim was worried about that, but it seems it’s not really needed. ...Is that why your head is so big?” He grinned with the old insult, before shrugging a little. “That memory- it’s a thing other humans have, right? Zim is pretty sure he’s heard stories…”

“Some, the really smart people, but yeah.” Dib relaxed again, definitely from the lack of a bad reaction, then gave a half glare at Zim. “And my head isn’t big anymore. I grew into it, you jerk.” He huffed, then blinked at Zim. “A pak-brain? Should I?” 

“It would be one of the connectedy-bits. Still something Dib doesn’t want, right?” Zim glanced up again, then sighed and wadded up his paper. “This doom machine is not  _ doomy _ enough. Maybe selling college students caffeine x  _ is _ the best idea.”

Dib sighed a little, then nudged Zim with an arm. “What about something else, something… sugary? Taking over doesn’t have to involve utter doom and destruction. Corporations already have high amounts of control. It wouldn't be hard to wiggle in.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “You want me to have the connectedy-bits, don’t you?” he asked. 

“Caffeine x  _ has _ sugar,” Zim grumbled, tossing his wadded paper at Gir, who promptly chased after it, then ate it. “And doom is  _ fun _ .” He shrugged at the second question, lekku perking, then moving randomly. “Zim… thinks Dib would be more safe with connectedy-bits. Better health monitoring. Zap restart button. Temperature control, automatic life-support deployment- everything Zim has! ...Well, most. Some things aren’t compatible.”

“...We can do the connectedy-bits,” Dib said, after a moment and letting out a soft sigh of air. He frowned, then shook his head. “I don’t mean like that. There’s a saying we have- you get more flies with honey. It means, you can get more by being friendly. Or in this case, we use one of Tak’s ideas. And I ask Gaz for a favor.” 

Zim brightened, and immediately reached for a new piece of paper for his ideas. “Tak will not be happy. And… asking Gaz for a favor? That’s serious. Does Dib really need to go that far? ...Is Dib feeling okay?” A moment later and he looked up at Dib again, lekku reaching for the human. “Does… this mean Dib is going to help Zim?”

“I’ve been thinking about it. Even if I didn’t help you, I’m a freak enough  _ before _ alien modification that I don’t belong anyway. So… why not? That. And some other stuff.” Dib shrugged, and then gave a low sigh. “It may not be needed, but it could help. Dad owns a bunch of shit. One of those things is a chemical company, or at least, in name. He’s not used it in years. If Gaz asks him for the deed, he’ll give it to her, but if I ask, he’ll probably say no. We could use it.”

Thinking a moment, Zim nodded, pulling out another paper and making a note to himself. “Zim can find more games for Gaz in return. Maybe send her to Arcadia.” Trade would work better, in this case, and lower the risk of Gaz getting angry at Dib or Zim. “Hm… and maybe a  _ little _ work with Tak. If we need to…” He paused, then looked up at Dib with wide eyes. “Zim… isn’t going to hurt them. Unless Zim has to. Or Dib wants.”

“Arcadia would be best. And a promise to take over games, or something.” Dib blinked at him, then shook his head. “I guessed that, Zim. I don’t know, sometimes I hate them, sometimes I don’t. But Gaz won’t interfere, no matter the case. My main thought is that if she gets the deed and gives it to us, we’d have some standing.” He shifted, looking over the schematics in front of him. “People, humans, are easily controlled, if you find the right buttons, and push them.” 

“She’s still scary,” Zim muttered, going back to his first list, connectedy-bits for Dib. “Invaders… are supposed to infiltrate, learn, and soften the planet. Of course… Zim is starting to think that the Tallest didn’t even expect a planet here…” And that was okay, because he was  _ still _ going to take it over, and show them how much he was really worth. “Zim… has not found many buttons, though. Pretty good at the infiltration part, though.” He laughed, because his disguise was  _ terrible _ .

Dib made a face, laughing quietly. “We’re the equivalent of the backwaters of the deep south,” he said, before touching Zim’s arm. “One of the biggest buttons is food, another is chemicals. Like Caffeine. Like tech. We just have to take control of those markets, and then we can work towards others.” His touch gained more pressure, and Zim could feel the warmth. “We’ll be the new Umbrella corporation, but with less zombies.”

“The only problem with zombies is controlling them,” Zim pointed out, though he was teasing. “Hm. There’s a Vortian Zim should call. Wonder if I could change his assignment…” That was an idea, and Zim was fairly sure it wouldn’t be  _ that _ hard. If not him, maybe he could convince Tak to put the request in- no-one would look twice at  _ her _ name. Or Skoodge, maybe… Zim shook his head, trying to focus. “You’re warm.”

“You wrangle them, I’ll wrangle Gaz- and if I have to, dad.” Dib gave a little grin, then flipped to being embarrassed again, pulling his hand back. “Sorry. I know I’m on the warm side, and it’s warm in here, too.” 

Zim drooped slightly in distress, then grabbed Dib’s hand back. “Zim… doesn’t mind. It’s warm in here for a reason. Irkens… like warm, and I’ve finally realized there’s no reason not to indulge myself. ...Is it too warm for Dib?” They could work that out, of course- and temperature control was one of the things he was going to add to Dib’s not-quite-pak.

“No, no, it’s fine, it’s not bad or anything at all. I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way, that’s all.” Dib shifted his hand, twining his fingers in Zim’s and giving a squeeze, before grinning a little. 

Zim looked at their hands, just a little confused, before squeezing back. “...College skool starts up again in a couple days. Should… Zim send Gir to clean up things?” Dib would be safe with him, Zim was sure. If anyone came sneaking around, they would  _ rue _ it. A lot of the proposed industry would benefit from human testing, after all…

“I should really be the one cleaning up,” Dib answered. “Uh… maybe we both can go. Me and Gir, I mean.” Zim immediately felt rankled- and it showed. “I’m just saying. It feels weird to let him completely clean up after my mess.” 

“But it’s not your mess. It’s  _ their _ mess. And Zim would  _ love _ to make them clean it up, but can’t. So Gir can. And maybe find ways to find them…” DNA samples, maybe- Zim should have thought of that earlier, but he wasn’t  _ too _ worried. He had video of them, too. “Anyway, it’s what he’s for. He’ll have fun, and probably eat most of it.”

Dib made a soft sound. “Alright, alright. But I want to at least go out at some point. I’ve been here for long enough that it’s weird.” Zim’s lekku moved back, and the human shook his head. “I don’t mean that. I just mean that I’ve not been anywhere for a while. I’ve been here, and I’m used to, you know, doing stuff, usually. Especially now.” 

Zim relaxed again, then nodded. “I’ve been enjoying no  _ horrible _ disguise. But… Clucky Chicken? Or Grimy Taco and we bring Gir back stuff. Or he comes with.” Zim shrugged, equally okay with either option- or what Dib might suggest, really. By now, Zim knew what he could stand at every restaurant in the area.

He wasn’t expecting Dib to give a little laughter. “We don’t have to get food, Zim. I’ll be happy finding a park or something and just being out for a bit. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, either.” The human squeezed his hand again, then hummed, and added, “Plus, those are meaty places, and I know you prefer vegetarian.” 

“They have food with no  _ meat _ . ...Like the slaw,” Zim pointed out, though he smiled a little. He knew Dib had noticed his preferences, and needs- the human had mentioned it, sometimes. But it was… nice to have it brought up again. “Or a park. Zim will go where Dib wants.” And Dib wasn’t going to be let out alone- not unless he  _ really _ insisted on it. Zim would relax about that once they’d taken over, or at least connected the not-pak.

“Let’s do a park. Less… gross, yeah?” Dib asked. Zim didn’t realize how tense he was at the thought until he relaxed. A park would be  _ way _ less dirty and gross, that was for sure. And that was sad, considering it was  _ outside _ . He nodded, and they went back to their original work. 

Maybe it was a bad thing, but Dib was able to surprise him with a backpack of drinks and snacks and something else Zim didn’t recognize, for their ‘trip’ out. It was cold and slightly wet, but the human was grinning. “Alright. I figure… I’ve seen your base. And, I mean, it would be nicer in summer, but…” he trailed off, before leading Zim towards one of the trails. 

Zim was confused, but followed Dib easily enough, amused by how  _ easy _ it was to trust the human. Of course, they’d slept near each other for months now, and Dib had never offered him the slightest bit of harm since that had started, but still… it was worth considering. Zim also thought about how much he had changed from when he had come here. Then again, he had been on Earth for slightly longer than he had been a smeet, and that was… strange.

They went off a side path, down, to a spot near the edge of the river that moved through where they were. Zim was still confused until they were suddenly in a little clearing under a rock overhang, with an old fire-pit and a tiny cave of sorts. “This is where I used to hide,” Dib said, slipping around to the cave, and yanking out wood that was still dry, to stack in the pit. “You had- have- your base. I had this spot.” 

It was… pathetic, especially compared to Zim’s base, or even Dib’s father’s stuff. Zim didn’t say that, simply poking around a little. “Zim never knew. ...That explains how some of your schemes took me by surprise.” The cave was small, but snug, and Zim didn’t worry too much about sitting down. “Dib… can have the base too. I mean, we  _ are _ allies.”

“Thanks, Zim,” Dib said with a small smile. A second later, and he was starting a fire and dragging a bench over near the fire pit. Sudden warmth erupted as the fire grew larger. “You never looked here, or anywhere near the river.” Zim moved to sit there, and Dib followed. “Hell, Gaz never found me if I was here, either.” 

“So much of the water here is so  _ filthy _ . How do humans put up with that? When we take over, we’ll make properly clean water a  _ rule _ . Why is the water so dirty, anyway?” And of course he hadn’t spent much time around the river- too much chance he’d fall in. He looked at the fire, then scooted closer to Dib. It  _ was _ nice here, really- mostly, at least.

Dib dropped his bag on the bench, leaning back on one hand. “Well. Following history, we completely ruined a lot of our planet during the industrial age, and when we changed farming tactics. After that, it got even worse during the cold war, and has just been going downhill.” The human made a face. “Would you believe that where we’re at isn’t bad? There’s places that have no life. None. Sticking your hand in there is liable to cause third degree burns.” 

Zim made his own face, and shuddered. “Humans really are insane and begging for- er. Well. No, I guess. Hum.” He couldn’t really say that Irk was in much better shape, though, not really. “Is it fixable? It has to be fixable.” Not that turning the place into a giant dessert bakery needed any  _ nature _ . But maybe a park planet with dessert- they could multitask! Why not? 

“Yeah, but people are stupid. And, I’m sorry Zim, but I really don’t ever expect you to go camping or out in the wilderness. The germs alone would send you spare.” Dib grinned, picking up a dampened stick to poke the fire with. “But you’re right. Most people are stupid, they don’t… see stuff. Before we take over I want to take you to a museum, at least for the history, for fossils and stuff like that.” 

“...Yeah, probably not me. But would you want to? ...And any bigfeets would probably be happier.” Zim sent a wary look at the landscape around him, then just sighed and looked for his own stick. “A museum? So I can learn more  _ horrible _ human history? Why?” He knew some human history, of course- he’d  _ been _ through skool, so knew at least as much as the average human. It was just… pointless.

Dib laughed quietly. “Maybe. But, no, Zim, I don’t want to take you for  _ human _ history. We’ve not always been here. I want to take you for the history before we came down from the trees and started running around.” He grinned, shaking his head, then started rifling through his bag. “Then again, half of that we could get by showing you the Jurassic Park films.” 

There had been a  _ little _ talk about that in skool, but Zim figured it was probably something covered more in college, one of the classes he skipped- or maybe he’d been napping. “Well, company will take some time, won’t it? So, while that’s going on, Zim won’t have that much to do. So, there will be time?” It sounded harmless enough, anyway.

“That's true,” Dib agreed. He found what he was looking for, and then offered Zim a bag of gummy candies while he popped open the top of his water bottle to drink. “And there are always movies. I noticed you have a collection of horror films, but it is missing a bunch that I think you may enjoy.” He paused, then laughed again. “That was the one thing Gaz and I always agreed on, when it came to movie night.” 

“Then we should get them,” Zim agreed, shrugging. “I like watching humans die  _ revolting _ deaths. And they make Gir laugh.” Most things did, of course. He took the offered gummies, munching happily. Zim was pretty sure that said movies just went to prove that humans were  _ really _ asking to be destroyed.

“Mm. Yeah. It’s weird, but I don’t mind that, either.” Dib took out his own snack, and then went for his drink again. “Maybe I’ll trade Gaz my DVD collection. That might work pretty well.” 

“I thought we were offering her a vacation to Arcadia,” Zim said, before shrugging a little. “Though she won’t have to wait as long for your DVDs.” He thought a moment, then chuckled a little. “You know, she’s not surprised that we’re friends now. How strange is that?”

Dib snorted. “We can do both. The DVDs will be so she doesn’t stab me with the nearest sharp object.” He shrugged after a moment. “It’s not a surprise to me. Gaz has always been ahead of the curve with noticing things. She told me I was going to give up chasing you before I hit thirty, and I did. Why, what did she say?” 

Well, of course Gaz was observant. Dib was himself, so it stood to reason. Zim wondered where they got it from- the professor certainly wasn’t observant! “Eh. She said she gave it a year before we, um. ‘Bump uglies’? What does that even  _ mean _ ?”

The human was in the middle of drinking when he asked, and in a literal second, Dib was spewing liquid across the fire, making it crackle. And then he was coughing and sputtering, and wiping at his face with a hand. “She said- wow.” He wiped at his face, still making a soft sound here and there, and flushing the brightest that Zim had ever seen yet. “You. Um. You don’t want to know, Zim.” 

Zim blinked at Dib, lekku moving under his wig. “Well. Yes, I kind of do. Especially now…” That had been a reaction almost as good as his prank in the lab! And of course he might regret it, but when had that ever stopped him. “Tell meee!”

“Alright, but if you freak out, don’t blame me,” Dib answered, cringing. “It’s, er, you know, it’s a term that means to be intimate.” He immediately reached for more to put on the fire, while Zim cocked his head in confusion.

“We have… already…? Is trying to kill each other not intimate? Or living together? You’ve been in my pak!” How, on  _ any _ planet, was that not intimate? And yet, Zim was quite sure that wasn’t what Gaz, and Dib by extension, meant. “...Not that anything in my pak is really ugly… Some weapons are, but Zim wouldn’t use  _ those _ .”

Rubbing at his face, Dib shook his head. “No, no. It means the other kind of intimate. Not the fighting kind- though it can  _ start _ with fighting- the other kind. That doesn’t involve  _ clothing _ ,” he said. It still took Zim a moment to figure it out. 

“...Sexual mating activity? She  _ knows _ we’re not even the same- why would she- why- what-” Zim just  _ stopped _ , one eye twitching. Finally he just sighed. “Your sister is  _ seriously _ scary, Dib-worm. And  _ that’s _ what your dad thinks is successful?”

“I told you you didn’t want to know. I understand that it’s gotta gross you right the fuck out. And- Gaz is Gaz, I don’t know what she sees that made her think it, but it’s gotta be something.” Dib shrugged, still bright red, and visibly so. 

“It makes no  _ sense _ ! The chances of two species even  _ surviving _ each other’s habits- and she  _ knows _ and- She’s crazy!” And Zim was chilling, yes, though he was pretty sure any noticeable change was hidden by the warmth from the fire.

Dib looked down, then gave a little, still embarrassed grin. “I wouldn’t say surviving is the big issue… unless I’m missing something,” he said, only to pause a second later. “Then again, you had to sit through human sex ed, while I didn’t have to do the same for any other species…” he trailed off, looking thoughtful even with everything. 

“...It’s on the computer. Though, weirdly, Irkens and humans might be… able to actually enjoy it. And at least you’re  _ clean _ -” Zim paused again, and shivered. “That changes  _ nothing _ . Gaz is  _ scary _ , and wrong, and neither Zim nor Dib are  _ ugly _ !”

Maybe Dib was a little too thoughtful. But Zim wasn’t expecting him to make another embarrassed sound. “It’s a figure of speech, Zim. It doesn’t mean we’re ugly, it-” he shook his head and gave a low sigh, before giving up. “Anyway, that’s what she meant. You okay, you’re cold again.” 

“And you are red!” Zim answered, sticking out his tongue in a childish gesture. “Zim has been here long enough to know what  _ that _ means.” The distraction let some of his own embarrassment fade, and he huffed. “...I am also very glad that Gir was not here.”

“...Me too. With all of his recent screaming about hugs and friendship? It’d be even worse.” Dib shook his head, then poked the fire with his stick. “Thanks for coming with me, anyway. And not, like, trying to lock me in your base. It’s nice out.” 

Zim laughed a little, sitting up a bit. “I considered it. But you are safe with Zim! Or even Gir. And after things get hooked up, you’ll be safer alone, too.” And it wasn’t bad, coming out, even with the contacts and wig. “So… tell me more about your  _ plan _ . Or… are you still working on it?”

The human shrugged, then nodded. “Still working, but I think…” He bent, drawing in the sand and rocks near the fire. “With the chemical company it wouldn’t be hard to make more caffeine x as you like to call it. Selling that will be as easy as one two three. Then we can work on taking over with more, from there.” 

The planning was nice, soothing. Zim did find himself planning a report in his mind, for a call that would never come, but he mostly ignored it. The days until the next semester were filled with more planning, and tinkering on the not-pak, while Gir went off to clean the dorm room. Zim turned the workstation on while Gir was there, at Dib’s request, and the three of them just talked- in Irken half the time, and Dib was right, he was  _ atrocious _ at pronouncing it.

They continued to plan, and work on things, and to just discuss as much as they could. Zim couldn’t stop thinking about what was said at times, Gaz’s words, or the discussion with the Dib near the river. He tried to remind himself that there could be many reasons for it, starting with it being  _ ages _ since he’d had much contact, until living with the Dib. 

Zim even went so far as to start a couple very basic compatibility tests- with all the stuff he and Dib were planning to do, it was best to know what  _ not _ to do. Especially when it came to upgrading Dib’s protection. Dib had elected not to go back to college, at least the physical location, and so now they were waiting on Gir to return, and finishing up the last things needed for the connectedy-bits. Zim also wondered if anyone was going to notice the voot cruiser hovering outside the dorm-room window. Gir needed  _ something _ to get everything back.

Most of everything was compatible- really, everything was, because humans were too bloody adaptable for their own good- and Zim was fairly sure of that even before he did it. And then there was the further work on the other tech they’d need, science and Dib working on it and remote classes and all of that. He was more like himself in that first span of time than Zim had seen yet. 

They still made time for movie night, too, with horrible movies about humans reaching their ends in gruesome ways. Plus ‘classics’ as Dib called them, like the one he’d just put in about a silly park. 

According to the skool lessons Zim  _ had _ paid attention to, dinosaurs were dead, or birds, and now they were burned for human’s convenience, or they looked pretty, or- well, Mrs. Bitters had been in fine form, so Zim mostly remembered hissing and screeching, and not so much the  _ lesson _ . Either way, he was quite interested in the movie, and not just because Dib liked it. About five minutes in, Zim found himself wondering if the movie-docter’s plan was at all feasible. It probably wasn’t, which was a disappointment- but hey, it was something else to look into, right?

Further in and he was enthralled with more of the creatures that were amazing killing machines. Zim liked that, especially as he found himself cuddling closer to the warmth that was the Dib next to him. Dib didn't mind, leaning against Zim in turn and then even submitting to having his hair pet- Zim quite liked the soft feel of it under his hands. Too quickly it was over, though his visible disappointment was quelled as Dib grinned at him. “There are sequels. Which I have.” 

“Yes! Show me the sequels!” Zim agreed, only to pout as he realized that would mean letting go of Dib. Unless Gir could start it- which he probably could, actually. He was good with movies. “Gir, put in the next movie! ...Unless you’re limiting us to one a day, Dib.” Zim pouted at the thought.

“No limit on these,” Dib answered. He grinned, then pointed out the DVD for Gir, keeping himself firmly in Zim's grasp. “Besides, I like the third one the best of the sequels.” He shrugged a very tiny bit, then pat Zim's leg, settling in again. The new one started with a child screaming, and oh was that great. But Zim didn't entirely mind the humans, and he liked the biggest of the beasts! 

Zim especially liked it when the big one was in the city and destroying things, and he cackled madly when it taught the baby how to hunt the man at the end. The third one was a little less spectacular as far as deaths went, but the big one there was even cooler, and Zim could see why Dib liked it. It was really a pity that none of the dinosaurs were still around.

By the end of the marathon, Dib was half dozing against Zim, sleepy and relaxed. Zim was glad for the extra chance to have him against the Irken without awkwardness, especially since their talk. Not to mention without worrying about the stupid skool stuff that Zim was just as happy to, mostly, leave behind. 

He very much enjoyed the contact, enough that Zim carefully moved Dib to lay down on the couch, muttering soothing things when the human started waking up. He managed to get them both comfortable without waking Dib, and it wasn’t really a surprise when Gir brought a blanket for them.


	9. Implementation

The morning passed more or less normally, with waffles, and a little homework, and then it was time to go down to the lab and actually connect things. Zim was eager, while Dib was understandably concerned. He had enjoyed playing with the not-pak before, but things were different now.

“Are you sure this will work right?” the human asked, watching Zim clean and disinfect the connecting cables one more time. He swallowed audibly, but even with his uncertain words, he gave a little sigh and started taking off his shirt. “I trust you,” he said. 

“Zim is sure. Zim always creates what he means to. And Dib has looked to be sure the consequences are in hand.” And it wasn’t even like it was a horrible monster, so the negative consequences were pretty minimal to start. “Zim has worked hard to get Dib back. Zim isn’t going to risk him now.” Trusted or not, the fear was understandable, and Zim was working on not taking personal offence at everything. Especially not from Dib. “...This will feel weird, though.”

“Do you want a piggy?” Gir suggested, offering Dib a rubber piggy.

Dib absently took the pig when Gir followed him with it, then took a deep breath. “My entire life is weird,” he said. He took another deep breath, then gave a small nod and sat on the closest thing that Zim had to a medical bench. His back was to Zim, and the Irken pat it before wiping more disinfectant across the pale skin. 

“Zim was… really tiny when his- I actually don’t fully remember getting my pak. I was about a minute old, so of course I don’t, but…” Zim sighed a little, then brought the not-pak up to Dib’s back. “Don’t worry about holding still,” he added, before bringing the device into full contact and hitting the connect button.

Whatever the Dib was going to say was cut into a low gasp as he pitched forward clutching the edge of the bench and trembling. “ _ Fuck _ !” the human yelled, right before he spasmed again, the pig dropped on the ground and forgotten. 

Zim flinched, though he had been expecting a fairly similar reaction, and shifted to help support Dib, rubbing him even though he didn’t think it would do much good. He could see things moving, a little, and he knew that wires and tubing were spreading under the human’s skin and muscles, connecting to the spine and organs- It should be fast, though.

By the time it was finished, Dib was against him and panting, but coming down from it- half of which was the medicine provided by the not-pak, Zim was sure. “...That… was intense...” he said, after a long moment. He twitched a little, spasms still there, then grinned and looked at his hands. 

“One time only. If you take it off, reconnecting will just be a light tingle. Zim promises,” Zim answered, still petting Dib, and looking at how flesh met metal. It was a look he was used to, though not when the skin was pale and pinky-brown weird. “How is Dib feeling?” Zim was also watching Dib carefully, just in case, although really, there wasn’t anything that could happen now.

“The soreness is fading already,” Dib answered, awe in his voice. He twitched every so often, the pak likely testing connections. Looking around after a second, he twisted, trying to look at the not-pak, but eventually gave up, and just leaned back against Zim again. “It’s different. It feels different.” 

“Zim… wouldn’t know. He’s always had one…” He did offer a mirror, but let Dib just rest as everything got sorted out. “You’ll want to eat a little more, but not much.” Zim did move his hand down to check the juncture of skin and steel, but he wasn’t worried about that, either. Zim giggled suddenly. “It’s like a very big and involved piercing. Dib likes piercings.”

Dib snorted at him, pressing into the touch. “Jerk,” he said, fond and while giving a smile. “I’m okay. I’ll get used to it, I think.” He closed his eyes, just leaning there, against Zim, for a long moment. When he moved, blinking, Zim watched him wiggle his fingers and start testing other movement. “It’s light. There isn’t much weight to it.”

“No. We value height, so of course we try not to squish ourselves much,” Zim answered. “And you know you can put things in it, like a human back-pack.” Dib had  _ seen _ that, or at least seen Zim grab a lot of stuff from his pak. “I… did underestimate the pain…”

“That’s okay,” Dib said, before smiling. As he moved, he pulled Zim into a hug. “Thanks again. It’s a really cool piercing.” He grinned, more sharp, but Zim was pleased with it, especially when Dib’s squeeze became tighter. 

Zim peeped in surprise and pleasure, before very awkwardly returning the hug. He knew how to hug with paks, but never anyone tall like Dib was- or even while  _ being _ taller. “Zim… wants to know how Membrane reacts to Dib having alien technology. Later, when we tell the  _ world _ that the Dib was  _ right _ !”

Making a soft sound, Dib squeezed again, face against the crook of Zim’s neck and shoulder. When he pulled away, he was grinning. “We’ll make him know together,” he promised. “You and me. It’ll be a good moment, yeah? The look on his face will be priceless.” 

“We need to work on your cackle,” Zim commented, grinning himself. “But now, go. Test Zim’s gift. ...Or rest. You’ve already studied…” Zim himself was still working on chemical concoctions that could help take over the world, willing to take his time now.

Time was something they had in abundance. Dib was more concerned about it- not a surprise, when it was considered that the human had the rather terrible habit of trying to do  _ everything _ at once. Still. With a little time- and owing Gaz a favor, to Zim’s horror- they had access to an entire list of things that Zim hadn’t quite been expecting. The building was larger than he thought it might be, in a part of town that was mostly empty. 

It was just a shame that Gaz decided to be there while they were cataloging what the building had and would need. “You’re both hopeless,” she commented, sitting on one of the benches. “And clueless. Not that I care, but what’s with Dib having a robo-backpack, now?” 

If it had been someone less scary than Gaz, Zim would have simply ignored the question entirely. Because it  _ was _ Gaz, though, he shrugged, going through the shelves and equipment. “We are not hopeless. Zim is quite hope _ ful _ . This is a grand step to dominating the world! And if you don’t care, why are you asking?”

“You’re such a dork,” Gaz answered. “And I am curious. I mean, he’s been living with you, but he’s my brother.” She kicked her legs, looking over to where Dib was across the room, either not listening, or too far away to hear. “I can ask what I want.” 

“I’m not a dork. I’m an Invader, Irken Elite!” Zim grumbled, making a face before pulling out a dust cloth. “And I gave him a present. He can take it off if he wants.” Dib hadn’t wanted to, though- he enjoyed the not-pak, and somehow managed to make freer use of the extra limbs than Zim did. It was amusing, really.

Gaz raised a brow. “Uh huh.” She made a soft sound, then crossed one leg over the other. “You know, Zim. I never thought I’d ever say it, but my stupid brother looks happy. It’s weird, that you’d be the one to cause that.” After a second, she gave a look that made Zim’s lekku hit his skull with surprising force, chilling visibly. “And if you break his heart, I’ll make you wish you’d never been lab grown.” 

“Why are you so scary?” Zim whined, ducking down a little. Really, there was no sensible reason for being so frightened of a human who spent most of her time playing games and eating, even if she had pretty much destroyed his base a couple times. “I’m not going to hurt him. Dib and Zim are  _ allies _ .” And Dib… made Zim happy, happier than he’d been in a long time, and happier than he’d ever been without destroying something, and that was  _ weird _ , but not something Zim wanted to jeopardize.

“I just want to be very clear,  _ Zim _ ,” Gaz said. “Dib is my brother, you’re  _ both _ utter dorks, and whenever you two  _ notice _ your  _ stupid _ attraction, I don’t want him to get hurt.” Then again, maybe the Membrane had engineered Gaz to be terrifying. Yes. That made sense. It made more sense than what the human was saying, especially as she added, “And this stays between you, and I, got it?”

“Like Zim is going to admit to  _ listening _ to a human’s threats?” Zim agreed. “Not that I even know what you are talking about. Dib has  _ no _ interest in, as Gaz said, ‘bumping uglies’.” Which was absolutely not disappointing at all, and was also  _ more _ than enough attention given to Gaz’s ridiculous new obsession.

Gaz cocked her head. “I would bet that he does, and not even because he’s looked over here at least fourteen times at you with that stupid smile on his face. I’m his sister, I know these things.” She shrugged. “Whatever. If you want to pine for him, I’m not going to stop you two morons.”

“Zim is not pining. Zim does not pine. Why would you  _ say _ that?” And he also wasn’t embarrassed, at all- Zim shivered, and sighed. “He’s just… grateful for the help I’ve given him. It’s perfectly ordinary…” Well, that wasn’t getting anywhere, and Zim changed the subject. “Why is Gaz here?”

“You keep telling yourself that,” Gaz answered. She shrugged. “I wanted to see what Dib wanted so much that he was willing to owe me a favor to help  _ you _ take over the world. For the record, this place is a dump, but I think it has potential.” 

Zim thought a moment, moving on to another shelf. “Does Gaz want to know? The Dib says that you won’t interfere. ...And Zim knows better than to disrupt your games.” Which  _ was _ the thing most likely to push Gaz into action. “I’ll tell you the plan if you want.” It was a small enough risk, Zim thought, with how many times he’d told Dib, who  _ had _ actively countered him.

“Nah, I don’t need to know,” Gaz answered. “I don’t care enough. I just want to go to this Arcadia place. It sounds up my alley.” She looked thoughtful, then huffed and smirked at Zim. “Then again, it may be entertaining to lend a hand to the hopeless.” 

“...Are… we the hopeless, or… the hapless humans upon which we shall be reigning caffeinated  _ doom _ ?” Zim asked, just to be sure. Gaz’s words weren’t very specific, and this was a case where he really needed to know the difference. He didn’t want to try going against Gaz unless he  _ really _ had to.

Dib was walking over as Gaz answered. “You two dolts,” she said. “As far as I’m concerned, everyone is asking to be taken over.” She looked at Dib, then reached into her pocket and pulled out her Game Slave. “Hey dweeb. You owe me pizza, got it?” 

It always amazing to Zim when Dib barely reacted with his sister. “Uhhuh. Sure thing, Gaz.” 

Zim also couldn’t help but make a face at that, still very much not fond of pizza. “So, what do you think, Dib? It needs cleaning. And, ah. Human slaves that aren’t slaves yet.” Zim couldn’t quite remember the word for that, and he frowned, but shrugged. “I expected more automation.”

“I’ll order you a salad and breadsticks, Zim,” Dib said, not even quite looking up from the clipboard he was making notes on. It made Zim feel better, and certainly less disgusted. “You’re right. Lots of cleaning, and we can build the automation, along with a few employees, when we need them.” 

“I’d be willing to bet that there is more in the basement,” Gaz chimed in. “Dad said he was using this place for storage.”

“Next time, Gir helps with cleaning,” Zim muttered, though he did perk at the idea of more. They already had a good start, and more would just be, well. More. More for them to use, and less time that they had to waste. “The breadsticks with sugar on them?” His lekku waggled in anticipation, quite happy with life at the moment.

“And extra icing,” Dib agreed easily. Zim pointedly ignored the look that Gaz shot his way, while Dib finally looked up from his clipboard. “I'll enter what we found into the base computers, and I can go down and check things out. It is probably filthy and full of spiders, bugs, and who knows what else.” He wasn't even looking at Gaz while she narrowed her eyes, adding, “Yes Gaz, I'll order first.” 

“Ew. Bugs. Bugs are only good when they're  _ giant _ and wreaking  _ havoc _ on cities. Not little and getting into things…” Zim had severely weather and bug proofed his base after the first horrible winter here. “Oh, Dib, expect a Vortian scientist at some point. Turned out to be easier to reassign than I expected. He knows Irken, but not English. And kind of looks like a  _ disgusting _ Earth goat.” 

Dib gave a small grin. “Awesome. He’ll be easy to disguise, then.” He wandered away to order their dinner, while Gaz half glanced at Zim, then huffed and went back to her game. 

“Weirdos,” she said. 

“As a talking goat scientist?” Zim asked, slightly confused. Then he shrugged. “Well, it works for Gir, I guess. And I am not weird. I am a normal Irken!” He grinned.

“There is nothing normal about you, Zim,” Gaz said. Zim glared at her as much as he dared, but it didn't last very long. 

When Dib came back, he was grinning. “There is a ton of stuff downstairs, including, possibly, some mutated bugs or something, I'm not sure. But that's not the best part. We could make another base, here. There's even a subbasement.” He checked his phone, then added, “And food will be here in twenty minutes.” 

“Mutated bugs! Yay!” Zim cheered, arguing with Gaz left aside. “A second base, that will take more work, but… Well, I have the production units still, of course, they’re just out of ener-matter… That can be managed, though, either can be- yeah…” And spreading more Irken technology would only help when it came to building things, later. “Yes! This will be  _ perfect _ !”

“Mm,” Dib said. “I was just thinking relatively low-tech, but whatever we can do will be good.” He shook his head, dusting himself off and then sighing a little as he moved to sit near Gaz. As much as he knew what she could, and would, do, he was less afraid acting than he should be. “Either way, I’m thinking we’ll be good to start production with the two of us and some supplies.” 

“Gir makes the jingles?” Zim suggested, because he knew  _ he _ wasn’t any good at selling things, not the human way. And that was the way they were stuck with at the moment. “And I  _ suppose _ we can do a low-tech base,  _ Dib _ ,” he added, glancing at Dib. He still didn’t understand how he could sit so near Gaz, but then, they had grown up together.

Dib snorted, glancing over at Gaz’s game and then nodding. “Well, at the very least, I think you shouldn’t be around when the pipes are flushed, especially for the sprinklers and safety systems, Zim.” He grinned wider at the face that Zim made, laughing quietly. “Yeah. It’s pretty bad looking.” 

“It is still  _ horrible _ that so much of the water here is so  _ dirty _ ,” Zim grumbled, still unamused by that whole situation. “So. What can we do with fifteen minutes? ...I could start setting up here, maybe, but… cleaning.” And there was no point in cleaning if everything was going to get dirty-wet. “Wait, why do we care about safety systems?”

“Let’s set you both on fire and see if you care,” Gaz said. 

“...Well, something like that,” Dib said. “I mean, think about it, Zim- how likely is  _ Gir _ to be in here?” 

Zim took a moment to consider the question, and then shuddered. “Safety systems are go!” he agreed immediately. Thankfully, the steps needed to clean and set up everything to commercial standards weren’t that hard. Getting things up to  _ Zim’s _ standards was a bit harder, but even then they were ready to go fairly quickly. And then the Vortian scientist came, and Zim  _ was _ looking forward to that. He was pretty sure all they’d need was a hat to hide the horns, really.

The caution was something that neither he nor Dib could blame the Vortian for. Even so, the horned alien hummed at them, stepping through, into the new secondary base. There wasn’t trust there, really, but there was little that the prisoner, T-Seven, could do. “ **I can’t believe you want me to help you. ...But even this is better than being near the Massive,** ” the alien said. 

**“How often do you get to wreak** **_doom_ ** **directly?”** Zim asked, shrugging.  **“I think you’ll have fun here. And don’t worry, the natives are** **_ripe_ ** **for doom- and most of them are gonna survive.”** He could understand if T-Seven had fears about that, after all.  **“You might want to work on a native language, though…”** Or not- they could just say he was foreign, like Dib had suggested. Speaking of- Zim looked at Dib, who was blushing slightly, and sighed.

“Shut up,” Dib muttered at him, before waving a hand at T-Seven in greeting. 

“ **You have a native here, with you? Is this one your… experiment? Pet? Something else?** ” The Vortian narrowed his eyes at Dib, then gave a sigh. “ **It’s not often I get to do much at all. And it’s… strange that you would request it. Your Tallest don’t take kindly on us doing much.** ” 

**“Yes, this is Dib. He is Zim’s. And… Mm, the Tallest think less kindly of me, too- something about piloting the Massive.”** Zim chuckled a little, then motioned at the base.  **“We will show them otherwise.”** He looked at Dib, shrugging a little. “And I didn’t say anything, Dib. Anyway, do you have any ideas where we should go first? Otherwise, I guess we’ll just go to the lab, but… Oh, or his room?”

Dib snorted, then reached for his notes. “His room, I think. Flies with honey, right?” He made a soft sound and slid from the bench he was sitting on- a grievous error when it came to sanitation, in Zim’s opinion. “And we can give him food. I kinda highly doubt your buddies have been feeding him enough.” 

T-Seven looked between them, then nodded. “ **I see why you mentioned learning the native language,** ” he said. “ **And I’ve not forgotten my punishment for letting you take control, either. ...Though, it was worth it.** ” 

“ **What, you thought I didn’t have a reason? It is good to hear you thought it worth the effort. ...I do have video from that time.** ” Zim chuckled, then started towards the room they’d prepared for T-Seven. “ **Zim has learned here that a certain level of… generosity is of use. So, you shall have a room, and foods. And time to rest.** ” And then he could see how much softness could actually be allowed. He also didn’t really have the resources to do much else.

“I’ll grab the food,” Dib said. He slipped out of the room before Zim could answer, though the Irken caught sight of him when he appeared behind T-Seven, while the Vortian followed, looking confused as anything else. 

“ **...Thank you? I’m, er, surprised. And I’m surprised you have a local as help. He’s… tall.** ” T-Seven looked even more startled at the sight of his room, and then again as Dib appeared, holding a box of snacks. All of them were placed on the desk. 

“ **He is,** ” Zim agreed, chilling just a little. “ **But don’t let the natives’ height fool you. He’s the only one with any real intelligence- which is why he is aiding us.** ” Zim paused a moment, glancing around, then added, “ **His brood-mate sister is smart too, but not as helpful. Do** **_not_ ** **interrupt her gaming, should you see her, or there is nothing that can save you.** ” Lekku lashed as he imagined how terrible that could be, then motioned at the snacks table. “ **Eat if you’re hungry. Do you require time to settle in before I show you where you’ll work?** ”

T-Seven shrank back a little. “ **That… would be nice, if allowed,** ” he said. “ **I will not interrupt the brood-mate of your servant? Aid?** ” He did smile gratefully, at Zim, and then at Dib, though that was even more cautious. 

At least Dib was being careful and quiet. Zim knew he had questions, and more of his energy was back with time and success. But they wanted to be careful about what the Vortian knew, about any part of the full plan, or their friendship. 

“ **He renders aid, he knows when not to question. It is not unheard of, merely uncommon.** ” And that was really as much as the Vortian needed to know right now. “ **It is the evening cycle of this planet. So, rest while you can.** ” He nodded, then turned to leave the room, Dib following behind him.

“...That was… stranger than I anticipated. Well, Dib- did you get your fill of Irken yet?” Zim said as they left, once the door was closed. T-Seven would be able to explore a little bit, but he was still limited to a very small area.

Dib gave half of a glare, though mostly he didn’t seem to mind. “I’ve been getting better with it,” he said, following Zim out and through the base. He was grinning, Zim could  _ tell _ , a moment later. “...Though, it was even weirder for me, you know. I’m the one that has to pretend that I have no clue what he’s saying. Or you, oh  **Irken master** .” 

“Gah! Okay, first, you really  _ do _ need to work on pronunciation. ...Though it’s getting better. And second, that is- that is  _ weird _ to hear from you. At least willingly. Warn me next time!” Zim gave an over-dramatized shudder, though he did look back and grin as well. “You pretended well, though I tried to make it easy on you. I think he’ll be a help.”

“Yeah, it felt weird saying it. And I was closer! I’ve been working with Gir, but I can’t always tell when he’s doing the mispronouncing.” Dib gave a soft sigh, but soon they were in the safe spot, and he was able to flop onto the couch, careful about his not-pak, and still grinning. “I think it’ll be interesting. He seems nice.” 

“I… think he is. I worked with him, before- long before. When the Vortians were still allies. But I don’t… actually know much about him…” Zim rubbed his head, and lekku, a little, before flopping on the couch himself. “Gir… you’ll get used to how he says things. And you’ll have more chances to hear accents now.”

Dib twisted to look at him. “Yeah, that’s true. And you’re right. It’ll be nice to hear more.” He grinned a little bit wider, then stretched. “You okay? One of your lekku looks like it’s got a crinkle in it, or something. I’ve not seen that since we had an actual fight. Well, or since you change to that nicer wig.” 

Zim paused, tugging on the lekku, and then gave a little groan. “Explains the headache. I got more worked up than I have for a while, and… well, it happens. Like humans throwing out their  _ stupid _ spines. And then it gets better.” Straightening helped, of course, which was why he was doing it- though it would help more if it were someone else. He looked at Dib, but decided against asking.

“It’s not our faults we evolved from quadrupeds to bipedal in a horrifyingly roundabout way,” Dib said. “Want some help?” he asked, after a moment more, sitting up and moving closer, so that Zim didn’t have to. “I can do it, and I’ll be careful, you know that. “

“Not a question, and…” Zim sighed again. It wasn’t any worse than the human being in his pak, and he’d already had the human touching his lekku. “Yes. Please. Just… rub and straighten? ...And Zim can rub Dib’s back when he throws it.” He grinned a little, though the idea of touching Dib again- “Gah! Dib’s scary sister is in Zim’s  _ brain _ .”

After a second, Dib’s fingers started to move, a gentle touch to the first lekku, where he started with little circles and gentle motions that really did feel much better, already. “Thanks, Zim, but hopefully I never do throw out my back.” He laughed quietly, then added, questioning, “What did Gaz say this time? Threaten to rip out your guts again?” 

“If I told you, yes,” Zim answered, eyes closing. “Zim  _ likes _ his guts. So no further explanation for  _ you _ . Oooh… that feels good…” The warmth from Dib’s hand helped too, relaxing Zim. “...And I hope your back does not get thrown too.”

Dib raised a brow, making sure to carefully work at one crinkle before moving to the next. “Something she doesn’t want me to know you two talked about? Sounds… kind of Gaz-like. I’m surprised, though… Well. I want you to keep your guts, too, though I‘m curious.” He shifted one hand to rub near Zim’s head, too, soothing part of the headache itself. 

“...I’m not sure you understand how  _ scary _ your sister is. She’s terrifying, and it is  _ not _ natural. She’d scare the Tallest! -Which is not the worst idea I’ve ever had. Also counter to the point of this, I think…” Zim huffed, then slumped against Dib. “That’s how scary she is.”

Dib laughed. “She’s scary, but not  _ that _ scary, Zim,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, I promise.” His fingers continued their movement, rubbing the tension out of Zim’s frame. “I could probably ask her myself. She might tell me, or she might tell me to fuck right off.” 

“Mm. Better than guts on the outside,” Zim answered. Dib  _ could _ stop now, but Zim didn’t point that out, enjoying himself too much- and Dib was probably aware that he could stop. Dib had probably been really curious about the lekku, like Zim had been about hair. And it felt good!

Chuckling again, Dib’s fingers simply continued to move from one lekku to the other, and also switching for other spots, following the way Zim moved them. “So, if we’re skipping over whatever Gaz said, what’s wrong? You’ve been off every so often, I’ve noticed. There’s no reason, I don’t think. Or maybe I’m just missing it.” 

“Thoughts. Lots of thoughts, that I’m not even sure where to start. And no, Zim doesn’t want to talk to Dib about them. ...Not yet.” Not when half of them involved Dib. The other half involved things that Zim… wasn’t entirely sure if Dib would understand, though he’d been surprised by the human more than once before.

“That’s fair. As long as you know you can, right? It’s what friends are supposed to be there for.” Dib shrugged, and Zim could feel that, but was too comfortable with where he was, and how warm, to open his eyes and look at the human. Zim thought he could fall asleep in the way he was, and wondered about getting away with that. 

The Dib had fallen asleep on him often enough, Zim thought. So it should be fine if he just… slipped into a nap. He was practically there already.


	10. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim is trying to turn over a new leaf. He's not very good at it.

It was easy to slip into a bit of a cycle with working with the Vortian. He got along well with Dib, especially when English was picked up, and the human had been right about bugs and sticky-sweets and the other gibberish. But even with the help, it was mostly the two of them, planning while the Dib finished skool. 

The added load should have made the human more tired, and it did to an extent. But by giving up the pretense of normalcy, Dib could rush through it all, and without judgement. Still, Zim found himself looking forward to nights when the Dib fell asleep against him. It felt… pathetic. 

Pathetic or not, it wasn't enough for Zim to stop it. Dib always slept better against him, anyway. That was the excuse Zim gave himself, and he didn't ask why he cared. Dib’s schedule also gave them a handy way to test some of the alternative caffeine x formulations- sweeter, fewer calories, and ‘extreme’, which was exactly the same but had lemon added.

It was a surprise when the Vortian tried to convince the Dib that maybe their plan wasn’t the best one, that maybe Zim was using him as much as he was T-Seven. The Vortian wasn’t the best with English, but he tried anyway, giving commentary on the Irken empire as a whole being cruel and nasty. Zim felt his lekku twitch, warming in anger until he caught Dib’s answer- the universe was cruel and nasty, and even if Zim was using him, it was better than what he’d had. 

The Irken heard Dib almost forget that they were hiding their friendship, grumbling to himself as he slipped from the lab area and into the ‘break room’ which had nothing to do with breaking people or things. 

After a bit, Zim slipped into the room himself, watching Dib. “...He’s right, you know. We can be good allies, but… we also took over Vort because my slug… killed some people, and since it was a Vortian station, they blamed Vortians- Didn’t even try to figure out what had happened. And Zim is… remembering more things. Some of it might be the Tallest are young. And Zim… remembers other Tallest. When Irk was different. But… Doesn’t matter. He’s still right.”

“...I know,” Dib said. “I read as much of your history as I have of human history.” He didn’t look at Zim, focusing on the stupid vending machine that was still empty except for some old nut mixes. “I don’t- I mean, something’s been up with you. I don’t know what it is, or why- or maybe something I did, but…” he trailed off, then huffed and added, “I’m annoyed that he acted like I wouldn’t notice something like that.” 

“It’s nothing Dib has done,” Zim assured Dib, looking up for a moment. “...And Zim has ruined enough treaties. Zim’s thoughts have… been very nearly treasonous lately.” He frowned, pressing against the wall and looking at the floor. Maybe this was why defectives were discarded.

Dib could be heard moving, shifting in his seat and then standing. “What… hey. Are you thinking that you could ‘ruin’ being friends? Because that’s not the case. And you have every right to think ‘treasonous’ thoughts.” 

Zim gave a little huffed laugh. “Assuring Dib that Zim does not  _ want _ to ruin this truce. ...Friendship.” He smiled a little, glancing up enough to see Dib’s feet. “Maybe I have the right to think them, but… that’s what loyalty is.  _ Not _ thinking them, not believing. Ignoring the flaws in the system, because you know it’s the best system there is.”

“That’s not loyalty, that’s being willfully blind,” Dib responded. “Being loyal includes trying to make the best system better.” He half stood, Zim could feel that, though he kept his head down for the moment, unsure. “And even ignoring that- what have they done to earn loyalty from you, Zim? Exist? Ignore fixable glitches in your pak, because it’s easier to punish you or throw you at a task that might kill you?” 

“Zim hid the glitches. Glitches don’t get fixed,” Zim answered, without thinking much about what else Dib was saying, and meaning. “...Zim is… pretty sure that there wasn’t supposed to be a planet here. ...I’ll show you that at home.” But what if the Tallest still didn’t care, even after he brought them a planet… And Zim sighed, setting his shoulders and looking up at Dib. “I told you… to do stuff for you. And that I was taking over because I wanted. So I… really should listen.”

Dib frowned, then sighed. “If they didn’t even know it was here, then why are you going to give it to them? We could keep it, for you.” He frowned again, then reached out for Zim’s gloved hand. “I think you’re missing a key point here, Zim. I’m not helping you take over for me. I mean, not really. You want this, so I’m helping.” 

That got another little laugh from Zim, and he tightened his hand around Dib’s. “Yes. Zim wants this. Zim…  _ does _ . And… They know it’s here  _ now _ . ...And they’ve kind of done their best to avoid it, haven’t they? Even when we’re driving them here…” Zim laughed again, glancing up at Dib. “You know, you weren’t a bad pilot. Not really. We should see about upgrading the voot runner- or just getting a new ship entirely…”

“You’re changing the subject,” Dib teased. “I know my own tactics when I see them.” He shook his head, then grinned. “We could build one,” he suggested, before pulling away a little. “I did like piloting, a lot. And I’m sure I’m better at it now, than I was before, even.” The human squeezed his hand back, anger gone. 

“Zim thought we were done with the first subject,” Zim answered, smiling back. “Yes, new ships. Our own planet… Zim has heard worse ideas.” And then there were six other planets near-by just  _ waiting _ to be used, and then… Then there were still others, and… Zim cackled. “You can tell the Vortian that Zim has promised you a  _ planet _ ! If you want.”

Dib laughed, letting his hand go and then pulling back again. “Like the giant hamster? Or the time you thought you could take over using Santa Claus? I still find it funny that the  _ good _ spirit of the holidays took you over.” Zim couldn’t help but pout, even as Dib added. “A whole planet, just for me, huh? You’re too generous.” 

“We do not  _ talk _ about Santa  _ Claus _ !” Zim yelled, still pouting. “And I’ve told you, Irken can be very generous to friends. And it’s just one planet.” And the less said about the hamster the better- though that one  _ had _ been working surprisingly well. He’d just failed to prepare some things. And now he was… doing that less.

Grinning, and very obviously planning on teasing him more, later, Dib started back, towards the actual lab. “The sooner we finish, then, the sooner we can work on ships,” he said. “And we can talk at home, right? It’s safer that way.” 

“Tak has no cameras here yet,” Zim pointed out, though he smiled. “Talk at home. Plan a product launch now, right? You only have a few classes left.” The initial launch was supposed to come just before most skools had tests- and Dib was willing to give a testimonial. Gaz had said she might even be willing, or at least that it might be entertaining.

“We get this going, and things’ll move fast,” Dib agreed. “I need to call that marketing guy today, too. Tak actually recommended him, because he has a brain made of jelly but can sell anything.” He did reach out, squeezing Zim’s hand one last time, before dropping it and heading out, through the other door to the office. It was strange, but they were getting there.

Product launch was a nightmare and a half. Even with the lead time to prepare, Zim was pretty sure they didn’t have enough production to meet demand. Both Dib and the marketing guy insisted that rarity would only help the launch, and the only real option was to believe them. It was also the first real test of distribution, and  _ everything _ , and Zim didn’t get any sleep until the first store sold out and Dib conspired with Gir to drug him.

He woke to the smell of something sweet and breakfast-y. A small part of him was annoyed, until he realized that the kinks in his lekku were smoothed out, and he felt better than he’d felt in  _ weeks _ . And Dib was there, holding a tray while Gir whisper-screamed in the background. “Hey,” the human greeted. “Before you get mad- I brought a peace offering.” 

“Dib  _ drugged _ Zim,” the Irken grumbled, before stretching and sitting up. The food smelt good, and he  _ did _ feel better. Gir was looking entirely too happy, dancing in the background and singing about the food, but he  _ was _ being quieter than normal, and that was another change Dib had caused. “Peace offering?” It looked like toast- french toast, the kind that Gir wasn’t as fond of, for some obscure reason. It smelt more spicy and sweet than that, though.

“Zim was barely standing and tried to leave without his disguise,” Dib answered primely. He sat on the bed, then put the tray in Zim’s lap. “It’s not waffles, but I’ve been working at the recipe when I can. There’s no drugs in it, I promise.” He grinned a little, then added, “Gir has been worried about you.” 

“We’re gonna tell them anyway,” Zim pointed out, pouting. Of course, they weren’t going to tell anyone  _ yet _ . Dib was right about that. “...Just Gir?” he asked, before poking the food a little. It  _ was _ french toast, with swirls of something in it, and sweet custard on top, and Zim trusted Dib enough to take a forkful. The swirls turned out to be cinnamon, and the whole thing was  _ so _ sweet that he knew immediately that Dib had been working on it just for him. Even with the not-pak, Dib wasn’t as fond of sweets. Zim gave a deep hum, slumping a little to focus on tasting.

“You know it’s not just Gir. It’s me, too. I’ve been worried about you, Zim. I’ve never seen you get so… worked up. Or not sleep for so long.” Dib smiled at the sight of Zim eating, pulling his legs up to sit on the bed more comfortably. “But I’m glad to see my offering might be acceptable. I debated serving it to you with ice cream and toppings.” 

“Eeeh… That might actually have been too much,” Zim admitted, happily eating more. “This is good. This is getting added to Desserted Earth menu.” He giggled happily, tugging on Dib to try and get the human closer. “Zim… did need sleep. I… What if everything went wrong, what if it exploded like everything else? I had to be ready…”

“Well, nothing went wrong, and I took care of what little there was while you got some rest,” Dib said, moving closer, enough so that Zim could rest against him comfortably. “And I am glad you like it. I know you like cinnamon buns, so… it seemed like a good thing to make, but better.” 

“Is that what you did? Squished cinnamon buns into toast shape? It… works.” Zim said that as if he hadn’t already said that he liked it. “Custard is better than the icing. Thicker. Ordinary syrup would work too…” Those could be offered as options. “Thank you for taking care of Zim.” And laying against Dib just reminded Zim of all the things Gaz had said. The idea still wasn’t as horrible as Zim expected.

Dib snorted. “Of course I'll take care of you, you jerk,” he said, teasing. “Come on, Zim, don't be silly. And you've taken care of me, too.” He shook his head, then sighed a little and laughed quietly. “And, if you must know, I used cinnamon bread, not the buns themselves, though I may try that next time.” 

“Sticky fried dough… Onnastick!” Gir contributed, apparently realizing that Zim was eating and he didn’t have to be quiet any longer. “Master! Dib tooook care of you! I helped! You’re sooo cute.”

“Gir… I already know Dib took care of me,” Zim answered, sighing. Gir had a strange habit of pointing out exactly the most embarrassing things.

Dib just pat Gir when he came close enough, though he was already running away, off to do whatever it was that he had been doing. He gave a soft sigh of his own, then grinned at Zim. “Do you think you’ll want more? I made extra and put it in the oven to keep warm. I can go get it, though.” Zim was torn between saying yes, and saying no, because Dib was warm and comfortable!

“Do you think Gir can get more? Or should Zim and Dib give up our comfy morning?” Zim was pretty sure that Dib was comfortable himself. Zim had managed to get the human to mostly indulge himself, he thought. “I haven't been eating well, either. ...Well. You're not fighting me this time, so… everything will work. Just as planned. No reason for anything to go wrong.” He was  _ scared _ , a feeling Zim hated.

Before Dib could answer, Gir was back, holding a new plate above his head, stacked high with the french toast and custard, and giggling like mad. “I added sprinkles!” he yelled, before the stack was shoved into Zim’s hands. 

The human let out a soft sigh. “No, you haven’t been. And you’re right, I’m not fighting, I’m helping. You’ve got to let me watch out for you, you know, space boy.” He grinned again. “And I guess I don’t have to move.”

“I suppose not. This pleases Zim! And thank you, Gir,” Zim said, taking the second plate as well. The sprinkles were in the shape of a smiley face, and he showed Dib, unsurprised. “...Dib? Why  _ are _ you helping me? Not just because I helped you. That's uneven.”

Dib shifted, leaning back on one hand, though it didn’t move Zim all that much. “It’s not as uneven as you might think,” he said. “I mean, it’s much less uneven as you think.” He shook his head with the movement, watching Zim demolish his new plate. 

“Well. Zim isn't going to be destroying Earth now. I guess that makes it better. But that's still… not a why.” He didn't expect Dib to answer, of course, and wasn't even sure if he  _ wanted _ an answer- or what answer he might want. “Of course, I didn't give you many whys before.”

“Have you noticed I’m drinking alcohol less? I’m not out all night, either.” Dib shrugged, looking down at nothing in particular. “I was going to school because it was something I should do, could do, because I didn’t know what to do.”

“I assumed you didn't want to get drugged again,” Zim answered, because yes, he had noticed. “Which, if that did happen again, your not-pak could induce vomiting. Or simply bring you back to base. So don’t- don't be scared? Leave that to Zim.” He smiled, finishing his plate, then put it aside to twist and hug Dib. “We’re both just doing this because why not, now.”

Shaking his head, Dib shrugged again. “It’s not that, either. It’s… complicated, I guess. I don’t know how to explain it to you, honestly.” He hugged back, squeezing tightly, and offering comfort to Zim. “I’m not afraid, Zim. I promise you that.” 

Zim smiled again, and nodded a little. “No. Zim can feel that.” He could, Dib was really close to his lekku and feeling that was easy now. He wondered what Dib would do if he gave the human a card, like Dib said had used to be done. Meat was out of the question. -And he really had been listening too much to Gaz. 

“It’s weird. But I’m glad you liked your breakfast. I was thinking that we have some time today to just relax before things get crazy again for my own finals week.” Dib gave another smile, then relaxed again, pulling Zim to lay down with him, stretched out and comfortable. Sometimes Zim did wonder how a being could seem to be at least fifty percent limb. 

“Are you going to use the wares? The crash shouldn't be as bad, and we already know the timing,” Zim said, happy to lay down again, even if he had just gotten up. “You are so lanky. How are you so lanky? Does Gir not feed you enough?” Dib had always been thin, though, even in his childhood.

“Maybe,” Dib answered. “It’s safe enough, and it’d be only this time, most likely.” He laughed quietly, then stretched out to be even longer. “Are you kidding, Zim? I’ve gained weight since you decided to stalk me heavily!” 

“Stalk you? Zim does not stalk you! ...It’s kind of a mutual stalking. I mean, we both have cameras in places no camera should be. ...Wait, stalking is what that stupid kid- well, they’re all stupid. The conductive one. He did that, right? Only without the cameras.” Zim frowned thinking about the kid, then he shrugged and poked Dib. “You’re still skinner than most humans. But I guess I don’t have much place to complain- I think the Tallest give up their organs, as well as a thumb. Which is also stupid.”

Dib snorted. “You’re talking about Keef. And yes, he was… is… special. But I mean beyond that, considering you followed me back to skool.” He was joking and still teasing, Zim was sure, especially as he pulled up his shirt, poking his own stomach. “I am not!” He paused, then blinked at Zim. “Organs and thumbs? That’s… um. Weird.” 

“You’ve seen them. Thumbs I know, organs are just a theory. Huh. I never really thought about that much…” Zim held up his hand, looking at it thoughtfully. “I like my thumbs. ...Well, it’s not like I’m going to really get any taller at all… I mean, this was a surprise…” He shook his head a little, ending up looking at Dib’s skin, and chilling before he could try to control anything.

“I thought I imagined that they didn’t have thumbs,” Dib admitted. He cocked his head to the side, then shrugged, “And, well, I guess they were exceptionally skinny. I just didn’t think that also involved losing organs.” After a second more, he grabbed for Zim’s hand. “No giving up your thumbs or organs, alright? I like you as you are, and it would be weird.” 

Zim thought a second, then pulled his arm back, taking off his glove and then offering it back. “Organs is just a theory. But it makes sense…” He frowned a little, and nodded. “Zim will not give up thumbs or organs. Promise.”

“Good,” Dib said. “Considering the last time you messed around with organs…” He gave a soft sighing sound, but took the offered hand back. It wasn't very often that Zim had felt him without the gloves, and it always surprised him with just how warm the human really was, and how smooth his skin was in comparison. 

“...I put everything back,” Zim grumbled. “Mostly in time, too.” That had not been… honestly, that hadn’t been well thought out or  _ anything _ , really. And those thoughts weren’t really a distraction from the feel of human skin against his own. Zim sighed a little, then shifted a little to carefully lay his head against Dib.

It shouldn't be as easy as it was, especially with how much Dib didn't seem to notice the vast majority of it. Which, that would be surprising, if he thought about it. “Yeah. Thanks for giving my liver back. Lungs too, but… I appreciate the ability to indulge in booze.” He grinned, then delicately pet Zim in a soft manner. It only happened for a second, before he stopped, though. 

“I should have put in a super liver,” Zim said, sighing. “...I’m pretty sure we’re past petting being weird, too…” Lekku clamped against his head as he said that, Zim very aware that he was being far too forward. “...I pet your hair. But that’s because hair is weird. ...I mean, Irkens don’t have any- You know, I could still do that super liver.”

“Yeah, but…” Dib took a deep breath, then returned to his petting. “I don't mind when you do pet my hair. It's nice, and I dunno, I don't want to push boundaries, you know? Mine are different, you know human ones from skool. The only other Irken I've seen you interact with in person has been Tak, and she tried ripping your face off.” He laughed after a second. “And I don't need a super liver, mine is fine as it is.” 

“Zim will tell you if you go too far. ...And Dib is allowing more than skool suggested.” Outside of mating rituals, but Zim didn't want to be the one to bring that up. “Irkens do not do much… casual touch. ...Or, not with Zim, anyway…” The Tallest touched plenty, and Zim just… hadn't really thought about it.

Dib scoffed. “That's because you didn't see me much outside of chasing you. But believe it or not, I did have a couple people who didn't entirely hate me by hi-skool.” He smoothed down a patch of scales near Zim's neck, then said, “You guys seem pretty focused on other things.” 

“I meant skool classes? It is good that hi-skool wasn't that horrible for you. Zim faked his classes.” By then he'd had other things to do, like avoid Tak. “But at least you were spared any of the  _ horrible _ mating rituals. Carrying books, doing as told, having to spend  _ all _ your time with someone…” Not that he and Dib had spent much time apart in the last months. 

The human laughed, apparently having forgotten everything possible. Zim frowned, unsure of what he was missing, until Dib, still laughing a bit, pat him. “They're not that bad, Zim, and I wasn't entirely ‘spared’ anything. I mean, I didn't do any of the usual stuff, and most of anything I did was in college, but…” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. 

Zim paused a moment, thinking. “You… have engaged… But not rituals, or not most. But still…” Then he twisted, looking at Dib. “Have you made any worms?” He’d gotten his whole horror about human mating out of the way in skool- and it hadn’t been helped by how close it actually was to Irken fun. The idea of Dib producing worm-children, though- only the fathers usually didn’t leave them, did they?

“What? Worms? I don't-” Dib blinked, then made a face of horror. “No. No.  _ Hell _ no. I didn't get anyone pregnant. Despite the education hi-skool gave, sex can be done without making babies.” The human was suddenly bright red and embarrassed, almost as much as Zim.

“Oh. Good. I thought it would be weird you weren’t out nurturing your worm-spawn,” Zim answered, not really looking at Dib. “It’s, um. Good that you… enjoyed yourself. Enjoying is good!”  _ That _ he was solid on, and it was good to know spawn weren’t required.

Still red, Dib shook his head. “Thanks, I think? But, no, I haven't made, er, spawn. I have no intentions of making any, either.” He made such a face at that idea that Zim felt even more relieved in that case. “And thanks, I think, for- I mean- I don't even know what I'm saying.”

“For not thinking you would be the same sort of father as Membrane? ...Zim is glad. That you… got your intentions.” Zim frowned, then sighed. “Well, this conversation has gone sideways.” And it wasn't at all helping him to not think about what Gaz had said. “Can we just go back to cuddling?”

Dib nodded. “Yes, please,” he said. “I would like that, thank you.” He did go back to petting Zim after a little bit of hesitation, and their positions meant that neither had to look the other in the face or touch the fact that they were embarrassed by the conversation. 

Zim kind of thought he may have dozed off again, cuddled against Dib, hand against skin and occasionally being pet in a way that wasn't at all demeaning. He hadn't spent much time like that, outside of watching tv with Gir, and that didn't count. Of course they couldn't sit there forever, but there wasn't anything stopping them right now.

The idea of a card stayed in Zim's brain meats, but luckily the Dib was so busy that it was easy to have a chat with his terrible spawn sibling. Gaz wasn't very helpful, finding his concerns as amusing as a three- legged snamblethratch, and simply pointing out that Dib had barely left his side in ages. And so as finals ended and the human finally slept, he went out and found a horrible card of sorts. 

It wasn’t  _ meant _ for that- as Dib had observed, cards weren’t a romantic thing anymore. Honestly, that made Zim happier, because if he were wrong, he could probably pass this off as just something silly, and then they could ignore it forever. There were plenty of other embarrassing episodes in their shared past that they ignored! He added, in Irken, most of that thought, because then he wouldn’t have to  _ say _ it, and that was… better. He also just shoved the card under Dib’s head one morning before going to check the lab.

He was so involved that, for the first time ever, he didn't automatically notice when Dib appeared in the lab, leaning against the doorframe and watching him. When he did notice, he couldn't quite read the look on the human's face, though he did notice the card in his hand, held tight. “This is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever given me,” he said, when Zim just watched him, half frozen. “Thank you, Zim.” He walked over, and Zim's entire body chilled, lekku snapped tight against his skull. They tried to move tighter, but couldn't, when Dib got too close, and asked, “I… um. I really want to think there's a deeper meaning here, considering… yeah. Is that okay?” 

That wasn’t  _ ignoring _ , at least. And it… sounded good. One lekku perked, just a little. “...Yes? ...It’s not like I could give you  _ meat _ . That would be…  _ meat _ .” Zim shuddered at the idea. “Um. Considering what?” Considering that it was  _ really obvious _ that he thought Dib was ‘special’, as the insipid paper had put it? ...Yeah, Zim thought, that… probably was it.

“Considering we have been sleeping in the same bed for a good few months,” Dib answered. “And… everything else.” He flushed again, taking another step closer. There was a nervous twitch to his hands and after a moment he was close enough to reach out to Zim. “So this is what Gaz has been tormenting you with. I thought it was something else. I'm sorry, Zim.” A second later and he was smiling. “Meat coming from you would be a threat, I think.” 

“She… has not been tormenting…! ...She just… said we were hopeless dorks. And she’ll murder me terribly if I hurt you. And Zim  _ likes _ his organs where they are!” Zim wasn’t sure if it was technically safe to admit it, but Dib probably wouldn’t let Gaz do anything  _ too _ horrible. “...Zim… did look into basic compatibility…” he admitted, chilling again, enough to start shivering for all he tried to keep still. Stupid body doing stupid things.

He wasn't expecting Dib to wrap arms around him and pull him close, like a heated blanket. “It's okay. Don't worry about Gaz.” The human squeezed his arms, then cleared his throat. “Compatibility is good. I, um, admit that I've looked a little at your files for that. Curiosity. I just… I didn't want to ruin what I had with you already.” 

The warmth, and lessening of fear and embarrassment, were enough to stop Zim’s shivering, though he still needed time to fully warm up. He laughed a little at Dib’s confession, and nodded. “Zim… doesn’t want to ruin it either. But, we… we ignore enough, so. So I figured… yeah.” And it had worked. One of his plans had actually  _ worked _ . Zim felt better, lekku perking more.

“I'm glad. You always were the more brash one, of course.” Dib squeezed again, sighing a little, before he did pull away. It was a tiny amount, just enough for him to look at Zim carefully. “I looked at the files, but… what’s the general Irken view on kissing?” 

“Not in public,” Zim answered, once again chilling just a little, though it passed quickly. “Um. Though human tongues are less armored. ...Not armored. ...So, ah. Be careful?” Then again, Zim knew that human front teeth could be fairly sharp too, so it was entirely possible that he was worrying about nothing.

“No PDA. That’s fair, I think. But… otherwise, I’m not worried,” Dib said. “I mean, really.” He bent, turning his head to kiss Zim. It wasn’t the normal way he’d ever been kissed, but it was as warm as the Dib ever was, and soft. 

Zim made a strange little sound, lekku going lax as he held on to Dib and returned the kiss. He was expecting the dampness- that was the same for both their species- but the taste was a bit of a surprise. Dib didn’t taste like meat at all, just… something that was definitely human, and not bad.

When they pulled apart, Dib had a rather derpy look on his face. Zim was almost annoyed by the kiss having ended. He gave a low sound, wrapping hands around Dib’s head and pulling him in for another one. It was just their luck that neither reacted in time to hear the clacking footsteps of the Vortian.

Zim made another annoyed sound, breaking the kiss, and he couldn’t help but glare at T-Seven. “ **Ah… you’ve seen nothing?** ” he tried, switching to Irken just because the Vortian’s English still wasn’t the best. And he knew the questioning tone came through, and Zim really just wanted to go hide somewhere- preferably with Dib- and pretend the last ten seconds hadn’t happened, maybe.

“ **A-absolutely nothing!** ” T-Seven yelped. “ **Whatever you do with servants isn’t my business, sir!** ” He gave a shakey sounding laugh, before holding up his hands and backing away, back, out of the room. 

“Maybe it may be a good… off, day…” Dib whispered, red, still, and covering his face with a hand. 

“I’m… thinking so. And tomorrow I’ll work on convincing him I’m not gonna kill him,” Zim muttered, hiding his face against Dib’s torso. “If I go today, he’ll be too scared to listen.” He sighed, then turned enough to glance at what he’d been doing. “...This does need to be cleaned up, though.” And the one person who could really be trusted to do that, that wasn’t them, had just run out of the room.

“Let me help,” Dib said. “It shouldn't be a problem with two people.” He immediately reached for a box of gloves and snapped one on. The Irken sighed and followed suit, and it really didn't take long. It took longer to get home, to get Gir to run off on an errand. But it felt like an eternity, in all parts. Zim was on him immediately, unwilling to let the chance be lost, when there was so much to do and they had to get plans together,  _ finished _ . 

It was almost strange how nice just  _ kissing _ was, and Zim didn’t even mind that he was whimpering a little. He did mind that he had gloves and such on, and that was something that hadn’t bothered him for a long time. Zim did pull away long enough to get the gloves off, at least, before realizing he wasn’t sure what Dib wanted from this, and kissing was fine anyway.

“Are you okay?” Dib asked. “...Bedroom? And then you can take off your disguise, too.” Zim blinked a little, realizing that the human was watching him, and had a hand up, trying to get the wig off without it getting caught in Zim’s lekku. 

“Yes. Both,” Zim agreed, taking the few steps needed to reach the elevator, and pulling Dib with him. “Here, sweep, like this,” he added, taking Dib’s hand and showing him how to pull the wig off once they were in. He also pulled his contacts off, before kissing Dib again. Thankfully, Dib was quite willing to bend down.

He felt lightheaded by the time they pulled apart, the elevator making a low ding sound while the base informed them that they'd made it in a bored voice. Dib let out a soft sighing sound, this time giving Zim a tug to snap him from his semi-daze. And then they made it, and Dib pushed for another kiss. 

Zim whimpered again, then stepped back, panting to get air. “What- what are we doing? I don’t…  _ mind _ anything. I just want to know.” Some things might take more preparation than others- though Zim kind of doubted things would go too far. He could be wrong, though- he had been about Dib!

“I don't know,” Dib answered. He was flushed, but with something other than embarrassment, and it was a good look for the human. “I'm… I'm okay with going as far as you are.” 

“How… much did you see in my files…?” Zim asked, because  _ he _ knew what Dib had, but he wasn’t sure if Dib knew what  _ he _ had. It wasn’t a problem, they just might have to explain things- and come to think of it, some exploration would be a good thing. “Either way, ah…” He reached back and undid his shirt clasps.

“Enough to know that it’ll be… different,” Dib answered. “And that you’re- I don’t want to insult or mess up, um, opposite? Me?” He gave a sheepish grin. “I’m not going to be stupid about it, if that’s what you’re worried about, Zim.”

“Yes. You humans have it all backwards,” Zim agreed, letting his shirt fall before reaching for Dib’s. “Zim is not worried about Dib being stupid about it. But if it’s not expected, surprise is normal.” That was just how things were. Right now, Zim didn’t care too much, wanting access to Dib’s skin.

Dib moved to help take off his own shirt, modified for the not-pak. “Well, still. I think… the real question here is what Irkens or humans consider normal for, er, this stuff? I’m more worried about upsetting your sensibilities, than mine.” Even as he spoke, he dropped his shirt to the side and reached for Zim again, fingers rubbing into his skin.

“It’s entirely for fun, for us. And, ah. Irkens generally… generally don’t, with other species. And don’t let that stop Dib! Zim wants.” And as for other things that were ‘normal’... Zim wasn’t sure. He hadn’t had all  _ that _ much experience… “I’ll… let you know if sensibilities get upset? And you need to do the same!”

“I will, but I highly doubt that it’ll happen, on my end.” Dib grinned, then bent and kissed the side of Zim’s jaw and down his neck. “So… just, play it by ear, then? For what we decide to do?” He pulled back to ask his question, then added, still questioning, “We can explore each other.”

“Zim… likes the sound of that,” Zim agreed, reaching to touch Dib’s face and neck. He had touched there before, when they were fighting, but this was different. It was bare skin, for one thing, and with no attempt to hurt, for another. “I never… noticed how easy it was to feel your pulse here. Of course, you can feel mine, but… not as easy?” It took more pressure, Zim remembered that from first aid classes.

Dib cocked his head to the side to give Zim better access. “It’s probably even easier right now,” he said. His own hands landed on Zim’s sides, moving up to the Irken’s back, or at least, part of it, where his pak started. “You feel almost like lizard skin, but not,” he said. “It’s softer than that, mostly.”

“Zim is not a  _ lizard _ ,” Zim grumbled, though he wasn’t even insulted, really. It wasn’t an incorrect comparison, either, and he huffed at that before leaning forward to kiss at Dib’s neck, since the human was offering it. His hand went down to Dib’s shoulder, and the muscles there. “Though I do shed scales now and then.”

“I know you aren’t actually a lizard,” Dib said with a laugh. “And I found some of your scales, once.” He gave a soft sigh, and Zim shivered as the touch at his back moved down, one hand resting on his hips. And then he jolted when he felt the human’s other hand up, at his lekku, hesitant, and questioning, and  _ oh _ it felt good. 

Zim gave a little mewl, lekku moving into the touch. “That’s good. Really good…” Context  _ really _ mattered for that sort of touch, and this context was all the right things. “I gave up collecting scales after a couple years. No-one noticed…” Except Dib, but he’d expected that, and it hadn’t seemed to matter. He moved his hand from shoulder to torso, remembering to press a little harder than he might have, because sometimes humans started laughing, but  _ weren’t _ actually happy with touch to their ribs.

“I noticed,” Dib said. He gave a little grin, stepping back, closer to the bed, and continuing to rub at Zim’s lekku. “But they didn’t seem to be doing anything, and weren’t considered proof, anyway.” After a moment, he let out a soft sound, then shifted. Zim wasn’t sure what he was doing until right before he felt the human’s mouth against his other lekku. 

That got a squawk from Zim, and a hand shot up to grab Dib and keep him there. It wasn’t something Zim had expected, especially not from Dib- though maybe he should have. Humans were adventurous, even the stupid ones. “B- bed. Before Zim falls,” the Irken managed, though he really needed to find something fun like this on Dib, too.

Dib chuckled against his lekku, then pulled back enough for them to lay down. But it wasn’t more than a second before the human was at it again, kissing and sucking and mouthing at his delicate appendage. “I think I just found one of my new favorite things to do,” he said. He certainly seemed to enjoy it, and things progressed from there.

-

“I… think I know why… Irkens are discouraged from… this,” Zim murmured after a while, kissing Dib’s chest, because that was what he was mostly curled against. “Hard to think you’re… the best species when…” He trailed into a low laugh, looking up and wanting another kiss. 

The human chuckled, letting a hand rest on his thigh and then squeezing it. “I could see that,” Dib answered, shifting and kissing one of Zim’s lekku.

“...We… we get to do that again later, right? Um. ...Stable pairs aren’t… the Irken norm. Zim knows they are for humans- that’s fine. Even if there were other prospects. But… If Dib wants to leave- or even just explore or-” Zim didn’t entirely want to say that, but Dib  _ should _ know.

“Zim,” Dib interrupted. “Stop, alright? I have no intention of anyone else, and I want to be with  _ you _ . I like you, and I liked this.” He nudged Zim until the Irken lifted his head for a deep kiss. When they ended it, he grinned. “And first thing I’m doing when I get a chance is to make an appointment with my favorite artist.” 

It took a moment, but the pieces connected for Zim. He looked up, eyes narrowing. “How much does she know? She looked at Zim like a person. Who knows. ...Things!” Not that he was actually too worried- she probably couldn’t stop them, and if she threatened Dib, Zim would just kill her- though he hoped he didn’t have to, because he was pretty sure Dib wouldn’t be happy then.

“What do you- oh.” Dib sighed, letting his head fall back. “Well. She knows you’re an alien, I’m sure- I didn’t tell her, of course. But she’s, you know, not normal, she’s chill, Zim, she’s not a danger to either of us. I found her through the Swollen Eyeball network a few years back. ...Remember that discussion about the whole mating, but not ritual thing?” He jerked his head back up. “Why?” 

Zim thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Curious. And I didn’t like how she looked at me- but I was off that day…” That terrible  _ buzzing _ … Zim shuddered a little, then shook his head and kissed Dib again. “Zim isn’t going to hurt her. Zim trusts Dib.” If Dib said she could be trusted, at least some, then she could. “...Is it weird? For humans, being… friendly with those they’ve had fun with?”

“For some people. In my case, we both knew it wasn’t… meant to be more than, er, fun.” Dib shrugged a little, then kissed Zim back. “She looks at everyone like that. Personally, I think she’s got fae blood in her somewhere, but when I asked she just grinned and started talking about inner peace and the alignment of time.” 

Zim thought again, then laughed. “According to your stories, that is what a fae would do, is it not? Well- ...I think I won’t be going this time…” No, not with all the things there. “Dib sounds… better. More like  _ Dib _ ,” Zim pointed out, petting him softly. He was just a little cold, but that was easy to combat by cuddling with Dib, and he was too tired to want to move, even to get a blanket. “...Is Dib… thinking about telling the world about Zim? At least being  _ with _ Dib…” That was the sort of thing that often got told, right? “...Tak has no cameras in this room, at least,” he added, though she  _ did _ have them in the house, and other areas. That… he could deal with when he had to.

Dib blinked, looking confused. “...Do you want me to?” he asked. “There aren’t many people in ‘my’ world. You. Gaz knows I like you. Dad… eh. And ‘the tattoo-beast’, as you call Ness, likely noticed before we did.” He must have noticed Zim’s shivers, because he reached over and dragged a blanket over them. 

“Mm. Zim meant news report. Interview. We run an up-and-coming corporation now,” Zim explained, pulling the blanket closer around his neck. “Zim… does not care who Dib tells. It’s not their business.” Like anyone could tell the future ruler of Earth what he could or couldn’t do! That privilege was reserved for Dib. And even then, it was more of suggestions and advice.

“...Good point. I didn't think of that,” Dib said after a moment. “I don't know. I mean, on one hand, it shouldn't matter, but on the other, people are stupid…” He sighed softly, then frowned. “I hate to say it, but Tak may have advice. She  _ did _ have control of a pretty huge corporate venture for quite a while…” Even so, he made a face at that idea. 

“She may, but she still wants to show Zim up. We'll need to plan that a little. ...Enough business for now, though,” Zim answered, sighing a little. They had time, still, and he was comfortable. “She is no threat to us, and I'm too happy to care too much, honestly.”

Dib wrapped an arm around Zim’s lower back, humming. “You’re right,” he agreed. He half rolled them, kissing and mouthing Zim’s neck. “We have lost time to make up for, you know, anyway.” The human kissed him again a moment later, reaching up to pet a lekku. 

Zim squeaked a little, then grinned as he realized what Dib meant. Spending the day just lazing around and having fun sounded good. He kissed Dib back, humming and returning the hug, quite willing. It was, indeed, a good way to pass time, and Zim was nearly asleep in between rounds when Gir interrupted them- with waffles and muffins, and bacon for Dib, and a smile that suggested he knew exactly what they had been getting up to.

“I thought you’d need food. You two are  _ gooood _ friends now,” Gir said, and that put any questioning to rest.

“I think I’ve decided that you’re a saint, Gir,” Dib said, before immediately digging into a muffin. “And yes,  _ good _ friends.” He gave a little grin, apparently completely happy to ignore that his neck was covered in hickeys and a few bites, along with multiple other spots. Zim gave a grin of his own, sitting up and snagging a plate of waffles. 

By the actual end of the day, both of them were  _ filthy _ as far as Zim was concerned. He also never thought of having fun inside the body washer, until Dib stole the cleansing chalk. It almost defeated the purpose of getting clean! 

Of course they just went back to bed, and got dirty again, but by the next morning, both beings could manage to keep their hands off each other, at least long enough to get clean again and in to the lab. Once there, Zim left Dib for the odd situation of apologizing too and  _ comforting _ a prisoner/servant/slave. It wasn’t something Zim had ever anticipated doing- but at the same time, he kind of liked T-Seven, and a jumpy chemist just wasn’t of any use to anyone.

T-Seven shivered when he walked in, immediately holding up his hands in surrender.  **“I won’t fight. I’d rather not, but…”** he trailed off, then gave a small shrug, looking at Zim in polite terror. 

Zim shook his head a little, holding up his hands a little too.  **“Zim is not here to hurt you. You said you saw nothing. Zim… is going to trust that. You are more useful not afraid.”** And T-Seven had  _ warned _ him about the blob, though Zim wasn’t going to bring that up at all. He was already being weird, he didn’t need to be even weirder.

**“I don’t understand.”** The Vortian frowned a little, but after a moment, he returned to the batch of chemicals that he had been working on.  **“The human… um. Didn’t seem to mind?”**

**“He… didn’t. He was happy…”** Zim answered, wrapping an arm around himself.  **“You can talk with him about it- well. You can try…”** T-Seven still didn’t know that Dib could understand Irken, pretty well by now. His pronunciation was still off, but Zim thought maybe humans didn’t quite have the right biology for it.

The Vortian blinked, then made a low ‘oh’ sound.  **“He didn’t mind- ah. I see, I think.”** He looked over, then down.  **“Um. ...If I can be so bold to ask. Does… does the human understand what he’s doing?”**

_ Did _ Dib understand? The question was very open ended, and Zim shrugged.  **“He has heard my plans. I should hope he understands after that,”** Zim answered. Of course, Dib wasn’t in  _ danger _ in the way the Vortian thought he was.  **“...Your work has been helpful. Continue it.”** Zim really wasn’t sure how to talk to T-Seven- even when they’d been working together, there had been awkwardness, though that hadn’t lasted long. Zim watched him a moment longer, then turned to leave.

The Vortian watched him leave, silent, before they returned to work. It was strangely quiet, though Zim didn’t mind. 


	11. Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To try keeping our minds off what's just past. Also, I'll post chapter 2 of the Great Race on Saturday.

Dib was hard at work, focusing more on making a new product than on what Zim had left to do. He was  _ also _ focused on plans for that night, but that was more distracting than helpful. He didn’t worry when the door opened- there were really only three others who came down here, and Gaz was the only one of them who might really want to hurt him. When he was left alone, he decided it had to be T-Seven, and so Dib found a pausing point, then looked up and smiled at the Vortian.

“I’ll be done with this compound in a moment,” he said with a short wave. “We can go get lunch, if you want. Zim went off to do some...thing.” He knew exactly what Zim was doing, and how lovely a conversation with Tak might be. But T-Seven didn’t need to know. 

There was a pause, the Vortian probably working on what he’d said, before speaking. “Okay. Lunch, yes. What… is that compound for?” the Vortian asked, words a little slow, but that was really the only indication of his work on English. “And Zim is gone? Good, good…”

“Just a flaverant. I don’t know why Zim loves fruit flavors, but it works well enough.” Dib did try to smile a little, watching the Vortian move closer. “He’ll probably be back in a while, and maybe with some new stuff we can use.” He finished what he was pouring, then set it aside. “Do you need help with something?” 

T-Seven smiled a little before shaking his head, the slightly jerky motion probably not native to his non-verbal communication. “Not… maybe? Ah, I have… questions. What… What are you thinking Zim is doing? ...Planning.” As he spoke, he did turn back towards the door, apparently wanting the mentioned lunch.

“Well, taking over, of course. Starting a corporate empire, to do so. It's not too major of a thing, I don't think.” Dib smiled again, then washed his hands and follows the Vortian. “He's told me a bit.” He considered his answers carefully, choosing what went best with how much information he and Zim had agreed T-Seven should be allowed to know. 

“You are… letting him. Helping him. You… are with him. Why… You said you do not care if he is using you.  _ He _ said you…  _ allow _ what I saw. Do you… know he will never say to others what you do? He is not the only of his kind to do so- we all know. But they do not say…” Confusion slipped to a kind of amusement, and Dib was pretty sure there was still concern under it all. The concern was odd, but kind of sweet, in a way.

Dib considered the words, then shrugged. “I want to help him. I want to see my own planet fall to pieces. I don’t care for any credit about it, T.” He stepped to the side when they made it to what had been the cafeteria, opening the refrigerator and pulling out salad mix- Zim had gotten him into eating more vegetation, and the T-Seven having similar tastes hadn’t helped. 

“That… wasn’t what I meant with saying. I meant he will not say you are doing the things that lead to bite-bruises,” T-Seven said, with just a little sigh, before taking his own salad. His had something that looked like dried larva, and Dib just didn’t ask. “Though I am now curious why you hate your planet so much. Last time we talked, you, ah, said the same.”

“That’s fine, too. I don’t entirely care- I mean, I really don’t.” Dib was startled by T-Seven, and it showed, he knew it. “Why would it matter if Zim told anyone?” he asked, before shrugging and grabbing a couple of drinks for them. Passing one to the Vortian, Dib gave a little sigh. “I don’t hate my planet, so much.” The moment he said it, he realized that it was a lie. “...Well. Maybe I do. I hate most of the people, at least.”

There was another pause, with T-Seven opening the drink and sitting down. “Some people want it told. And most do not want to see their species in Irken slavery. ...Then again, Invaders don’t usually spend so much time on planets. Ten years? More?” He seemed to be thinking about something, and Dib wondered what.

“More. He’s been here thirteen years,” Dib said, before he considered what he was saying, or how much information that gave away. They’d discussed some of what to tell T-Seven when it came to Dib’s betrayal of his people, or involvement, and Zim had elected to leave it up to Dib to decide. Now, he wasn’t sure. “I’m not normal,” he decided to say. “And Zim has worked hard on trying to take over.” 

“And yet, there is little fire, or smoke. I knew him, long time ago. And now he is patient, his plan seems attainable…” T-Seven shook his head a little. “You are not normal. You still like Zim.” The Vortian gave a little laugh, though it seemed sad. “You know him thirteen years? That is a long time to know Zim, and like him. ...You  _ are _ with him because you want, yes?”

Dib clicked his tongue, then said, “Yes,” instantly. “I want to be with him. I’ve lived with him for long enough to know how he is, and how he’s changed. I like him, ‘even’ after knowing him for so long.” He looked down, at his food, then shoved a forkful of lettuce in his mouth. When he was done chewing, he swallowed and considered the alien. “It’s complicated.”

Dib didn’t expect the Vortian to immediately duck down, looking at him with wide eyes. “Please. I overstepped. I did not mean to anger you. It is good that you like him- and he has changed.” It was conciliatory, frightened, and Dib didn’t like it.

“Stop, stop. It’s okay, I’m not mad.” Dib held up a hand, frowning. “I wasn’t meaning that as being upset at all, T. It’s just… complicated.” He shook his head, then gave a soft sigh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare, or upset you.” 

T-Seven slowly relaxed, though his eyes were still wide. “You… have changed him. He always was unlike others of his kind. I think… you are unlike your kind.” He nodded a little, slowly, and then shook himself and started eating again. “That makes sense. Thank you.”

“I guess. Maybe,” Dib answered, before looking down again. “I’m… definitely not like other people around here. It’s… almost as complicated as how I know Zim and why I’m helping him, really.” He continued to eat, himself, considering what to say. “I guess it might be good for you to know that I’m the reason Zim hasn’t taken over in the years before this.” It wasn’t even meant to toot his own horn, either. 

“Hm. As a scientist, I wish now to ask many questions…” T-Seven said, with a little sigh. “I will not. I know my place- I have strained it enough. I hope your choice is right.” He was still clearly doubtful, and questioning, but he simply focused on what he was eating, smiling a little suddenly. “The food is good. That helps.”

Dib thought about it, then leaned back in his seat, pulling one leg up, into the chair. “Ask. I might not answer, but I won’t be mad about questions.” He took a long drink of his can of juice, then shrugged. He didn’t mean the way his voice dropped when he added, “I know how scientists are. My… dad is one.” 

“By my understanding of your kind, you would have been… still a child when Zim first arrived here. Yet you… stopped him. ...That is why he respects you enough to… include you, yes?” As possibly offensive questions went, it was very mild, considering.

“Yeah. I was the only one to notice he was an alien, and the only one to try fighting back, for the most part. We fought back and forth for the majority of thirteen years.” Dib shrugged, then picked up his salad, eating more of it. “There were truces, every so often, when others would come to try and take over, but they didn’t last. Usually.” 

T-Seven paused, clearly thinking, and then offered, very slowly, “I… can assume he looked much like now- fake hair, eyes? I… wondered why I only wore a hat… That is a part of why you hate your other- your kind?” Apparently, Zim’s disguise wasn’t actually good enough to fool most of the species in the universe, and that was… that was just sad, really.

“Yes. Every time I said something, I was told to stop being crazy. Paranoid. To stop chasing myths, legends. Zim wasn’t the only one I searched for- my planet has a lot of things that the people ignore. And I had my ass kicked, my reputation utterly destroyed, pretty much no real friends.” Dib found it easier to say than he expected, maybe because T-Seven was the first. 

“And so you stopped defending,” T-Seven said, nodding, and Dib was honestly surprised to find that the alien didn’t seem that upset by Dib’s choice, not really. “I have… listened. He… does not seek to destroy this planet any more, I think. He… values your happiness?”

“Weird, I know,” Dib agreed. “I found out some things, went away for a while. Zim noticed I wasn’t willing to fight him- he was the  _ only one _ to notice. I’m not like anyone else, any of the other people from this planet, in a number of ways. So, fuck ‘em. I tried warning them, and no one listened.” He shrugged. 

The Vortian actually laughed, and he nodded a little. “He has always focused on things. I could not predict what- usually it was a plan. Ah. And you have… seen his plans. ...His usual plans.” It was reassuring, honestly, that this whole story made some kind of sense to someone else too, Dib thought. “...And so he became your herd-mate. And changed.”

“And saved my life,” Dib added, nodding. “You’ve met my sister-” T-Seven’s face fell and fear crossed his features, as Dib mentioned her, “She’s not terrible, not really. Anyway, he accepts that I’m not like anyone else. What makes me different- what I found out about- it’s complicated. Again.” 

“It is not simply that you are smart?” the Vortian asked, grinning a little. “I am not asking- I do not wish to know too many secrets.” He also did not talk more about Gaz, and really, Dib thought it was almost funny, how carefully she was being treated. “I… have been surprised. None of the things we make are deadly. That is… unlike him.”

“They don’t need to be deadly, to help with taking things over,” Dib answered, “It’s all part of the plan, don’t worry. Zim and I have it figured out, this time.” He finished eating, then put his empty containers aside. 

“Why would I worry for the fate of your planet?” T-Seven asked, nearly done eating himself. “I simply meant he is… Softer. Softer than his kind, even. For my safety, I wish him well.” He paused, and took a bite, then added, “And maybe… not only for my safety…”

Dib was happy to hear that, though he shook his head at T-Seven, then made an amused sound. “I’m glad you… maybe understand,” he said. A thought came to mind, and he grinned. “Hey, I have been meaning to ask if you have any ideas for our products. Flavors, new things, all of that. If you want, I mean, Zim’s not back. We can do some playing…”

“How should I know what your kind like? I can suggest flavors, though…” T-Seven said, with a little shrug. “Playing is good, though.” Finished entirely with his own food, the Vortian took both containers, and put them in for recycling- Zim had  _ insisted _ on recycling everything that they could, probably because of his hatred of dirty water.

“They don’t have to just be for humans. Marketing to other planets isn’t a bad way to go.” Dib followed, then grinned when a new idea came to mind. “Come on, T. I’ve actually got an idea. Screw getting work done, let’s do something fun.” The Vortian looked like he was going to have a heart attack- or the equivalent. “I’ll take all blame from Zim. Promise.” 

“Making… making things  _ is _ fun…” T-Seven said first, as a very tentative attempt to change Dib’s mind. He didn’t seem to actually  _ want _ to change the human’s mind, though, as he glanced around and nodded. “I can… see you are forcing me. What… are you thinking?” Still looking worried, he did grin, and Dib really wasn’t surprised. The poor Vortian had been working nearly non-stop since coming here- and Dib  _ knew _ that they were still treating him better than where he had been before.

They ended up setting up to watch movies in the meeting room, with popcorn and Gir. That was where Zim found them, and Dib had to admit that he took some glee in making T-Seven terrified while the Irken crossed arms and glared at him. “All my fault,” he said. “Come on, Zim. We’re ahead of schedule.” When that didn’t work, he threw a piece of popcorn at Zim, and laughed at the look on the Irken’s face. 

“Really? Are we going to repeat the  _ muffin _ incident?” Zim asked, now scowling at Dib- but trying to hide his smile. “I mean, it’s entirely up to you- And you’ve been watching  _ movies _ while I’ve been out and  _ busy _ ?”

“Kiwi-strawberry should sell well off-planet,” T-Seven said, probably trying to distract Zim, or just ignore the whole situation.

Dib smirked. “No, we’re not repeating the muffin incident,” he said primely. “Because I’m telling you outright that, yes, I’m throwing things at you.” He threw another piece of popcorn, to show that, then pat T-Seven. “And, see? We’ve been busy, too. Totally. I was just about to put on a ghost movie.” 

“You  _ defile _ Zim’s skin,” Zim grumbled, going over to sit near the popcorn himself. He didn’t say anything more, and Dib  _ did _ put in a ghost movie, while T-Seven just did his best to make himself small. His fear faded after a bit, or else the Vortian just got that into the movie, and over all, Dib counted it a success. And he got to watch movies- Zim even ‘forced’ him into petting lekku during the movie.

By the time they were done, Dib did feel a little bad at how jumpy T-Seven was, though telling him that Dib had cleared the lab of any lingering spirits first thing helped some. What helped even more was drawing a protection circle in salt in the Vortian’s room and adding a candle. 

When they made it home, he touched Zim. “I hope you’re not actually upset,” Dib said. “How did your meeting with Tak go?” 

“It went.” Zim sighed a little, flopping on the couch. “...I might be a bit upset, but it’s at her. Though… She is not surprised at this. And wants no details. Announcing things might work- she said make it look like a story.” He huffed, probably not quite understanding what Tak meant by that.

“A story… right.” Dib sat nearby, then used a hand to coax Zim into laying against him, reaching up to remove his wig- which he was now better at. “She said something else that made you upset, though. Want to talk about it?” he asked, reaching up to continue rubbing Zim’s lekku as he’d had before. 

“What does Dib think she would say? She hates Zim, and knows things. ...She won’t interfere.” Zim huffed, then closed his eyes and shifted a little more into Dib. “She said she will laugh when the Tallest destroy us. Other things. Doesn’t matter.”

“Sorry,” Dib said. “...Something else is bothering you, isn’t it?” he asked after a moment. Those things wouldn’t actually upset Zim, usually. At least, not now. There had to be something else. After a moment, he moved closer, rubbing at Zim’s shoulders, too. It was  _ nice _ to have his hands on the Irken, especially after so long of wanting.

“She's right. They'll kill Zim, and… And I'll kill you myself before letting you fall into their claws…” They were chilling words, but said with no anger, and that only made it worse. “I didn't mean to start something like this.”

Dib made a soft sound, then half turned. “I won’t let them kill you,” he said. “I’m not afraid of them.” He wrapped arms around Zim, then nuzzled against the Irken, taking a deep breath. He was pretty sure that he knew what Zim meant- the conversation, not the plan in general. “Zim. Listen to me, okay? Tak is wrong. She’s wrong, and a bitch.” 

“You don't know them. They would,” Zim insisted, before sighing again. “And they’re not going to come here. Zim and Dib will be fine.” He seemed to be convincing himself more than anything, but it was the sort of self-regulatory behavior that Zim had lacked before. “And I will not give up Dib,” Zim added, looking up and smiling at Dib before making grabby hands.

“I won’t give up you, either,” Dib promised, heart throbbing a bit. It hadn’t been all that long ago that he would have welcomed Zim finally following through with his threats of destruction. Now? Now he wanted life. He bent, kissing Zim as the Irken desired, pulling back for air, and to speak. “They won’t come here except for desserts. And it won’t matter, because Tak is wrong in thinking they’ll get any chance to hurt you.” 

“...Yes. Yes, and Zim will make them pay. Full price!” Zim agreed, with a laugh that was a ghost of his old cackle. It was obvious that he was doing better, especially when he smiled again. “So. Why were you watching movies with T-Seven? Gir makes sense, but him? Did you have a conversation?”

Kissing Zim once more, Dib sighed. “Yeah. He was asking if I was okay, if I wanted to be with you. Stuff like that. After it, I… I know it’s childish, but I didn’t want to go back to what I was working on, but I didn’t want to leave him, either. And... yeah.” He knew it sounded lame, and he kissed Zim again, just to cover that up. 

“Dib needs more friends. You can be friends with him, I think. The status gap is not too much. And… we are ahead of schedule. We should wait a bit to expand off planet, though. Up production first.” Zim nodded, then arched to kiss Dib again. “Zim is glad he got that card…”

“I have you, and Ness, kinda. I’m okay,” Dib said. As Zim made a face at him, the man grinned. “Okay, okay. Maybe I’ll keep myself open for it.” He sat up a bit, pushing Zim with him, so he could better reach the lekku that were just far enough away to be impossible to mouth and suck. They tasted slightly sweet and almost yeasty, like most of Zim, and considering the amount of sex they’d been having, he didn’t think Zim would mind. 

Zim gave a low moan, before his gaze darted to a corner, where Dib knew one of his cameras was. Tak’s cameras were probably in the same area, or close- Dib couldn't see them from here, and he didn't care. Zim had said she already knew. “Dib is mean again. And still needs more friends,” Zim said, this time turning his head to give Dib access.

Dib huffed, then grinned. Oh. Oh he had an  _ idea _ . If Tak even still had her cameras on, he had thoughts about that. “Dib is fully intending on following through,” he murmured, looking right where Zim had looked, and raising a hand to give that corner the bird. “Tak can go fuck herself. She probably won’t have any cameras on after this.” 

Zim gave a slow smile at that, before nodding and running his tongue over his teeth, in a gesture Dib was sure was unconscious. “Yes. She can. Or maybe she’s jealous.” The idea seemed appealing to Zim- at any rate, he was much more focused with the next kiss, petting Dib’s hair. “Are we trying to make her more jealous? Only Zim thinks that's still too much thought about Tak...”

-

“We’ll have everything soon…” Zim murmured, reaching up to stroke Dib’s hair, watching him tiredly after everything. “Everything… and each other.”

“And each other,” Dib agreed, petting Zim’s lower back and then reaching up to do the same with his shoulder. He gave little kisses down the Irken’s jaw as he came down his own high, unsure of everything that he was feeling, but enjoying it all the same. He wanted to turn on the couch, curl around Zim and enjoy the contact. 

“...Thank you. For… calming Zim down…” Zim murmured, shifting to tuck his head under Dib’s chin, though that did mean he couldn’t get the same kisses. “...Not now, but… Zim wants to show you the Assigning later. Cuddles now.” He wiggled his lekku against Dib’s neck, and that did tickle a little, but it was also sweet.

Dib pet Zim’s head, letting out a soft sound. “No problem,” he said. It was a video that would probably make him angry, and that might lead to another round of sex- which, Dib didn’t mind Zim’s desire to be on top each time, finding it kind of cute. “Cuddles now,” he repeated, rolling them to the side before Zim could get cold. 

Zim mewled happily, snuggling against Dib and humming softly. Neither being bothered to move when Gir came in, humming and giggling happily, and covered them with a blanket again. He didn’t say anything about their state, and that was probably due to Dib’s tinkering.

They cuddled close for long enough that it involved a nap and Dib waking up to find Zim kissing him again. Resisting the urge for a quick go-round, they slipped on clothing and down to the inner base. Dib wasn’t sure how much he wanted to watch the video, but then, Zim wanted him to, and he would, for the Irken. 

Zim was nervous, in a way that Dib hadn’t really seen often before. It was  _ similar _ to how he had acted with the card, but not really the same. It was somewhat weird to watch Zim connect his pak into the computer- or more correctly, weird to see so closely. If the situation were different, Dib would try to see more, but as it were, he was focused more on what Zim wanted him to see.

Watching it made Dib  _ angry _ , very much so. He recognized some of what he’d heard, all those years ago, but mostly, it was new and rage inducing. “Fuck ‘em,” he muttered, when it was done, squeezing his hand into a fist. The man didn’t quite look at Zim, glaring at the screen. “Seriously. It’s not treason for me to say I hope an asteroid smashes them into a smear of former-Tallest.” 

“Dib is… not Irken, so no. Not treason,” Zim agreed, sounding very quiet. “...Dib would have liked Tallest Miyuki. She was… she was nice.” The screen went dark as Zim unplugged, and then took Dib’s hand, surrounding his fist. “Zim… didn’t imagine things, then. Did… did Dib see the job coding in Zim’s pak?”

Dib felt some of the anger drain away. It didn’t help when Zim mentioned the job coding. He’d seen it. And despite his assurances, his  _ promises _ that he hadn’t touched anything but the glitches, he hadn’t been able to help himself. The coding had been  _ wrong _ . “I saw it,” he said. “She had to have been better then them. I want to punch both of them in the face. While wearing brass knuckles.” 

“...Will you change it?” Zim asked, almost inaudible, as though he were asking the worst thing imaginable. “...I could… show you Tallest Miyuki, if you want. Zim didn’t talk with her much, but…” Zim was smiling, Dib could tell, though he was still so quiet. And he was probably just ignoring Dib’s violent thoughts, which would have been funny in different circumstances.

Db took a long breath. There were choices to be made. On one hand, he could try and pretend to change it, but Zim would most likely notice no change, and- no. That would end badly. But explaining, telling Zim that he’d  _ lied _ could end just as badly. “Seeing her might be nice,” he said, eventually, swallowing. If this ruined everything, he was going to hate himself. “...No…” he said, trying to find words. 

Zim crumbled into himself, shivering, before freezing a moment. Dib reached out, trying to say something, to make it better, but Zim beat him. “That… Isn’t Dib. Dib… complained about jobs chosen from ink at eleven. Dib… isn’t going to say no about… forced labels.” He looked up, eyes narrowed, fragility now covered by suspicion and chained aggression.

“I don’t want you to hate me,” Dib said, words quick as he was already starting to panic. He was never the best at that. He tried reaching out again, but Zim pulled away further, anger more visible. “Please, Zim,” he pleaded. “It’s not- it’s nothing like what you think. I don’t think it is. Just-” the man faltered as words did, freezing, himself.

“Can’t, won’t… Can’t. Dib can’t,” Zim said, feeling things out and picking up on what made Dib wince. “Dib knows he can’t. Tried? Too many problems? But you fixed Tak’s ship. Convinced it to help you, against  _ me _ , against the Tallest, against  _ Irkens _ . Job coding can’t be too hard…” The anger was fading a little as Zim reasoned things out, but he was still looking at Dib quite suspiciously.

Dib looked down, swallowing and well aware that he was probably not going to be trusted again after this. Maybe it was best to be like a bandaid. “I lied to you. All the times you- you demanded to know if I touched anything else in your pack. I lied,” he admitted. He couldn’t look up to see how Zim’s face changed. “I deleted it. The job coding- I completely deleted it. I couldn’t figure out how to change it, so… I just made it disappear.” 

There was a very, very long pause, and then Zim reached over, grabbing Dib’s chin and turning his head with strength that always did surprise the man. “Gone? Dib… made it gone?” he asked, now sounding just… completely baffled. “Zim… has no job?”

“It was stupid! And it was  _ wrong _ , and I- yes. I- It wasn’t fair to you!” Dib closed his eyes, because looking at Zim fucking  _ hurt _ , and he just couldn’t imagine what else to do about it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied. But I’m not sorry I did it.” He shivered, reaching up and touching Zim’s hand. 

Zim was quiet again, and the only thing that comforted Dib at all was that Zim turned his hand to keep a hold on Dib’s. “Zim… Has thought before about asking Dib to change it. Zim has thought… Since the first time. ...Zim also lied to Dib. Why he was there…” The words were still more confused than anything, which didn’t entirely make sense.

“Different level of lying,” Dib muttered, though he finally opened his eyes. Zim looked as confused as he sounded, and Dib shivered as he caught sight of the Irken. “It’s pathetic. I hated you being there, at first. It was easier hating everything while fucking alone.” It was easier admitting that than it had been about what he’d done. 

“...I was… a little surprised to wake up the first morning…” Zim agreed, squeezing the hand in his. “If Dib hated Zim being there… why did he help? With my pak, with… Why did you care what was… fair? To someone you hated?” The words were so gentle and confused that it was painful, and the lack of anger was just confusing to Dib.

Automatically, Dib pulled away, dropping his hand and looking down again, before Zim could grab for him. It was almost like it burned, because he still hadn’t figured out why, himself. “I didn’t hate you, I hated that you were around, reminding me of before, making me  _ do _ things. And then you promised-” he stuttered, pausing, “you couldn’t do what you promised if you were dead.” 

“I wouldn’t have died. Just… not been comfortable,” Zim said. “...I think. And that doesn’t… explain taking all job data out. ...No job. Zim has no… label. ...Nothing to… tell others what he ought to do…” The confusion was fading, but Dib was pretty sure that it was his imagination about the happiness. “Zim is glad he was there.”

“I thought you were lying about that,” Dib admitted, before pulling in again. “You can do, or be, whatever you want,” he said. “I checked. I made sure it connected to nothing important, first. It’s why- it’s why I told you I had to fix everything in four patches, instead of three. Checking took longer. And because it was  _ stupid _ !” He felt anger and heat again when he thought about it. 

“Zim… I’m the only Irken with no job.” Zim gave a little laugh, almost more of a sob. “Even the Tallest are coded for it. Coding… changes. Tak said that. But Zim… has none…” Zim moved closer, patting Dib, and blinked at the man. “I’m not angry. Well, not now. ...I would have been, then, I think. Dib?”

Dib looked down. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I didn’t think we’d ever be friends, or anything. It was just- it made me even angrier. And then things, and I don’t want you to not trust me, anymore.” He wasn’t even sure where he would go, if Zim told him to get lost. That wasn’t exactly a fear, not with the current assurances, but still. 

“Dib lied to protect himself. And  _ because _ you did something you thought would help. ... _ They _ lied just to get Zim gone,” Zim said, motioning vaguely at the screen to indicate who ‘they’ were. “...The reason… I didn’t ask sooner is… Unauthorized pak programming is taboo.  _ Any _ change of job codes outside of the control brains is taboo  _ and _ illegal. Like, hm. Walking naked down a street? But Dib was right- it’s not  _ harmful _ .” Zim paused, and then smiled a little. “Has Dib done anything else that hasn’t been the right time to tell Zim?”

“...Not that I can think of,” Dib answered, tension leaving his frame, as he frowned and shook his head. He really couldn’t think of anything. Then again… “Well. There was the tracker stuff in your pak. But it was part of the glitching. I… deleted it, too.” Zim wasn’t angry, wasn’t mistrustful, so that helped. 

“Tracker stuff?” Zim asked, right back to confused again, before shrugging. “Did Gir have any of that?” He frowned again, looking up at Dib, before patting him again. “Zim scared Dib. ...I didn’t mean to. I… It’s  _ weird _ . ...But Zim’s life is… weird. ...Earth is weird. ...I’m not… angry?” For living with humans as long as he had, Zim was still  _ incredibly _ bad at understanding how to interact normally- and Dib wouldn’t change that even if he could. It was part of what made Zim  _ Zim _ .

Dib made a soft sound. “I thought you’d be upset I lied to you about it, and that I did it in the first place,” he admitted. “But, yeah. It was some program for tracking a pak. I didn’t look too much into it. And Gir didn’t have anything.” He leaned in, against Zim. “Gir barely had code, in general.” 

“You saw how I got him,” Zim said, huffing a little. “...He’s performed much better lately. ...And he’s still Gir. ...Zim used to wish he was a real SIR unit. Used to.” Zim smiled again, and ran his hand through Dib’s hair. “Zim is not upset with Dib. ...Zim can do… anything. Go anywhere. ...Could you re-create the tracking thing? They probably haven’t noticed yet…”

“I read the code. It would need fixed, but I can do it.” Dib closed his eyes, pressing into the touch automatically. “I always wondered why he was different,” he added, before sighing, letting his arms drop. “You could,” he said. “You don’t have to stay here, no one would notice. I wouldn’t blame you.” Even as he said that, he wondered why.

Zim actually looked  _ insulted _ at that, and squeezed into Dib. “This is  _ Zim’s _ planet. Didn’t you hear me yell that at Tak often enough? I can leave later, with Dib, to visit other planets. ...Or conquer them. Hm… But no.” Zim shook his head,  _ not _ going off on the tangent, and Dib couldn’t help but smile a little at the proof of his work. “It’s always better to be where they think you’re not.  _ Especially _ if they think you don’t know they know where you are. Or aren’t, as the case might be. Zim will think about that, and plan!”

The man huffed and shook his head, though it took a long moment to figure out what Zim was thinking. And then he let out a short laugh. “Geez, Zim. What are you going to do in a few planets worth of conquering, when I die?” he joked. “We should work on you learning code and shit, that way you don’t have to worry about it.” 

Zim immediately frowned, and pulled Dib tighter. “No,” he said, just that, sounding very put out and petulant. He didn’t explain what he was saying no to, either- though Dib thought he might know. “...Earth first, anyway. And Earth is going well. We can probably sell to Plokosia in a few years. They’re friendly.”

“Mm.” Dib pressed in, then hooked an arm under Zim’s legs, half yanking him into the man’s lap, just because he could, and his panic was gone, leaving him rather desperate to have Zim against him. “We should eat something. ...I think I have an idea.” Funfetti pancakes. He rather wanted the sweetness and the colors and to make Zim happier. Giving a grin, he added, joking again, “Or I could eat you out again. I mean. I should make that my morning meal.”

Zim groaned, and chilled, nuzzling against Dib again. “Mean Dib,” he muttered, with a little hum, before chuckling. “And he has finally found a, ah… meat that does not  _ disgust _ Zim!” That led to full body giggles, and Zim was still clinging to Dib. “But food is… yes. Wild emotions are not… good for anyone. ...Except Gir, maybe.”

Though Dib gave his own blush, then stood and pulled Zim with him. He did end up making Funfetti pancakes, with Zim making his typical clicks and soft sounds the entire time he watched. Zim was right, though. Emotions, running wild especially, were not good, and even Gir was more subdued than he usually was while they ate. 

  
Zim was more or less back to normal the next day, though he was also very cuddly, and every now and them Dib caught him just kind of staring at nothing and then giggling. Poor T-Seven was even jumpier than usual, almost certainly because of the giggling. A giggling and happy Zim  _ had _ usually meant trouble before. Dib was just happy that he hadn’t ruined things.


	12. Jobs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if things seem rougher- this was heavily edited. I tried to make it as smooth as I could, but if anything sticks out, let me know!

The human let out a long soft sound, then wrapped arms around Zim, squeezing. It had been a long night, with some nastier memories jostled by the new information. A long morning had helped, but now reality was pressing in. “We should get work done… ...I don’t know if I want to, though.” 

“We can take a little time. We do… have to work, though, in a bit. ...We can… talk about how to let Earth know it is fallen. ...I think… what does Dib think of approaching Membrane first? When our position is secure, but unnoticed still. Let him know, and all he can do is watch…?” That would still be some time in the future, yet, but it was a smaller goal within the large one, and one that Dib might like better.

“I’d like that, I think,” Dib answered. “We already own three more companies and our control is growing. If we can get a majority control of dad’s main company, we’ll have control of the majority of all chemical and science industries.” For a moment, Zim blinked, then looked at him- he’d missed Dib’s purchases, it seemed. 

“Dib… has been busy while Zim researched. Go interstellar after majority control?” Zim asked, not  _ bothered _ by the fact he’d missed them, just surprised. It was good that Dib had kept things going, and things were going so much faster than he had ever thought. “Tell him after we get majority, but before we go interstellar? ...And T-Seven has been suggesting flavors.” He smiled, aware it was Dib’s ‘fault’, and fairly pleased with the ideas.

Dib gave a little grin. “Yeah, I think so.” He nudged Zim, then kissed the Irken’s cheek. “What did you think I have been doing?” he asked, teasing. “...Gaz has even said she’d give her shares, if she can watch us tell dad, or at least be around.” He gave a little smile, then added, “I’m thinking we can also buy a few tele-communications companies at some point soon.” 

“Of course she can watch, or be around,” Zim agreed instantly. She was scary, but she  _ was _ on their side, or at least Dib’s side, and it would be easy to have her there. “Zim… wasn’t sure what Dib was doing. Work, but… not what kind. I knew it was helpful, so I… didn’t worry.” Zim smiled as well, then nodded again. “Buy communications companies, and upgrade them with  _ decent _ tech, and even more people will serve us, willingly, for communications!”

Nodding again, and very much relieved, Dib grinned wider. “Exactly my thoughts. It’ll make it easier to catch on if people start getting ideas against what we’re doing, too.” He gestured to one of the projects Zim had also been working on- a sweetener that was as sweet as usual, but without any calories. That way, people could live on the highly sweetened diet they’d be causing. “And we need a way to see that. Should I learn how to bake?”

Zim shrugged, glancing at his project. They  _ almost _ had it… “You could. But Gir can bake too. ...Which is honestly kind of terrifying. Not as much as this  _ horrible _ planet, but still pretty scary…” He cackled, then poked Dib. “You need to cackle. A nice, good cackle that would give everything away in public. It’s fun.”

“I could see about us buying a bakery… totally great for Gir to run, right?” Dib gave a dopey grin, then kissed one of Zim’s lekku. “You know I can’t cackle,” he said. “I just sound like a chicken having an aneurysm. Besides, I could just learn an evil smile.” 

“Oooh, and menacing looming. Dib is definitely tall enough for looming,” Zim agreed, nodding. “Like Ms. Bitters. And we might as well give Gir a bakery. Why not?” He’d enjoy it, and it might keep him out of trouble, and even if it didn’t, pretty soon Zim wasn’t really going to  _ care _ .

Dib laughed. “Well. I can try,” he agreed. “I’ve already been practicing with T-Seven as it stands, without even meaning to.” He hummed, then kissed Zim again, keeping arms around the Irken, and being as warm as he ever was. 

Zim sighed again, relaxing against Dib, and he did agree with the human- he didn’t feel like working any more today either. “Humans are… humans are tall, by any species’ standards. Low-average at worst, really, but mostly humans are taller.” He chuckled a little, humorlessly, then added, “The Tallest didn’t believe me when I say humans were tall but dumb. ...I think tall was the main problem- they only saw children.”

“...That’s fair, considering the one time I spoke to them they acted like I was an adult- it was great for me, at the time. I mean, except that Gir kept dancing and screaming.” Dib made a little huffing sound, then shook his head, sounding mischievous as he added, “...I’d like to meet them again, now, partially.” 

“You actually spoke with them? I knew you saw them, but… well, the report mostly came from Gir…” Which explained why he really hadn’t had many details. “I’d… ...I’m not ready for you to meet them. I…” Zim frowned, shifting his gaze away from Dib and staring at nothing. “I… maybe want it…? But not… I’m sorry. I need time to… think about that…” Zim blinked, then recoiled as Gir stretched up and into his field of vision, about an inch away. “Gir! I do not need organ failure!” he snapped, shaking his head again and looking back at Dib.

“Well, I spoke at them, and they spoke to each other.” Dib shook his head, then kissed a lekku. “Then not yet, simple as that,” he said. “No matter how much I want to smash their faces in, I'll wait for your position, I promise.” The human paused, then nuzzled him. “You are better than them. Don't you forget it.” 

Zim sighed again, a deep, shuddery breath, and then nodded. “Did you… understand them at all?” That had been a while ago, and Dib might well not have had a good grasp on Irken yet. As for being better than the Tallest, Zim also wasn’t quite sure about that, though the idea made him smile and feel good.

“They called me short. And said I had a big head- I think.” Dib grinned, squeezing Zim once more, before bending and hooking an arm under Zim’s thighs, lifting him over his shoulder. The Irken squeaked, flailing for a long moment. “And now, I’m tall enough to do this.” 

“Augh- have you no respect for your emperor?” Zim asked, laughing and holding on to Dib. He didn’t want the human to suddenly drop him, though he didn’t really expect that to happen. “I did rant about you to them. I’m surprised they remembered…” And it was… actually  _ fun _ to be up here like this.

Dib hummed, carrying him out of the lab, towards the bedroom. “Mm, but it’s so much fun to carry you around,  **master Zim** .” He pat Zim’s butt, laughing as the Irken kicked his legs again, growling and grumbling at the gall Dib showed. 

“The way you’re carrying on- Are you sure  _ you _ don’t want to be in charge?” Zim muttered, remembering how he had felt when Dib had gone possessive in the night- and really, he  _ did _ want Dib at his side, with equal right to give orders and do whatever he wanted. “Carrying me off into your bedroom to have your way with me… master Dib?” It was hard for Zim to say, even half playful, but he  _ wanted _ to know what Dib would do.

“Maybe in small doses,” Dib said with a short laugh. “But you know I could never even try to take from you.” Zim felt him shiver at the title, and the human shifted, before dropping him onto the bed. There he just looked at Zim, smiling dopily again before moving in.

-

That made Zim chuckle again, and he nodded. “Love you. And Zim was right. Dib is good for looming and evil grinning.” He managed to lift his arm enough to run his hand through Dib’s hair, making a happy little noise. “Probably both need food, though. ...And tattoo-beast is on our side too…”

Craning his neck, Dib kissed the hand there. “Just nothing too sweet for me,” he said. “I’ve had a  _ lot _ of sweetness today, already.” He grinned wickedly, despite the flush that reached his ears, and Zim groaned at the joke, and the way it hit. The Dib just grinned wider at him, licking his lips and petting Zim once again. 

“Meat for the Dib. Or eggs…” Zim smiled, shaking his head a little, trying to sit up. It took a moment, his limbs feeling much too heavy, and then he smiled. “How about delivery? We can afford it.” Then he paused, and laughed. “Zim yelled at Gir once for allowing delivery. Now Zim calls.”

“Chinese? We can order sweet and sour tofu for you. ...And an order for donuts.” Dib sat up, and Zim rolled over to watch him dress, surprised at how much he could enjoy it. Not too long ago, he'd have scoffed at himself for even considering enjoying looking at a worm baby. 

“Zim has changed. ...I like it. I’m happier,” Zim commented, giving a disappointed little sigh as Dib pulled his pants on, hiding all but the length of his legs. “Donuts and tofu sound good. Fried rice for Gir?” It was cheap, kept him happy, and Zim was fairly sure that the SIR unit was converting it into energy somehow. That was not actually something that should be possible, and he was just amused by that.

Dib grinned. “Of course,” he agreed “We can watch the newest Jurassic Park movie, too. I’ll even take off my pants again.” He winked at Zim, showing how much he’d caught on, then hummed, while pulling out his phone. Zim just groaned again, flopping his arm over his eyes. 

The next few months were spent with more research, and fun, and planning- and Zim even talked with Ness more, though that was mostly with Dib’s support. It was… very strange, when Zim realized that she was also a friend- that he had another human friend. The acquisition of telecommunications went fairly smoothly, and the hardest thing there was that they couldn’t share too much information too fast. Zim was  _ not _ patient, at all, and only the fact that this was  _ still working _ , and his researching, kept him in check.

It was nice to just trust the Dib with taking care of the business ends, the buying and selling of stocks and bonds or  _ whatever _ it was he was keeping track of. One thing was to put stock in various dessert companies, more research labs, more buildings. And he kept them running, kept employees, too. Without much warning, the Ness disappeared for some time. Dib wasn’t worried, though he did make a few calls about it. 

And then Gaz stopped by, reminding them of her promised ‘payment’ of sorts, and the last of everything clicked into place. Just, neither Dib or Zim could figure out how, quite, to take a family dinner.

It was clear that this was it- this was the  _ start _ of everything, for real. Once they told Membrane, once they  _ proved _ Zim’s origin, conquest couldn’t be stopped. Zim nearly asked Dib if he were sure, as they dressed, but he didn’t. It was too close to insulting, and he could already tell Dib was nervous, drinking from a silver vessel that Zim pretended not to recognize. They were both trying to be slightly fancy, although Zim decided that meant one of the modified uniforms he’d worked on now and then. It looked normal enough to be ignored, but it  _ wasn’t _ normal, not on Earth, and he liked that idea. He’d also cleaned up both his pak and Dib’s not-pak, much to his lover’s amusement.

The Membrane was there when they showed up, a surprise in and of itself. There were pizzas on the table- and salads and breadsticks, because Gaz was evil, and terrifying, but also wanted to be in Arcadia as soon as possible. Dib barely hid his gratitude for her with annoyance Membrane, and as the scientist looked at them with amusement. “I knew you’d bring someone home, son. Someone that understands your… quirks,” he said. 

“Wrong,” Zim said, squeezing Dib’s hand and moving towards the table, not really worrying about being rude. Membrane was the only one who’d care. “It is Dib who puts up with  _ my _ quirks. And is the smartest human Zim knows.” And it didn’t take Zim more than a moment to realize that the professor simply did not remember him, which was… not a surprise.

“Ugh, you’re being dorks again,” Gaz said, also going for a plate, though she was more interested in the pizza- of course. Thankfully, Arcadia also had pizzas, or something that was close enough. It was bread and toppings, including fatty ones- close enough. 

Membrane frowned, shaking his head, then offered his hand. “Gaz has told me that my son has been chasing you for a long time. He always was a stubborn one, usually unfortunately. It’s kind of… cute.” He took his own slice of pizza, while Dib looked a little lost until Gaz kicked him. 

“...Yeah. I used to talk about Zim nonstop,” he said. “I’m not surprised you don’t remember or care much of it.” 

“I chased Dib just as much,” Zim answered, taking Membrane’s hand after a short pause. He actually wanted to eat a little, and they had decided to leave it mostly up to Dib to breach the main topic. “And stubborn is good. If I wasn’t stubborn, I’d still be lowest frycook on the totem pole, and not… here.” He glanced at Dib, not surprised to see him giving that smile, and Gaz… mostly looked uninterested.

The scientist shook his head as he did the same with Zim’s hand, though he dropped it quickly. “Yes, well. It’s… interesting to have you join us. We haven’t had a family day in years, not since- oh, was that junior high, kids?” 

Gaz didn’t look up from her pizza, and Zim wiped his hand on his pants as he took the entire salad bowl, though he yanked Dib over to put some in the human’s plate after a moment. “Elementary,” she corrected, while Dib huffed at Zim, and submitted to the greenery on his plate. “I had to collect Dib from Zim’s stupid base, because they both were even more derpy back then.” 

“It was then that Zim truly learned to fear you, oh scary sister-of-Dib,” Zim added, smiling. Dib was right- she wasn’t as bad as she seemed, as long as he stayed out of her way. And the memory was… maybe not pleasant, but fun, now. “I was bested by a- how old were you? Eh. Young enough that it was embarrassing…” He shrugged, and started eating at his salad, taking a breadstick as Dib handed it to him.

“Ah, yes, I remember. You told me they were off playing, and I- well, I thought it was a good enough excuse to cancel the evening.” Membrane took food, but he turned when he ate, and Zim was more interested in making sure the Dib didn’t bolt. He looked like he wanted to. Zim didn’t blame him. It was awkward. And weirdly sad. 

“I told you that Dib was infiltrating. Not playing.” Gaz looked up, correcting her parent with a snort. Zim shook his head, then nearly growled when Dib took the moment of Membrane’s turning to take out the silver bottle. 

“Zim has a question,” Zim said, stopping Dib after the second drink. “Why did you even  _ make _ children if you weren’t going to put the minimum of effort into them? That’s both terrible parenting  _ and _ science.” Dib and Gaz both knew that he knew, after all, and Zim was getting more and more angry, though he was still determined to let Dib take at least part of the lead on this. He needed it- maybe?

“Well, you know how these things go. You think you have everything figured out, your whole life, and then something happens, and all your life has to change,” Membrane answered, still not actually facing any of them. It took Zim a moment to notice that he was on his phone, likely sending messages to other scientists. 

Dib snorted. “That’s a sure nice diplomatic way of saying ‘accidents happen,’ isn’t it,  _ dad _ ?” he said, before sneering at the tall and turned figure. “And why’d you even agree to this?”

“I threatened him,” Gaz answered. 

Zim’s growl got cut off by a chuckle at Gaz’s answer, and then he turned to look at Dib. “He’s actually more dumb than Zim thought,” he said, rubbing at Dib’s shoulder. He also motioned to the phone, questioningly, perfectly willing to take it from the scientist. “I also think cold unfeeling robot arm might be a better parent. ...Do you want to borrow Gir?”

Membrane chuckled, as though it was just something funny said. “Yes, yes. Most parents are like that…” he trailed off, and Dib didn’t even nod at Zim’s offer, snatching the phone. 

“Could you pay attention to us for once in your fucking  _ life _ ? Look, we get it, okay. Mistakes, you made a lot of ‘em, and we are products of that. But I can’t even begin to find an opening to tell you you’re not in control of Membrane Labs, or anything else, if you’re not listening!” Dib didn’t even hesitate before throwing the phone across the room. 

That got Membrane’s attention, and he looked up, probably blinking behind the goggles. “What do you mean, son? I was listening- your friend was talking about his parents. And apparently he has  _ issues _ .” Membrane laughed, though it seemed forced.

“...Now I’m wondering if the contacts were even needed,” Zim muttered, once again squeezing Dib’s shoulder and rubbing it. He also put aside his salad bowl, though he did plan to come back to it. It was tasty, and there wasn’t any reason they couldn’t finish dinner after tearing Membrane’s world down around his ears.

“Zim doesn’t have parents!” Dib snapped. “Irken are decanted. You know. A lot like Gaz and I. And that is not the issue at hand.” He pulled out his own phone shoving it into Membrane’s face, “Read the name of who owns the highest shares in what used to be your company. Read it.” 

There was a single moment of silence, and then Membrane scoffed. “That’s impossible. You’re not even out of skool. You wouldn’t have the money to do that,” he said, before shoving the phone away. 

“He graduated most of a year ago,” Zim said. “ _ With _ highest honors, of course.” He did glance at Gaz, only to find that she was actually smiling- and it seemed evil smiles ran in the family.

“Remember that chemical plant you gave me? Of course you never stopped to ask when I’d picked up interest in anything at all like that. Do you even  _ know _ what drinks you’ve been guzzling down for the last nine months?” Gaz said. “Also, Zim, you need to make a cilantro flavored one. Fuck the haters.”

Membrane looked lost. “But…” he started, stopping as Dib turned to something new on his phone. 

“I knew you’d never give it to me, to the crazy one. I asked Gaz for help. In trade, we’re giving her a ship and ticket to Arcadia. Because, guess what, I’m  _ not _ crazy!” Dib wasn’t exactly helping his case by shouting, or as he gestured at Gaz. “Aliens are real, ghosts, monsters, the paranormal! And I don’t need to prove most of it to you. I don’t care anymore!” 

“Except that you’re dating an alien,” Gaz supplied. Membrane looked at her, aghast, and she shrugged. “I’ve known for- well, as long as Dib. I just never cared.” 

Near the beginning of Dib’s fully justified rant, Zim gave a mental shrug and took off the disguise, with pak-legs just in case Membrane decided to notice. “It's really pathetic, you know? Zim has lived here years, and only they have noticed. And Dib has tried so hard to tell you… but he’s right. He doesn't have to prove anything. We have your-  _ former _ \- company, and Gaz is going to enjoy Arcadia.”

Membrane stared at him for long enough, and for silent enough, that Dib reached out and touched his shoulder. “I did give up. Zim noticed, started poking me, checking on me, making me give any bit of fuck about people again. Except that, now we will be taking over together. People have no clue.” 

Zim smiled, making sure to show his teeth. “And we're using  _ our _ company to do it. Wanna know the best part?” Zim looked at Dib, softening as he always did now, then cackled when he looked back at Membrane. “The best part is, Dib could stop Zim with a word now. But he doesn't want to. He's decided to  _ give _ me Earth, and we have so many plans for it.” Zim laughed fully then, though he made sure not to get lost in the laughter.

“This can't be happening. You can't be serious- or sane. You can't really have the power to do that, it's not- and for that matter, what do you think will happen when people find out, son?” Membrane frowned, managing to look like he has swallowed a lemon. 

Gaz was the one to snort, next. “What are you talking about, dad? People are stupid. Even you, smartish, a scientist, you ignored everything in front of you. Because it was easier. People won't care. I don't even care.” 

“And before you ask, we own more than just this. Guess all of the business books you kept in the lab paid off, didn't they?” Dib added. He gave his own fond look at Zim, while Gaz made barfing noises. “Some people may have issue. Money and power can buy those away.” 

“Dib is good as running business. And soon, we will have off-world contracts- and what human will truly oppose that? You’ve dreamt of joining the larger galactic stage, never knowing what that really means… Zim is simply fulfilling that.”

Membrane looked between Gaz, Dib, and Zim, looking more and more lost, and it was… strange. “But- but- what are you going to  _ do _ ? Why are you telling  _ me _ all this?”

Dib actually managed to grin. “Because, dad. You’ve got a couple choices. You can keep ignoring this- us- and find yourself in a world that you don’t belong, like I’ve been in my whole life.” He paused to take a deep breath. “Or you can help. Zim and I have projects. You’re a capable scientist- obviously.” 

“Understand- this is Dib’s kindness,” Zim added. He had been all for simply tearing down Membrane’s world and leaving him with the pieces, but Dib  _ did _ have a very good point- the professor did know a lot, and it would be a waste to not even try. “But Zim will not hold a grudge. If Membrane helps, he gets the same rewards as other helpers. ...And answers.” Membrane was a scientist, he’d been told, and answers were a drive for scientists, Zim knew that.

“You want me to help you with world domination?” Membrane asked, slow and unsure. 

“We’re taking over, with or without you,” Dib answered. “We already have half of the paranormal world on our side.”

Zim glanced at Dib, surprised by that, but he knew it was his fault for not paying better attention. “Yes. Taking over is happening. Even Membrane drinks Zim’s formulae. Imagine life without…”

“Ugh. You're gonna be selling on Arcadia, too, at least,” Gaz added, frowning a little.

“Hey, I fixed most of the withdrawal symptoms. It’s not my fault caffeine is so addictive to humans. And Arcadia has plenty of caffeine, Gaz does not have to worry,” Zim defended, smiling at her.

Membrane watched the by play, then frowned. “So you have the support of something that may not exist. And… my company- others?” He only occasionally looked away from Zim for more than a few moments. “How can you live here? Eat our food, not be sick, what are you going to do with Earth?”

“The paranormal does exist, but that isn’t the point. We own multiple companies, including communications and supplies.” Dib pulled back, then glared, frustrated. “We’ve been buying up random things little by little. It’s not hard to do when you offer goods and services that are more useful than current tech. And as Zim said- he is great with working on compounds.” 

“I… This… But how could it- there’s been countless experiments done to find intelligent life, or anything paranormal…” Membrane said, frowning.

“Uh- you say that like anyone would  _ want _ you people. You should be grateful you’re useful to me, yess- And that your son is worth… everything, to Zim…” And that was a vulnerability, such a big one, Zim  _ knew _ it, but… “Dib-sweet, should we give him some time to think?”

Gaz made a face. “If you two start making goshy pet names for each other, I’m going to puke,” she said, while Dib’s ears turned red. 

At the same moment, Membrane looked like a fish in a barrel. Dib just seemed to deflate, walking over and offering a business card of their location. “...Yeah. Think about it. If you decide to work for the winning team, meet us at this address the day after tomorrow. Ten o’clock. You’ll recognize the address.”

“Thank you for the salad, Gaz,” Zim added, once again using pak-arms, to put on his disguise this time. The stranger and more alien, the better, he thought, before offering an arm to Dib. He could tell that Dib wasn’t really happy- and Zim wasn’t himself. This had been unsatisfying, even though Membrane was well and truly lost. Zim wasn’t sure why, but he planned on working it out later. Right now, they still had to be strong, and united.

They made it home, and ate- Dib hadn't had anything, really, and Zim had only a few bites- and there was an uncomfortable silence. Even when it came to bed, and promises of fun, special fun, celebration, neither were up to it. But at least sleep was easy to reach. Getting things ready had lead to a lot of work. Zim was too tired not to rest quickly. 

The Dib wasn't so lucky. Zim wasn't sure what time it was he woke to find that he was alone in bed. Gir was tugging at him, whimpering. “The icecream man is leaking,” the SIR unit said. “It makes me so sad.” 

“Why do you even call him that?” Zim asked, blinking and patting the empty side of the bed where Dib usually was. He wasn’t there now, obviously, but Zim felt the need to confirm that, and he blinked a little as he woke up more. “And what do you mean, leaking? What kind of… Do you mean crying?”

Gir made a low whining sound again. “He gaved me icecream when master was mad, once,” the SIR unit said. After a moment, he started to cry, himself, nodding. “It makes me cry too-oo. But he said to go watches tv! I got master, instead.” 

“Oh.” That did answer the rather pointless question, at least, and Zim sighed, picking Gir up. “I'm glad you did, Got. I'm not sure why the Dib is crying, but… I have an idea. Can you make that… drink they give the worm children, in the cold winter. With the marshmallows. And Zim will try talking to Dib.” The crying was probably because of the weirdness and disappointment from dealing with Membrane, and this didn’t really seem the time to leave Dib alone.

“Okay!” Gir said, before jumping away, ready to rush into doing what he was asked without any bit of doubt. He sighed, then cursed himself for not asking Gir where the Dib was, before the SIR unit had rushed off. The lab wasn’t overly likely, at least. But that still left the massive base, and then the house, too. Standing, Zim considered the tracker he’d added to Dib’s not-pak, only to start simply looking around, first. 

It turned out the human was in the washing room, and there was probably a reason for that, but Zim couldn't fathom that right now. Dib was indeed crying, face in his knees and arms around his legs, and Zim wasn't sure what to do. Humans cried, he knew  _ that _ well enough, but… He'd never seen  _ Dib _ cry, or even considered such a thing, and now seeing it… “Why is Dib crying?” Zim asked, because questions had worked well enough so far.

Dib tightened the hold around his knees, as though trying to squeeze them even closer to himself, to maybe disappear. He didn’t answer at first, either, just stifling the sound. After far too long, he said, “Go back to bed, Zim. And take Gir with you.” His voice sounded so… tiny. Zim didn’t want to think it sounded broken, or lost, but those could even describe it in ways, as well. 

“Don't want Gir. ...not like that, at least,” Zim answered, before kneeling next to Dib. “...It is okay to be sad, of course,” he added, trying to remember what other people did in shows. It usually came down to comfort, and Zim was quite willing to wrap an arm around Dib. And despite too many questions whirling in his mind, Zim didn't say more- partially because he wasn't sure what  _ to _ say or ask.

Keeping quiet, Dib shuddered at the touch. He was otherwise unmoving, and Zim could feel that just as easily. “...I’m not sad...” he said, eventually. “...Please just go back to bed.” The way he requested it showed exactly how sure the human was of Zim not listening. 

“Maybe not sad, but… still crying. That’s okay.” Zim wasn't fond of the crying, but he knew it  _ was _ important, and that he had to support Dib. He moved his hand, petting Dib’s back around the not-pak and generally trying to be soothing. “Things… didn't go as hoped. They rarely do.” But Dib had to crying because of something attached to that.

“...Please just let me be, Zim,” Dib said, half pleading. He kept his face down, and utterly refused to look at Zim, so much so that he turned his head the other direction to speak. Even so, it wasn’t enough to be easily heard, and his voice cracked. “Go.” 

He really,  _ really _ didn’t want to, but Zim sighed and nodded to himself. “Okay,” Zim agreed, kissing Dib’s hair before slowly standing. “...I’ll catch Gir, too. ...Hot marshmallow drink should be ready when you want… when you’re ready.” Zim frowned, but sighed again and slipped from the room, trying to figure out exactly what he was going to do now.

Dib didn’t answer, and Zim gave another little sigh when he made it out. He only debated going back to sleep for a split second, but only because of not knowing how long Dib might be take. The human was stubborn, and Zim could only guess why he’d want to be alone. But then he just made himself comfortable nearby, and waited for Dib to come out. 

He wasn’t really sure how long he waited, though of course he  _ could _ check. Zim just didn’t care to- sitting and waiting was bad enough without knowing exactly how long he’d been worrying about Dib! Gir came down some time later, with the requested drink, and Zim grabbed him before bothering Dib, finding himself petting the metal to try and comfort them, while Gir worried about the ‘marshy-mals’ melting. Zim expected that Gir had a whole head full of marshmallows, and wasn’t worried- about that, at least.

Eventually he heard water running, the sink, from the sound of it, and a thin moment of quiet. And then the door opened, and Dib stood there, red faced and still damp- probably from trying to wash up. “...I told you to go back to bed,” he said, softly, voice catching. 

“Wasn’t comfortable,” Zim answered, sipping at the drink- hot chocolate, he’d remembered once he tasted it. “...Does Dib feel a little better?” He looked up from where he was sitting, and held on to Gir to keep the SIR unit from tackling Dib or anything like that. Zim  _ also _ kept a hand on Gir’s head so a marshmallow shower didn’t become a thing.

“...I don’t know… ...Maybe.” Dib gave a little sigh of his own, then sat next to Zim, resting his head back against the wall. After a moment of Gir’s whines, he opened his arms, and the Irken let the SIR unit climb over and hide in Dib’s lap. “I’m sorry you got woken up.” 

Zim shook his head, rubbing Dib’s arm. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help. ...Gir loves you, you know. I think he actually loved you first…” Gir certainly had a history of obeying Dib better than Zim! “...I’m also, um. Sorry if I… ever made you feel like you had to… hide things? ...Well, ever since you moved in…” Before that they had been enemies, and that was different.

After a moment, the human did stop looking like he’d been verbally lashed. “No! No. Gir loved you first, that’s- not even in question. It never has been.” He took a deep breath. “Surprisingly, maybe, you’ve never made me… feel like I have to hide things. That’s not...” Dib looked at him, then away again. “...I’m not- never have been- a crier.” 

“...Gir loved Dib before Zim did. And… Zim never saw Dib cry. ...If I’d thought about it, Dib was just not showing an enemy weakness. But I know that’s not what this is.” He went back to petting Dib, softly, before grabbing the thermos that the hot chocolate had eventually been put into- Gir had done that after the second cup had gone colder than ideal. “Hot chocolate?”

Dib took the thermos, and the offered marshmallows from Gir’s head, though he mostly played with it in his cup and looked down. “...I couldn’t sleep. And I don’t even know  _ why _ .” He shrugged, then threw up an arm. “I didn’t want to wake you, and I just… couldn’t seem to stop.” 

“Brain-meats are like that. Even Irken brain-meats. Not Dib’s fault.” Zim shrugged a little, truly not bothered by that. “I just wish I knew how to help better. Human shows are less helpful than Zim hoped.” He played with Dib’s hair, while Gir nuzzled against Dib, head still open.

“...You mean, like, soap operas? Thanks but no thanks.” Slowly, Dib leaned into the touch. It meant that Zim couldn’t see his face as he, just as slowly, reached out and took Zim’s other hand. “I…” he paused, swallowing, thinking, “I don’t feel anything. I should, right? I should be happy. I tried telling him we weren’t alone in the universe for so long. And now, we’re so close to just taking over. But I don’t… feel anything.” 

Zim frowned, and shrugged. “Maybe? Zim isn’t sure. But aren’t human worm-parents supposed to listen to their squishy offspring? And you told Zim how you got to Mercury. Zim was not subtle on Mars…” Zim grinned a little at that, though he was sure the amusement was misplaced. “So… it wasn’t even trust, it was ignoring, and… ...And Zim would do  _ anything _ for Tallest’s attention. Until watching with Dib made Zim see how little they cared. Um.” The smile turned to a frown, Zim realizing he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say.

Squeezing the other hand in his, Dib let out a low sound. “...Then I should be mad. I was mad at the way they treated you. Why can’t I be mad now? Mostly I feel… tired. Like there’s nothing. Like I did before  _ you _ made me start feeling again. It makes no sense.” 

“Dib was mad. Zim wasn’t mad. Zim was… I was  _ right _ , and I was… lost. Zim… has heard… big emotions push everything aside, and when the emotion goes away, it… it’s like a splash? Push out, pause, rush in. So this… is the pause? ...Zim will worry if it stays this way, of course…” But right now, Zim  _ wasn’t _ worried- and maybe that was because he  _ was _ tired, for all he ignored that. “...Zim  _ is _ mad now, at Membrane. Does that help?”

“...I guess that makes sense,” Dib said with a soft sigh. After a moment, he squeezed the hand in his once again, then leaned more heavily on Zim. “...Thanks, Zim. For being there, and not just… not just telling me to man-up.” 

“Zim has… noticed humans do that. I don’t really understand why. And I like Dib how he is,” Zim answered, squeezing back. “...Drink your chocolate, and then try to sleep? Zim is tired, and you haven’t gotten  _ any _ sleep, so… A little try?” And he kind of thought Dib needed the rest, just based on how the human was leaning on him.

“Dunno, honestly,” Dib answered, before dutifully taking a drink. He grinned a little. “...I feel bad, but I’m glad, you know. I’m going to die first. I mean, you’re so much older than me, and your lifespan has to be astronomical. I’m going to get old while you’re still in your prime.”

Zim frowned again, lekku pinning back against his head. “No,” he said, the same thing he had said the last time Dib had brought up age, but he didn’t give any more information than that. Dib didn’t need to know that Zim was looking into that- still slowly, without the full force of his attention and their fortune, but he was. As far as Zim had thought, he wasn’t going to tell Dib anything until he found something that  _ worked _ , because he didn’t want Dib to know how much he worried about and dreaded a life alone. “...Though Zim is older than Dib. What… humans have a phrase- cradle robbing? And Dib still beat Zim, again and again…”

“With a lot of luck, and I honestly think it was the glitches,” Dib said. He took another drink of chocolate, finishing the cup- which had been half marshmallow, then kissed Zim’s cheek, before patting Gir. “Love you,” he added, not touching Zim’s denial. “Let’s get some sleep. You’re right, I’m… maybe I can sleep now.” 

  
“Some luck, some glitches,” Zim agreed, because that  _ had _ factored in. “...Some luck  _ was _ glitches. But Dib still beat Zim. The smart way- you used whatever you could.” Zim smiled fondly at Dib, then carefully stood, helping Dib us as well. “And love you. Love you, want you-  _ mine _ .” Zim stretched to kiss Dib’s neck, then tugged him towards the bed.


	13. Choices

They spent much of the following day in the lab, working on projects and in general taking time for themselves. With a little prodding, Zim found a catalog to look at, and the internet- his own home computer utterly refused to help, citing the number of ways human sex got ‘weird’ and ‘gross.’ Zim didn’t expect there to be any celebrating. In fact, he rather expected that the Dib would be in need of some  _ serious _ cuddling. He just really needed something to read while his new compounds crystalized. 

It was a shock when, the following day, the buzzer did buzz for the lab, and the screens showed the Membrane. Zim pointedly took care of it, while the Dib and T-Seven kept working at Gaz’s ship, right in the middle of diagnostics. 

“I am very nearly disappointed,” Zim said, looking at Membrane and trying his best to pretend that he didn’t care that Membrane practically loomed over him. “...But I think Membrane’s presence might make the Dib feel better. This way.” As unexpected as it was, they at least did have a plan for dealing with Membrane. Zim hadn’t bothered with the disguise, because Membrane was in the foyer, and the chances of someone looking in were minimal, and he enjoyed seeing the way Membrane looked at him- either trying to find the makeup lines, or simply trying to convince himself.

“I’m doing this for the science, as much as anything,” Membrane answered, sounding uncertain. Zim’s lekku moved as he did, Irken military pride stepping up in an automatic show, as he tucked his arms behind his back and started to lead the scientist. 

Zim didn’t answer him. “Gir!” he called, grinning as his SIR unit pinged back to the command on the speakers. “Add the Membrane for clearance, and-” he did pause, making a distasteful look, before he could stop himself, “ugh. And add him to the ‘meat’ side of the lunch order.” 

“Okay!” Gir cackled. “Just like the icecream man!” 

“...Your dog?” Membrane asked, indicating that he either did remember something, or had looked up stuff- or maybe asked Gaz, only she probably wouldn’t have called Gir a dog. Or she would have- Zim wasn’t sure. “What are you…  _ doing  _ here? ...And what other kind of lunches are there?”

“My SIR unit,” Zim corrected after a moment. “ _ I _ am working on a new formulae for our inter-planet sales. Dib has been taking care of your daughter’s… transportation to Arcadia.” He waved a hand, then tucked it back behind again, heading towards the modified hanger-lab. “T-Seven, whom you’ll meet, goes back and forth. He’s Vortian, and please, mind your manners and don’t ask to touch his horns.” 

Membrane stopped, Zim could hear it, and he was probably blinking a little too. It was great, it really was, and he was sure that the professor was expecting to be treated with deference and awe, not as what he was- just another worker, who happened to know science. “...Goes back and forth from what? Horns? Ah. I won’t… ask?” The confusion was evident, but Zim was surprised, again, that Membrane actually  _ did _ seem to be trying to listen, which wasn’t expected. He was almost disappointed, for his own sake.

He tried not to show that disappointment. “Back and forth on our projects,” Zim said. “And his own flavor experiments, too.” Explaining the horns wasn’t needed, as they slipped into the hanger-lab and T-Seven was the first one they saw. What was formerly Tak’s ship was behind him, and he could see one of Dib’s arms hanging out as the human spoke and waved at the Vortian. The rest of him wasn’t visible. 

“Okay, T, I’ve hooked in. Is it still erroring?” Dib asked. 

“Nnnn. Yes,” T-Seven said. “By Vort, I can’t tell what’s Irken or, or- it’s like an amalgam of- we may need to start from scratch.” Dib’s arm jerked back in, and he was way too quiet, leading the Vortian to actually huff. “...You were playing with it, weren’t you?” 

“...Tak did it first!” he defended. 

“Ugh. Yes, but she knew what she was doing,” Zim added, going over to look at T-Seven’s screen. He pushed some buttons to highlight things before shrugging. “That’s about all that remains of what she did, too.”

Membrane stopped just inside the door, looking around and seeming not really sure what to do. Mostly he was staring at T-Seven and at the ship, before finally speaking. “That’s the… thing that was… in our garage for a few weeks, isn’t it? That’s, um. Not more junk my son dragged home?” And despite promising not to ask, he was also spending a fair amount of time looking at the Vortian’s horns- or maybe the Vortian in general, but Zim’s monies were on his horns.

“Well, it is junk, but not like you mean,” T-Seven grumbled. He glanced at Membrane- he had been warned- and then huffed again. “And we will need to start from scratch.” 

“Weeks? I mean, try  _ years _ ,” Dib corrected, appearing in the hatch of the ship. “And I didn’t think you’d come.” Bending down, he glanced at the screen. “And you know, I did the best I could with what I had. We need to replace the toaster parts I used for one of the rear carts.” T-Seven groaned at him, looking horrified. 

“Oh, is that why it was complaining about bread…” Zim muttered, before shaking his head. “Well, anyway. T-Seven is now promoted. You can have the Membrane as an underling. You might need to catch him up on stuff…” He grinned toothily.

“Years? No, that can’t be right… It… ... _ Where _ is Gaz going in that thing?” Membrane shook his head, but Zim was more concerned that he asked his question as though he had a right to stop Gaz’s trip- or as though Dib wasn’t doing everything possible to ensure Gaz’s safety.

Dib either didn’t notice the tone of the question, or more likely, didn’t care. “Arcadia,” he said. “The game and arcade planet. I give it a week before they crown her as queen.” He plucked up another cable with a not-pak arm, then nodded as T-Seven started deleting the programming code of the ship. “And yes. It was years.” 

The Vortian sighed. “Lucky girl,” he said. “I’ve heard that if you get enough tickets and high scores they really do let you rule. ...Wait. I get- awesome!” 

“Yes, yes, has Zim not  _ told _ you he is generous?” Zim asked, though he grinned. It was  _ nice _ making T-Seven happy, actually, and even nicer that it wasn’t really costing anything.

“Ah, games and arcades, yes, yes. And with your sister’s hand-eye coordination, I’m sure she’ll have little troubles with her games,” Membrane agreed, nodding. “Ah- any idea how long she’ll be there?”

Dib didn’t even look up. “I don’t fucking know. Forever?” He did climb down, half of which used the not-pak arms, then snatched his laptop. “I’ll go get a copy of the Voot programming for the base, here. Starting from scratch will take too long, and Ness was going to work on shit with me. Or something.” He barely glanced at Membrane, slipping out. 

“I thought human herd groups liked each other,” T-Seven commented, turning back to the ship. “Weird.” 

“This herd-group is weird. Don’t take them as a basis,” Zim agreed, shrugging.

“You say that like I don’t care for them! I’ve been  _ busy _ , making the world a better place, and you can’t say I didn’t at least try,” Membrane said, clearly frowning. “And I know we don’t always get along, but he’s just joking about Gaz never coming back, I’m sure!”

Zim sneered at the man, while T-Seven held up his hands, retreating. “I care not for what you’ve done for this planet,” he said. “It’s still disgustingly  _ nasty _ , and you are utterly clueless. Perhaps you should talk to the Dib, because Zim knows his Dib has seen the notes on his own… decanting. The Membrane was not kind.” He hoped that Gaz would only visit if she returned. She was still terrifying. 

“Oh, um.  _ Those _ . Ah. Well, you see… Um. He wasn’t supposed to see them. And I… forgot all that was with the files he wanted…” Membrane answered, visibly uncomfortable. Zim relished in it. “But it can’t have been that big of a deal, he’s fine  _ now _ . Why, I’d almost say better than fine, even, apart from some lingering quirks and, ah, opinions…” Zim was quite sure that meant interest in the paranormal and planning to take over the world.

A moment later, and he considered what a ‘big deal’ might mean to the Membrane. “It made him not Dib anymore,” the Irken said. “He stopped caring- stopped hunting Zim. Did dangerous things.” The idea of maybe being too late flashed into Zim’s mind, and he sneered again. “You may think it wasn’t a big deal, but my Dib valued your opinion, before. It crushed him. Zim won’t forgive you.” 

Membrane paused a second, then shook his head. “He was doing just fine in school. He was finally starting to grow up, is what I’m hearing. If he cared about my opinion, he would have given up his silly searching years ago, like I told him.”

Pak legs slid from their housing, and Zim caught the impulse just in time. “Fine in school- sure, until people with your notes came for him.” Membrane looked shocked again, and Zim took hold of that. “Ah, yes. Membrane would have never noticed. Zim did, Zim found Dib when they took him to their lab, found out who would take him from Gaz.” The Irken’s lekku pinned back, and he glared. “You call it growing up. Membrane has no clue about the real world.” 

“I  _ study _ the real world! And you say that like I  _ planned _ to let my notes get stolen! ...Or expected anyone to be interested in a failed experiment…” Membrane answered, the last part muttered so quietly that he probably thought Zim couldn’t hear him. That was enough for Zim to growl, using the pak-legs to give himself more height before getting into Membrane’s face, yanking him back by his hair.

“If you  _ ever _ call Dib that again, then Zim will make  _ you _ an experiment. And you can ask the Vortian what tends to happen to my… test subjects,” Zim growled, before pushing him away.

The human stumbled, gasping, and obviously frightened. “I understand, I get it!” he said. He was still shaken as Zim settled back on the floor, smoothing down his uniform, though it barely was considered that any longer, considering all of his modifications. 

“Good. See to it that you don’t forget this lesson, human. He may be that to you, but the Dib, my Dib, will be co-ruler of this dirt-ball, and he is better than  _ you _ . The only reason Zim does not raze this place to the ground is him,” Zim hissed. 

Membrane, finally, didn’t say anything, simply nodding and gasping. Satisfied that his point was made, Zim turned and stalked to the other end of the lab, where T-Seven was studiously working. “...Don’t worry. His behavior won’t reflect on you- Zim knows better,” the Irken comforted, and T-Seven did give a little sigh, but Zim didn’t spend much thought on it. He needed to find Dib- and possibly run interference, because he had been taking a long time finding that program.

He was actually startled when the Vortian reached out and grabbed his arm, though he immediately dropped it, whispering apologies. “...I didn’t try to hear. But…” 

“We will talk later,” Zim said, willing to forgive the oversight, especially with the current events. He slipped from the room with ease, searching for the Dib. It didn’t take long before he gave in and called out to Gir. “Gir! Where is the Dib?” 

“He’s on his office! In the computer!” Gir answered, which was hopefully  _ not _ literal. Even if it was, they could afford a new computer- Zim was pretty sure that at least one of their companies  _ made _ computers.

“Thank you, Gir,” Zim said, getting a wheee in response that made him smile. Feeling slightly better, and decidedly less angry, Zim went to Dib’s office- they actually did have separate offices, being more focused on different things, but they were right next to each other. “Hey, Dib-sweet? It is I, Zim! May I come in?” he asked, knocking.

“‘Course,” Dib said, looking startled at Zim, then back to whatever he’d been ‘working’ on. Which, it mostly looked like he was hiding and pretending. Zim didn’t blame him, especially considering everything. The joke he gave was flat, barely a joke, “Don’t tell me he annoyed you enough to kill him, already.”

“...Threaten too, maybe… Um. Pretty sure I wouldn’t do it, though. Not actually. ...Not for what I said I would, at least,” Zim answered, wincing slightly. Even though Dib didn’t really  _ like _ his father, Zim was fairly sure he  _ loved _ the man, because that seemed to be the  _ thing _ with human parents and offspring, and because Dib was the one who wanted to give Membrane a chance. Threatening to horribly kill anyone his lover liked wasn’t really the done thing, Zim knew, and hoped Dib wouldn’t be too upset. “...And T-Seven sort of… heard more about you. ...I thought he was further away.”

Dib sighed, then pulled his phone out. “Less than an hour, huh? Gaz actually lost that bet by a margin. Looks like she’s buying lunch.” Suddenly Zim’s concerns seemed very tiny and off, and he blinked at the human, who- well- Zim would expect him to digest what likely sent Zim homicidal later. “...And I’m not surprised. It was only a matter of time, before more people knew, I guess.” 

“...He won’t care. Zim has to reassure him later, but… T-Seven likes Dib. It’s… nice.” Zim blinked again, cocking his head before asking, “You, ah. Bet with Gaz on how long it would take Zim to threaten Membrane’s life?” And he did wonder what Dib might do if Zim  _ had _ come back with the professor’s blood on a pak-leg, but he didn’t want to find out. He would just do his best to stay away from the horrible man.

“Well, we both agreed that you might just outright kill him by the end of the day, but I think I can keep you occupied for a while. And I didn’t think you’d do it with T-Seven around.” Dib’s shoulders slumped, and he looked down. “...And I guess, I don’t know- we’ll see about T. I like him, but he already thinks I’m freaky. So that’s fun.” 

Zim shrugged a little, and sighed. “He doesn’t know much about other humans to understand why Dib is making his choice. And you… are freaky. It’s why I love you,” Zim answered, moving closer. “...Zim isn’t going to kill the Membrane. Zim  _ wants _ to, but you don’t want me to. So I won’t.” He nodded a little, determined.

“...Thanks, Zim,” Dib said. He leaned back in his seat, putting an arm over his eyes, and Zim got close enough to brush against his legs. “I love you, too. I’m sorry, I’ll be out, I promise. It was my stupid idea to use him, so I should take care of it. I just… I needed a few minutes.” 

“Why do you think I gave him to T-Seven?” Zim asked, shrugging. “He’s been polite and submissive to us- friendly to you- but he won’t take any stupid from someone under him.  _ And _ , T-Seven likes the idea, so he will keep Membrane where he won’t anger us, but will still be useful. Time is okay.” Zim nodded, then gave a little laugh. “And we could always send the stupid Membrane to some ghost place. Less dangerous. Just spooky.”

Dib made a little wiggle motion, then sighed. “...Yeah, I guess. He can totally go with me on my next not-so-dangerous supply run, huh? It’ll be a demented form of dad-and-experimental-reject time. Woopee.” He threw up his other arm in a motion about it, then shrugged and let out a soft sighing motion. 

“Zim meant alone,” Zim said, before grinning. “Zim thinks it would do him good.” He shrugged a little, rubbing Dib’s leg and arm. “I told him not to call you that.” Zim paused again, not entirely sure about continuing, but finally he sighed. “If… Dib were… Zim’s cloning experiment… First time to actually make it to decanting… That would be success to Zim. Even… if there were other things hoped for. ...It happens all the time on Irk, but growing a person is not easy, and Earth… mostly doesn’t have that technology…”

Arm falling, Dib looked at Zim in something like amazement. And also something else. He couldn’t tell. “Thanks, but… you didn’t have to do that. ...Or be upset.” He took the hand that touched his wrist, squeezing and then letting go to turn in the chair and get up. “I won’t ever be anything more than… that.” 

“...Irkens don’t try to add anything more. We just reproduce. And it’s because the losses were too high. ...I’m not supposed to know that. I looked at too many things while I was a scientist…” Zim ran his tongue over his teeth in concern, before shrugging. “Zim… still thinks Dib is more normal…”

“You know what I mean,” Dib said. “And… I’m not even sure if I could be anything like normal. Especially now.” He huffed. “But I love you, and people can go fuck themselves, right?” Leaning in, he kissed Zim’s cheek. “We’ll have to discuss all about Irken science history, Zim. I’d like that.” 

Zim turned to catch Dib’s cheek and grinned himself, nodding. “Yes. Zim will tell you all about it- as much as I know, anyway. And people can scream and we don’t care. ...Irkens would… not agree with this either. ...I think T-Seven told you that, kind of. And Zim still doesn’t care. I want you.” He looked at Dib and nodded.

“And I, you.” Dib kissed him again, and there was a quiet judgement on Membrane while they returned and tried to get back to work. Mostly, Membrane just watched, a bit like a useless lump, and Zim allowed himself to retreat and work on his next type of soda. During food, he was still quiet and watchful, though he sputtered at Gir and the way the SIR unit hung off of Dib while eating and laughing with glee. 

-

Dib was glad of Gir’s distraction, aware the entire day of his dad’s presence, and mostly just glad that he wasn’t causing trouble, as well as confused by the fact he was even  _ there _ . The second day was better, at least, because he could prepare himself more- and Zim really did seem to be working on keeping his promise about not killing Membrane. But Dib knew he had to talk to his dad eventually, and not just about work and pretending everything was normal.

It still happened sooner than he would have liked, as T-Seven and Zim had to go off for something- Dib hadn’t really paid attention until he realized that he’d been left in a room with his father, alone, and Membrane looked like he was trying to say something. It was almost as frustrating, seeing it, as it was, knowing that the scientist still didn’t believe. 

“I’m… I’m really starting to believe they’re not… human,” was what Membrane finally did say, and Dib was pretty sure he was channeling Zim’s unimpressed look. “Except it doesn’t make any sense, why he’d even be interested in you. You’re not his species, it’s… it’s like a bear and a moose. It doesn’t happen. Certainly not to the point of the bear deciding to not eat any mooses at all.”

Dib forced himself to not react in the way that he wanted- a combination of anger and pain. “A bear would not attack a moose anyway,” he said, before he could catch himself. “A moose- megafauna- could crush the bear with hooves. Bears are not stupid, in the case of when they see a moose.” He jammed the part he was working on into place with more force than necessary, then added, “Anyway. It is  _ so _ nice of you to notice that we are not the same species. I never did. Obviously.” 

Membrane paused a little, then shrugged. “Good to see you did learn something. I just picked something, you know, the species doesn’t really matter. But with you- How do you even- And  _ why _ ? How can you betray your species- and your planet? Just because no-one listened to an  _ eleven-year-old’s _ ramblings? Son, you have to understand…” Membrane was supposed to be working on flavorant ideas, but was currently doing nothing of the sort- probably because it was for Plokosian tastes, and he didn’t really believe they existed, despite the brief profile he’d been given.

“I understand perfectly. For one thing, it’s none of your business who or what I sleep with, or how. And that’s a fucking laugh. Are you really scolding me? Me. Who begged you to listen to me about what was out there. It didn’t matter that this started when I was eleven. It still doesn’t.” Dib shifted, then worked on getting the next part of hardware out of the ship. “You said it yourself- I wasn’t meant to be here. I don’t belong.” 

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay to take your frustration out on innocent people. You think  _ my _ genius was understood? Of course not! But you don’t see  _ me _ trying to take over Earth!” Membrane paused, glancing around. “...At least not of my completely free choice…” he added, seeming uncomfortable. “And really, would you listen to a child? Especially as nothing was happening?”

Dib threw up his arms. “ _ Yes! _ ” he exclaimed. “You’re a hypocrite. Utter and bloody. And-” he couldn’t help but start laughing, and he had to put down his tools, because it was actually funny, it wasn’t even sarcastic laughter. “Nothing? You- you think nothing was happening? Gaz and I were  _ abducted _ by aliens! I’ve been to other planets, I’ve piloted ships, I fucking summoned a pig demon and cursed Gaz, and then had to  _ go back _ and beg him to undo it! Just because  _ you _ ,” he paused to poke Membrane’s chest, “Didn’t notice, doesn’t mean that nothing was going on. And even now, you doubt me.” 

“Pigmouth? I told you, there’s no such thing as curses… ...Though she did say some pretty weird things when I asked where you were after that…” Membrane said, looking at Dib thoughtfully. “But still, there’s no mathematical models for anything like that. I mean, aliens, that’s… there’s at least other planets, and it seemed likely enough that we  _ looked _ , at first. ...Do you really think they’ve been avoiding us?”

“Yeah? Well I’ve been to cursed lands and used both spelldrives and spellbooks, so I think I’ll go with what I’ve seen, and done, with my own eyes.” Dib’s amusement faded, and he turned back to the engines in front of him, picking up one of the tools. “...I know they have… The Irken empire already slated us for conquest- once they found out we existed. Hence, Zim being here. The Collectians like abducting- but they’re dumber than a sack of potatoes. The Guarvenites- well, they were interested in using us as fuel. Zim had to fight that one, because of the P.J.-Irken treaty.” He jammed the- it looked kind of like a wrench in, then twisted, and glanced at Membrane, before going back to what he was doing. “Other than that, we’re the intergalactic equivalent of a inbred hick town in the sticks.” 

“P.J.? Fuel- how do you know all this? Why- fuel, or conquest, or abductions? That’s… that’s it?” Membrane was disappointed, that was clear, as well as confused. “Zim… he fought for us? I would have thought he'd be happy to see us die, from what everyone’s said.” T-Seven was probably that ‘everyone’, and likely Zim himself- Dib was well aware that he was the main reason Zim had stopped talking about destroying Earth- though the desserts helped.

Dib counted off with his fingers, after sighing, “One, P.J. stands for planet jackers, the affectionate nickname. Two, I know from being there, or reading it up, or talking to Zim. Three, yes. That's it. I wish I could say there is something else, but there isn't. Four, yes. Again. Irken are possessive of the things they covet. This mission was given by his leaders, which meant it was not their planet to take.” The man looked over again. “Early on, Zim did try to kill us, often. I've softened him, a little. Or maybe Gir has. Right Gir?” 

The SIR unit popped up from the ship hatch, giggling. “Yes, sir! I made master talk to the squirrels, and the piggies, too. I loved them. I loved them so much.” He smiled at Membrane, then waved, and ducked back down. 

As often happened, Gir’s appearance distracted someone unprepared, Membrane in this case. He just stood and looked at the hatch for a few minutes, then turned to Dib. “What, ah. What’s… up with him? Squirrels and piggies? He’s, ah… is he a robot?” Dib had kind of been expecting that question, though not the ones that followed. “And if he is, he and that… ship? Are both… Irken, you say? What about that…  _ thing _ on your back, it’s… it's like his.”

“They're called SIR units, and yes, most of the tech here, Gir, and all included, is Irken, or Vortian designed for Irken use.” Dib took a deep breath, then shook his head. “Gir is… special. His brain was pretty much two monies, some lint, and a paperclip and bouncy ball. This is after some fixes, updates, all of that.” Membrane didn't look completely convinced, but didn't argue, either. “And yes. It's not a full pak on my back, but it's close. Zim made it for me, after… something happened.” 

“He… made it for you? Why? And… what  _ is _ a pak? I- I’ve seen a little, you've used it, and those… those  _ things _ …” Membrane made a face, but he also flinched slightly, and Dib wasn't surprised by that. Zim  _ had  _ threatened him, and Dib knew how that had probably gone- and he did remember watching Zim kill the people who were trying to experiment on him.

Dib glanced over, then back. “Usefulness, and safety. All Irken have paks, they're like… secondary brains, and they get them when they're first decanted. This one isn't a proper one.” He paused, considering, then shrugged. “Zim didn't want me nabbed again. But mostly, it was a gift.” 

“Secondary brains? So… you’re a cyborg? Nabbed again? What has been going on?” The confusion was strange, and annoying. Dib knew that his father had already been told at least some of what had happened, and wondered if Membrane even realized that he was basically admitting to not having listened to a word Dib had said. Not that Dib had expected him to, not really.

“I am not! ...I don't think.” Dib yanked another piece of the engine into place, before tightening the bolts that held it there. “Some of your science buddies stole your notes my senior year. They drugged me, trashed my dorm, and dragged me to their lab.” He pushed the panel back into place, before moving to a new section. “Zim found me and got me out, with a little help. I've been living with him, since.” Looking up, he added, “Gir, what's the readout?”

The SIR answered with a low giggle, “Nine five! Yous is good. Makes the ship better.” 

“They weren’t my ‘buddies’. If they were, they wouldn’t have stolen anything, and they  _ certainly _ wouldn’t have tried stealing you,” Membrane corrected, probably frowning. Dib kind of regretted letting his father keep his goggles and coat. At the same time, he didn’t really want to know. “I… am happy you got out. -Wait, how did  _ he _ know? And… who helped? Gaz?” 

“Well, they definitely aren’t now,” Dib said. “He knew because he’d already been to the dorm, been living there, really. I threw a glass at his workstation to get it to pop on.” He used more force than necessary, again, to yank off the next primer panel, before looking over the parts. It didn’t help that he was kind of amused- he doubted that Membrane would have noticed. “Gaz told him who stole your shit. But Tak and Mimi were the ones to actually come with him.” The man did turn to look at his father, then shrugged. “You’ll meet them, eventually. Tak is Irken, too. Mimi is her SIR unit. They’re both bitches to the nth degree, but tolerable.”

“Wait,  _ Tak _ ? Isn’t she the heir to Delishus Weenies? You’re telling me she’s an  _ alien _ ? Like Zim? ...And he hates meat, why would she be selling it? And what  _ is _ a SIR unit, other than a robot- do all of them have one? Why was Zim living in your dorm?” It was, again, kind of funny- Dib wondered where this curiosity had been when he was younger and could have actually used the attention. On the other hand, it was sort of nice, being able to lecture his father and have  _ all _ the answers now.

“Mhm. She brainwashed the, heh, weenie king. And I don't like our megatown brain fizzy drink, but we continue to sell it. Same concept.” Dib chuckled, reaching up to tap the top of the hatch and then catching the tool Gir tossed down. “SIR units are personal robot helpers. They are given to elite invaders for conquest. Usually. Most Irken don't have them.” He paused, considering how to tell why Zim was in his dorm. Or if he even wanted to. “Zim followed me from a visit back. He's… him. I still don't understand his reasons.” Lies! Zim would say. 

“I… see. So far I just see a lot of indications that these… Irken just want the monies. And you're telling me Zim is one of their elite. And so is Tak. And in thirteen years, Earth has not been destroyed, and one of them got involved with you. And made you a cyborg after rescuing you.” It was hard to say how much Membrane believed of what he was saying, but it was better than straight dismissal.

“Master’s the best! He let me sing the doom song! And now he's teaching second master to doom too!” Gir opined, giggling and starting to quietly sing what could only be said song. The name was descriptive- ‘doom’ was the only word involved.

The long suffering sigh that Dib let out couldn't be helped. “Yes and no. The Irken system is dependent upon a lot of complex things. They do live for conquest- and snacks. But it's more than that, it's complicated. Tak hasn't been trying to take over anymore- I have no clue why. And Zim, I've usually foiled his plans. And then he took a break to focus- again, what causes Zim’s decisions, only he knows.” Reaching for the updated engine drive, Dib shrugged. “And I'm not a cyborg! I don't think. And my involvement is my own business.” 

“And snacks?” Membrane echoed, obviously taken aback by that. Dib could understand that- it did seem incongruous. “Is… that why you're selling so many college type foods? ...They should take a lesson from us- our system is nice and simple.” Membrane was so  _ sincere  _ in that belief, and it was funny.

“Mhm. Zim has three food groups- sweets, bread, and veggies.” Dib snorted again, then shook his head. “Our system pollutes our water and soil. One of the first things I'm pushing for when we take over, is new laws for that- that way our water isn't fucking acid sludge anymore, and we have more than just the far reaches as places to go for nature. It's no wonder other species don't want to deal with us, with the way we've ruined our planet. ...And our attitude. We could have had endless energy, but you decided against it, at whim.” It was frustrating. So frustrating. And he wanted Zim to be safe there. 

“Governmental systems, not… that. And why are they taking over other planets, is theirs fine?” Membrane said, completely ignoring Dib’s point about free energy. “How many people deal with them? You said the fuel guys had a treaty with the Irken, does anyone else?”

“Mm. You have no  _ clue _ how weird other governments get,” Dib muttered, before humming. “The Vort did, before things went south. They do also have current treaties with the Plokesians, the Hobs, and the… Well. I fail at pronouncing the... Meekrob, but them, too. Plus there have been others in history, but, eh.” The man shrugged. “Gods old, I don't know just how many. We'll point to some of them, but we aren't connecting with the current Irken empire.” 

“What do you mean, you’re not connecting to the current Empire? And how many races  _ are _ there? Even allowing for aliens, current models only allow for a few!” Membrane said, frowning a little. “For that matter, how many have you met? How did you find all this? Did Zim tell you?”

“The current Tallest of Irk are fucking bastards, and they don't care what Zim does. So, we are taking over for us. Not them. I don't know the number- I mean, of races. A hundred, maybe? I should ask about a contact of Foodcourtia to find out.” Dib paused to wipe at his forehead and the sweat there, and to grab a drink of water. He shrugged at his father again, then clucked his tongue. “I have access to all of his files and books. Though, yeah, he's told me some things. I've gotten through almost all of them- the Irken history is thirty-four volumes, though. And dry as hell. I've met… ah. Half dozen? More?” 

“He… gave you access to everything? T-Seven has said they… tend to be protective of information like that…” Dib was sure that was his dad’s way of saying  _ his _ questions hadn't gotten any answers. “And when did you get to meet… anyone other than Zim, Tak, and T-Seven? ...And why is his name so weird?”

Dib chuckled. “He knows I'd just hack in, anyway,” he half lied. “Abducted, remember? And I once tried to trap Zim by playing a Plokesian signal for weapons. Unfortunately, actual Plokesians showed up and wrecked my entire trap.” That didn't touch Dwicky. Dib didn't even want to think about that asshole. “Plus I've been out and around. And T… is complicated. You could ask him.” 

“You've really… I thought you were exaggerating about going to space…” Membrane blinked, then looked back at the work he was supposed to be doing. “I don't think I should ask T-Seven much. ...What was that title you used, for the ones leading? Tallest? That’s… odd.”

Absently, Dib went back to the panel he was working on. “No exaggeration here, and I'm a damn fine pilot, too, if I do say so myself,” he said, making a pleased sound as the broken piece was fixed and he could move on. “The Tallest. I know, it's terribly ridiculous, but the leaders of Irk are chosen by who has the most height. And they are bastards of the highest degree.” 

“Their leaders are determined by  _ height _ ? ...How tall are they? Wouldn’t that mean you outrank Zim? And… how are they bastards? You know I don’t agree with everything President Presidentman says, but… calling him a bastard would take some doing…” Membrane seemed to be musing, not actually complaining, which was nice at least, and probably the closest Dib had ever come to being treated as an equal by his dad.

Dib took a moment to drink again, just because Zim would get annoyed if he got dehydrated again. “I'm not Irken, it only applies to their people,” he said. “And yes, it's stupid. I also have spoken to them, and they are nasty fuckers, that don't treat anyone right. If I ever get a chance, I'm going to punch one in the face. Preferably Red. I think. Maybe.” As he finished, he popped the panel back, then smacked the side. “Where are we at, Gir?” 

“One hundreded!” the SIR unit yelled. 

“There’s two and one is named Red?” Membrane asked, before shaking his head a little. “Shouldn’t you get your boyfriend’s permission before trying to punch one of his leaders?”

“Master not care. He thinks he will, though. Humanans confuses them. It’s funny! What are we doing with the ship now that it's mores betterers?” Gir said, poking his head out again.

Dib laughed shortly. “I don't ask permission for anything,” he said, amused by the commentary. He wouldn’t deny that the calling of, and acknowledgement, of Zim as ‘boyfriend’ made him very happy. “And I even if Zim told me not to, I would probably do it anyway. That's how most things go.” After a moment, of wiping his hands, he reached up and pat Gir. “Gaz is going to take it,” he said. “She’s going to go to Arcadia, Gir.”

“Oooh,” Gir said, before attaching himself to Dib. A moment later and he was on the ground playing with a rubber pig.

“Hey, Gir, why don't you check in on Zim and T, hm? And ask if they're hungry. I'm thinking a lunch break is in order.” Dib pat him fondly, before picking him up by the back and patting his head. He blinked a little as he heard the empty-ish clang. “...And please empty your head of marshmallows before they melt again.” 

“Marshy-mals! They’re a  _ surprise _ !” Gir said, before opening his head and shooting Dib with said marshmallows. Dib just had time to see that Gir’s head still wasn't empty before the SIR unit ran off, giggling.

“Did… that robot just fire an improbably large number of marshmallows? ...From his… head? Aren't there supposed to be… robot computer parts in there? ...Or at least monies and paperclips?” Membrane asked, picking marshmallows out of his collar.

“Nah. SIR heads are half empty space anyway. Zim moved his brain module after the sixth chocolate incident.” Dib grabbed a rag to wipe his hands, then shrugged. “And, yes. I have long ago stopped trying to figure out how Gir does it. Maybe a small pocket dimension?” 

Membrane was still staring when he asked, “ _ Why _ are their heads empty? Are they  _ supposed _ to hold stuff in their heads? ...And, ah. Chocolate incident? Should I… just assume that that was exactly what it sounds like?”

“I don't entirely know. I mean, I assume they are supposed to hold tools, or useful things for invaders.” Dib shifted, going to wash up more. “But, yes. It is exactly as it sounds. And Zim has been vocal as hell about having to clean it all up, too.” As he spoke, T-Seven and Zim walked in, the former of the two with Gir hanging off of him. 

They ate- tacos, because Gir was quite keen on that, and no one was willing to fight him- and then T-Seven joined him to work more on the ship. Dib was more than willing for that conversation to be forgotten, honestly. Or maybe just tucked away. One last day, and they were done and ready, while Dib and T-Seven checked things over. 

Dib already knew he was going to be the one taking the ship for a test drive, since it really was almost his ship. He was actually really sorry to see it go, and only Zim’s and T-Seven’s promises of making him a nicer one, just for him, made Dib mostly okay with giving this one to Gaz. Zim needed a new ship too, he thought, and T-Seven was  _ also _ working with him on that, as a surprise for the Irken- both Irken ships were really made for people much shorter than Zim was now, and Dib was just glad he wasn't claustrophobic. 

After an internal debate that lasted way too long, he glanced at his father. The other man was confused again- or at least, Dib thought that he was confused. Mostly, he was watching T-Seven running things through one last time. “...Do you want to join me?” he asked. “There’s room for another. T can watch things from here.” 

“Join you… in space? Are you- wait,  _ now _ ? But don't you need protection, or-” Dib was pretty sure that Membrane glanced at his not-pak, but he didn't say anything about it. “Why… why are you asking me?” That was another thing that was slowly changing- Membrane seemed to be realizing just how little Dib actually cared for him, and Dib knew T-Seven mostly liked the professor as a sign of the Vortian’s new authority. For once, Membrane was not actually  _ important _ at his work.

“Nah. But you’re the only one here who hasn’t been to space. Do you want to come, or not?” Dib climbed in, then sighed. “Seriously, come on if you’re coming. Gaz is getting impatient and threatened to gut me Hannibal style if we didn’t get this done.” He sat in the pilots seat, poking the controls and unsure what he even expected. 

Membrane paused a moment more, then surprisingly glanced at T-Seven, who nodded, before scrambling into the ship. Technically, there wasn't another seat, but tinkering had extended the area meant for SIR units into something like a seat, and that was where the professor sat. “Are you going to show her how to pilot too? Or can this thing drive itself? And shouldn't there be safety harnesses or… something?”

“Gaz can pilot just fine. Sorry, Irken aren’t big on safety systems,” Dib answered. He waited for an affirmative motion from T-Seven as well, before tapping the hatch closed and laughing humming. A few more taps and checks, and he looked at the video screen, and T-Seven. “Alright, hit her open and let’s see how we did. If we explode, you can have the DVD collection.” 

“She can?” Membrane asked, as expected. It was less expected when he answered himself, “Well, I suppose this looks like one of her controllers. He… seems much too happy about the idea of getting your DVDs. Shouldn't he be more worried that Zim will be upset? T-Seven has, ah, told me stories…” As the professor spoke, he managed to half-way tie some of the straps around him, though Dib knew it would do exactly nothing if they did crash, or need to maneuver fast.

Dib made a face, then leaned back so he could look at Membrane. “Yeah, but Zim knows how I am, and that it’ll be my fault.” As they started to rise, and the ceiling open, he hit things, already mentally plotting a course out. “Dare I ask what stories? If it’s the mechanical giant squid one, I’ve heard it.” 

“Um, no. The, er, leech thing that nibbled the neighboring lab’s leader’s horns after he insulted Zim’s height?” Membrane answered, with only minimal pause to, likely, consider how insane it sounded. “He, ah. He knows you that well? Isn't it scary to have someone know you like that? Things you haven’t chosen to share? And he could just…” Membrane’s gesture was probably meant to indicate something being cast aside, or thrown, maybe.

“Oh, that thing. I thought he’d have told you a new one,” Dib answered automatically. He was, a little, disappointed that it wasn’t a new story. But that wasn’t as much as he was… not at all understanding of his father’s point. “We’ve known each other for- it’s been fifteen years now. More, I think, actually. If he wanted to be rid of me, he could have a long time ago. It’s not something you’d understand, I guess. And there’s very little I’m actually afraid of.” 

“Why… would he tell me a new story? You’re the one they trust…” Membrane said, confused. “And sure, he doesn’t want to hurt you now, but… he did before, so you of all people should know how he… can… change…” Membrane trailed off as the ship rose through the atmosphere, and Dib couldn't help but feel smug. It was fairly clear that his dad hadn't  _ really _ expected to leave the planet, to feel gravity loosen it's hold… and to Dib, it was almost routine.

Half turning to look back at his father, Dib shrugged. “He’s, like, four-hundred. I just thought he might have more stories,” he said. He trusted Zim wouldn’t betray him, now, or in the future, and he loved the Irken. After a moment, he turned back, running a few diagnostics. “Anyway- what do you care? You’ve never shown an interest in my- or Gaz’s love lives before. I got the talk from my tattoo artist and former girlfriend.” 

“You had a girlfriend?...You have  _ tattoos _ ? ...Gaz has a boyfriend?” And that probably explained that, Dib thought. Membrane had clearly not even considered that his experiment might  _ have _ a love life, regardless of what he’d said to Zim that night. “Anyway, that has no bearing on anything- it still makes you vulnerable. And you say you’re not scared of much…” Membrane huffed, shaking his head. “Why would you go and mess up your skin like that?” Unsaid were undertones of ownership, and Dib closed his eyes a moment to remind himself that Zim had stolen him now, and Membrane had  _ no _ say.

“Wow,” he said, after a moment, focusing. “Yes,  _ dad, _ I have had other significant others, and yes, I got tattoos. And no. Gaz doesn’t have any boyfriend, but she did get the talk because  _ I _ gave it to her.” At least the readouts were okay and that part of the stupid trip was going well enough. “I’m fine with it. I’ve been read before- which you’d probably never believe in. ...And I  _ like _ my tattoos.” 

“Like, fortune-telling? That has always been less likely than aliens, or even ghosts,” Membrane agreed, though it wasn't quite flat denial. “I… suppose if you  _ must _ etch on your skin, it should at least be something you like. What…” Any question that was there faded as Membrane looked out the window, and his next question was entirely different. “How often have you been out here?”

“No, it’s not fortune-telling,” Dib said, vaguely insulted for Ness’ sake, though she wasn’t even there. “Fortunes are a different beast entirely.” He didn’t bother answering what he thought was the first question- if his father was around long enough while they built, he’d see Dib shirtless eventually. “Often enough,” he said. 

“How can you be so cold about it? Unimpressed?” Membrane said, and it was sad. His dad was more moved by space than anything Dib had ever done- and this wasn't even deep space, wasn't that far from home… wasn't even that impressive. The most interesting thing that had happened up here was the quick and cramped bout of sex he and Zim had had, more just for the amusement of doing so than any other reason.

Twisting the ship around to head towards the nearest system, Dib shrugged. “The first time off our stupid rock I vibrated in place. New planets get me excited, still, but not being in our same system.” He snorted, then hit the check for speed. “Alright, let’s check max speed, considering Gaz definitely won’t be going anything like usual speed.” 

“Oh,” Membrane said, the sound somewhere between understanding and distraction. “No… she'll go as fast as she can. A… planet of… games and gamers?” It was clear that Membrane couldn't imagine such a thing. “And you don't expect her to come back… she'll be the only one of her species there…” Maybe,  _ maybe _ , Membrane was starting to really get it. Dib still wasn't going to hold his breath.

“I don’t know. She’ll probably become the queen- and why would she come back? There’s nothing here for her.” Dib shrugged once again, hitting the boost and smirking as Membrane did grab for the straps, looking uncomfortable as he jumped the speed to max. The engines were holding up fine, all tests coming back great, and it was spotting another ship that had him slowing down at all- mostly because he thought he recognized it, even. “Stay quiet,” he told his father, pulling up communications. 

Membrane was certainly  _ looking _ at the other ship, and was probably comparing it to the one they were in. There were obvious differences- Tak’s Irken-built ship was rounded, flowing, with graceful lines, while the other ship was angular, geometric, and noticeably bigger. It was mostly just the differences between two species aesthetics, Dib knew, but to a human who didn’t know better, the other ship might look more than a little menacing.

A Vortian hailed before he could consider any real action, appearing on the screen, and Dib was pretty sure he recognized one of the other species behind him. “ _ This is Lard Nar of the Resisty. Would you be so kind as to identify yourself? That ship is registered as stolen, chap. _ ” 

He leaned over the edge of the captain’s chair, and Dib. “ _ I am Dib from Earth. I stole it from Irken Tak _ ,” Dib answered. He knew he had a terrible Irken accent. “ _ I am… testing. After fixes. _ ” He made note to ask T-Seven to work with him more on his Vortian. 

“ _ Earth? Hum, I might know that place. Good on you, stealing from the oppressors! If you join us, we can help you more, _ ” Lard Nar answered, not seeming too bothered by Dib’s accent. That was good- Dib hadn’t been entirely sure of being understood, even though T-Seven said he was intelligible.

“Wh- What- Dib, what is-” Membrane cut himself off, possibly remembering that he was supposed to be quiet. On the other hand, he had yet to look away from the view-screen, and the species he could see.

Dib waved him off, frowning and shaking his head. “ _ I do not need, now, but… consideration is appreciated. I would just like free movement? _ ” He cleared his throat, then made the Vortian motion for ‘thank you’ as best as he could without actual horns. To his father, while the Resisty spoke to each other in hushed voices, he murmured, “We’re fine. This ship’s just registered as stolen Irken property.” 

Lard Nar looked wary, a Vortian expression that T-Seven wore a  _ lot _ , but nodded when the flurry of conversation faded. “ _ You may have movement now, but we’re watching. Earth is under Irken rule now, by Tak? _ ” The curiosity was understandable, and it was kind of nice, Dib thought, that slightly more people knew about Earth now. Membrane was currently distracted by something and looked a fair bit like a fish, and that was amusing too, and more helpful than most other things he might have done.

They’d carefully discussed things, and though they’d not planned on creating contacts quite yet, Dib was certain Zim would be upset if he let this go by. Or at least disappointed. He shook his head. “ _ I am working with Irken Zim, _ ” he said, carefully using the specific word choice T-Seven had taught him. “ _ We are not with the Irken Empire, and taken big control legally on the planet. We are working independent, producing goods to bring Earthians to intergalactic trade. _ ” The Vortian looked startled, and there was a smattering between the species on the ship, until Dib held up a hand. “ _ We’ll be more happy to supply you. Irken Zim is no longer an invader. _ ” 

“ _ Is no longer… hm. Hm. Working with you… _ ” Lard Nar made a tossing motion with his head, one that T-Seven rarely made, as he thought. “ _ You have our frequency. I am sure you have other projectors, as well. Call us again when you have returned to your planet. This needs more discussion than can be had on a test flight. _ ” He nodded a little, and then the line, and view-screen, went dead, leaving the humans to themselves again.

“Ugh. I need to practice more, my accent had to have been like a circus bear on helium. Still.” Dib didn't actually waste much time, immediately jetting off around the ship and dodging a series of asteroids nearby. “That was Lard Nar,” he added to his father, glancing back. “Vortian, obviously. Not a bad person, I've been told.” 

“That, um, I… what did he want? They? There were others… What was that? Your accent in… is that what aliens… but Zim and T-Seven always…” Membrane’s words didn’t make much sense, but that did suggest that his thoughts were equally fractured- he barely even seemed to realize how closely Dib was cutting it with some of the asteroids. 

“Not much, I just got us passage in this area. I was speaking Vortian, though I will leave bartering with him up to Zim. My Irken is  _ way _ better.” Dib shrugged. “I need to learn more, I know, but I haven't had time.” He glanced at his father, then did a turn, heading towards the nearest snak-n-go station. 

“They… don't use Eng- I mean, I guess… You… you know… two alien languages?” And for the first time ever, Membrane sounded awed and  _ proud _ of Dib. “You learned the Irken to spy on Zim, I assume? And then T-Seven has been teaching you?”

It might have been more obvious than Dib liked, that he didn't know how to handle that Membrane approved of anything he did. He swallowed, unsure of his own emotions, and what to say. “Two and a half, kinda. Human vocal cords can't mimic Blobanese, but I can almost follow sentences, now.” He hesitated, a little, then glanced back and nodded. “Yeah. I had to decipher it using his school notes, and whatever I could get my hands on. I could read it, but it was only later with Zim's coaching that I could speak it with any fluency.” 

“It’s… not easy, reading a language you can’t speak…” Membrane admitted, before looking around the cockpit. “So… is that the writing? I've seen it around,” he asked, pointing at a label that basically said ‘forward’. “His computer stuff would be in that too- and what’s that?” His dad was looking out the window again, at the snak-n-go Dib was approaching, sign repeated in a multitude of languages.

“Yeah, I did better after I could speak it easier,” Dib said, still uncomfortable. “It's like a gas station, for fuel, and snacks and drinks and stuff like that.” He stopped by, cables activating to retrieve a couple of said items without needing to get out. “Okay, good, good, all of these systems are just fine…” he murmured to himself, diagnostics running. “That means she's all set to go.” 

“A… gas station. ...Does… does Gaz know about these- or anything, language or… stuff she might need to, ah. Get there? Have you- have you already shown her… things, up here?” Dib wasn't sure if his dad was worried for Gaz, expecting that Dib had failed, or maybe even accepting that Dib  _ hadn't  _ failed and was actually planning things out. “What… kind of snacks or drinks? Yours?”

“She knows, and she's learned some Irken- enough to be fine.” Dib chuckled to himself, because Gaz only ever showed interest after the offer had been made. Dib didn't blame her one bit. “We have a deal for fuel, but yes. Some of our earthy snacks, and a ton of other brands.” After a moment, the man grabbed a bag of Irken, extra, and tossed it to Membrane. “Here, try some. It's safe.” 

His dad looked at the bag, likely just trying to get a feel for how it was laid out, even if he couldn't understand anything at all. A moment later and Membrane opened the bag and tried what was  _ basically _ a chip- it was fried starchy plant, anyway, seasoned with straight up old-fashioned salt, and some other plant that was slightly sour. Dib was actually fairly fond of it himself, though it wasn't Zim’s favorite. The Irken preferred the one that was more acid-citrus-y. Membrane looked like he wasn't sure, and possibly disappointed. “That- that’s… more compatible with human tastes than I expected,” Membrane said after a moment of crunching.

“Yeah, it's surprising how snacks are universal. There are some that are… really gross. But so far I've tried a bunch and most are okay.” Dib shifted, opening his own bag after making sure there was a snack bag set aside for Zim, T-Seven and Gir, each. Popping a crisp in his mouth, he undocked and rolled it, planning on the long way back. 

“It… seems to be mostly carbon-based out here, so… some things would be universal, like fats and starches. Sugars less so, but… Yes. I do suppose that makes sense,” Membrane decided. “And this… ship is safe for your sister, as well, so… she’ll be leaving us soon? ...Leaving you and Zim in charge of- well. Everything, that's the goal, isn’t it?”

“Something like that,” Dib answered. “She's been hounding me about getting it done, so I assume that means she is sick of it here.” Hitting one last set of diagnostics, he shrugged. “I'm happy to have this thing fixed up again so that I can work on my own, next. T’s designs are very nice.” And maybe a movie was in order when they got back. Something fun, and scary for the Vortian. 

Strangely enough, T-Seven  _ liked _ scary movies, though he did need calming later. Dib was fine with that, and so was Zim, and that did make something nice and fun and scary sound good. The rest of the diagnostic went well, and Dib could focus on his own designs guiltlessly now. Membrane was silent on the trip back, and quiet as they landed and Dib tossed each of the others their respective snack. 

It gave Dib a chance to think, and he was still thinking when the day finished and he and Zim got back home. He was more than willing to just take backseat to what Zim wanted. No matter the case, he refused to give Membrane the satisfaction of knowing he'd rattled Dib when it came to the idea of Zim abandoning him for greener pastures. 

What would he do if the Irken did that? On one hand, Zim was no fool and likely would kill him if that really came up. On the other, if that didn’t end up happening- he was lost. That was what led him to his first alcoholic drink in some time, and his second, and third, and hiding out in the Voot hanger to watch the sky. 

Zim found him up there sometime later, and grabbed a beer himself without asking. “What did the Membrane think of space? He was more quiet…” Zim said, politely, and rather carefully not mentioning Dib’s mood. “T-Seven has lots of plans he wants to try, too. Like flying pentagrams.”

“He was amazed,” Dib said. “It was weird to see him like that. I don’t even know why I offered to have him come with me.” He shifted so that Zim could join him, tired and tipsy and watching the Irken as much as he was watching the sky. “Flying pentagrams, huh? I’ve corrupted him.” After a moment, he looked over at his lover. “When do we want to call and deal with the Resisty?” 

“It was good you did. Dib is a better person than his father,” Zim answered, drinking his beer slowly. Dib knew it didn't affect the Irken at all, and this was more a show of companionship. “Flying pentagrams are better than those movie, ah, tie fighters. Or x-wings…” Though Dib was quite sure that T-Seven would steal ideas from those. Zim shrugged a moment later. “I think we can afford to wait until tomorrow or the day after for the Resisty. Zim is… still not entirely sure what he thinks of them. Then again, Zim… wouldn't stop Dib if Tallest Red were here, I think…” It was progress of a sort, Zim very slowly detangling loyalty to Irk and blind faith.

“...If you say so, I guess.” Letting his head fall back against the Voot cruiser, Dib hummed. “They didn’t seem overly bad. I don’t know. It could be a good support- and we could get some supplies easier that way.” He reached out, smiling a little, and pet Zim’s arm, more than willing to encourage the detangling and support it. “Love you.”

“I do say so,” Zim answered, catching Dib’s hand and squeezing it. “They are… probably not bad. Zim also doubts they will be happy with his plan…” He shrugged a little, and sighed. “Then again, they let Dib go. And support is needed. A more… hands off neutral alliance, maybe…”

Before he responded, Dib took a long drink of his beer. “Yeah. I told them we were independent- which, I think is true. I mean, Irk doesn’t care about our rock- your rock- right?” He considered the fleeting thought he’d had two drinks back, then shrugged. “But… I had an idea. We could use the moon as a base, you know? And there are a lot of asteroids in the belt, and in general. We can get supplies from those, too. It’s free.”

“Our rock. Dib will rule too,” Zim corrected, entirely automatically. “And the moon is Gir’s. He probably won't mind, though. Asteroids are a good idea. ...I’m kind of sorry I let Mars leave the system. Oh well.” Zim shrugged again, bringing Dib’s hand up so he could nuzzle it. “I… can handle independent. And the Tallest should welcome it- Zim is finally leaving them alone.”

Dib chuckled, then leaned closer. “Fair to Gir.” He pet Zim’s face with the hand that was tugged up, then realized that turning off the toxin screening system of the not-pak really was hitting- he was more tipsy than he thought. “Fuck ‘em,” he said, then used his free hand to wave at the sky above them, then out, in front of him. “Fuck ‘em all, honestly,” he said. 

“No. Zim is only going to fuck Dib,” Zim answered. “...Dib can fuck them, though, if he wants.” Zim kissed Dib’s cheek, giggling. “Bet you’re glad I included the shut-off option. I considered not- for about two minutes.” Zim didn’t seem the least bit concerned- and that was nice, to have no complaint or argument about his fun.

Scoffing, Dib pressed closer. “You know what I meant. I’m only going to fuck you, Zim.” He took another swig of his drink, wrapping an arm around Zim and sighing. “Yeah. I... I am. It’s nice to not think for a little while, you know? I’ll probably be very hungover tomorrow, though, at the rate I’m going.” 

Zim laughed again, rubbing his face against Dib’s arm. “Yes, I know what you meant. But Dib has options for fun. Zim isn’t worried.” He smiled, and really didn’t seem bothered at all. “And headache medications are automatic too. ...Some day, Zim should have his own intoxicants. Dib can try them too- but they probably won’t do anything to humans.”

“No,” Dib said, petulant and taking a page from Zim’s book. “Seeing you drunk… I imagine it’s cute.” He let out a little giggling sound at the thought of Zim as an energetic drunk, maybe, or something close, unable to help it, then slipped a bit. “...Do you remember when you saw my tattoos the first time? And I left to get drunk at a frat party? ...It was because you getting so close- I liked it. And that freaked me out a little...” 

Zim thought a moment, then chilled slightly and pressed close to Dib. “Oh. Even then? ...That was… Zim wasn’t admitting why he worried. ...Tattoo-beast has ideas for marking Zim. But it buzzes…” The Irken shrugged a little, and sighed. “Zim will get drunk, then. Later. After Dib’s hangover.” He looked up at Dib, lekku moving against Dib’s skin when he could, and just threading his hand through Dib’s hair. Zim really liked his hair, Dib had noticed, and it was sweet.

“It wasn’t quite attraction, yet, but… yeah.” Dib pressed into the touch, sighing and petting Zim’s skin in return. “You never have to get marks, Zim. Just because I get them, doesn’t mean you have to. ...And I’d like that. I’m glad you trust me enough for it. For anything. ...Maybe I should get a tattoo of your name somewhere. Just a little reminder of who I belong to. Ness’ll make faces- she hates names as tats. But she’d do it for us...” The man barely caught that he was rambling. 

“If Dib does that, then Zim should too. Zim is Dib’s too. ...And Zim is not opposed to marks, now. ...Fuck Irk.” Despite his words, Zim’s lekku pulled in tighter, probably worried- but he didn’t stop smiling. “Just opposed to buzzing. Tattoo-beast is… not bad.” And Dib wondered when that change had happened- Zim almost sounded  _ fond _ of Ness, in his own way.

Dib reached up to pet one of the lekku, fingers running over the thin appendages soothingly. “Mm. Maybe we can find a way without buzzing. But that’s not needed, either. I don’t mind if… my name’s not on you. With or without ‘fuck Irk.’” He slid down further, half in Zim’s lap with the motion, and losing his grip on the lekku. But it gave him a reason to cuddle closer to Zim and wrap his arms around the Irken, fingers sliding up his uniform shirt. 

“I know it’s not needed, Dib-love. That’s…  _ why _ Zim is considering it.” Zim said it as though it were the simplest thing ever, then gave a little hum. “Zim and Dib should work on a real uniform, hmm? Why not. Consistency from the start.” Zim smiled, shifting into the touching and apparently just enjoying himself, like Dib was doing.

Tucking his head against Zim, Dib flushed. “It is still weird to hear you call me that,” he said. “I haven’t figured out a good one for you, yet…” He trailed off, then let out a little sound, embarrassed just a little by it all. “A uniform, huh? ...Yeah… we could ask Ness? I mean, we can pay for it. It’s different art, but she might be interested, or know someone for design…” Trailing off, he thought about it, and how entertaining it might be. 

“Might as well ask tattoo-beast. ...She can… can make a logo, too. For planetary identification.” Zim gave a pleased warble, and Dib smiled- he didn't hear that sound outside of sex very often. “And Dib-sweet does not need to call Zim anything! ...Though… I… do like it when you… call me love or… anything like that…” Zim chilled slightly, briefly, before kissing Dib with a quiet hum.

Dib made a happy sound and kissed Zim back, considering it. “As you wish, babe,” he said, grinning as Zim instantly chilled deeper, lekku twitching and then moving to press against him. “And I want to call you things. It’s just weird to consider that I’m allowed, you know what I mean?” He tugged until Zim moved enough that he could kiss again, then grinned. “Love you. I want to make sure you don’t forget that.” 

Zim squeaked, and really, Dib loved the Irken’s sounds and how non-human they were, and how cute. “Dib is allowed. Dib is allowed… anytime. Though Zim is not sure what others will think. Plokosians, Resisty. ...Zim won't forget. Zim’s pak has coded it.” That meant it was deep in the important memories of the pak, along with other Zim-defining memories, and it wasn't a surprise that Zim chilled again as he admitted that.

There was astonishment, and Dib couldn’t help the awe, though it sobered him up pretty quickly. He pulled himself up, that way he could wrap around Zim, tugging him close and kissing him, because he really wished that he could express how much that meant, especially hearing it. “I don’t care what they think. If they have issues, I’ll learn voodoo. Or put a curse on them,” he said- though he wasn’t entirely sure if that would work. 

“Leave the… curses for the- the Tallest, maybe…” Zim answered, voice wavering a little. He didn't pull away from Dib in the slightest, though, just sighing happily. “Zim wants to announce everything already, I'm getting tired of hiding…” It had a pouty, whiny edge to it, enough that Dib knew Zim would still restrain himself, impatient or not- and that was probably why he was talking about fashion things. “Resisty tomorrow- and Ness? While the Dib must suffer his hangover.”

“I’m already sobering, I think,” Dib answered, before shifting them enough to curl around Zim more tightly. He never considered how much larger and taller he was than Zim until he did do that. Every time. “I’ll take care of Ness. And beg her for some good tea for it, or something.” He gave a small grin. “I know you are. Anyway I can make it up to you?” 

“Zim has some ideas for logo, so… I should be there too. And it’s not  _ Dib’s  _ fault we still have to wait. If he wants to have fun, though… oh!” Zim brightened a little, and it was always interesting to see how shameless he really was about sex. “Zim has looked things up. Does Dib want anything in his butt?”

For a moment, Dib just blinked at Zim. He was torn, because the first statement was something he was very much pleased with- and Ness liked him. The second, well, yes, he liked the thought of some fun. And then the third, the  _ question _ , had him confused. “Ah- what?” he asked. “...What the fuck have you been reading?”

“Sex sites. Dib got cuffs, and mentioned, ah. Vibrating rings,” and it was  _ hilarious,  _ Zim could be so blase about sex but still had trouble saying ‘cock’, “or just phallic vibrators, and I've seen sleeves, too, but they don't vibrate, so… I’m not sure. And then they have things that go up butts, and… well, Dib is clean, Zim would manage. Zim could even pretend he has the phallus, but that… that’s a little weird to Zim? ...And Irken really don't have toys, except plain false phalli- dildos.” And Zim looked so  _ pleased _ with himself.

“...You mean pegging, that’s the term,” Dib said, still blinking. Considering Zim’s phobia of being dirty, this was one conversation that he never thought he’d ever have. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I never got far enough with a- human- boyfriend to consider it, and never discussed pegging with a girlfriend.” But he found the idea to be one he didn’t mind. At all. “I wouldn’t be opposed.” 

“They have some interesting phalli meant for women. Zim should be close enough… Hmm, that can probably be talked about later? Zim has not ordered anything, though… I have a list.” And that, out of everything, embarrassed Zim, and Dib knew he wasn't ever going to understand Irken sensibilities. Zim didn't need it, either, doing his best to bridge the gap from his side, while Dib did the same on his.

Dib chuckled. “Okay,” he agreed. “We can choose things and decide, I’m fine with that, looking at your list, and everything. I’m- to be honest, lover, I’m willing to try almost anything. I’m not… I’m not worried about it, with you. I trust you, and I love you.” He pet Zim, reaching up to his lekku, petting and rubbing carefully. 

With another little warble, Zim nudged into the touch, just relaxing. “Zim… wants to try lots. Irken… usually don’t try that much. ...Honestly? I sort of want to send a vibrating phallus to the Tallest. They would be horrified.” He cackled, and Dib knew that Zim’s impulse was not motivated by generosity or kindness, and that was  _ good _ , in this case. “...But Zim… wants to try things with Dib-candy sweet.”

“We could. Though do we really want them to have any enjoyment on that?” Dib asked, half tugging until Zim was more firmly against him and he could kiss the Irken’s neck. “Let’s buy a dildo manufacturer first and then bring sex-toys to all of Irk, yeah?” he said, grinning a little, and squeezed his arms. “Candy sweet, huh? Well, I’m willing to try whatever you want.”

“Best part,” Zim answered, with a happy little hum. “They wouldn’t. They’d never use it. And they’d never be able to stop wondering. It would frustrate them  _ so much _ .” He cackled again, full out, then pulled Dib over so they could kiss again, and Dib really did enjoy feeling Zim’s tongue explore his mouth. “...First thing, Tak needs a ring,” Zim added when he broke it, before giggling more.

“Mm.” Dib followed the laughter with his own. “Oh, in that case we should get the rest of the planet hooked, mm? Ring for Tak, first, agreed.” Not that Tak would probably do much but call them names and make disgusted faces. Though, Dib was pretty sure that she wasn’t as grossed out as she acted. At all. 

Laughter gave way to more kissing, which gave way to the playing that they had both been teasing about. The next day, Zim had decided he didn't care, and was calling Lard Nar from his office, where Dib could of course listen in, but so could T-Seven, if he felt like it, and the only reason Membrane couldn't was because the call wasn't in English.

It went as smoothly as could be expected, and after, they had quicky-fun in the closet to celebrate the verbal agreement that they’d decided on. The Resisty would buy goods from them at a reduced price in trade for information on the intergalactic standing, and being the first stop for trades and stolen goods. That first wave of that  _ type _ of trade was quick and easy, and  _ useful _ . 

And as that went, it almost made Dib sorry that he was happy as Gaz said her goodbyes- they were siblings, no matter how much he resented her status as the golden one. And he loved her, really. Further, Dib hated that Membrane actually did look sad, and that it just made him even annoyed. It shouldn’t, and he did feel better when she gave him a hug anyway, growling at anyone there to forget what they’d seen or risk having their eyes removed. 

A few minutes later, and she had taken off, and Dib resolved to visit- he could, and would, and it would work out, he trusted. Plus, Ness’ future readings assured it. 


	14. End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is all we wrote. We're glad you enjoyed this, at least!

Things were going well, and Zim and Dib were  _ finally _ at the point of very seriously working on just how to announce to the planet that Earth didn’t belong to humans any more. Some people, the smartest, had caught on to the fact that Membrane Labs and subsidiaries owned more or less everything, but that was really as far as that had gotten yet. And while it wasn't exactly common to have spaceships land- usually Resisty, and usually small- it wasn’t entirely uncommon, and that was why it took a little while for anyone to realize that the currently approaching ship wasn't just Irken-built, but was actually  _ Irken _ .

Dib wasn’t there, though his updates from T-Seven usually made it feel like he was. He  _ was _ with Ness, though, working on various bits of spells that he still failed at, and wondering if he’d ever get well enough to be at a level that wasn’t just flash. Ness claimed it was more, but he wasn’t sure. 

Watching the video was a distraction, and he barely felt the flash of power against his hands as he realized that the Irken visiting was not doing so for trades of any sort. Purple eyes scanned their base of operations, and as T-Seven tried to say something, Zim appeared nearby. Dib saw him flinch, and in that moment, the massive Irken grinned and rushed forward, right at him. 

It was the first time that Dib had seen Zim actually afraid of anything living, and that by itself was fairly amazing. Zim did dart back, try to run, but the larger Irken was much faster than Dib would expect, and he caught Zim with ease. Dib couldn't quite see how Zim was held, but there was a stiffness to his lover that kind of reminded Dib of a kitten being held by its scruff as he was carried away. Dib kind of thought the kidnapper waved at T-Seven, saying something before going into the ship, and Dib realized very belatedly that it had to be Zim’s old fry-cook boss- and that really didn't make anything better.

Panic hit, as Dib already started to rush and shove things into his bag without actually looking at them. He jumped when Ness put a hand on his shoulder, already looking at his tablet and the video. “Let me grab a few things,” she said. “I know what you’ll be doing.” 

“I don’t think-” he was cut off by the look she tossed his way. Getting back to the lab with her took less time, anyway, considering her driving. 

“Oh, Dib, you saw- What should we do?” T-Seven asked, at the door to the lab, and nodding a little at Ness, whom he had seen a couple times. “Do you know who that was? He said Zim was a no-call no-show?” That wasn't really funny at all, and Dib tried not to laugh.

It wasn’t his story to tell, but Dib didn’t have much choice. “That was Zim’s old… boss,” he said. “After the last bit of Zim-led chaos, he was banished. As you can probably guess, Zim didn’t let that stop him.” As he spoke, the man started gathering what he was sure might be useful. He needed to get moving quickly. “I’m going to go get Zim back. You’re in charge, T. I need coordinates for Foodcourtia.” 

“I'm in  _ charge _ ?” T-Seven asked, though it was more of ‘echoed’, blinking a bit. “I… coordinates, yes. Do you also want samples? His ship’s faster than the voot cruiser, I haven't had as much time to poke it as I hoped, so you might as well make sure you have everything you’ll need.” T-Seven paused, muttering in rapid Vortian a moment before picking back up in English. “Parking is free, and you can start it from your pak… do you want weapons? Some are legal.”

“Weapons, yes. Legalities don’t have much bearing- Zim and I have already broken at least a baker's dozen Irken rules and regs. And yes, anything you think will be useful. Don’t worry, Ness’ll help you, okay?” Dib let out a soft sound. “I’ll catch up. Zim’s smart enough to stay alive until then, and Sizz-lor won’t let him go easily, in any format.” He was already pulling his jacket on, modified to hide his not-pak. 

“It didn’t sound like he was wanting to kill Zim?” T-Seven pointed out before tossing his head and handing Dib a slip. “Ness will help. Good, thank you. Are you taking Gir? You of course know where the weapons are…”

“Ooh, I get to help with taking over? Don't worry, moth, we've got this. You go get your cute angry damsel in distress, okay?” Ness added, smiling.

Dib considered bringing Gir- and then decided against it the moment he caught sight of the SIR unit whimpering and starting to try and pack like he was- though it was marshmallows and candy he was packing into his head. “No. Gir,” he commanded, “Listen to T and Ness, alright?” The SIR unit nodded, going over to Ness to cling to her dress. “I’m more worried about an escape attempt killing him,” he added to T-Seven. 

“Well, he's usually good about that. Go on, Dib, we’ve got this,” T-Seven assured Dib, before turning to Ness. Dib wasn't worried about them, going to collect some weapons, and monies. Once Dib got off-planet, a trip that took a couple of days, and set the voot runner on course he wasn't surprised to see that Foodcourtia was the voot’s home port too, and hopefully that wouldn't mess anything up. Then again, they could always just steal a better ship- the cruiser  _ was _ old, and nearly anything would be better, though Dib would miss the familiarity of the voot cruiser. 

He left a charm in the Voot, mostly for luck and because Ness would approve, not to mention whatever karma he could get. The planet’s surface was amazing- his father was wrong, there  _ was _ a great deal of space that did make him remember his first time, and that joy- but he couldn’t really enjoy it. 

Dib ignored any stares, keeping to himself as he searched. But it wasn’t too hard using what he knew, and thank the stars most of it all was in Irken at least somewhere. Still, sneaking into the back of the restaurant, he thought that would be harder than it was. He’d hoped to practice his lockpick skills. 

Once in it was… pretty easy, really, to see why Zim was  _ still _ so very twitchy about filth, and meat, and fast-food in general. Zim  _ had _ always treated servers like people- that did generally mean he treated human workers as human, and so still pretty bad, but it wasn't any  _ worse _ than he treated most other humans, at least. This place was dirty and nasty, and Dib could hear Sizz-lorr in the break-room ordering Zim to stop grumbling and put the uniform on. He, Dib saw, was just inside the delivery entrance, and he looked for a better place to hide, or maybe a branded hat...

Being tall and thin gave him the edge, and he easily slipped into the nearest locker. He heard Zim arguing, and the sound of  _ something _ that led to a matched pained sound from his lover. And then he heard Sizz-lor stomping over. Dib un-holstered his knife- he liked knives, and in this case, it wouldn't be expected. And if he put a little magic in to grease the wheels as he pressed the tip of the knife to the Irken’s side, stopping him mid walk, well, who would complain? So close, he was reminded of the size difference, “ **Excuse me. You stole something that doesn't belong to you. ...And your back lock is broken** .” 

“ **Who are you, and just what are you accusing me of stealing?** ” Sizzlor asked, and he was holding very still with the knife against him. “ **Wait, you’re from that new planet, aren’t you? Are you talking about Zim? Why would you want him back?** ” He seemed to be trying to look around, and that wasn't really a surprise.

“ **I won’t dignify your assumptions with an answer, but, yes, Zim is** **_mine_ ** **, and you stole him.** ” Dib could see motion around Sizz-lor, and pushed the knife tip more firmly against him. “ **So, we can talk and come to a deal,** **_or_ ** **I can turn your insides into outsides and while I get what I want, it won’t nearly be as lucritive for our perspective sides.** ” 

“ **Lucrative? Do you always start negotiation by introducing a knife to someone’s skin? Look, Zim is** **_my_ ** **employee, and his absence has caused us to be short staffed for** **_years_ ** **.** ” And it really wasn’t even surprising that Sizz-lor’s apparent first concern was for his business. Dib had noticed that- people in general tended to focus on strange things.

Dib cocked his head. “ **Only when they steal from me,** ” he answered archly. “ **And Zim is not your employee. It’s** **_your_ ** **problem if you can’t be bothered to hire a new employee after one disappears for a few weeks, let alone years.** ” He kept a careful watch, ready to move if he needed. After a moment, he smirked. “ **I’ve heard all about you. Why don’t you check his pak signal if you don’t believe me.** ” 

“ **You think hiring is that easy?** ” Sizz-lor grumbled, before huffing. “ **To check I need to reach into my pocket,** ” he warned. He grumbled something more, but Dib couldn’t quite catch it, and didn’t care to, nodding to let the larger Irken know he could reach for whatever it was. Sizz-lor pulled out a device and fiddled with it a while, then threw it at the ground. “ **It’s broken. It’s saying there’s no job information there! Piece of shit…** ”

“ **I hire for my businesses. I know what it’s like.** ” He continued to smirk, then shrugged a shoulder. “ **It’s not broken. Zim’s only job is to be with me, and I made sure of that.** ” Dib caught the full-bodied shudder and, for the sake of his own patience, ignored it. “ **I don’t care what you think, or anyone else. Anyway, as I said, we can have discussions, yes? Zim and I own a few ventures that might provide useful goods for you.** ” 

“ **What’s a planet that can barely even reach space got to offer? And is the hostility really needed at this point? You want Zim? He’s cheap enough, and even weirder now.** **_Maybe_ ** **I don't need him. Though he does still need to clean table four. Break-time is** **_over_ ** **!** ” That was said over Sizz-lor’s shoulder, and then the large Irken was smiling at Dib. 

Dib considered it, then let his knife drop, hostering it. “ **We have more than it would seem. And this part is non-negotiable- I’m taking Zim when I leave.** ” He heard Zim’s grumbling before he saw his lover. “ **I need him for other negotiations. Your ‘table four’ is not my problem.** ” After a moment, he shifted his bag strap and took a step backwards. 

Zim paused, visibly startled when he saw Dib, and then worried, before looking at Sizz-lor, lekku down. “ **I told you, I don't work here anymore,** ” Zim said to the larger Irken, though he didn't quite move to defy Sizz-lor the way his words suggested.

“ **He can ‘help’ with any negotiations after he cleans the table he promised to get after his break,** ” Sizz-lor insisted, frowning. “ **You can have him after that, if it will save my skin from a poking.** ”

“Are you okay, lover?” Dib asked. He glanced at Sizz-lor, then looked at Zim. “Can you handle ‘table four’ to make him happy?” From the look on the Irken’s face, either, Sizz-lor couldn’t tell what was said- which made sense- and Zim wasn’t looking forward to it. And either way, Dib wasn’t happy with the collar on Zim’s neck. To Sizz-lor, he said, “ **Take off the collar, at least. He won’t go anywhere.** ”

“It's better than him  _ not _ being happy,” Zim answered, frowning slightly at Dib, almost certainly from worry. “ **You know Zim won't- like it’s even possibly with how many other workers there are.** ” He reached up, but did not tug at the collar until Sizz-lor pushed some buttons.

  
  


“ **There, happy? Your turn to talk- should you like to go to the office?** ” 

One last glance at Zim, and a quick nod from him, and Dib gave a nod of his own. “I won’t leave without you.” He looked at Sizz-lor, then gestured. “ **Lead the way** ,” he said. “ **Where ever you want.** ” And as much as he probably should be afraid, he wasn’t at all. 

Huffing in some quite, Sizz-lor did intake Dib to some kind of office. If the paper had been English, it could have passed for an earth office. Sizz-lor moved to sit behind the desk, waving at the view outside. “ **I really want to know why you picked Zim up, let alone… this. So, what offer do you have?** ”

“ **I have my reasons,** ” Dib said. “ **Zim and I work well together. I do pretty well keeping him out of trouble, too.** ” He didn’t want to go into details with this alien he only knew from Zim’s talking. “ **And Zim is mine, of course I came after him. If I was there when you came, you wouldn’t have made it here,** ” he did add. Opening his bag, he offered the pack of their snacks and drinks he’d grabbed on the way out. “ **We make various products, already in low-key sales. In trade for, say, not reporting that you found Zim again, we could work on a contract?** ”

Sizz-lor huffed again, and started going through the products. Some got shoved away after a quick taste, but most were actually re-arranged in front of the Irken. “ **No-one needs to know that he’s got someone claiming to own him. And willing to be stupid about it. These would bring more people in, what about the fact we’re already overworked?** ” It was genuine, Sizz-lor treating Dib as an equal, as far as Dib could tell. It was nice.

“ **It’s not ownership like that,** ” Dib said. He leaned back, crossing his legs. “ **I can ask some of my workers if they want a new job, depending on pay, of course. They can help out, and we do have a number of pieces of tech we’ve been working on for quick cleaning and sanitation. You could be the first off-planet test location.** ” This was the first time he’d had to do this without Zim, or with an alien already grumpy, and he wasn’t entirely sure how well he was doing. 

“ **Pay is competitive- health, vacation time- Foodcourtia is not a slave planet.** ” Sizz-lor shrugged a little, pulling a shaft of paper from his desk. “ **Quick cleaning and sanitation, hm… Why am I not really surprised. Have they exploded yet?** ” That did seem to be the common question regarding anything Zim was involved with, and Dib couldn’t say he was really surprised. “ **That may be worth considering…** ”

“ **No explosions in years, and we use strict testing, to prevent any thing like Zim’s past… mistakes.** ” Dib didn’t like admitting that, or the way he had to say it. He took the offered stack, glancing over it. “ **And I certainly can think of a few who would be willing. But in exchange for much of this, we’ll expect a certain level of statistics gathering, and… hm. What else can** **_you_ ** **offer?** ” 

“ **We can fill out any paperwork you offer. Training- I assume you’re the exception where Irken is involved. Discounts on meals. Free parking. Perhaps the name of suppliers, or franchise opportunities. And I suppose access to our marketing research…** ” Sizz-lor answered, laughing. “ **And some off the record stories about Zim’s younger foolishness, perhaps?** ”

“ **Fair. Some of our people are in the process of learning, but yes, fluency has not been met.** ” Dib considered it, then nodded, giving a grin. “ **Sounds good to me.** ” After a moment, he held out his hand, well aware that the Irken would agree to it. “ **And my name is Dib. No grudges for the way I got your attention, then?** ” 

“ **You had to do** **_something_ ** **to let me know you were serious. Incidentally, Zim’s the one who broke the lock, too- same night he ran off. Good to meet you, Dib.** ” Sizz-lor nodded and took Dib’s hand, his own lekku moving politely, and then he stood, grinning. “ **Shall we go and see how the table is doing? And we’ll send all the paper-work, of course.** ”

Dib nodded, following- and leaving the samples. Despite how it would seem, Irken were pretty good about verbal contracts, and Zim had lamented on Sizz-lor’s insistence with that. They found Zim covered in gunk, but the table… passable, and Dib made a mental note to pamper his lover for a while when they got back. Or as soon as possible. “ **I made a deal with him,** ” he said to Zim. “ **Let’s go, before this place is bogged, yeah?** ” He glanced at Sizz-lor, who was already seeming to be quite pleased. 

Zim shivered a little, making an effort at getting the gunk off himself, and brightened at Dib’s words. “ **Yes. Before Zim must do another table!** ” he agreed, though he didn’t actually seem  _ angry _ . It was probably a case of knowing he owed Sizz-lor something, though Zim would never admit that, Dib thought. “ **And then Dib can tell me all about this deal.** ” He shot Sizz-lor a suspicious look, to which the larger Irken simply laughed.

“ **Go on then, you menace. Before you destroy another door here. I assume Dib has your ship. ...Meal for the road?** ” Sizz-lor said, and Dib wasn’t sure why Zim looked so entirely shocked.

“ **Yes, please and thank you,** ” Dib said easily. Irken politeness and sociability didn't lead much to a denial or rejection, which Dib had learned well after doing so to Zim. “ **I think we will all do well with this** ,” he added to Zim, risking reaching out and patting his lover. There was no reason for Sizz-lor to poison them, either. While the large Irken retrieved meals- which Zim pointed at, the man started going through his bag. Upon returning, Dib offered Sizz-lor a good luck coin. “ **Here. For good luck with a new venture. From both of us.** ” 

Sizz-lor huffed a little, but he smiled and took the coin, as locked into acceptance as Dib was, but also seeming genuinely glad for it. “ **For good luck, and prosperity,** ” he agreed, before leaving Zim and Dib to eat. Dib  _ did _ notice that Zim, even with the gunk, seemed actually glad for the food, and that did make sense. It was, as far as Dib knew, something of home, and an indication that he wasn’t entirely reviled. Eating didn’t take long, and Dib carefully didn’t ask  _ what _ he was eating, letting his not-pak take care of any possible toxins, and then Zim was entirely too happy to go back to the parking garage section of the planet.

“... I fully expected to have to kill him,” Dib admitted. He paused when they got closer. “I don’t suppose there’s a place you can wash up before we go, is there?” He was only resisting from the urge to clutch Zim to him because of where they were, and the grime. 

“I expected you to kill him too…” Zim agreed, sounding just a little disappointed before moving towards what was probably a public restroom, or something like it. “It won’t do that great. I can’t  _ believe _ he left that that for me.” He shivered, scraping at his skin again. “...That wasn’t too bad, I suppose.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would be that bad, no matter what you said. Kinda thought you were exaggerating.” They entered a stall, and considering some of the species Dib had seen, he wasn’t surprised by the full stall with a shower-type head above. Hanging his bag on a nearby hook, he started going through it again. “I brought an extra set of pants and a shirt.” 

Zim made a sound that had to be embarrassing, and smiled. “ _ Thank _ you. We might have to burn these. Ugh. ...Are you saying Zim ever exaggerates stories?” That was said with a small giggle, and Zim wasted no time in pulling his clothing off, making faces the whole time. “I can’t believe he found me. I can’t believe he  _ likes _ you, how does that work?”

“I don’t know, the first thing I did was threaten to make his insides outsides while shoving a knife against his side.” Dib caught sight of the bruises on Zim’s neck, likely from Sizz-lor’s rough handling, and frowned, touching them. “Maybe I should have just killed him…” he muttered. 

“Then you’d be hunted. This way most people still don't know about you, and you’ve got ties to a strong economy. It’s good, and Zim will be fine…” He looked so  _ small _ , though, Dib thought, trying to get clean while also not hitting anything. “Might… just… clean everything again. Make sure everything is… is good. Safe.”

Dib sighed, and slowly realized he was making faces. After a moment, he pulled off his shoes and rolled up his pants, half undressing so that he could take what little rag they had from Zim. He didn’t have nearly the fear of the walls, and he pressed in, helping to wash Zim a little better. “I’ll make sure to grab one of the bath bombs we got you,” he promised. 

Zim gave a tired cheer and shifted so that he could reach more “Bath bomb is good. Zim still smells garbage **…”** it was a wonder, really, how Zim was managing anything, though he quickly let Dib more or less take over cleaning. 

By the time he was finished- or, well, as finished as he could be, Dib was quick to try drying Zim off as much as he could. They both wanted to get out as quickly as they could. The clothing didn’t really fit Zim, but it was better than what the Irken had been in. Dib’s jacket still swallowed the Irken, as much as he caught the way Zim pulled it around himself. “As soon as we get back,” he promised, kissing Zim, despite where they were at. 

The kiss was returned fervently, though Zim was the one to pull away first. “Home- please?” Zim asked, quietness that gave away how worried he had been. “...And please tell me you didn’t leave Gir in charge. Almost anyone else.” Zim smiled, a little, to show he know Dib hadn't, because  _ no one _ would, hopefully.

“As you wish, babe,” Dib said, squeezing a hand to show that he understood. “Of course I didn't leave Gir in charge. T-Seven was who I did, and Ness to help him and make sure we don't come back to non-Gir chaos.” He would have carried Zim, if not for the way everything was. 

“Oh no, that might be almost as bad,” Zim pointed out straight faced. “And the tattoo-beast, hmm? Well, that'll be interesting, anyway. ...Thank-you for coming. I- I knew you would, but… but I wasn't sure how.”

Dib squeezed a hand around him again, because he did understand. “Of course I did, and I figured out how. I love you.” As they climbed in, there was a small pause, Dib taking a breath as his own nervousness and panic start to well up after being shoved down for the entire time. 

That made Zim smile, unsurprisingly, and he sat to one side, leaving it to Dib to fly home. “I love you. And… and that is why Zim knew Dib would come. Making a deal was surprise, though. Details?” It was a reminder that Dib hadn’t ever negotiated without Zim, but Zim didn’t seem to doubt his skill, at least.

“Me too. I… didn't have much of a plan.” Dib paused, then let out a soft sigh. “He won't tell anyone about finding you, or anything, in exchange for selling and testing cleaning tech, selling our product, and us helping provide workers. I'll write notes later.” He hit the autopilot, then settled against Zim. 

“Not the way we expected to go interplanetary…” Zim pointed out, smiling weakly sifting to lay against Dib better. “...Sounds like you did good. Zim can already think of some people that deserve to work there- and won’t hurt our reputation. No Keef.” He sighed a little, watching the traffic fall away, then moving to kiss Dib again. “...Zim was scared.”

“...Me too. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find you. Or… who knew what I would find when I did.” Dib closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Afterall, it had taken him two days, and the other ship had been way faster. He just hadn't showed how afraid he was- and he'd hidden that fear away. “I didn't do much. I… guess he really did like me. I can't imagine why. I only even tried it because I thought… it might distract him from you.” 

“I behaved. I was sure you would come… and if Zim behaved, he might be able to look around better. ...Zim… wasn't expecting that collar…” Zim shivered a little, lekku clamping for a moment before he shook his head. “Even with that, Zim would find a way. This was just… a better way. ...Zim is going to sleep now. Okay?” He stretched, yawning a little, and Dib couldn't help but smile and pet him gently.

“Sleep,” he murmured. “I've got you.” 

-

Zim was just happy to be back, to be honest. His cleaning spree came after trying to wrap his mind around the horn jewelry that the tattoo-beast had convinced T-Seven to wear. He was glad for the Dib to deal with offering off-planet transfer jobs for their people, not to mention other bits of that mess. It let him focus on deep cleaning. Everything. That didn’t even though Gaz’s call, or the way Membrane looked during it all, or the Dib, though his lover mostly seemed annoyed with Membrane after the fact. 

Then there was the real announcement, the reveal, and Zim had to admit that Dib’s modified ‘fancy’ suit made his lover look quite nice. He’d even gotten a Irken regulation pink tie to go with it, and laces for his boots- which were heeled, and made him even taller. If anyone bothered to ask, Zim might even admit just  _ how _ much he liked Dib’s height- Zim had been getting more comfortable with that in general. Of course, now wasn't the time, but they barely let that bother them either.

There was some irony in using one of Membrane’s stages for this, and of course that had been the point. There were various ‘important’ people in the audience, and Zim had suggested making Membrane introduce them, though they  _ were  _ pretty well recognized now. T-Seven was on stage too, getting recognition for his help and awed by the fact, and Zim was working hard not to cackle as things neared completion. He distracted himself by making sure Dib was okay.

It was weird that most of the planet just accepted it all- just another Thursday afternoon, at the end. Even Ness had her own little space to watch- along with a guard, she jokingly called him. The parade of people went as well as could be expected, and the announcement, at the end, was met well. 

Still, getting back home, or at least, the safety of the base, Dib immediately flopped onto the nearest surface. He still did that, no matter that he was still dressed up and even wore the strangeness that was earthen make-up to look ‘extra nice’ Ness said. It was just another thing that Zim found he enjoyed, actually. 

“Dib should clean. Get that stuff out of your pores,” Zim said, licking his lips and crawling onto the couch with Dib. He couldn't help his good mood, and didn't try- at last he could simply go outside, and it didn’t matter who saw. T-Seven could do the same, though it was a toss up as to if he  _ would. _ Even Tak enjoyed the thought of the freedom, though Zim thought she was keeping her identities separate, and that was fine.

“I should,” Dib agreed, though he didn't quite move for the longest moment. When he did, he seemed ready to flop back down immediately. Zim watched him get up and go to wash, still laying there, himself, and while grinning. And then Dib came back, half in the process of removing his tie and fixing his hair. “Better?” he asked teasingly. 

“Mm… taste better, at least,” Zim answered, watching Dib, and wanting him. “How does Dib feel? This was… easier than Zim expected.” It was nearly enough to be disappointing, but Zim really was just happy enough to be home and safe- and no more itchy or uncomfortable disguises! “...Dib looked… really good today.”

“Dunno. It hasn't sunk in yet, I think.” Dib flushed a little, then gave a smile. “You think so? Oh good. Ness chose most of it, I wasn't sure… Of course  _ you _ looked good, as always.” It was teasing, but also a compliment, and then his lover flopped again to remove his shoes and start on unbuttoning things. 

“Yes. Doesn’t seem real to Zim, either,” Zim agreed, brushing Dib’s hands away to take over unbuttoning. “But it is. Dib can do  _ anything _ he wants now.” Yet, Zim already knew things weren’t going to change that much. Or at least not that quickly. “Dib can do any _ one _ , too,” Zim added, opening Dib’s shirt and kissing the skin. “Ness has good taste. And of course Zim looked good!” That didn’t mean he didn’t like  _ hearing _ the compliment, though.

Dib gave a little grin. “I don’t want to do anything or anyone,” he said. “I want to work with you, and be with you- unless you’re trying to say that it’s in your list to have a threesome.” He gave a soft sound, then reached up to start removing Zim’s clothing, too. “Yes, yes. You’d look good in a paper bag. People like me? Not so much.” 

“What, Zim isn’t an anyone now?” Zim asked, grinning, and shifting to give Dib better access. “...I think you’d look good in a paper bag. Or nothing. I do like how you look in nothing…” Zim grinned, and stretched, then shook his head. “And no threesomes. That would be weird. And Zim doesn’t like to share.” And he didn’t  _ have _ to share, and that was still a strange thought to Zim, for all it was also one he appreciated.

“Then stop suggesting I might be interested in anyone else,” Dib said. “Because I have no intention of cheating on you like that, no matter how much you build yourself up to protect from the idea that I might.” It hit too close to reality, though Dib soothed it away with soft hands pulling Zim’s shirt off. 

Zim sighed a little, but nodded and nuzzled into Dib’s skin. He didn't bother explaining or trying to defend himself, because he'd already done that, and it wasn't needed. “Thank you. Dib… has helped Zim a lot.”

“You’ve helped me just as much,” Dib said, kissing one of Zim’s lekku and squeezing the arm around him. After a moment, he grinned, slipping a hand under Zim’s bottoms and squeezing. “Bed?” he asked. “I want you.” 

Zim mewled happily and nodded, pressing into Dib again. “Yes. I want you too. Inside,  _ warm _ …” He trailed off into a happy trill, only a little embarrassed by his own words, then pulled away from Dib, having to move the man’s hand to do so. Zim didn’t care where they were, but Dib had voiced a desire for bed, and really, they would probably fall asleep afterwards, and bed was best for that.

His lover followed him, both of them shedding clothing as they went and forming a trail of it to the bed. Zim climbed on first, laying back and stretching. Sometimes he wondered what the Dib saw, either in him, or in general. But parts of his- very human- lover, remained a mystery. And then Dib grinned a little, just looking at him before following. 

Of course he knew that Dib liked the sex, but Zim was pretty sure there was more to it than that… He smiled back at Dib’s grin, and tried to put the thoughts out of his mind, or at least worry about them later. Right now, the Dib wanted him, and he wanted Dib too. Zim smiled, reaching greedily for the human.

Bending over Zim, Dib kissed him, hands running over Zim’s sides and chest and then down to his hips and thighs, petting and rubbing at whim. “Are you feeling as impatient as I am?” he asked between kisses. He moaned when Zim answered by nipping at him and reaching up to tug him down. 

“Zim has wanted ever since Dib came out in those clothes,” Zim answered, before very soundly kissing his human. “All day…” he added, nipping at Dib again to leave a mark. He was already wet, but despite Zim’s impatience, he was also greedy and curious what Dib would do or want. Humans weren’t as open about fun, but they  _ did _ have a lot more ideas, and Zim had so far enjoyed nearly all of them.

“Maybe I should have Ness choose what I wear more often, then. She’d like that.” Dib said. He grinned and kissed Zim’s cheek, only a slight distraction from the fingers already sliding up the Irken’s inner thigh and against his slit. “I’m impatient, too. It’s not my fault that you look good in a uniform.” 

The moan came willingly, and automatically, as Zim shifted to get more touch. “Oh, yes, please. Want, want, want…!” Zim whimpered, fingers trailing against Dib’s shoulders and back, feeling the skin and so very much enjoying it. Of course, he also enjoyed the warmth, the closeness, and Dib’s expressions, something Zim was still working on learning and understanding.

“Love you,” Dib murmured, slowly touching the Irken, Zim whined and twisted against him, panting as the human slowly moved. “And I love you like this.” But that impatience, to Zim’s relief, had him moving between the Irken’s legs before Zim could get annoyed and flip them. 

There was still some concern about being squished by Dib, but Zim mostly just wanted the warmth all around and against him, and being tucked under Dib sounded really, really good, and Zim mewled hungrily. “Ooh, Dib-love, please… Want you, yes, love you…” He did, so much that it was scary sometimes, but not times like this. Times like this, the universe was just Zim and Dib, pleasure and love and nothing bad at all.

Dib kissed him while giving his own moan, moving and making the Irken whine. “Fuck, you feel so good. Love you so much,” the human murmured, panting and moving slowly against Zim as the Irken was filled with warmth. 

“Oh, Dib, Dib, yes…” Dib gave him love, something Zim still didn't have the firmest grasp on, not in human terms, but that was still okay, because it didn't stop Dib, even when Zim showed his weakest, most fragile and scary parts. Of course, Zim didn’t stop when Dib did the same.

“Please,” Dib pleaded, and Zim was already close, going over with a louder shout and then collapsing while his lover moved just a little more and then followed him over with a sound of his own, soft and against Zim’s neck. And despite the concerns of the Irken, Dib didn’t fall onto Zim entirely, just enough to still pin, but comfortably so. 

“Love you, Dib…” Zim murmured, still shuddering in aftershocks, wrapped around Dib. It was new, being under the human, and it was nice, good. 

“Love you, too, Zim. So much.” Dib let out a low sound, and Zim groaned as the human slipped away from him, moving so that he could kiss one of Zim’s lekku easier, fondly. It wasn’t too big of a deal. “You have the take over you wanted, now.”

“I do, don’t I?” Zim agreed, amused. “...Zim still isn’t sure. This isn't the way I thought it would go. But I'm… I'm glad about that. The pretty places are still here. Heh. Zim used to think no place on this pitiful little planet was pretty. That it wouldn't matter if it was. This is probably why invaders are supposed to work fast. We think too much when left on our own.” He chuckled again, squeezing Dib happily. “Well. We can enjoy  _ our _ planet for at least a week or so, I think, can't we?”

Dib made a low sound in his throat. “I’m glad, too. I never appreciated nature until I went searching for things, you know? ...I think we can enjoy for as long as we want, can’t we?” he teased, before rolling to look at Zim and brushing hair from his eyes. “If you work fast, you can’t know about others, too, right? No attachments… I’m glad that’s not how it’s been.” 

“Yes. No attachments… But Zim has gotten very, very attached.” He clicked, nuzzling his Dib and just… enjoying. Relaxing. There was still a lot they had to  _ do _ , but… they had Earth, now, and allies, and… everything would be okay. It would be more than okay.


End file.
